Monday, July 26, 2010

Brand X

Right now I should be out watering my plants, its outrageously hot right now and I can hear them crying out to me to help them  and I would be... but when I walked out the front door I saw a strange car parked in front of my house and other strange cars on the street and voices and oh, shit. Someone is having a party and the party is close by and outdoors.  I do not want to go to the  party but I don't want to be not invited to the party. Hi, I'm Diana and I am eleven:  Even if I don't want to go and wouldn't go even if invited, I don't want to be not invited either.

So I am hiding inside. Its the ideal time for that, in theory it should have cooled down by now,  which it hasn't, but normally I schedule the evening watering for now- which provided I am awake, is what I do at this time most nights.

I have two reasons for being inside, 1) It's still very hot and I don't care for this wet heat. An even hotter temp in a  nice dry heat would be preferable to this


 2) the new neighbors (in the drug dealers crazy sisters' old house) are having a cookout in their front yard and I don't want to be invited down. What?  I all ready had dinner and  while we nod and smile and the guy knows my name, they don't know me and I don't know them and I am completely comfortable with this. I don't want to be innocently puttering around and have them think that either A) I am fishing for an invitation and will be hurt if they don't act fast or B) force them to  disingenuously completely ignore me while I completely disingenuously ignore them.

I can see you I can't  see you!
We can see you! We can't see you!

It is why our homes come equipped with backyards. Its the whole Theory of the Mullet thing - Business in front, Party in back. He's a homeowner newbie obviously,  he keeps his ( easily steal-able)  backyard grill in the front yard, not the backyard where backyard grills are designed to live. True, we do have a neighbor who keeps his grill on his front porch, but its under a rather large awning and its in the dark, so its like its we don't really see it and they use it all the time  so its not a giant party favor or anything, and when  they throw parties, which they do,  their parties in the backyard.

Its small. I am being small. I should just go out there and water my plants like a grown up. My plants are out there dieing because I am having an anxiety attack over nothing. The guests are all twenty somethings and at my advanced age I am invisible to them, so the chances are they won't say anything because I could be out in the yard naked and they wouldn't notice.

Also? my hair is really dirty and the top I'm wearing is not the cutest thing I own and my shorts are gross and the quick glimpse I got of them was that they were all twenty-three! Its like the pool at my apartments all over again! I would love to go there but sadly, I would rather not suffer death by comparison.

No comments: