Winter is just cold


I woke up this morning with a cat on my face. The rest of the world has Cold and Flu season; I have Cat in Face Season. The minute its gets cold Mr. Kitty gets over his intimacy issues and I spend the winter slogging away in the Fur Mines giving myself Fur Lung Disease. He is not in the least sympathetic to my illness and refuses to be clipped, shorn, shaved or to wear a body suit. Selfish bastard. The only saving grace of working in the fur mines over the winter is that the fur mines are soft and warm and some mornings I am awoken by a gentle purring instead of a shrill binging of my real alarm clock – the downside of the purr alarm is that it keeps such bad time, the real alarm clock knows the difference between 6:05am and 3:45am.

The alarm clock goes off this morning and I struggle against the fur wall the cat has thrown up around my head and make my way to the bathroom. I get dressed and take Dogger out. I come back in side, feed Dogger and find something warmer to put on.

First contestant. I pull it out of the closet and find that I need to wear something underneath it, but hey, I have tomorrows outfit picked out. Score! super and while I’m standing there half naked and freezing I’m taking a census of my available turtlenecks and deciding that the day after tomorrow I can wear X sweater and X shirt! But this is not getting clothing on my back today and I’m standing there freezing! another contestant is called from the closet No! I don’t want to wear a blazer! Waaahhhh! suddenly I am a two year old. This is why I do this the evening before while I am still able to make the long drawn out choices with out making myself late for work or standing around my bedroom in the dark freezing to death at 6:30 in the morning channeling my inner two year old.

I’m supposed to be reading my paper right now instead of fashion crisis-ing!, if the paper had bothered to show up on time verses today when it was late, again thus, allowing me to spend this time standing around half naked and freezing in the dark! Stupid paper! It’s all its fault. If it had gotten here when it was supposed to I wouldn’t have time to stand around having a fashion crisis.

Finally, I find the right thing. Okay, its warm enough, no need to find something else to wear underneath it and it goes all right enough with the existing pants. I am so going to have to do the big seasonal clothing turn over this weekend. If I need a tee shirt to wear there are literally thousands standing by, but now that its December, my tee shirt needs are at a minimum and I really need my literally five or six sweaters to be standing by instead. It would also be nice for my turtle necks to be at the forefront too, but they insist on hiding inside sweaters, under sweatshirts and beneath piles of clean sheets.

The paper arrives and I am able to spend a luxurious and relaxing five minutes speed reading the funnies and glancing at the celebrity gossip before checking to make sure the doors are locked and telling the animals goodbye before I have to leave for work.