Happy, Happy

I took The Kitty to the vet on Saturday. Kitty was of course thrilled. If there is anything he likes more then fasting, its being stuffed into a box and dragged to the vets to be anally probed and called fat.

He was on a fast because the vet wanted to an unpleasant test and the vet felt that if he was starving and miserable that it would go better. Kitty doesn’t like being hungry. If Kitty doesn’t like stale food in his bowl he is expressly unhappy about no food in his bowl.

At about 2 A.M he walked all the way up my leg and onto my chest

Kitty – Wakey, wakey!

Me – Zzzzzzzzzz

Kitty – We can do this the easy way or the hard way. WAKEY WAKEY! head butt, head butt

Me – Arrrrgghhhzzzzzzzz

Kitty – Don’t make me suck the breath from your body. I can you, suck it right out. Do you want a mouth full of fur? I mean, I’m right here. All furry. Your mouth is just sitting there… lick, lick, lick

Me - rolling over Zzzzzzzzz.

Kitty – Wait! Wait! No she didn’t! You think that’s all you have to do to get rid of me? They put cats on shipboard for a reason! Rolling over! Try submerged! Okay. The easy way didn’t work. jumps down off bed

crinkle, crinkly

Me – WHAT! What is that! Where are you!

Kitty – I could be chewing an old receipt, I could be chewing your VISA bill. I could be chewing a family photograph….

Me – Okay! (I sleep walk into the kitchen and find his food bowl as empty as I left it. )

Kitty bounds onto the table and purrs.

Me - No food for you. You are fasting.

Kitty – Food for me! Feed the kitty. Poor hungry kitty. Look at the poor hungry kitty. I’m so sad. I can’t be fast, I’m too hungry. Poor Kitty!

Me – lets go (picking up kitty)

Kitty – Are you taking me to the food? Poor kitty! Poor hungry baby!

Me - (Deposited kitty in bathroom, shut door) cackles Night, Night kitty.

Kitty – Meow? Sad Kitty? FEED ME!

Me – HA.

Kitty – FEED ME.

Me – Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Kitty – Feed? me?

Me – Zzzzzzzz

Kitty - I AM THE SADDEST HUNGRIEST BABY KITTY IN THE WHOLE WORLD! I WILL DISTROY YOU.

Me – Arrrggghh, Zzzzzzzzzzz

Kitty – I Hate You.

Me – Zzzzzzzzz.

Kitty – I’ll dig my way out and then I’ll destroy you. Feeeeeeeeeddddddd Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Lather, Rinse, repeat.

Saturday Morning

We both survived. I let Kitty out of the bathroom and he goes straight for his bowl. It is still empty. We both look at it. While he is looking at it, I Take Dogger out to pee.

I come back with Dogger.

Dogger - I’m going to eat now, what are you going to do?

Kitty – I’m going to DISTROY YOU

Dogger - From entryway, behind safety of closed door I’m eeaaattttttinnnggggg Nooooowwwwwww! Eating, eating, eating. Foood! I was hungry, but not any more!…..

Kitty – HsssssssDis-troyYoussssssssss.

Later on Saturday

After I got back from work,I grabbed up Kitty and took him to the vet. The vet did nasty things to Kitty and because of the advanced state of hunger he was suffering from, Kitty didn’t draw any blood. After doing nasty things to him, The Vet declared otherwise healthy and not handing out free rides in his lower GI tract. She did call him “a little on the soft side” and asked what I was feeding him. Suggesting that I fattened him up on table scraps and kitty snacks. I’m not and I don't. I don’t feed him anything extra. He gets kibble and he gets the water from tuna cans. Nothing else. She said he has very strong lungs, so strong that he was making it hard to listen to his heart over his yelping and carrying on.

Anyway.

I went to the counter and pulled out my wallet, expecting a huge bill. $29! I hurried up and left before they noticed their mistake. $29! For an office visit and a nasty test? I love my vet.

Hey. I’m off to NYC. I’ll see you next Wednesday!