Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Ring, Ring

Yay for having my landline back!

If you are going to call me on the landline, you luddite, here are some rules:

My Name is not Diane, Dana, Donna or Dionna. There is no close, you either ask for Diana or you get hung up on. You are going to get hung up on either way but if you call me Diane you will get hung up on with more prejudice.

Mrs. Romaine is not here.

Donna is not here either, but she may live here. Call back and get hung up on again and again and again. I don't get paid to waste your time, I do it for fun.

My name is not Romano or Ramon or Raimone. Again, there is no close, you are still going to get hung up on, but if you are really off, I won't even correct you. Hang up city.

It doesn't matter what you are flogging. I feel really bad about retarded children, sick animals, fireman, cops, sick children and poisoned water: I will pray for you. I can not give money to every phone bank that calls me. I've worked phone banks, its like fly fishing without the waders. Have patience, you will get a nice salmon, just not at this number. Here you get a tire.

"I ain't got no money" means "I do not have any money to give someone who calls my house at 11:30am." If I am regularly home at this time I am either out of work or work from home and in either case you are interrupting me and I don't appreciate it. If I am out of work I really hate being reminded that I can't afford to donate money anymore, thanks for rubbing it in, if I work from home you are making my line busy and making it harder for my customers to reach me. You just cost me money. In my case, I am home for lunch and I think you are really dumb for calling during the day. I will hang up with some prejudice.

I also hate you if you call my cell phone, I am talking to you ANGIES LIST! I am no going to give you my doctors name. Leave me alone! Also, my handyman is my business as is whatever plumbing work, yard work, interior painting or remodeling I may or may not have had done. Go Away.

If it makes them feel better, an actual neighbor came to my door looking for cash money to send her daughter to Biltmore for a school trip. She got the same "Ain't got no money" speil I give the phone banks and her I had to look in the eye when I recited it. White Girl does not equal "white guilt". Go away.

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