Tuesday, June 10, 2003

To Fly

Sit! Sit, Stay Oh, wait. Since that is what I say now, all the time. I answer the phone, “Sit! Diana, may I help you? Stay!” My dog is learning.

I have a cat. I am going on vacation. Dog is being chauffeured before I leave on vacation. That leaves Kitty.

I am flying. The dog is driving. Kitty is in limbo. I really want to bring kitty with me. I can’t leave him for two weeks, I can’t afford a pet sitter and the cost of boarding him for two weeks is astronomical. And he’s my baby! I can’t leave my fluffy baby alone in my house while I’m gone.

I can only imagine what he would do while I was gone. Two whole weeks. Alone in my house. He’ll be pissed after awhile, after he figures out I’m not coming home. After he notices the dog is also gone. It won’t take long.

The first to go will be the videos. He knows how to do that and the sound of then clattering on the wooden floor will be very satisfying after he gets over his initial startle after the first one falls. He will get as many of those down as he can reach. That will take at least a couple of hours. He’ll take a nap in celebration.

After he wakes up he will start looking for more things to bring down. He can get up on the back of the chair and start on the mirror. This will take time; first he will bat at it for a while. This will cause the paint to scratch. He won’t notice this, but I’m sure he’ll approve. He’ll spin the mirror before it finally goes down. It will most likely hit the chair and stay there. The plaster will be damaged.

Then he’ll go for the CD player. He all ready knows how to get the remote for it down. The loose CD cases will follow. Clatter. Clatter

He will stand on the coffee table and launch himself at the higher shelves. This will take a few tries.

Now its personal. There are breakables in the game now. Picture frames, chotchkies, stuff I have taken away from the dog. This will make a mess. He’ll chase pieces under the couch and across the room. Ummmmm, broken glass! Shiny!

Figuring that Kitty won’t eat the glass, we move on to the fireplace mantel. I have the shells I collected when I went to the beach arranged in somewhat of a pattern. I really like these shells. I brought them home, put about a thousand coats of clear polish on them and moved them carefully. They would smash.

The TV is too big to push over. Thank God.

The magazines on the coffee table would get knocked off at his leisure.

Now, I would have a minder for him. Someone to come in everyday and feed him and clean out his box. He will meet them at the door and mew in a very blameless, fluffy, way. The living room will be dark and most of his bad deeds will be covered in shadow.

Kitty will move to the office. It will be ugly.

I can’t leave him.

The boarding option, while very unattractive and expensive and disease -y might have to be the solution. Cat Jail.

My little baby in a lock down with hardened Feline criminals. Baby biters, couch shredders, carpet pee-ers. They all have kennel cough and they can’t wait to give it to kitty.

By the time I get back, Kitty is wearing a tiny bandana and a jailhouse tattoo. He smokes and he’s sharpened his claws into, well, sharper claws. He’s missing an eye and one of his ears is torn. He has been working out and won’t wear a collar anymore.

He will only drink out of the dogs bowl and he’ll use my leg as a scratching post while I sleep.

I take the kitty on the plane with me.

The web search I did on Cats + Traveling + Flying. Came up with a couple of how to sites. They suggest that kitty not be sedated. This is counter intuitive to me. Traveling with a cat, in an enclosed space, for hours unsedated? Are they mad? Have they met Tex? They use respiratory distress as an excuse. One site alluded to Pet Travel horror stories; the other claimed that the Airlines have an “excellent record” on pet safety. They both suggest that kitty fly in the cabin. I agree, but what of the screeching of an unhappy, freaked out, possibly hurting from the pressure changes kitty? But what of a kitty left in the baggage cabin if the plane? Left on the tarmac, sent to the wrong destination? Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

and, I think he knows.

So in conclusion

1) Left in house, pet sitter, very, very expensive, very sad kitty, (probable destroyed house)
2) Boarded, very, expensive, very sad kitty (probable diseased kitty)
3) Fur of Flying, less expensive, very sad kitty (probable demented kitty).
What should I do? What have you done?

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