Today instead of taking the dog on a long, mellow walk after dinner. I spent an hour working out with a group outdoors in a field full of ants.
Much of our time was spent doing crunches with the ants and push ups with the ants and something called "bear crawling" with the ants. I had thought that as the first class that we would do more work out theory, maybe do some vocabulary work and watch a video...
None of that, we were face down in the dirt minutes after we arrived. Things have changed ; There are now things called "burpees" and "bear crawl". Burpees appear to be crunches that you then jump up from and do jazz hands and the bear crawl is putting your butt up in the air and propelling yourself forward with tip toes and your finger tips. Sit ups have also changed, there are "girl" sit ups and "boy" sit ups. The girl sit ups are what we historically referred to as "doing it wrong". Push ups have also changed by gender, I do not remember being able to bend my knees while doing sit ups. Again, such a stance would have been derided as "doing it wrong".
None of these things are made more fun by doing them accompanied by ants.
I haven't actually worked out with a group since I was in High School and then it was Tennis class work outs, which was pretty much running stairs and sprints on the court between lines. I do not believe my college tennis class involved calisthenics at all. The campus was hilly, we didn't need to under go organized work outs. We had to walk all the way to the damn courts and they were a long way away dammit! At the bottom of a hill which you then had to walk back up! Heavy sigh.
So my expectations were kind of not meetable. This group is also a Herbalife front. The workouts themselves are free- which is good, I can do free, but what is also free is the Herbalife Gospel message and the initial Herbalife post workout milkshakes and teas.
They also want us to go a fund raiser for an employee and then hit some sort of Spa Day where they will shower us with herbalife freebies... come here again, come her often and get Free Stuff and then, make some sympathy purchases for our sick friend... Call me Snapping Tuiantle, I had to snap that line and steal your hook. Sorry!
Like smart drug dealers and other multilevel marketing empresarios they get the marks a taste and then, once addicted, they charge them for the goodies. It would help if the goodies didn't taste like milk of magnesia - but that's just me, everyone else seemed to like theirs and stuck around the store to hear the good news. I was also really, really old, everyone else seemed to range from young to very young - Better marks than me. Also I'm old enough to know what milk of magnesia tastes likes.
I'll be back next week, again with my wallet sadly left at home. I also know where to park now to make a quick and clean getaway and miss out on the Good News. It was a good workout and a great change of pace from my daily walk, it will be good for me and I'll get used to the ants.