Dogger Tired


I’m so tired. Sweet baby Dogger. Lovey, dovey, fuzzy face. What a nice dog. Sigh. I came very close to murdering her this morning but I was too tired to get out of bed to do it.

I made the mistake of bragging on her sleep habits. I said “Oh, Dogger never wakes me up in the middle of the night. Nope. Dogger sleeps like a log. Right. Dogger slept like a log until 4am this morning when she suddenly woke up and thought the rest of the house needed to wake up too.

Zzzzzzzzzz... Oh, yes, I'm up, I'm up, on with the zzzzzzz...

It was the middle of the night. The Kitty was asleep. I was asleep. Everyone was sleeping. Dogger was barking. My first thought after I pried myself off my ceiling was that the house alarm was not going off and it is set to go off if anyone as much as looks at it with larcenous thoughts , so I was pretty sure we weren’t being robbed. As soon as I could think straight, I started to hate Dogger, she woke me up like that one other time when she was a smaller Dogger and all she did was growl - which woke me up because I was wondering how a motorcycle got into my living room and why was it gunning its engine? This morning, after I discounted the robbery motive, my next thought was that the paper delivery guy was pissed at me because I reported them for delivering my paper late, I thought maybe they had decided to show me by throwing the paper at my door early, really, really early. When I went out to get my paper, it was late, again. So I don’t know what she was upset about.

zzzzzzzWhat?Uh, Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I wonder how I could get that out of her. Could I hire Chris Noth to slam his hand down on a desk and shine a bright light into her face and be all mean to her until she talks?

Chris Noth – Why did you do it!
Dogger - I didn’t! I didn’t do anything!
CN – BANG! Quite lying to me! Why did you do it!?
Dogger – I don’t know!
CN – Did you have a bad dream? Was that it?
Dogger – I don’t remember my dreams!
CN – Sure. Sure. What were you thinking? Was it a joke? Are you mad at her and wanted to get even?
Dogger – No! It’s not that! I don’t know. Waaaaaaaahhhhh! I want my Mama!
CN – Sorry, Dogger. If you don’t answer my question, you won’t get to see Mama. Ever.
Dogger – The Not Dog is up all night every night. The Not Dog gets to wander around and sometimes Mama gets up with him. I just wanted Mama to get up with me! I just wanted Mama! The Not Dog is such a bastard! (weeping) he gets to do whatever he wants and it’s not fair! And sometimes he comes into my room and sniffs me! And then he leaves and, last night I was up playing with my toy and it got out of my house and I wanted it to come back and it wouldn’t and I thought it would but it didn’t and so I called to it but it wouldn’t so I needed Mama but she wouldn’t come!
CN – So, you’re saying it was a crime of passion?
Dogger – I lost my toy and my mind!

After Dogger successfully woke the house up, she went back to sleep. She went back to sleep, I did not. Kitty did not; he took advantage of all this to let me know that he was hungry or bored or whatever cats feel at 4 am. I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay in my bed and pretend I was still asleep. I was hoping to do such a good job pretending that maybe I would trick myself into really falling back asleep – Kitty isn’t as easily fooled. He knew I was awake.

I’m so tired.

My Shit List
Dogger
The Kitty