Things that piss me off

If you call me in hysterics because you need a certain facilities documents right now!!! or dismembered puppies are going to fall from the sky and the streets will turn red from the blood of a thousand dead kittens – if I don’t drop everything and do your bidding immediately, and then I do your bidding immediately and then you don’t pick up said documents until the next afternoon? You just pissed me off.

Or.

Tell me you need about a thousand pages of material for a facility and after I get you the thousand pages of material, call me when you get it and ask why you got a thousand pages of material because you really didn’t need a thousand pages of material, also, then bitch because I charged you for the thousand pages you asked for. You just pissed me off.

Or.

Tell me you are going to come look at some material and that you will be there at X time, and make sure you tell me how busy you are and how you really need me to be ready for you because you don’t have much time and after I find a place for you to look at the material and have everything ready for you, show up when ever you feel like it and don’t bother calling me to let me know you will be 45 minutes late? Don’t bother rescheduling, just show up when you’re ready. I didn’t want to eat lunch any way. You have just pissed me off.

Or.

If you work here. Just call me and ask that I hand deliver a chart to you, because you’re too lazy to walk down the hall to pick it up yourself, call me after you are finished with it and tell me you put it in my box on the other side of the building and I should go get it now. You have just pissed me off.

If you get “sick” a lot on Mondays and Fridays, so much so that even I notice, and then spend the days you do show up for work bitching and whining about how much work you have and how far behind you are. You have just pissed me off.

If you take exception to the request that office staff wear as little perfume as possible, because there are folks in the office who are whinny hypochondriacs taking advantage of the newest, hippest conditions to whine about whined to the PTB so the PTB sent out a request to get the whiney hypochondriacs out of their offices/off their phones/out of their in boxes and you wear strong perfume, as well as strongly scented hand cream, scented hair spray and you eat canned fish for lunch everyday. Don’t point fingers at people who have in the past brought pets to the office as the real contributors to the hypochondriacs’ current complaints. The pets are rarely there while you are there every day. One hour with your canned sardines/cheap perfume/nasty hand cream/awful hairspray is more odoriferous than a month with my cat. You have just pissed me off.