Do unto others…


So, it was 9:30 and I was starting to wonder what I was going to have for lunch. What? You don’t plan ahead? You just head out of the lot at noon and just go where ever the wind takes you? Right. Lunch is an important activity. The day revolves around lunch. Don’t kid yourself.

Anyway, so its 9:30 and I’m trying to decide what I feel like eating. I’m not feeling too hopeful. I don’t want a burger, I just had pizza and I don’t want to drive as far as the Chinese place. I’m stumped.

Lunch time rolls around and I’m still not sure. I remember that I finished my book yesterday and I didn’t have time to replace it. Damn. But then I remember that today is the day that the weekly Indy paper comes out! I can just find one of those and read that at lunch. Cool. But. Where to get a copy of it? I am also remembering that I need to cheap cat food at home. I’m running out and if I go get it now I can avoid getting it later. I like this. I also suffer some kind of brain fart because I try to find the one true cheap cat food at the wrong grocery store. Why did I think they sold the Kroger brand cheap cat food at Food Lion. Food Lion doesn’t even carry their own cheap cat food much less Kroger brand cheap cat food.

I so needed to drive over there so I could drive back empty handed. Gas is so cheap now I can afford to make pointless trips for nothing. Oh, wait, except for no it isn’t. I did look for a copy of the weekly Indy paper but the boxes were empty. Damn.

So onward and outward.

Back towards work, I decide that if pressed I could eat at Burger Yucky. I really hate Burger Yucky but the place is near where I was fairly certain I can pick up a copy of the weekly Indy.

I was not certain enough. Nada. Nothing. No weekly Indy for me. Well damn.

I did have a book to read in the car. It makes me mad though and I really didn’t want to spend my lunch reading about how Satan took over our media. I mean, it really messes with my digestion. A book detailing Satan’s’ works among us is not a good thing to try to sit down to lunch with. I think Carl Hiaasen really needs to write another book pronto. Hiaasen doesn’t mess with my digestion at all, even when he’s using farm implements to shred scum bags or feeding honey slathered gombahs to fire ants … he not once gave me indigestion but reading about Satan’s minion Rupert Murdock gives me heartburn.

Okay.

You know? If Cark Hiaasen really loved me he would write a book where his protagonists or one of their associates killed or arranged for Sean Hannity and or Anna Coulter to be killed. I mean he’s really, really good at coming up with new and imaginative modes of death. He has brought the offing of deserving scum bags to an art form… he’s come up with some really, really satisfying ways of punishing bad people for taking happiness in doing bad things to good people... Imagine what he would do to deserving evil doers like Hannity and Coulter…