Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Dear Walmart, I hate you. No Love, Me.

I went to Wallyworld to buy a Christmas gift and I am now <i>officially</i> all ready over budget <i>and</i> homicidal. I am ahead of schedule.

On the upside, the very, very bad,  day old, discounted creme pie I wanted to buy did not make the trip home with me. I would like to say I shoved  it in the face of the  inept clerk who made me wait 45 minutes in line while he <i>slowly</i> bagged each item in separate bags while the the central casting calibre whore-y, tat covered, hot pants wearing hoochie mama at the head of the line put her enormous order on forty-seven different cards and argued with the clerk about payer source all while she made phone calls and laughed and laughed while every one else in line took turns covertly sending her picture to <i>Americas Most Wanted</i> to see if they were looking for her.

I would like to say that forty-five minutes later shoved I the pie into his face as I cackled and bathed in the applause of my peers, but  sadly, the pie did not make it home because yet again, I was charged for it but they didn't give it to me. Those wheels of bags at the foot of the check out area where Wallyworld really makes money, they sell everything in the store <i>twice</i> because they, unlike every other store I shop in, will never run you down to bring you whatever they "accidentally" left on the other side of the bag station.

Now, I am hungry and angry, to add insult to injury, I bought Halloween treats I don't believe are edible. I <i>think</i> they <i>may</i> be some form of fruit roll up, regardless of what they are called, I <i>know</i> they are all roll and no fruit and even I won't eat fruit flavored plastic. The neighborhood kids on the other hand do not have the advanced palate that I do.

And <i>no</i> I did not get a receipt so I could call and verbally eviscerate whoever had the bad luck to answer the phone. In the haze of my post-check out fury I split from the store too fast to grab it from the clerk.

Is it wrong that I bought a card for my best friends wedding at Wallyworld? The first time I went to Hallmark, the second card I got from a grocery and now the third time around I picked one up at Wallyworld, on the upside, it  has a lot more sparkles  than the other two cards combined and I think the sparkles speak to hope and faith and bravery.

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