Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Raising my standard of living.

A cold front came through Monday - Imagine, in the spring, a cold front. I don't see where NC gets off considering itself part of the south , because if it were really in the south, it would not host cold fronts in MAY.

Anyway. I woke up Monday morning being embraced by the dog and with the big cat stretched out on my legs. It took everything I had to get out of bed.

Its warmed up, but now its raining. This morning I was looking out my dining room window and watched some birds at my bird feeder. I felt good about this, its nice for the birds and my cats get a good show and the more birds in my yard the more opportunities they have to eat the bugs in my yard. Win-Win-Win.

And then my eye shifted downward. There was something else enjoying the bounty and it was clearly not a bird. A Rat! I had thought I saw one the other evening I spent outside communing with nature, but I thought it could have been a possum - I also loathe possums, but rats are more prolific. I also thought I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet in the corner of the yard.

This was no pitter-pattererer. This was a rat the size of a half grown cat! It was wearing rain boots and a hat when it was in my yard eating my bird seed while I watched!. I was furious. And grossed out, very, very grossed out. Also, disappointed with my bird feeder - which by the way is going to be looking for a new home. I had hoped for a better ending for that relationship, I was sure that the squirrels would find a way to destroy it sooner or later. Too bad, its being traded to another team. Bye Felicia.

Its clear that the corner of my yard where rat lives is going to get a new look and I'm going to need to find waders or something to protect me from whatever ecosystem is going on back there. I'm sure it has an active society, that sadly, I am going to destroy with joy in my heart and great vigor and squealing, I see a lot of vigorous squealing in my future. Also? A less vermin friendly environment and possibly, more gardening room!

Part of the Cultural Revolution that is going to go on in their world, is going to include a lot of dead things. Lots of dead things. I'm going to be a kind Leader though, I'm gong to dump a lot of used cat litter in there to give them a heads up, to let the know the End Is Ni . I have been really unhappy with the trendy cat litter I bought and now its going to pay for itself. It  doesn't clump, t doesn't control odor and its time has passed. I was just going to throw it's stinky self out -  but now its going to Recycled and Re-purposed like Gawd intended. It was born cat litter it is going to end its days as rat frightener.

I'm not going to put my house cats out there in the wilderness! My babies weren't raised like that,  and besides, unless they were raised and trained up by a dedicated hunter, they don't naturally know how to go about stalking, killing and eating prey. Tiny Kitty's take-no-prisoners laser pointer skilz non-withstanding.

Step 1 - Clean up the spilled bird seed.
Step 2 - Let lose the cat piss of war.
Step 3 - Urban Renewal.

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