Dumb Ass

It started to rain out of nowhere, actually, it started to rain on my neighbors shed, on the other side of the fence It didn’t start to rain on my side the fence for a few minutes. It was an odd sensation. It was raining hard two feet away and all that I was getting from the rain was splash off the sheds roof. I of course, had just finished watering. I was outside to experience this phenomena because when I had gone out there to turn off the sprinkler, I noticed the peppers were listing badly. The eggplants developed a list a week ago but in their role as the aubergine headed step children, I wasn’t doing anything about it. The peppers are a different story. Lucky eggplants.

My peppers were tilted and I tried to straighten them out and they bounced back and so I did it again and the same thing happened. I tried one last time, but this time I said stay. My vast knowledge of gardening and plant life in general really came into play here “Stay plant, stay!”. Yeah, I took college level botany. I know a thing or two about plants, buddy. Damn skippy.

The leaning towers of peppers were as disobedient as the eggplants. I told the eggplants they were ugly and I went inside to find something to prop the peppers with. The first prop candidate I found seemed like a great idea, tension rods! Straight, light weight and tallish. I thought these would be a great fix. Until I got them outside in the rain, and they were too short and even if they had been the right height they were missing something, tension perhaps? One end was in the ground and the other was where? Ah! I said. I need something to attach the plant to the thing! Okay!. I did have some very nice plastic whatnots but I don’t know what I did with them. Very useful, those plastic things, they come in variable lengths and are self locking.? Well, I can’t find them. I needed something else. Rip Ties! The plastic whatnots are called Rip Ties

String. String would be great, the plastic coated string I used earlier in the season would be great but I can’t find it either. My house is like a giant trap, useful things go in but they never go out. The cure for cancer might be upstairs in a box marked both bathroom? and tennis balls but I’m not sure...And then I remembered I have yarn!. I dug around in the linen closet... well, where do you keep your yarn? And shockingly, found it. I trooped back outside armed with a paring knife because my scissors had disappeared and set about tying the peppers up. In the rain. Because it was important for this to be done immediately.  And then it started to rain really hard. But I felt like I had done something useful and I had done it in the rain - because I tied them up but good.

I had been inside for a while when it hit me:  Do you know what I had to walk past every time I went in and out the back gate? Tomato Cages. In various sizes. The perfect solution! Huzzah! I said. I went right after the (hard) rain and wind had past and cut the yarn and replaced it with the cages, because this had to be done right now and in my haste, I decapitated one of the plants! the one bearing I found out after I brought it inside, four peppers. Yeah. I’m feeling pretty good right now.. Not at all like an idiot. That plant doesn’t need a brace now. No sirree Bob, it ain’t tall enough for that anymore. Yeah. Feeling real good. I haven't been waiting, oh, four months for the plants to produce.... It was the most productive plant I had... I’m feeling just great, I might have also damaged the tomato plant in the bargin. I’m feeling just great.


I think I’ll leave the garden alone for a few days. I think it would prefer it that way.