Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Using what you have

Gawd its hot. Poor Dogger just spends a lot of time looking at with just a very disappointed look on her face. I wish she could understand that its too hot outside and Mama doesn't like going through her entire summer wardrobe before Wednesday. I know Dogger doesn't  experience the heat the same way I do but its really hard to make her understand that the humidity makes Mama sad and it causes her to spend her after work hours prostrate in front a fan, panting.

Its worse now that the green beans are out. They must be harvested  ASAP because of the nasty woody bitterness issue, and since the green beans live outside, I have to spend more time outside in the heat molesting my green bean vines. It is not easy to harvest the beans either. With tomatoes and peppers the ripe fruits stand out, you don't really have to study the plants too much to see that its time for somebody to transition from foodstuff to food.

Green Beans hide. They hide and they are the same color as the leaves - which by-the-way stick to my clothes like they are coated with stick-um, in a pinch you could use them to make yourself a  DIY camo suit. Deer would never suspect a giant green bean was going to get them. They would probably just come by and nibble on it, because green beans are such harmless, friendly things, happy, delicious, totally benign, not going to harm you... a smart hunter could take advantage of that naive trust and just nail gun the stupid beast. Nibble, Nibble... Ker-bang, quite, non-obtrusive, wouldn't even scare the other deer. You could totally make you limit in a weekend.

I see green bean camo suit sales as a future career choice for me. I could raise massive amounts of green beans and sell the leaves to  really hardcore hunters. Every time they were going out, I would sell them a new "suit". Maybe I would rent each hunter their own section of the trellis! They could come by before they went hunting and just roll around in the bean plants. It would make bean harvest a lot easier too, no more hide and seek.

 After they were finished, all they would have to do was pull of the "suit" and leave it where if fell. So green!  So Clean! Hell, they might be able to wear them a second time, I've had shirts go through the wash and when I pulled them out, they still have leaves stuck to them. I would think that they no longer would smell like Mr. Benign Green Bean Man though. I don't think Mr. Detergent Man smells quite as benign to a forest creature though

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