Post Oscar™ wrap up


Short Answer: I didn’t like the show.

Long Answer:

I was all set to laugh my ass off at whatever Chris Rock was going to say. He brings the funny and I like his act, his whole Damn The Man theme works with me. Rock hates everybody and I hate everybody, we have a lot in common; and then he hosted The Oscars™ and I learned we have so much not in common, for example, I am not a sexist and Rock is. Hardcore. He kept his foot so far down his throat during the show I’m pretty sure he now has athletes foot of the ass.

He was hosting The Oscars™. Not the Peoples Choice or the Teen Choice or the Kids Choice or the bloody Golden Globes or any of the other prefab awards that seem to think they have gravitas because they hand out trophies to movie stars and those movie stars show up. Sometimes. Those half assed pretenders were made for to sell air time to the acne cream, surf board wax and baby bottle industries. He was hosting The Oscars™! Could he have pretended to at least like the movies? Acted like he was in the least bit interested in films and film making? He couldn’t fake being a fan?

The Oscars™ do not need to be “brought down a peg”, they don’t need to “keep it real”, they don’t need to have some one make fun of them, they didn’t need some outsider to come in a point out that they are just another uncool awards show. Thanks Chris Rock. Thanks for going in and wiping your boots on your host’s rug and kicking its dog on the way out. Super Job.

While he was at the movie theatre pointing out that the average person doesn’t even bother to go see the nominated films – you know, the whole reason everyone was there in the first place, why not point out that the movies the average film goer does go see are borderline minstrel shows? Why not ask average movie viewer why they insist on watching Barber Shop IV or CGI Space Monster v. CGI Beastie? Instead of making the people who make the nominated movies feel like ninnies for gawd forbid, making Good Movies. Why not ask the average movie go-er why they think the best they can do is “B” movies for entertainment? Even Oscar™ nominees get to the dollar shows. The whole pretaped spiel made everyone involved look dumb.

I wasn’t really surprised to learn the winners; I think most of them were pretty much forgone conclusions by Sunday night. We all knew Hillary Swank and Jamie Foxx were going to win. Foxx was going to win whether or not the performance was more really good mimicry then really good acting – somewhere Rich Little is really, really pissed off . Foxx just seemed so gosh darn deserving of it. Whatever, Don Cheadle was robbed.

It does make me sad that The Oscars™ has morphed into a popularity contest over the years instead of a way for peers to honor peers for outstanding achievement. Who am I kidding? The Oscars™ have always been a popularity contest there was no morphing involved, they don’t honor excellence in performance, they honor excellence in marketing – always have, always will.

“The Winner of Best Smoozing is…”

I still really, really, really lurve The Oscars™ and the movies and the performances they pretend to be honoring.