Another day in Doggeradise


What did you do when you came home from work last night? Really? Good for you. I dug dog shit out of the drain at the bottom of my basement stairs. In the rain. And since I had to wash my hair again, less then one day after the last time I washed my hair, and I have very fragile, delicate hair that doesn’t like being washed all the damn time. It punishes me. I will have lovely shrubby hair to spend the week with. Yay.



Okay.

My (current) Pet Peeves, Work Addition.


1. Argue with me about whether or not I should answer the phone while I’m in the secretaries’ office. Do this while you are on personal call number three for the day (at 8:30 am) and I am up to my shoulders in a jammed copy machine.

1a – The personal call issue. Don’t. This is an office. There are limited number of phone lines, they belong to the public When you are on your thirteenth personal call of the day, and everyone else in the secretaries office are also on their thirteenth personal call of the day and all the lines are tied up, and I can’t get a line out to make a Business call? It pisses me off. It makes me start to plan on how I can hang up on your personal call the next time I’m down there. I don’t care what you did at church last night. I also don’t care about your friends date. If you must waste time, play solitaire.

1b. – During a brief respite in your busy personal call schedule, send callers to me that I cannot help. At All. I love getting to sound very stupid and getting snipped at by the caller because I can’t answer the question. Makes me Happy. Makes me complain. A Lot. To Your Boss

2. Ask for something you know I don’t have. Ask me again, whine. Ask me after I have told you why I don’t have it, behave in such a way that it is clear that you know I’m doing this to you on purpose whine some more. Tell me you don’t really need it when I do finally get it back. Makes me slam doors.

2a. – Ask me to find something. Keep coming back to see if I have pulled it out of my ass yet. Do this over and over and over. Finally, tell me that the date I have been searching for is not the actual date. Don’t bother telling me this until I have taken apart my office and gone through all 32,000 individual pieces of paper. Makes me hate you.

2b. – Comment on how chaotic it looks in my office. Wonder out loud if I lose much, decided also out loud that I must lose a lot. Discuss different ways I could do my job better. Don’t offer to help. Suggest I tidy up. Makes me homicidal.

2c. – Comment derisively on how warm or cold it is in my office.

3. Complain about being so behind, so over worked. Do this while playing an online game.

3a. - Or while surfing a singles site.

3b. - Or Instant messaging your friends.

3c. – Or Shopping online. Or all of the above - simultaneously, do this on a day that I have been running around working, too busy to even fit in time to get lunch out of the machines. Makes me want to slap you. Hard. With the want ads. Or a ruler. Or your keyboard. Simultaneously.

4. Eat sardines at your desk.

5. Page overhead at the top of your voice, over and over. Ignore voice mail. Get snippy when Voice Mail is suggested as an option. Piss and moan about this all day.

5a. – Page over head at the top of your voice while getting progressively more annoyed and annoying. Chose to ignore the whole voice mail option.

5b. – When I answer my line, be sure to slam the phone down in my ear. Callers love that. Makes me want to strangle you with your phone cord.


6. Bitch about not being able to lose weight. While eating a doughnut. And peanuts. And soda. All Day.

6a. – Come up with reasons you cannot exercise and don’t have to eat less. Be as serious about this as possible. Quote studies. Lie.

6b. – Count going to the coke machine as exercise. Drink lots of diet soda and wonder out load why you can’t lose weight. Makes me want to set your desk chair on fire.

7. Don’t bother unjamming the copy machine.



And then, I had to dig dog shit out of the drain when I got home.