Thursday, July 1, 2010

Cruel Shoes

I got paid today and I decided that I needed new sneakers and I promised myself new sneakers when I got paid. I got a new pair last summer but like all expensive things, they wore out after I wore them every day and  they need to be replaced. Cheap sneakers you can wear every day and they never wear out.  When was the last time you wore out your Keds or your Chucks? You didn't, you won't,  and you can't.Your feet will get damaged but the shoes themselves will never wear out.

I need new expensive sneakers because I can not buy new feet.

My  expensive sneakers live at DSW but my original expensive sneakers I bought from a  man who was two steps from a podiatrist at a genuine shoe store and he only sold shoes , no bags no hats no fru-fru. Just shoes. Just expensive shoes.  Shoes that fix your feet. He knew all about feet and taught me about the right shoes to buy. And so shoes were bought, the right shoes, the right expensive shoes.

My feet felt like new.

I  cruelly took his shoe teachings and I went searching for discounted expensive shoes. The shoe man and his expensive shoes don't live here, which is good because I would hate to have to have him see me buy his expensive shoes discounted at DSW. They don't know from feet at DSW! They know about style, they know about six-months-out-of-date-shoe-fashion and they know all about bags and purses and fru-fru.

I was very excited about buying my shoes. I had looked for them the last time I was there but I couldn't remember what brand the shoe man sold me and all my shoe knowledge is relevant to that brand. I know the right shoes should not twist or bend and a lot of shoes twist and bend! Twisting and bending is bad for your feet,  but good for your wallet because cheap shoes bend and twist  and expensive shoes do not. Good shoes have the twisting range of a brick  while bad shoes are like Twizzlers. This is what I learned, I'm sure he imparted more wisdom that than but that is what I retained. The DSW people were looking at me oddly while I picked up and twisted all their sneakers. I was really hoping I would find a pair of cheap untwisty, unturny shoes and I did not, I found expensive shoes that twisted and turned. And I found the One True Shoe, it was expensive, it was pretty, it was good for my feet and it didn't come in my size.

And I tested every shoe they had but I kept going back to the One True Shoe. I wasn't asking for a lot, I just needed the perfect shoe. The perfect shoe lives at a DSW behind Triangle Town Center and they will hold it until tomorrow at closing and charge me less than half of what the shoe man would.

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