Thumbs for the Memories


Workers Comp! I have lost range of motion in my thumb and it negatively affects my ability to do my job.

Honest. It hurts. It didn’t hurt this morning, so it isn’t a painters thumb issue. It’s filers thumb. It has made it impossible for me to do my job efficiently.

I’m going to have to see multiple specialists and visit many clinics. Clinics in foreign countries. Countries with a lot of oceanfront. I can see me being debilitated for possibly the rest of the summer and into the fall.

There will of course be a need for a companion. A young, muscular, attractive companion. Named Buck. He should work out a lot. He needs his strength to care for me.

I will also need specially adapted tools to help me live life the way I did before this tragic work related injury befell me. I think I need a whirlpool. And a hand massager. Named Lars. Lars and I will work very closely together. He may need to be available at night to – I feel sure that the thumb pain will increase at night.

The State in its stateness will have to foot the bill for this injury. They hurt me. Their rotten cabinets. Did I mention I also think I should get a temp out of this. Named Sven.

With my handicap I also think I should get a new house. One designed for my specific new needs. I want it to have very expensive, very deep, very soft carpet through out – except where I want there to be fabulous hardwoods. I will need a large screen TV.

I will of course need an aid to use the remote for me. My thumb is too injured to properly change the channels and my delicate sense of self would be damaged if I had to struggle to change the channels – it might make me feel bad about myself and would really set back my recovery.

To counteract this poor self-esteem issue and keep my recovery in schedule, to keep my spirits up and keep my recovery moving forward, I will need a counselor. Named Wesley.

I am concerned that I am going to be unable to properly feed the animals and myself. Scooping dog and cat food not to mention the cat box, I will need a Dog and Cat wrangler. Named Otto.

There is the question of the yard work. The mower would play havoc and most likely reinjure my thumb. I am a bit house proud and I want the yard kept after and the flowers tended and replaced when they go bad, as flowers do. A gardener. Named Jock.

Just sitting here I have done three things that hurt my thumb. The space bar can hurt if I try to use my thumb to do it, the mouse can make it hurt, and I got my hair out of the way and it really, really smarted. I am obliviously going to need a secretary to do my typing. Named Alvin.

Since discovering that my ADLs (activities of daily living) have been badly affected by this thumb thing, I am going to need someone to help me take care of my daily activates. Brushing my hair could make me faint from the pain. I don’t want to think about the agony of washing that hair. I think tooth brushing is going to be very hard too. I will need more money.

I think I’m going to be in the house more, as out door sports will be out of the question. I can’t very well play volleyball, tennis, Frisbee - throw the ball for Dogger! I will need a bigger TV and better cable. I’m also going to need a cable modem. If I have to wait for my dial up it will remind me how painful it is for me to dial the phone and I’ll start to feel bad and that will set back my recovery and I might never get back to work.

It is all about my recovery. I will work everyday with my little phalanx of helpers to make myself stronger – physically, mentally, emotionally – so I can go back to work a better, more ready person. I will also need more help there too. I think I will need someone to file the single page stuff, another to do the packets, yet another to take care of the requests and I may possibly, answer the phone. They will by that time have replaced my broken, bent, warped cabinets with fancy, state of the art file storage.

And then I wake up…