Hopping down the bunny trial - to disaster!

I sent myself an email today. It says simply: BUNNY RABBITS

Yes. Spring is in the air. Along with the pollen, it is now Bunny Collection Season. There are reminders on all our doors at work, sadly, this year they are black and white because the color printer hates us. It stopped working last summer and another is “on order” but for the time being the broken one is still sitting in the office blinking at us. I miss the color bunnies. In black and white you can mistake them for a flyer for yet another church fish fry or choir recital. The bunnies need to be in color.

Every year we, the state employees get together and buy lots and lots of stuffed bunnies and every year I hopelessly over think the whole thing until I am paralyzed . I didn’t do that this year.

No, this year I thought ahead. This year I got my bunnies last year. I bought really nice bunnies the day after Easter. This year I didn’t have to stress myself over the plethora of cheap ass stuffed rabbits that would never ever live up to my exacting stuffed bunny standards. The dollar stores do not have the standards I do.

They have all these bunnies with wire ears! and ribbons! Ribbons that could be choking hazards or used to self hurt - There are mentally Ill people everywhere! And other people who may not know what they are doing. Don’t think that just because Grandma is in Ye Olde Old Folks Relaxorama that Grandma is surrounded by old folks. No. They have been emptying out the funny farms for decades and not all the former mental patients live in your neighborhood - Some do! Don’t think they don’t. There are group homes ev.re.y.where. I have to think about that when I am buying a bunny that could harboring a weapon. I don’t want to hear about some old person who got poked in the eye with a wayward bunny ear or that some crazed person did something unspeakable with that cute bow.

And, and, I have my own Bunny issues. I will not buy a bunny with “Jesus Saves” anywhere on it’s fuzzy body. No Sir. And no camo bunnies either. And no gun toting bunnies and no Barbie Bunnies or NASCAR Bunnies or sports themed bunnies or bunnies playing instruments or wearing shades. And also no pink, blue, green, lavender or yellow bunnies or white bunnies that have eyes any color other than pink... Sorry, if it doesn’t appear in nature it doesn’t appear in the basket. The world is full of inappropriate bunnies this time of year. Won't someone think of the children? how hurt are they going to be when they find out that in real life, there are no pink bunnies. Shopping at Wal-Mart this time of year can be very disheartening to the bunny purist.

I don’t think I’m asking too much. I’m just always looking for a tan or brown rabbit in a natural pose without wires in the ears or with a bow around its neck and no whiskers either, whiskers are just sharps in disguise and also, if possible, eyes that can not be flicked off, embrodered eyes are ideal.

You don’t want to go bunny shopping with me. It’s a very long, tedious process that rarely ends well - I mean, I’m happy because I see myself as looking out for my fellow man, so if I don’t find a bunny on this trip, I’m also not adding to the collection of killer rabbits.

Maybe I should go look at those bunnies I bought last year. trots off

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Two white bunnies with brown eyes! with ribbons around their necks and not terribly secured ribbons either! One looks like it’s wearing a really cute scarf! Oh The Rabbianity! And the other is wearing ducky slippers!

I’m not going to panic. It may not even be an issue, after all some of the bunnies end up with quadriplegics and coma patients. Others are put up on shelves out of reach...

Hi, My Name is Diana and I am a Rabbocrit.