What I did over my summer vacation


Day 1

Leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again or actually, Hanging out at airports, don’t know when they’ll stop moving my gates around. Not as eloquent. But true sadly.
Lies My Airline Told me – You cannot take your cat on the flight. There are all ready two animals booked.

Truth – No such animals on any of my flights. I looked. Bastards. I’m going to send them Kitty’s feline shrink bills.

Good thing they didn’t have custody of my baby. They miss placed my checked bag and I didn’t see it again for two days. Note to self, check and see if luggage eligible for frequent flyer miles.

Vacation Starts! Woo-Hoo! It’s July 4th! Lets go see Fireworks!
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Okay, the fireworks got left out in the rain and are too soggy to soar.

It’s also my Mom’s Birthday. Do you think she asked the Birthday Fairy for paper napkins with Flamingos on them? Well, her wish came true! Nothing says “I love my Mom” like paper napkins with flamingos on them. I guess you had to be there. Oh, you weren’t! You were at work! Ask not who the Birthday Fairy Tolls for, it tolls for thee!

Day 2

Where Am I? Oh. Oh! Okay, where is my paper? And why does the microwave not work? the microwave won’t work because it’s cold? WTF At least the dogger loves me. Okay, at least the dogger remembers who I am. My parents bought her name brand dog food! It makes gravy! . The dog food I buy doesn’t make gravy. It makes oil slicks.

No TV. No phone, No easy internet access, four radio stations - two playing polkas, the other twos haven’t changed their play lists since 1977. Good thing this place has a good personality.

Day 3-9

I can read! Why is Jim Chee such a horn dog? What’s with his endless self-doubt? How many bad guys have you put away? Get a damn grip. Do a healing ceremony for yourself. Why can’t he settle down and be Lt. Leaphorn? Gawd. And, Bridget Jones Diary was cool? Bad knock offs of same? Not cool.

My parent’s camera is so cool. My camera (bastard, film eating, scum bag) zooms, their camera Zoomz! it is so awesome! Some people drink, other people have um, habits, I don’t smoke. I take pictures. I took about twelve rolls of film. I could possibly have a problem.



Day 10-12

Road Trip! That’s right. We can leave here. True the end of the world is only about 10 miles down the road, but there are gift stores there, and to there I must go. Oh, and water falls.

Did you know what 40 degrees in July is still cold? Yes. It. Is. I found out that dogger makes an excellent bed warmer. Who would have thought? Dogger takes to the bed like a pro.

There was also Trivia Night. Finally, a liberal arts education pays off! And even better, that huge investment in X-Files ephemera pays off too – I know who Chris Carter is. Go Me! We do this every year. The people there got every week. They take their trivia very seriously- My People!

Dog is so happy. She runs! She swims! She meets deer! She is saving up goodies for good dog dreams. God knows home isn’t dreamy. But for the time being she is living the life of Riley.

She has my parents around her little paw. She has nice new bedding, a new longer leash and real bones to naw. She gets two more weeks of vacation. Bitch.

Day 13-14

I am the youngest Red Hat Lady. I wear a red hair squishy. We go to Big Bay, which is where Anatomy of a Murder was filmed. We ate at the Thunder Bay Inn. We shopped.

I got my film back. God it’s pretty here. I pack up. I am sad.

My flight is supposed leave at 7:10 AM. Which means we get up at 5:30 AM. Shite. My flight leaves at 11:30 AM. Which means we go all the way back home and then drive all the way back to the airport.

I get to what I thought was airport number one for the day. I find out my flight to airport number two has been cancelled and I am now on stand by on another flight. It would have been nice if they had told the other flight I was supposed to be there. They were deeply offended by my presents. Asshats. They wouldn’t let me on that flight, didn’t want me on it, so I got on it. Yay for the lady who didn’t show up for her flight. I got home. I did not have to spend a total of 8 hours in two different airports!

I am home. My kitty is nuts. My job is still there. Yay. I got more of my film back. God it’s pretty there.