Hide and Shriek

So I’m trying to leave the house yesterday morning. I do my daily sweep to make sure the front door is locked,look at the thermostat even though it isn’t on so that I don’t forget this step when it is on, pat The Kitty’s’ head. The Kitty head isn’t where it usually is. I look around the living room.

There is no Kitty.

He is not on the arm of the couch, he isn’t on the couch and he isn’t sleeping on the ottoman. He is always either on the ottoman or the couch arm, always. It’s his thing; if it is a quarter to seven in the morning he is on the arm of the couch. He’s very dependable that way. The fact that he is not where he is supposed to be is a little stress causing. I wasn't sure when I saw him last and I can’t remember if I had seen him since I took the dog out, The dog kept me outside a little longer then she does most mornings and I simply couldn't remember if I had any memory of the screen door opening while I was out there. Kitty is good with doors; if he wants out he will get out. I try to firmly close the door to the entry way before I take the dog out but…

I check the dining room chairs, nope, nope, nope, nope, another cat friendly hide out, cat free. I go upstairs and look around, no Kitty. I stand in the middle of the living room and call his name - nothing. Kitty doesn’t actually know his name but sometimes the deep inner feline inside him reacts to the sound of panic and comes to see if the panic is coming from he can eat. No kitty.

The clock is ticking and I have to go and I am really not wanting to have to call in and explain to my boss why I am going to be late to work. She is a pet owner but I don’t see her stupidly letting her pets get out of the house like this. I keep looking. I add more food to his dish and rattle the food container in hopes he will at least want to check that out. No kitty.

My search finally leads me outside. I check under my car and in the shrubbery. Nothing. I try outside the front door. More shrubbery, checking under cars that are not mine. Nothing. I go back inside and check upstairs again, a little more thoroughly. No kitty.

I am really beginning to panic now. I check the office to see if maybe Kitty has gone in there to torment Dogger. Nothing. Dogger is curled up on her bed untormented and wondering why I am still in the building. She wants to sleep and I am bothering her.

Okay, running out of places to look that are inside the house. I really, really, really do not want to go outside again and do the Spot The Crumpled Dead Cat Body thing on the busy street outside during broad daylight. It seems a little less pathetic when I do that after dark. I go out anyway and recheck mine and the neighbors cars/shrubberies/yards. No kitty.

Finally as I am coming back inside, Kitty appears from upstairs.

Thank You Jesus! Kitty wanders into the kitchen and looks at me the same way Dogger did “Why are you still here? Go away now”.

Me – Where the hell were you!

Kitty – Around.

Me – Around?! Around where? Do you have any idea how scared I was? I’m going to be almost late to work!

Kitty – Feeder, please. I said I was around.

Me - No, Look, I am just about making myself almost late for work! Come when I call you!

Kitty – Do I look like a dog? Cats come when Cats want to. Chill out.

Me - I’m going to work now.

Kitty - Why are you still here? Go Away Now.

I am so keeping the upstairs door closed until I leave from now on.