Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Not ready for basic cable

Tiny is feeling much better. He isn’t sneezing as much and his eye isn’t dripping like it was.  He seems to be trying to blow his nose but other than that, he seems better.

I was going to get a bunch of stuff done after I came home from work but then there were these TV shows I had to watch. I could watch House or a two week old taped Bones, or Mama Mia. I had to set my priorities. House was really good.

Then came the TV show I did not need to watch. A rerun, frankly, a bad rerun of a not very good show. I like My First Place as much as the next guy but after awhile I begin to really think those FIRST TIME BUYERS - Always in caps.  I wasn’t like that when I was a first time buyer. I wasn’t in caps at all. I don’t even think I ever referred to myself as a “first time buyer”. The people on the show stop being teachers or accountants or IT people  - They are A FIRST TIME BUYER.

What I really don’t understand is why people who have been living in a closet all of sudden are finding 400 square foot master bedrooms a “little small” or finding a master bath that could fit an Olympic sized pool “tight”. Oh, and the need for enough bedrooms to start their own boarding school. The FTB is almost always either a single woman or a childless couple and everyone “needs” four or five bedrooms, a finished basement, and a gourmet kitchen with metallic appliances and a huge space for “entertaining”. Who entertains? Who entertains that much or knows that many people? Back in the day people must have had no friends and never entertained them. Oh, wait, they invented cocktail parties and coffee klatches in those little houses. They managed.

Why are cathedral ceilings a good thing? Impossible to paint, expensive to heat and cool and a complete waste of space and every time one of these FTB walks into a two story entry way they orgasm. As for the rest of the house, Gawd forbid they are faced with wall-to-wall  carpeting or a counter top that isn’t granite. Mr. and Mrs. FTB live in a piano box and suddenly they find laminate to be beneath them.  There are two of these shows, I think the more obnoxious of the two is on TLC but the HGTV one holds it's own.

When I was looking for a house I’m pretty sure I was really turned on by things like fenced yards, central air and a lack of bullet holes. If I walked into a house and the dishwasher was in the kitchen where it belonged ( I wasn’t even going to look at a house without a dishwasher until I looked at a house without a kitchen sink) and I didn’t notice any SWAT team members milling around and there wasn’t a noticeable scent of dead possum in the walls I put an offer on it. Not a whole lot of drama, okay there was a little drama. I fell in love but did not settle down with an adorable dis-used grocery store three feet off a busy road with  the primary living space in the basement and it was kind of dark and it needed about a $135,000 worth of work to rehab it on top of the asking price but it had a great kitchen for entertaining...

2 comments:

Eduth said...

Ah, that house. I remember it well. I remember how you had to step UP to get into the bedroom, and maybe its ceiling wasn't even 8 feet above its floor!

Diana said...

It was all about potential. After it was gutted and moved back about 100 feet, it was potentially a great house. Sigh, for lack of a quarter million dollars...