Things that grow

I went out and drenched my plants with my fancy new poison. I even used my thus far unused  official looking neato spritzer thingy I bought at Poverty Barn last winter.  I looked like the Orkin man.

So, now its going to rain. Hard. It has to, it is how the world has worked lately. I spray my poor chewed on plants and fifteen minutes later it starts to rain and it rains hard for three days and cleans away all my poison. My plants remain very hydrated, pesticide free and chewed on. It it eventually stops raining, so I poison again and before I even get in the house it begins to rain. So far this has happened four times.  Spray, rain, spray,. rain spray, rain, spray, rain. In this time my broccoli has turned into some of the loveliest Irish lace in nature.

I am not a lace curtain Irish. I feel the green but its the green of my broccoli leaves and I want my broccoli leaves to be whole. I also want the plants to build broccolies that I can eat and the more poison I have to dump on the plants the more that becomes a questionable outcome. I am also not really enjoying picking off worms by hand. They get scared and their little wormy bowels let go. Ew! worm shite. Why are they so scared? How do they know I'm going to squish them against my fence? Do they talk to each other? Do they even have that long a life span? Is the knowledge that they will become squished against a fence it in their DNA?

I need to rid my garden of these pests in one fell swoop so I can stop poisoning and start eating. I need rain to help my plants but I need it to stop raining to help my plants.

Okay, speaking of things that grow.

The other day I was watching TV. Thanks to my DVR I watch a lot of TV.  A lot. It's sad. Anyway. I'm watching TV and not fast forwarding because I don't care enough. Blah. I'm watching this ad for a ladies razor. Blah. I'm watching the happy, ostensibly clean shaven woman stroll down some sort of multilevel catwalk thingy and all along the way are these potted shrubs and as shes' happily strolling by the bushes they magically become sculpted. And I'm watching this and thinking "Why are the shrubs getting  trimmed when she walks past?" First my thought is are they referencing her trim? because that's dirty And then it hit me. Those aren't  shrubs! THOSE ARE BUSHES... OH MY GAWD THEY ARE REFERENCING SHAVING PUBIC HAIR!! and not in a nudge, nudge, wink, wink way either. They are saying "Use our razor and trim your bush"

I  took a quick look online to see if I really saw this  and hat I was not actually imagining the ad, and it was indeed real and other people saw it too!  For reals ya'll. I spent a little more time on online and learned that the razor comes with a battery and looks like a modified BOB. I am all about reusing, recycling, re-purposing but that is not re-purposing we can believe in.