Those were the days

Could I have?.. Could you find? I need. Isn't it obvious to these people that I am boxing up purged documents? That I'm on my knees surrounded by a mountain of paper? That I am busy and maybe they could come back later, say Friday? No. They all want me to pick myself up and go digging through the cabinets for the stuff they should have done last week, had they come to work, like I did. I was here and they were off in Gestadt or where ever it is people go on vacation to during the winter as long as they weren't swept away by a tsunami, and they clearly weren't, I don't feel all that excited about how much stuff piled up on their desks while they were gone. I vant to be left alone.

When I wasn't doing laundry or messing up my Direct TV over the weekend, I went to a cat show. I had been to one in the past but it seemed like a down market poor man's version of a real Cat Show. Imagine my surprise that it was just a regular cat show. They aren't fancy, cover acres of space or include any flashy competitions. Unlike Dog Shows where the animals are paraded about to cheering throngs, cats are hefted out of their tents and plopped in front of a judge that fondles it before making the big announcement. There are crowds (tiny) watching breathlessly but only because they are in the middle of a nic fit and they are dyeing to get this over with. There weren't a lot of Cat Show groupies or publicity people, it wasn't shown on Animal Planet and I doubt Chris Guest was hiding behind a display of leopard print kitty condos taking notes.

I didn't get to touch any of the cats either. I wanted to see what the hairless cats feel like. They look wretched. If you've ever wondered what a naked cat looks like, think about what a naked Olson Twin would look like with a few extra pounds and minus the huge sunglasses. It's not pretty. Cats are modest for a reason, they know what's under their fur and they know it's not going to get them into Maxim it's why they don't bitch about being hot in the summer, they don't want anyone to get the idea that they really want to be shaved. They don't. And just like the Olsen Twins, the naked cats don?t look happy either, well, none of the cats there looked happy, they all kind of looked asleep, but the asleep naked cats looked like they were dreaming of bathrobes or the Feline arm of the Hair Club.

While I was stalking the isles searching for freebies,you know maybe someone had a spare kittin they wern't useing, I noticed there are different kinds of display cages for cats. You have the large colorful Plexiglas box thingies that look all the world like curtained fish tanks and cat tents that look like well, like tents for cats. I prefer the cat tanks because they allow you to see the cats while the tents give them a certain amount of privacy. I was there for cat porn, privacy be damned.

I noticed something else, picture a cat face.Big eyes, perky ears cute little nose. Okay. I thought cats looked like cats looked like cats. They don't. Some have very prominent noses some have little button noses some don't seem to have any noses at all. If the cat is at the extremes of noses, say a Siamese at the All Nose end and some sort of fat, white fluffy breed one that was only identified by its dumb name Fauntleroy Haberdasher Pick Up Truck Mommies Baby Smith at the No Nose end that's how you can tell you are looking at the really expensive, hard core cat breeds, the kinds of cats you can't even really afford to look at. These are cats that come with admiration meters.

Kitty was an adoptacat. He has a very tasteful turned up nose. Starlets pay big bucks for his nose style. Kitty would have kicked ass at the show except he probably really would really have kicked ass at the show and I don't think cats are judged on how well or how fast they take down the competition in paw to paw combat. think he would do well in TV wrestling too but he hates wearing a collar so I don't think the big belt thing would work for him.