Friday at work my friend told me her trophy. The night before she had scored an Albert Einstein Bobble-head! I had no idea until that moment that I needed one so badly! It's just exactly what I need! I mean who doesn't need an Albert Einstein bobble-head! I mean, its a must have. So, of course, as soon as I could, I went immediately to the closest McDs and went to the counter and asked the register clerk if her store had the bobble-head. And she said
I don't know what that is
My head exploded.YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT AN ALBERT EINSTEIN IS??!! According to a prominent display in the lobby, the toys included a monkey in a space ship, a dinosaur, and a number of other objects that are clearly not an Albert Einstein. My first impulse was to to put her out of her misery on the spot because she was an idiot and she didn't even know how much of an idiot she was. The place was full of wittiness so my next urge was to wait for her to walk away and then to call her a no-IQ knuckle dragging bottom dweller to her back - I could have called her a no-IQ knuckle dragging bottom dweller to her face and I doubt she would have put together that I was talking to her. I have no doubt she had spent the last couple of decades under a rock but I would bet cash money she knew who Dale Earnhardt was. She had certainly not spent a lot of time in school or reading books or watching movies or having any contact with the culture around her. Then I wanted to tell her that Shaw University is right across the street and I'm sure that someone there might take pity on her, but they would probably want to smack her too. The stupid, it burned.
Instead, I said The white haired one. The only BOBBLE-HEAD one. The one that is not a dinosaur. She brought me a handful of plastic and asked me to pick out what I wanted. I wanted a rock to club her with but they don't pack blunt objects into Happy Meals (anymore). I understand that Al Capone was a character in the movie but he does not get a happy meal toy, I think that's for the best. He was a psychopath after all and probably would have used the target audience for the toys as target practice if given the opportunity. I think it was a good call, the psychopath doesn't get on and the genius does. Good call.
But at the same time! Albert Einstein Bobble-head! The man was a genius, a prophet maybe, the man who helped us see our world and brought other worlds into focus and for this he is introduced to a new generation as a bobble-head. If I didn't want one so badly, I would feel very sad about it.
But now I have my own now, and I feel much better about it.