Smoke does not get in my eyes.

I have not given up the liquid smoke fight. I looked online for it and  while it is <i>there</i> and cheap, the shipping charges render it obscenely over priced - which at this point is saying a lot because I would spend just about as much as any one asked at this point. It just feels like I've come so far, I've found the actual dry sherry, I  have a bag of brown sugar, I bought the tomato paste and I have this huge melon coming ripe any day now. I mean, once you've agreed to buy an entire bottle of wine for a recipe, you're in too far to substitute ew! <i>molasses</i> . I mean, really and if it was only say, a quarter teaspoon or even a teaspoon I wouldn't sweat it but its <i>two tablespoons!</i> that's like a huge amount in tablespoons measurement. There was just a single tablespoon of honey in my ice cream and that is <i>all</i> you can taste.

I don't want to mess with the recipe until <i>after</i> I discover the liquid smoke is a <i>nothing</i> flavoring. And? did you know how they make liquid smoke? It is water that was held over smoke and got smokified. Period, that is <i>all</i> it is. I imagine that I <i>could</i> make it myself...  But isn't that a lot of trouble? and I am <i>not</i> a fan of open flame. On the upside, I <i>do</i> have some twigs and branches that would make lovely smoke if burned. The DIYness of this idea appeals to me.

But how do you keep the water near enough to the smoke to get smoky without causing the water to evaporate in the heat <i>or</i> burning through whatever the water was in? You couldn't very well use a standard pot because their wouldn't be direct contact with the smoke and  you couldn't put it in say, a cloth bag because the water would leak out , perhaps even putting the fire out or burst into flames itself- too much contact. Is there such thing as a water-tight, flame-proof mesh bag?

Perhaps this is what we <i>buy</i> liquid smoke. And if this is the case, <i>why</i> can't I buy it at the store now? Is there a liquid smoke season? Is it like cranberries or fancy extracts? Things that only appear on shelves at a certain time for a certain time? Do we not BBQ year round? What is the Super Bowl without some good BBQ?  I think its a year-round food preparation method and isn't this prime tailgating season?  Why am I being denied my basic right to BBQ! I blame the vinegar based BBQ culture here. Losers.