Whine

It’s hot.

I’m hot.

Dogger is hot.

The Kitty is hot.

The dogs at the dog park were hot.

And so I decided to do some work outside. My Mom got me one of those tree face kit things, you know, the ones you see in catalogs? The ones that cost too much? Well, they also sell them in stores and in stores they don’t cost too much. If you buy yours at Shopko they hardly cost at all.

Anyway

I found out that I didn’t have any nails in the house. I have a hammer the size of a three year old - I so need a super-sized hammer, I do so much home improvement. I think I bought it when I was still in an apartment. I must have had big ideas, or I watched too much Trading Places. Memories...

Anyway. Nails. I needed nails. I was on my way to Lowe's when I went by Family Dollar. I really, really, really didn’t want to drive all the way to Lowe's for a box of nails. It would be wrong. Family Dollar came through for me and they gave me a selection of different kinds of nails. Who knew? I mean, once a upon a time, I took a class called Stage Craft and I would bet I was tested on different kinds of nails but, that was years ago. I wasn’t going to need to know about nails for any reason, ever. Idiot.

I came back home. My tree is outside, inconsiderate bastard tree! Before I left I looked at my tree and decided where on my tree it needed a face. It needed a face fairly high up. I was going to need my ladder .

Before

I got the ladder. It is hot inside too and that is with the air conditioning.

I get myself, the face, the nails, the hammer and the ladder outside and under the tree - which is still outside! The bastard! It is at this point that I notice that one of my neighbors is outside with a puppy the size of one of Doggers ears. It is tiny and I must meet it. The puppy, Furgy weighs only a little over a pound and her little legs are shorter than my fingers. I chirp at the puppy for a few minutes and then I go back to work.

The ladder isn’t going to work. The ground under the tree is uneven. I am going to have to do this myself. Did I mention that somewhere along the line I pissed off my left arm and now it hates me?

I suck at putting the face on. I use the template and I still end up with an uneven face and the template doesn’t have any instructions and the first nails I use, while long enough but not the right kind, or something, I don’t know what’s wrong but they aren’t right. I yank those out, not fun by the way - and start again. The facial features aren’t really secure. I think they are supposed to be more secure. I think I did it wrong. Are the eyes supposed to spin?

After