Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I finally got a good day to ride the newly repaired bike at lunch. It was not beastly hot or pouring rain or beastly hot and pouring rain.

I pulled into my favorite spot and immediately noticed that the moped was gone. I was a little sad but also relived that I did not have to take custody of it out of disgust, because my fellow man was too stupid not to beat me to it. Anyway. I thought it was going to be a perfect bike day. I was going to eat my lunch, read a bit of my book and then ride a little. And then I noticed the bugs.

I am not a bug pussy. I spend a lot of time in my backyard, Bug Central, and I  deal. But. The bugs I saw, the swarms of bugs I saw, they weren't in the normal numbers that I am used to dealing with. The fields were alive with the sound of thousands of stingers and they appeared from the safety of my secured car, to be waspy bugs or horse flies  or some other malicious swarming creature and I want nothing to do with any of them.

They were everywhere. Flocks of bugs. You know the clouds of mosquitoes you see at dusk? Clouds of big black flying things!  all flying about a foot off the ground, sniffing like hunting dogs. I think they may have been hornets, but smallish hornets or low end ground wasps or something. Whatever they were, I could almost see them flexing their stingers and throwing little buggy gang signs at each other.

I looked to the right and saw bugs, I looked to the left and saw bugs. I looked off into the distance and I imagined I saw bugs. I had thought I could out distance the bugs on my bike but I began to doubt it. I stayed put. I was surprised to see a non- bug-molested jogger bop by but he might have not known about the bugs so they let him pass. They may have decided that he was all ready in so much pain from jogging at noon that if they did decided to gang up on him it would turn out to be anti-climactic because he was clearly a masochist and he might even enjoy the whole experience anyway and in my mind, the evil winged  bugs from hell were not  slumming as this morons volunteer doms.

I did know about the bugs and therefore could not claim ignorance  and under no circumstance would I be jogging among those sadists anyway. I knew they would not be as kind to me. They knew I knew and I knew they knew I knew. I wasn't even going to crack my window in fear of annoying them unnessarily, the stuiped, ugly, little things.

If we came with stingers I think we would be much scarier as a breed.

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