And away we go

Did you see where we are talking to mysterious Iranians about alleged nuke fuel sites? And while we seem happy to talk to these fun guys, we won’t at the same time talk to any official Iranians like the Europeans are? Gosh. Who are you going to believe? A possible whack job with an axe to grind or the actual government of the country in question? You know someone on the inside who actually knows something and can make official statements and stuff.

Hmmm. Random pissed off guy with axe to grind and no real inside knowledge that reflects the current state of the countries nuke program and may possibly be lying and who “just happened” to have tripped over a suspicious nukey fuel thingy, you know, on accident, on his way to Bible study and then came here and told Unka George all about it – for the good of ya know, The U.S and not so much because what good things might happen for say, his own political/religious group back home in Tehran… oh, wait he isn’t from Tehran, he’s from some distant outpost way, way out, like far away from where his counties leadership is and so he knows all this top secret nukey fuel stuff, cause you know, that kind of thing is broadcast all the time out in the desert, on the internets.

Nah! Let’s go with him and his guys. Those Frenchy losers and those other Old Europe people are just trying to make us look bad by sitting down with the actual leadership of the country and discussing things and being all Diplomatic. They just do that to make us look bad. We know who our friends are, Poland! For instance! Don’t forget Poland! And um, you know, The Collation of the Willing to let our troops die because they can’t really send more then you know, a handful of training folks and maybe a hummer or something…

The collation and us, we are all about the acting not the sitting around and the talking. Talky, Talky, Talky! How does that help? You can’t change things like that! How are you supposed to bring about regime change that way! You have to be on the ground, you have to be bombing things! Regime change starts with us, damn it! On our terms! We won’t have any of this pansy ass diplomacying around when there is killing and maiming and regime changing to be done! We want to get our war on damn it! Why do those people hate Murrica? Why don’t they want us to make over these sad little desert countries...?

That’s it! We can sell the whole thing as a Make Over! people like those! It’ll be like What Not To Wear only with lots of cammo and anti-aircraft! and casualties and war crimes. We’ll call it What Not to Worship or oh, wait! Even better! Extreme Make Over: Country Edition! We’ll use Ty Pennington as the host! And we’ll get those What Not To Wear folks in to show the natives how to dress! We’ll get their gals into really nice western style things – fashionable, yet modest! And talk to the fellahs about facial hair choices and baseball caps! Man, people really love those shows. We could sell it like a reality show! Where is that Mark Burnett guy? We need him pronto! Survivor: Iran! Think of it!

Those Iranians need to be freed. That’s all. We need to go there and slap a fresh coat of freedom up on the walls and tear up those dusty carpets and give them all zip codes! And Starbucks! Well, first we have to knock down the walls, and destroy the carpets, but right after that, boy howdy! We’ll be slapping freedom and Starbucks up all over the place. Freedom from their culture, freedom from their religion and freedom from there old way of life! What more could they want! We’ll be heroes! There is nothing a poor sad little desert culture like theirs wants more then to have some American Style freedom dropped on them. They’ll love us! They’ll great us with flowers and candy and cheap crude oil! Man, it will be bey-u-tiful! Tell you what!

Tell me this is not what is happening and I’ll sell you some ocean front property in Des Moines.