Travel Sizing


I’m going on vacation in oh, nine days and there are all these things I need to remember to do, like everything.I have made a start, not because I am really efficient or anything but because when I go to sleep at night I would like to go to sleep and I can’t do that if I am trying to remember what I did with my flannel shirt the last time I wore it in January. It’s very hard to get shut eye when your to-do list is running on an endless loop across your eye balls.

For instance, I was able to snip the list a little by simply finding the box I’m going to pack my clothes in. Yes, I said box. The Beverly Hillbillies don’t have no use those fancy valises. Them are hard to stack and aren’t water proof and you can’t duck tape them to the bed of the truck. We haven’t driven cross country in years that we didn’t bring a ladder, a half ton of yard waste and a bath tub. Yeah, you’ve seen us.

Yeah, we’re those people. We might even had a couple of piglets back in the bed of the truck, you know, for snacks. This year with gas so expensive we’re under orders to travel light so I’m limited to a single thirty gallon tub to pack my stuff in and it is seriously cramping my style, I mean, I don’t want to bring everything I own, I have to bring everything I own! And everything I own hardly fits in a thirty gallon tub! We’re going to be there for a while and what happens if I get called upon to play dress up with my cousins little girls? Its real hard to play princess in sweat pants and tee-shirt so I need to bring my prom dress! And my crinoline. And my tiara. And my full length opera cloak. I don’t understand why I have to explain this every year.

And what if there is a cranberry picking party? I’ll need my waders! And what if a last minute blizzard happens? I’ll need my parka! Okay, if its snowing, its cold And what happens if by packing light, I am limited to warm weather pajamas only? And then what happens if I brought warm pajamas but  I am totally in a flannel nightgown place and all I have with me are pajamas? It could be scaring. And what about a heat wave? If all I have to choose between is a either blue shorts or tan shorts what happens if I brought a top that only really goes with the cream skort I had to leave at home? There are those times when a skirt would be too dressy and a little presumptuous but if you came in shorts, you would just be too casual and in those cases your only real choices are to wear either a A) skort or B) capres and what if you had to pack light?! Oh My God! You would be totally ruined. And what if it turns a little autumnal and everything I brought are hot pinks and yellows? I mean hello! We’ll be there into September? You can’t wear hot pink in September! I wonder if I should pack my boots and faux suede skirt? How about a couple of blazers? And if I’m bringing blazers I’m definitely obligated to bring the boots. I might need another bin.

Being a woman is hard. Packing light is not an option.