A Day in the Life


6:05 am - Eeeep, Eeeep. Eee-

I am woken up from a dream about dirt. More specifically, wrapping dirt up in black plastic.

This may harken back to doggers walk earlier when we came across an ominously shaped object wrapped in plastic in the lot behind the gas station. When I kicked it, it was solid. I thought it was a body. For real. It really looked like a body.

I should have known though, dogger didn’t care about it and according to the cop shows on TV, it should have smelled. It didn’t and it wasn’t, Thank Gawd. Because some chick shrieking outside might or might not attract attention. It would probably cause windows and doors to slam shut and a heretofore-unknown outbreak of Sudden Deafness with acute Blindness.

I would have to make the dog freak to really get attention. I am Daisy’s’ walker, no one knows who I am but they all know Daisy. So I think that what was the wrapped dirt was about. Still. Dreaming of dirt.

6:06 am – Blinded by the unusually bright bathroom light. The room reeks of cat box. Good Morning Diana! First thought, alarm!alarm!alarm! Must remember to turn off the alarm! Major anxiety about the alarm. The only good thing about poor vision is that I can’t really see how bad I look first thing in the morning. As long as what I’m not seeing in the morning looks more or less, with no new additions as what I saw the night before. I do all right.

6:10 am – Dress. Black pants or Navy pants? Can I tell? Does it even matter? Today, its black pants. Shirt, vest, shoes – make sure it is the same pair. Going by color doesn’t help. I have an orphan shoe under the bed that periodically migrates up to the end of the bed and the shoes on active duty.

6:12 am – To kitchen, run into swinging door. Turn alarm off, unlock back door so as to facilatate getting back into the house should I lock myself out when I take Daisy out.

6:13 am – Daisy! Out the front door. Sniff, Sniff, Sniff. Pee. Back indoors for breakfast.

6:15 am – Daisy finishes breakfast and we go outside again. This doesn’t sound like a good idea but it works for dogger and it gives me time to walk the grounds and visit my garden. I think some one is eating my carrot greens.

6:20 am – Read morning paper. Local paper sucks ass. American Idol was front page above the fold news. NASCAR makes the front page.

6:30 am – Make up and hair. And now I even look awake.

6:40 am – Let the sun shine in! Open the blinds. It’s fine for now but it will get warmer and they will have to remain closed. Pity. It looks nicer when they are all open. It’s nice for Kitty and dogger to see out.

6:43 am – Daisy goes out again. Hops around . Not at all productive.

6:45 am – Daisy back into box.

6:48 am – read the rest of the paper. Check front door to make sure it’s locked.

6:58 am – say goodbyes to furry little animals. Check front door to make sure it’s locked.

6:59 am – Step in dogs water dish.

7:00 am – Discover small run in stocking, find hole in slacks while removing lint from cuffs.

7:02 am – Leave, squinting because I left my sunglasses on my desk.

7: 14 am – Arrive at work. Yay! Computer works! Yesterday the server was down and it was 8 am before it was up again - it made me tense.

7:45 am – The Mouth That Roars is moving offices. She is painting the new one. She didn’t get the promotion, but she did get the office with the private bathroom. From the Nominal Boss I find out that TMTRs the painting the office a bright yellow. Very restful. Not. I go down to see what color it really is and the door is closed. I return to my office to see what I am going to do today. I am going to make copies today.

8: 15 am – coworker comes by to share that the office door is open and I can see the color. It’s adobe. It looks like the interior of a Taco Hell. Wow. I find something complimentary to say, It’s a very warm color.

(The woman who runs the office took one look and told TMTRs that they would be making a run to the store before the end of business and that she would be supervising TMTRs next color choice.)

10:00 am – The secretaries need the copy machine and I need to sit down. Make about a thousand copies before I remember that I could be covering the names with sticky notes thus saving time later while redacting.

10:30 am – Return to copy machine. Copy, Copy, Copy. Why do they have to talk to the entire facility? Dayum.

11:30 am – Lunch. Yesterday I choked on a meatball. Not cute little coughing choking. Choking. No air. How do you call for help when you cannot speak? Even after I, um, dislodged the little murderer and disposed of it, I could still feel it.
Remember to cut your food into small pieces. I returned my movies, went to the bank, and on to McDonalds. The new Happy Meals are in. The new toys make sound and spit water. They are fish. I get lucky and end up with a toy I don’t have yet. Score!

12:30 – 3:30 pm - The same as before lunch, now with more redacting!

3:40 pm – I take my Happy Office Professionals Day plant to the sink to water it. On the way back it loses a leaf. A surveyor finds the leaf, holds it up and says

“This looks like someone’s tongue”,

I respond, “It’s a leaf, it came from my plant”

He says “Well, it looks like a tongue. I’m going to throw it away”.

It looks like a leaf.

4:00 pm – Tick, tick, tick.

4:25 pm – Find a file for a surveyor and tidy my desk.

4:30 pm – out the door and in my car.