Paging Dr. Demento...

I was driving home from work and I was idly flipping through the radio stations and one of the stations that was not playing an ad, I was shocked of course, so I stopped and the station was playing a pleasant enough little ditty about some old boy talking in what passes for dirty on the radio these days to his gal, and it was okay enough. Bland. It fit right in to the cloying, red-state friendly, thoroughly right wing country radio of today. No mention of the flag or killing furners, so it could be worse, but perhaps it wasn’t over yet or I had tuned in late and missed that verse.

Every time you take a sip
in this smoky atmosphere
you press that bottle to your lips
and I wish I was your beer
and in the small there of your back
your jeans are playing peek a boo
I’d like to see the other half
of your butterfly tattoo

You know its Crazy but it’s all right-ish. I thought I’d heard it before. I wasn’t turning the station yet. And so the song rambled on:

hey that gives me an idea
lets get out of this bar
and drive out into the country
and find a place to park
cause I’d like to see you out in the moonlight
I’d like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I’d like to walk you through a field of wildflowers...

Oh Whatever. Blah, blah. Country-Lite. Somewhere Patsy Cline Is rolling in her grave. Hank Williams Sr., has been rolling in his grave for so long he’s now buried in China.

and I’d like to check you for ticks

What?!

I know the perfect little path
out in these woods I used to hunt
don't worry babe I’ve got your back
and I’ve also got your front
I’d hate to waste a night like this
I’ll keep you safe you wait and see
the only thing allowed to crawl all over you
when we get there is me

Did I hear “check you for ticks”? No, I must have just heard wrong.

cause I’d like to see you out in the moonlight
I’d like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I’d like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and I’d like to check you for ticks oooh you never know where one might be
and oooh theres lots of places that are hard to reach

No, clearly, "Check you for ticks". Maybe it was an ad, maybe for Frontline or some other product, because it must be about some old boy and his dawg and it's kind of cleverish, in a wink, wink "It sounds like I'm talkin' about my girl, but I'm really talkin' about my dawg" way. Dogs do not commonly drink from beer bottles or have slutty peek-a-boo tats on their lower backs, but...

I’d like to see you out in the moonlight
I’d like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I’d like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and I’d like to check you for ticks

oh I’d sure like to check you for ticks

Ticks. A song on the radio about some old boy checking his human girlfriend or some bar slut he would like for a girlfriend, at some point in the future, after he checked her for ticks. I assume after he checks her for ticks, he can take her home and she can become the Queen of his double wide trailer, and later, after she leaves him for good, he can go back to that bar and Bubba can shoot the jukebox.

lyrics from Smart Lyrics. Com