Damage Control

Something I've noticed about cats and dogs. When you catch your cat doing something wrong the conversations goes like this :

Biped - What did you do! ( you will never, ever catch your cat mid-outrage)
Cat - Bitch, I do what I want!
Biped - Don't do that
Cat - What? this? Bitch, I told you I do what I want! You think you the boss of me? You ain't! I do what I want! I'm going to do it again! And wait till later, you pissed me off now.

My cat carries an shiv and he has claws. But I think he uses the shiv because its more bad ass.

When you dog does something  wrong it goes more like this:

Mommy - What are you doing? dogs are not sneaky
Dog - This? You don't want me to do this
Mommy - Stop It!
Dog - I will never do this again! Until later on this week! And I will do it differently so it will be okay when I do this again! I am so this is upsetting to you! I feel so bad about that! I am so sorry you are mad! Tummy rub?

My dog carries around a squeaky toy and a weed whacker because it just causes so much glorious damage so quickly! It is his God. And he likes squeaky toys.

Today we find out if I am going to be  #800,001.