So, done with your shopping?

I am!

Sorry. I have such low expectations for myself that getting this done is a big deal... I did get my plastic bill and now I’m going to have to start playing Kitty’s M. Butterfly CD so when I pull out his pleather hot pants and fuchsia tube top, it won’t be a complete surprise to him. He’s really quite stunning in his little fuck me pumps and orange Cher wig. Yup. I’m so tapped I’m going to have to whore out my cat.

Can’t you just see Kitty standing at a corner? Selling tricks head butts and kitty snuggles? And not just stuff like that, if the john is into the hard stuff, kitty will do that to. He has no problem going to a no tell motel and curling up on their heads and tickling their noses with his tail, he’ll lick their faces and even, if the trick is really flush with cash, he’ll play with string! But it’s not all the really sick stuff, sometimes he just goes over to the johns’ house and will watch TV with them for a few hours. He curls up in their chair with them and snoozes, lets them scratch behind his ears acts like a cat… It’s all the same to Kitty as long as he gets paid – if they try to stiff him, he knows how to destroy their couch and leave cat bombs in hard to find places. It’s shocking, and its wrong, but Mr. Kitty is a professional.

Dogger on the other hand sucks as a whore. She’s all about hanging around the corner. But she looses it the minute a john pats his car seat! Oh, she’ll jump right in, and she’ll ride around with her head out the window for an hour or so and then come back to the corner all excited about her ride in the car, but she never has her money! She won’t charge! She never gets a major credit card and she’s too embarrassed to ask for her payment. She goes on walks to parks with the john, and totally sells the whole “cute guy with a cute dog” conceit and helps the john pick up women and she forgets that as fun as it is, it’s not real, and its’ her job! And she has to get paid. Sure she’ll ask for a head scratch and maybe a nuggie and then he's gone. She wanders back and wants to take a nap. It’s maddening!

Kitty says he has heard that all dogs are whores but they don’t ask for money! That they’ll do anything for attention and yet they never ask for cash. Kitty has a whole chart set up of what he’ll do and for how much – it’s in power point, it’s really quite impressive. Kitty does nothing for free.

Dogger has no clue. When I showed her Kitty’s power point presentation she just yawned and wanted to eat the hand outs. She would not understand that as an allegedly professional attention whore that she has responsibilities and she needs to get with the program. She needs to be able to talk frankly with the johns and not be afraid to hand over the menu and list of prices. I’ve tried to make it easier for her, I signed her up with Paypup… but she won’t get with the program, she claims she’s into Free Love.