Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Winning is good. Losing is bad.

After I humiliated the rye grass back with the weed whacker over the weekend, I thought I would add insult to injury and mow the rest of it with my push mower. The whacker must have been really insulting and after I mowed it down with a push mower I thought for sure the rest of it I coulnd't knock down with the mower would just surrender out of embarrassment.

Sadly, the grass has really high self esteem and it laughed at my mower. Loudly. It was really insulting to be honest, to be laughed by rye grass in the spring - in January? Sure, rye grass is a winter grass, you have bow to that, very few living things thrive in the winter and rye grass really is the king of the dead season.

Rye grass as emo hero? Somewhere a grad student just got a cramp.

I did discover that while rye grass laughs at push mowers, clover is terrified  of push mowers! It was fabulous! Such immediate gratification! Such a feeling of genuine power! Of course it was "power" over clover but after being laughed at by rye grass you have to get your thrills where you can. Its a bit like getting a pink participation ribbon - "Here is your ribbon for mowing" - unless you are  between the ages of 13-30, in which case, everyone got a blue ribbon for thinking about participating in mowing and pink ribbons were handed out for successfully peeing in the bathroom most of the time.

I'm old and I remember when some people actually really won and some people actually really lost. They don't do that anymore, all the special snow flakes have to be awarded for their specialness in the exact same special way despite  the naturally occurring varying degrees of specialness, or Mommy and Daddy will sue.

A special snow flake will never win a gold medal or even want to. Special snow flakes make our nation weak and I genuinely fear for this county in future Olympics. To help this country win more medals,  go, go and kick the shit out of the first special snow flake you see. This from some one who was always picked last, never scored a goal or even did well at board games. The difference was I really desired  to get picked first, score lots of goals and win at board games. I had the impetus to get better, because my clear lack of skill was not rewarded. The kids who did have the skills were rewarded. I wanted to be rewarded. Hence, I worked harder and sometimes I won, because I worked for it. I wanted it.

Kids today live in a world where the only games are Candyland and Shoots and Ladders, there are no winners and everyone loses all the time and winning is mean.  There is no real reason to be good at anything because being bad at everything gets the same reward. The truth is that winning is awesome and losing is not awesome. Totally.

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