Last Friday still had a dog. I called the vet in the morning because she was being very careful when she ate and I had diagnosed this as a bad tooth. I made the appointment for early Saturday morning and we were going to pop in and get Dogger a shot and maybe some antibiotics and make another appointment for later in the week to have that tooth pulled or whatever and then we were going to drive down to New Bern for the weekend.
We never made it to New Bern and Dogger didn't make it through the weekend.
This first week post Dogger has gone really, really fast. Like it should be Wednesday and not Friday, the time as flown by. I attribute the fact that I have not kept myself very busy since Sunday morning, well, I spend a lot of time sitting in front of the TV hypnotised by episodes of Say Yes To The Dress, but I'm hypnotized so its okay. They also cry quite a lot and when they cry, I cry so I think its helping the grieving process. When Tex was dieing / had just died, I watched hours and hours of Sex and The City, grief must bring out some urge to girl bond.
Except I don't think I'm grieving. I cried until I felt faint when the doctor told me Daisy's heart had stopped, (which I knew all ready because she slumped in my arms) but since then I've felt this weird peace . I wept Monday night when they handed me her remains, but I was dry eyed by the time I got home. I should be miserable and depressed and deeply sad and I'm not. I miss her for a different reason every day, but there is no stabbing pain or constant misery like I should be feeling, I think. I don't feel good but I don't feel bad. I'm numb.
I think this is Daisy's' doing. While I was sitting with her I started crying and she roused herself and sat up and gave me this look she had a very expressive face and it was clear that she did not approve of this crying business at all and wanted me to stop it. She didn't' want me to be sad, and oddly, I'm not. I knew she had a great force of will but I had no idea it was this strong.
In the interest of being happy and following her wishes, I am actively pursuing bringing a new puppy home in the fall. I spoke with a very legit breeder, a past President of the Tarheel Weimaraner, club and an all around much more respectable personage than myself, and while she will not have puppies in the fall, a friend of hers will and she put me in touch with her and we spoke and emailed back and forth and she sent me a long form to fill out attesting to my skills as a dog owner and a lot of questions about the home the prospective puppy would be coming into and whether I knew what I was potentially getting myself into, as well as sneaky indirect questions about my status as an ax murderer or puppy kicker.
I filled it out and as asked provided my vets names and numbers so they can call and ask after me. I think both offices like me, and I know they loved Daisy so I hope they give me positive recommendations for Future Puppy.
I really, really hope so because I am all ready making a list of names...