Bitches with wings


It turned into summer. It’s not all that warm, it’s not dry, the TV season isn’t completely finished yet – But. It is summer.

You know why I can say that with any degree or certainty? I have mosquito bites. I don’t even have a tan yet and I am all ready itching. I’m not enjoying summer at all so far.

And even worse one of the bites it located in such a place that I really can’t itch it in public. I could but I’m afraid that the public would get the wrong idea about what kind of itch I was scratching. So.

I just think it’s too early for those flying menaces to be out and about. Its May, we haven’t been assaulted by June bugs yet so I think that the mosquitoes have jumped the gun here a little. I want some sort of flying insect tribunal set up and the mosquitoes called to the carpet about this. I don’t think I should be suffering from mosquitoes until at least the locusts have set up shop. I blame the absent neighbors for this. If I was willing to put on a bio-hazard suit and go explore around their former back yard/bomb site I’m sure I would find the guilty standing water in question.

I have these little arguments with myself.

Me – An Itch. must scratch it! Die itch, Die!

Voice of Reason – No.

Me – Too late! Ahhhhhhh!

VoR – if you scratch it, it’s just going to continue to itch. Ignore it and it will go away.

Me – If I scratch it, it will stop itching. If I ignore it, it will itch more.

VoR – if you ignore it, you will stop irritating it and it will stop itching.

Me – I am bigger then it is. I am more irritated by it than it is irritated by me.

VoR – If you continue to scratch it, it will get infected and it will scar and you could end up getting septic.

Me – Okay. 1) Only if I break the surface, which I have not – look I’m reasonably old now and I pay attention to stuff like that. You don’t get to be this old by habitually infecting your mosquito bites, and 2) a tiny mosquito bite sized scar doesn’t faze me and 3) Septic? Only if I was immuno suppressed, which I am not. My immune system works just fine, Thank you very much.

VoR – Are you sure? Have you washed your hands recently? Do you know what is living in the fabric of your clothing? Hmmmm? You spend a lot of time with Dogger – who arguably is cleaner then a lot of dogs...

Me – Due to my diligence! Thank You Very Much!

VoR - But she is still a Dog. Dogs are walking bacteria farms. Do you know what she has planted? Hmmm? Should we even talk about The Kitty?

Me – Shut up. Besides. I have very strong will power. I can stop whenever I want to.

VoR– Okay. Stop.

Me - scratchscratchscratch

VoR – Your will power is very strong.

Me – I’m not using my will power right now. Right now I’m using my… I’m using something else.

VoR – You’re using your nails! You’re making it worse. You’re just spreading the poison…

Me – It’s not poison. It’s the substance that they insect uses as an anesthetic while it’s stabbing me and sucking my blood. Humans and things in general are allergic to that substance and thus it itches.

VoR – Septicemia, Toxic Shock. Disfigurement…

Me – Gawd! You make it sound like I’m caring the flesh eating bacteria virus around in my pockets! It’s a mosquito bite! Or maybe a spider bite or even conceivably, an ants bite. It itches now. It will go away.

VoR – It’s up to you. If you never want to be able to wear a mini skirt again…

Me – I’m 30—grumble years old! I don’t even own any mini skirts! I haven’t worn one in years! Leave me alone! Let me itch in peace!

VoR – Don’t come crying to me when they amputate your leg.

Me - !@#$%^&*() scratchscratchscratch.