TV

I hate baseball. I’m not interested in baseball players, statistics, uplifting stories about how baseball stats saved a toddler… none of it. I always hate FAUX and I especially hate FAUX when they air baseball instead of my shows. Both of them. I mean, is a post season game between two teams that no one cares about and that are in no way going to make it the series more important than airing an episode of House? I don’t think so. Prioritize FAUX! Gawd.

And why do they have to play, what is it, 497 games leading up to the 124 games they play for the series? Shouldn’t these games be relegated to daytime or weekends or late night? Times when I and my TV shows won’t be disturbed by them. And why does the World Series have to be 7 games? Why not just one, you know, two teams walk in, one team walks out. The six other games are irrelevant anyway, just cut to the chase all ready.

Oh, but you say “It’s all about statistics”. Like I care. It’s crap and its not even interesting crap either. Football doesn’t do this to us. Yeah, sure there are the play offs but they don’t go on for approximately three months and the Super Bowl it self is a one game deal. Football doesn’t do “best of”. “Best of” is for tee-ball. Grownups don’t do “best of” deals, grown ups win or lose on the strength of one game! There aren’t any “I had a bad night, I’ll do better tomorrow” ‘s in football.

They could air the games during daytime too. “Oh, but nobody watches daytime”. I bet the real fans would, they could watch the games and leave the rest of us alone with our regularly scheduled programming.

Or how about having the whole mess moved to On Demand or PPV? Then only the people who are really invested (read betting on) the games will have to watch them! if that isn’t workable, how about running a scroll under the picture? You know saying who won, that’s all people care about anyway. Who won. Not RBIs or other baseball centric made up words, no base hits or number of bunts. Who won and who lost. Done.

I also get tired of the long operatic essays that get written this time of year about the power and the glory of our “National Sport”, which by the way is bull shit. It’s not the national game; we don’t have a national game. We don’t do that. And if we did do that, it would be Football not Baseball. When was the last time you went out of your way to watch college baseball? Been awhile? In my neck of the woods it’s all about college basketball, but around here we think tobacco is a vegetable so we have issues. If I wasn’t a total snob, the real national sport is probably NASCAR. This is a sobering and depressing thought. A sport that requires no physical exertion of any kind, no real talent outside driving and turning the wheel to the left. It fits our real national pastime that is sitting on our asses balancing the chip dip on our beer gut and watching other people run around.

FAUX pissed me off last night. Speaking of FAUX did you see where FAUX News kept identifying Foley as a Democrat? Assholes. Anyway. FAUX pissed me off because Wednesday morning they got my hopes up. I was looking at the TV listings and it said that they would be running a House after Bones. I got all excited! If they would do this, I could totally limit my exposure to FAUX to one day a week! Yowsa! But instead those lowlifes were running a House rerun. Bastards. I don’t watch reruns! Next week I won’t even have Bones to watch. I am so glad there is Netflix in this world and thank gawd for other channels!