Stick with me

Right now I am obsessing over the band aid on my foot. It is under a sock and inside a shoe and is out of my reach. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s there, I know its there and I can now think of nothing else. I am trying very hard to not remove my shoe, rip off the stocking and peruse this further.

But.

But I can’t do this in my office. I mean, I could but I don’t know what I would say to a passing co-worker as to why at my desk I have my pant leg hiked up and my stocking off and my foot bared. I don’t think my explanation would make them happy. Oh, I was just totally pre-occupied by the band aid on my foot and I so I decided I really needed to check and see how it was doing. The adhesive was gone I could tell, it just seemed loose and so I put another one, because I like to have back ups! And now I’m better! All done! Back to work!

Band aids used to be made better. They stayed where you put them, now they are designed to be kind free range. You put the band aid on your leg and my lunch it’s at your ankle. I blame this laxness on whiners who complained about how much it “hurts” to take off a band aid. Remember Should I go slow or just rip it off? This was about BAND-AIDS. Back when they were better trained and we were all more butch. I think they should make children’s band aids that are designed to come off with a stern look and adult band aids that you need a whip and chair to get off. I want the band aid to stay on until I want it to come off, not before. It isn’t going to hurt my feelings if I have to tug at it bit. I remember there used to be more adhesive per band aid, even sloughing over the sides a bit. A little messy sure, but those little rubber bastards stayed where you put them. Today’s safety band aids have only a narrow strip of weak adhesive down the center so they can come right off.

I did some research and apparently, I have not been doing my due diligence when it comes to band aid shopping. There is a product called “Tough Strips” which are made to stay where you put them as opposed to regular band aids that are designed to fall off. I had no idea there were degrees of band aid. I thought a band aid was a band aid, some are more expensive than others but I thought it had to do with the available sizes. If you spend enough money you can get a box with band aids sized from approximately what you would need post abdominal surgery to the size appropriate for the pre-surgical blood draw, less money fewer choices. You might have to use that finger sized band aid for a scratched knee. You get what you pay for.

Why do I have a band aid on my foot? I have an ant bite on the top of my right foot and it itches like a son-of-a-bitch. I am strictly in the Do Not Itch club when it comes to mosquitoes because it doesn't do any good, but if you itch an ant bite forcefully enough you kill the ants’ soul, thus my need for my lazy good-for-nothing band aids, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.