Dog Talk

Me - Did you have a bath? Did the girl dog have a bath? Are you all clean now? Are you the cleanest girl dog eveh? Look at you being so clean!

Dogger - Feed me?

Not only did I have that “conversation” with Dogger but I did that out loud in public in my front yard in front of Gawd and everyone and I didn’t even feel weird about it.

I know I am not the only one who does this. I read somewhere that if other people knew how you really related to your pet, that they would wonder about you. But really, what pet owners out there haven’t had conversations with their pets? And how many of you translate your pet for other people?

Pet - Meeeooowwww
You - He says “stop it”
Outsider - He said “stop it”? He likes it.
You - That was his “stop it” sound. He wants you to stop it.
Outsider - Whatever. Ow! @#$% It bit me!
You - He said to stop it.
Cat - Mew, Mew, Mew
Outsider - What is it saying now?
You - Yum, Yum, Yum.

Pet - Wuff!wuff!wuff!
You - Go fill his water dish.
Outsider - I think he wants to go out.
You - No, he wants water. His “Take Me Out” bark is more like woooooof woooof and he’ll do his take me out dance.
Dog - Wuff
You - Do you want some water? Is your water dish empty? Water, water, water!?
Dog - Wuff!
Outsider - You need to get out more.

I do get out more. I get out to the dog park. The other day I over heard one of the women sing a little song to an unrelated Schnauzer - She was embarrassed that I over heard her but I barely noticed. I mean, who hasn’t seen a cute little dog and not wanted to sing a little song to it?

You’re so cute
Such a cute little dog
Little bitty dog
Look at your little fur
And you tiny little nose
And tiny tail!
Woofwoofwoof

You spend enough time at the dog park and you have all kinds of opportunities to sing little songs to your dog, your friends dogs, dogs you don’t know , and you will because they are everywhere and they come up to you and wag their furry little bodies at you and some of them, beagles and yellow labs, practically carry little doggy drum machines to provide back up. Standard poodles bring their own guitars and there are German Shepards with their own pianos.

All for

Look who has a furry butt!
Do you have a furry butt?
Furry Butt! Furry Butt
Fur Fur Butt!

They love it. They do little dances, it makes them happy that you are talking to them, looking at them, paying attention to them. They don’t know what you’re saying, they really don’t care - as long as you’re looking at them and smiling, it’s all good. You could be singing

You’re so dumb!
You don’t know any tricks!
You eat wood chips and like them!!
You smell like dead lizards!
You’re so dumb

And as long as you doing it in a high pitched voice, it’s all the same to them....but it’s really bad for your karma to sing mean things to your dog though- do it too often something will bite you in the ass and it might not be your dog.