Friday, November 30, 2007
Daisy had a very good day. She got to hang out with my Dad, ride in the car, go to work with me and meet everyone there, get told what a beautiful, calm doggy she is, ride in the car, go to the vet, get told what a beautiful, sweet, calm doggy she is, ride in the car, go to the pharmacy, ride in the car, go home eat dinner. She thinks she spent the day dreaming.
The vet put her on another OTC antihistamine, now we're trying out Tavist. The vet also suggested fish oil pills that when opened up, smell a lot like diaper rash ointment. She also gave me some spay to put on random itchy places that may pop up. And of course, they shaved her. You know how I can tell it's time to go to the vet again? Dogger's hair has grown back.
After we finished with Doggers issues we had Kitty issues. Kitty ate something that did not agree with Kitty and Kitty lost. I can pick up dog bombs without even thinking about it, the Kitty's dust box doesn't faze me, but cleaning up cat gak makes me nauseous. Maybe it has to do with frequency? Maybe I could teach the Kitty and Doggger to limit their gaking to the litter box? If an animal can be trained to use a litter box or to request to be taken outside, you would think the technology would exists to train them to gak in a box.
And then I went to my ACORN meeting. We had a very good speaker who I was absolutely 100% behind. He works with a group that feeds the homeless, runs AIDS and HIV clinics, gets kids out of gang life, sponsors after school activities and is involved with mentoring school kids and advocates in the courts and schools for kids. I thought Wow! What a guy! Boy howdy are they doing good work. We need more of him, and then he said "Don't call the cops" when I feel threatened by street scum. "Instead call me" . I was speechless.
It seems if I call the cops because I see the random scum doing something that I see as wrong or that makes me feel threatened, that if I call the cops, what I am doing is messing with my "cred" with the scum. They think that if I call the cops, I'm a bad guy. What I should do instead is talk to the scum, or call this roving gang intervention guy and have him discuss with the scum that maybe they need to move a long. He also said that increased police presence in the neighborhood was unsettling to the street scum. I think that would be the point of increased police presence in the neighborhood. To unsettle them. Yay for unsettled street scum! Go settle somewhere else.
I said to him, I'm supposed to go up to these scary, threatening guys and say Hi! My name is Diana and I'm the other white meat. I wish you would take your show elsewhere! Bye!. Bull Shit. The he said "Do you have someone in your community you could call?" and I said 911.
He said to call him. I said If I'm having an acute problem, if something very bad is happening right now and I want it stopped right now, I should call you? and not the police and he said "yes". Oh Hell No.
He wants us to see the scum as someones son, nephew, brother. I'll think of them as a son, brother or nephew the first time they think of me or anyone else as someones daughter, sister or niece. He also preached that many of the young men he speaks with want a way out, they want to go back to school... That many of the gang bangers he speaks with are homeless that there are drug dealers out there dealing every day just to support their Mothers... (direct quote)
He thinks we should just walk up to our neighborhood street scum and reason with them. He thinks we are all six foot four 240 pound former gang members. He can reason with them, the rest of us, have to call the police.
I also had no idea that there were no gangs before integration - but then he went on to blame the birth of gangs to The Black Panthers.
And then he said that the schools zero tolerance policy is breeding more trouble then it is solving, that the schools need to come up with new ways to deal with these kids, they need to be innovative and experimental, try to find ways to reaching these kids before their own draconian policies lose them forever - But that a lot of this needs to start with the parents and getting and keeping them involved. Did you know that the schools in my area have their PTA meetings during business hours? And he wanted us to lobby the schools to move the meetings back to the evening. And I was like Wow! What a guy! Boy howdy are they doing good work. We need more of him and then he started saying that all the community's problems started with integration and busing and this is all the fault of white teachers in the schools. I was speechless. Again.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
You remember when a couple of weeks or so ago I floated the idea of a dog park fundraiser? And the people at the park thought I was joking or those that didn't think I was joking thought that while cute it might be offensive?
Turns out it's not. Not at all. Not only not offensive but not even an original idea!
But we still talked about it. We were thinking of who would be cast in what role, knowing that the roles would have to be double or even triple cast - Not one person that Dogger would be in a leading role.
Even I felt that a more delicately proportioned dog would be a better choice for Mary, I mean, I'm not blind. Dogger is a bit generously sized to believably play a 15-year-old-girl. I'm not into dressing lamb as mutton, I'm into color blind but not lamb as mutton. I draw the line. It doesn't look right. And besides, there is an absolutely adorable little lab mix that would be perfect as Mary. Through a baby blanket over her head and she would own the role. And since most of the dogs at the park are fixed, there is no reason that Peyton the walker hound couldn't also play Mary or that Emma the boxer couldn't be Joseph. It would be more inclusive than color blind casting, it would be gender blind! Anybody could play anyone! it would be like a doggy version of I'm Not There! Only with 100% less pretension.
Even with that in mind, I still think Zeus the guide dog would do really well as Joseph and he would look cute with little Lulu/Mary. We have two very handsome Great Danes that would be great as two of the three wise men, I thought about the young St. Bernard would do well as the third. The rest of the players could be played by a rotating cast. It would make for more people in the audience as well as keeping the show fresh.
The one thing that bugged me though. We talked about which dogs would play which(lead) parts and no one mentioned Dogger! I mean, everybody wants their dogs to play Mary and Joseph and the rest of the above the title parts. There was one couple with a German Shepard who saw it playing Baby Jesus! I mean really! It's a small dog part or if failing to find the right small dog, a part for a large, swaddled flashlight, but really, it's not going to a 95 pound-er, no matter what a sweetheart it is: The Baby Jesus does not have fangs. We would be going for as much accuracy as possible with an all canine cast - If they wanted their Shepard to A Shepard? No Problem! It's about being true to the source material I mean if that couple could come across with a six week old Shepard, then we could talk Baby Jesus.
There are those that would kill for their dog to play Donkey and others that would give you money for their dog to have the chance to play "laying down camel" and you would be surprised at how much attention "2nd lamb" stirred up. The Boston terrier group got insulted and splintered off to set up their own scene in the small dog park after a Great Pyrenees person pointed out that he had never had a creche that included piglets .
And yet, I was the only one who saw Doggers star potential. They insisted on seeing her as a rather boisterous large dog with some anger management issues. They saw her playing her part more in the scene painting and costume sewing end of the production. Which is fine for me, but Dogger is a STAR! Dogger needs to be front and center! Dogger needs to be in the spot light! I see Dogger as The Angel! A glowing, beeyotiful figure!
In good part because Dogger has what the other dogs do not
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Dogger is going back to the vet. Again . Fortunately, she managed to synchronize her need to go back to the vet with my bosses need to take a couple of days off. I could take her on a day the boss was in the office, but I prefer not having to ask permission first. It's much easier to tell the girl across the hall that I'm cutting out early. For me its about the asking not the telling. I have authority issues.
What I would really like to do is to go home at lunch and bring her back to work with me. I don’t think she would be terrific in my office for an extended period, but it’s cooler now, she could hang in the car. I think she would even like it. I could go out every once in a while to let her pee or bring her inside for a brief visit. It would be dog therapy for the office. I’ve been trying to talk the ASPCA volunteer to bring us in an assortment of puppies and kittens to play with, but thus far she has not been open to that idea.
I know the vet is going to put her back on antibiotics. I can feel it. The only good thing about the same old, same old is when they get the dosage wrong, I can tell. They had better not screw it up again. I really do not want to have to find another vet, I’ve been to now, three or four other vet practices in town and I don’t want to have to get used to another one. Besides, who else would let The Kitty main-line pred the way they do?
On the other hand,you would think that after noting that Dogger is in their exam rooms a lot that they might try to figure out what her problem was, what exactly she is allergic to. Is it environmental? Is it a food allergy? Is she just that neurotic? I don’t want to shell out for a huge amount of research into it, but maybe a little? Maybe a Google search? something , anything. I’m getting tired of it and I know Dogger is too.
On a another doggy topic... So far I have three varieties of dog cookies finished and I think it’s going to be one more and I’ll be done. I was going to to peanut butter last night but in a last minute-pull-from-behind victory, I made molasses instead. I let Dogger taste test and she approved. She really hates it when I make cookies for other dogs, she lays there and tries her damnedest to glower at me. She tries real hard. I know she’s going for deep disapproval, but she’s achieving constipated. She sees treats, she smells treats, she sees me make treats and yet, she isn’t getting any treats. Knowing that many of her dog friends are getting those treats does not comfort her. Dogs aren’t really into being altruistic about treats.
Dogger is not confused about how much she does not want to go outside. Outside, at least over the last couple of days, has been a windy, wet, cold place where she does not really want to spend time. She prefers the outside to be still, warm and dry, preferably free of mean birds, scary leaves, falling limbs, flying acorns, weaponized pecans , sneaky over head wires, mean spirited clouds and gossipy squirrels. She wants a the dog park in July.
Citigroup shares hits 5-year low on report of 'massive' layoffs
NEW YORK (MarketWatch) -- Citigroup shares fell under $30 for the first time in five years at one point on Monday after CNBC reported the firm could lay off up to 45,000 staffers.
The expected layoffs are the result of several billion dollars of mortgage losses at Citigroup.The bank said Monday that it's in a planning process to become more efficient and cost effective as the financial-services giant grapples with billions of dollars in losses from the subprime mortgage-fueled credit crisis.
The process is designed to position Citi's businesses "in line with economic realities" and comes in anticipation of a new chief executive at the financial-services giant, spokesman Michael Hanretta said in a statement. Hanretta said that any reports on specific numbers "are not factual." See full story.
Cit shares are off roughly 28% in November alone, and down almost 50% so far this year.
CNBC reported early Monday that the bank is planning a large number of layoffs as part of a response to recent huge write-offs for bad mortgage investments. CNBC described the layoffs as "massive" and said they would not be restricted to the fixed income and mortgage divisions.
I was trying to decide what I was going to do for lunch. I noticed this morning that The Kitty is running out of pred, and while it isn’t a now or never level of running-out-of-pred, it was certainly a better-sooner-than-later. I really didn’t want to go to Sam’s for lunch.
I need to be in a Sam’s Club place to go to Sam’s. I didn’t feel like I was in that place. I thought I was more in a Subway place. Then, I looked out the window and saw the fog. Stephen King is paying out a fortune to flog that movie. There had been fog when I came in to work but I was sure that given the several hours I had been there, that the fog would have burned off. It didn’t, it got heavier. As one of my co-workers said Hey, it’s London outside! I didn’t want to drive in the fog, I could just see the headlines Cliché killed in fog related accident while going to pick up her cats medication. I would be dead and embarrassed. If the massive head injuries didn’t kill me the embarrassment would. I would literally die from the embarrassment. “How did you get hurt? Well, I was driving through a deadly fog bank to get to my pharmacy get my cats prednisone that he really didn’t need until tomorrow, and that’s when it happened.”
I decided I was definitely in a Subway place. Subway is much closer to where I work and I would spend much less time in the fog and driving in the fog is never a fun thing, driving on the highway in the fog is an even less fun thing. I like having fun.
But. I am right in the middle of dog cookie making, which is also fun. I have made cheese and bacon and next on my list is either peanut butter or molasses. I have enough peanut butter on hand but I’m not sure I have enough molasses. I was thinking about this as I went to lunch. I could go out later tonight and pick up The Kitty’s pred and then go to the grocery for molasses, but that would cut into cookie baking time and I want to go to the park too, and if I did go out later it would be another gas eating trip out when I could get The Kitty’s pred and get the molasses at the same time. At Sam’s.
I drove past the Subway.
Obliviously, I made it there and back. It was foggy everywhere the highway wasn’t. That was good. I went to Sam’s and before I got the pred, I wandered around looking for molasses. I also had to think about did I really want that much Molasses? If I did find it, would really want a gallon of it? What is the shelf life of molasses? And do I want to commit to a long term relationship with a gallon of it? I all ready have a container of powered garlic I may have to mention in my will, do I really want to go steady with a gallon of molasses?
Fortunately, I was spared any more of this molasses quandary. I didn’t find any molasses, but maybe I was in the wrong section. I saw vats of BBQ sauce and tanks of pancake syrup, drums of ketchup, but no molasses. I got my pred and my lunch and went back to work.
Tonight, is going to be peanut butter cookies, I’m positive, or molasses, I’m pretty sure. I know for certain, I will be making cookies of some sort.
Monday, November 26, 2007
SAGINAW, Mich. - A find of dioxin at the bottom of the Saginaw River could be the highest level of such contamination ever discovered in the nation's rivers and lakes, according to a federal scientist involved in cleanup efforts downstream from a Dow Chemical Co. plant.
A crew testing the Saginaw and Tittabawassee rivers discovered the sample, which measured 1.6 million parts of dioxin per trillion of water, The Saginaw News and The Detroit News reported last week. That level is about 20 times higher than any other find recorded in the EPA archives
State guidelines require corrective action on contamination above 1,000 parts per trillion.
Dow is removing three dioxin concentrations along a six-mile stretch of the Tittabawassee. The company plans to remove the latest find, Dow spokesman John C. Musser said.
"We don't believe there's any imminent or significant human health or environmental threat," Musser said.
Full story, In China, Mr. Mussers counterpart would have then killed himself. Bad customer service, excellent customer relations.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Wow. Is it over all ready? I think I could definitely use another four days off, and I think every week should be a three day week.
How was your Thanksgiving? You know it’s the day before thanksgiving when you go to the grocery at five thirty and the place is packed- It’s always packed at five thirty but not in a the-end-of-the-line-is-where?! way, and when you see that line you don’t just shrug and decide that maybe you don’t really need whatever you are there for all that much, but the night before Thanksgiving, you wade in anyway - and then later when you realize that the ingredients you stood in a forty - five minute line for, were for the wrong recipe and you now have to go back to the grocery again at 9pm and you do - and the lines are still there and are not in any way less then they were before, and they may actually be longer - you know it’s the day before Thanksgiving.
You also know it’s the night before Thanksgiving when you are busy making that pie and it is 10:30 at night and this does not seem at all odd to you.
What else? Post standing in line/pie making/ Dinner inhaling, I shopped. But not at 4am, because I have never wanted to buy anything so badly that I would buy it at 4am. The idea of subjecting myself to acres of florescent lighting at 4am is more than I want to imagine. Nice people aren't out shopping at 4am! Nice people are in their beds at 4am. Do you know who is out shopping at 4am? Johns and crazy people! Do you know who is open for business at 4am? Hookers and Wal-Mart. You shop at 4am because you are afraid "they" might see you.
I shopped at a reasonable hour and I ate. And then I shopped again and then I ate some more. And I watched some football and then I shopped and then I ate some more and then did some more shopping. I count shopping as exercise because shopping is walking I walked a lot and walking is exercise . And I ate healthy because I ate a lot of pie and the pies were healthy because they were made of healthy fruits and vegetable and fruits and vegetable are good for us.
I shopped patriotic too. Alphagal, My Mom and I were very patriotic - We shopped out of love for America's Economy. I bought for everyone at work, family, friends, Dogger, myself because who is more familiar with my likes, dislikes, who knows what I want more than me and I found time to fill up Minnie's tank up. I didn’t do this alone, I have two credit cards that may never walk again.
Oh, and I took pictures
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Aren’t ya glad you had to go to work this morning? Isn’t it nice getting into the office so fast? No traffic no congestion no lines. Of course, if you work at the airport your life must suck. I think just working nearish to an airport would suck today, but I suppose a smart guy could rent his parking spot out as Long Term parking.
I’m excited, I finally have at least one of my Christmas cards figured out... “One of?” you say “How many different cards are you going to send?”, and to that I say Well, it’s complicated., see I took all the Christmas decorations with me on vacation, not enough as it turned out, although at the time as I stood there along the road side in July or had to drag them with me through the wilderness, they seemed like a lot of baubles and balls and garland... Stand next to the road and decorate random fir trees and don’t feel like a weirdo - You can’t, you are weird. You are standing there in your shorts putting Christmas decorations on strangers tree in July. It wasn’t quite so bad out in the wilderness but then I was still lugging around a box in the middle of nowhere.
You know what would have been really cool though. If I had fully decorated the trees and then just left them like that. That would have been awesome. Can you imagine walking through the woods and encountering a fully decorated tree? Out in the middle of nowhere? Or you’re driving along the road and out of the corner of your eye you spot a Christmas tree? In July?! and then you’re somewhere else a while later and you see another one. That would be art.. I felt weird when people saw me doing it, it didn’t make me stop and in fact, I was really surprised that so few people actually asked me what I was doing. I was like Where have you been? IS everyone blind? Or do they assume there is something wrong with me?. One and I almost think the only person to catch me mid-deco was my cousin, who has so not been on my Christmas card list for years because she was a bitch this one time... I haven’t actually had her address in a long time, so it was kind of a silent boycott, but I knew I wasn’t sending her a card, even if she didn’t know. This year, she gets a card.
I just had this thought. What if you put one of those battery operated Rudolph noses on a road kill deer? That would be cool. A little cruel too, and I know that Reindeer and the local deer aren’t even kind of the same, but a dead deer with a red nose would certainly attract attention.
Driver - Oh another roadkill. Why don’t they clean those up?
Passenger - Some places use them to feed the homeless.
Drive - Ew?
Time passes, miles pass. Maybe they make it a game of picking out what the remains once were.
Driver - Possum
Passenger - No, that was a beaver.
Driver- Too big, wrong color.
Passenger - Decay. It’s swollen up. It’s been there for a while. Gawd there is a lot of them out here. They need signs.
Driver - Oh, someones pet. I hate seeing that.
Passenger - Me too. Rudolph!
Driver - Bambi! Cinematic deer for $200 Alex!
Passenger - No! It had a red nose! OMG
And then I also have this whole series of photos of my fake tree and those turned out very cool. So, yeah, I have a lot of designs. If you want a card from me, I bet I have a card for you.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
So what did you get at the book sale? I walked out of there wheeling a C-140. I bought everything from a 1944 penguin edition of The Maltese Falcon, emblazoned with: THIS IS A WAR TIME BOOK...IT IS PRODUCED IN FULL COMPLIANCE WITH THE GOVERNMENTS REGULATIONS FOR CONSERVING PAPER AND OTHER ESSENTIAL MATERIALS. On the back cover it suggests that the reader "Send this book to a boy in the armed forces anywhere in the U.S for only .3". I guess the boys in the armed forces overseas were too busy in ‘44 killing Nazis to be reading Dashiell Hammett, to A Southern Bell Primer or why Princess Margaret will never be a Kappa Kappa Gamma. Told ya, I bought e v e r y t h i n g.
I also picked up two other vintage paperbacks but they are post war I, The Jury, Mickey Spillane from 1952 and No Entry Manning Coles' circa 1958. It concerns itself with a “Brilliant intelligence agent, Tommy Hambleton, who goes to West Germany to rescue a wandering Oxford student who has vanished over the border into East Germany. Since he’s the son of the Foreign Minister it’s up to Tommy Hambleton to bring him back” . If nothing else, the pulpy cover art is worth the price of admission. I also got Silent Spring, which I think now, I may all ready own - it sits up with It Can’t Happen Here in my in my Too Scary/Angry Making to read section.
I also got some run-of-the-mill paper back thrillers by writers who probably started out wanting to be this generations Mickey Spillane and Dashiell Hammett or Manning Cross, but didn’t get there. Love ya Jonathan Kellerman, but Mickey Spillane you are not. And what happened to cover art? I saw lots of staircases and head lights and lawyer props, but no terrified Frauleins with Kalashnikov, no shadowy gun toting tough guys in fedoras and no steely half naked broads staring down shadowy, gun toting tough guys. Back then cover art meant something!
And where are the broads? I picked up It’s a girl thing - The Hilarious truth about women, Nora Ephron's’ I Feel Bad About My Neck, and other thoughts on being a woman, Lauren Weisberger's’ Everyone Worth Knowing, two Alexander McCall books from the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series, another Alexander McCall not part of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series. Lots of girls, chicks, ladies and women but not a lot of broads. Pity.
I did get Jean Kerr's Please Don’t Eat The Daises from 1957, but I don’t think she would have felt a lot of sisterhood with the broads in Cole's pulpy ourve’, but fortunately for her, she also wouldn’t have a lot of common ground with Weisbergers’ chicks either.
I also want to mention that I took home some non-pulpy, non-vintage, and non-chick lit as well, I also carted home: The Dilbert Principle, and The Crack at the Edge of The World, The Great San Francisco Earthquake of 1906, and Peace Kills, by my favorite Republican P.J O’Rourke, and The Search for The Pink Headed Duck, a Journey Into The Himalayas and Down The Brahmaputra and Idyll Banter, Weekly Excursions to A Very Small Town. And that’s not even all of them!
I did some arithmetic, I brought home 25 titles, which should have ran me $348.97 retail (not even counting the time machine to get the vintage paperbacks), my bill? $42.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
I was looking on Ebay at the Beanie babies. Yes, there are still Beanie babies out there. I was there looking for my friend's Christmas gift. Last summer she went on vacation and when she came back I had deposited all my happy meal stuffed dogs on her desk, climbing up her blinds and in her mail box. She was not entirely thrilled -She wanted to know where the cats were.
Sadly, the world of Happy Meal toys is a dog dominated field. I had lots and lots of bean bag dogs but only one bean bag cat and I’m pretty sure I had that one since before I left Dallas. I decided she was going to get cats for Christmas.
I had to think about the cat thing for a while. What kind? How big? How many? How much would I be willing to pay? Was I okay with used kitties? I decided that they should be bean bags, that they should be roughly the same size as the dogs so it was going to have to be bean bag cat product about the same size as the pre-existing happy meal pound puppies, I wanted of course, as many as I could get, I wanted to pay between “nothing” and "very little" and I was cool with used. The dogs had spent most of their lives living on the top of my refrigerator so a little dust wasn’t going to affect my over all opinion of the cats.
Ebay was calling.. at first I told them to hold on because I was talking to Amazon, but I told Amazon I was going through a tunnel and went back to Ebay and I took the plunge. I expected to be drowning in fuzzy , but instead I got some on my shoes and that was about it. I was surprised. I had thought Ebay would be covered in toy cats. Well. While there are toy cats to be had, it just isn’t as many as I would like. I was hoping for a larger selection and possibly a great number of sellers selling their stuffed cats in great numbers. So I could have lots of stuffed cats with out paying lots for them. That was the plan.
See, if I could get lots of the little buggers all in one shot, I could be done with this gift and be able to move on to another. In this case, "next" is a nurse themed gift. Preferably a Christmas ornament. Preferably cheap. Then I could start thinking about the one after that and the one after that. What do you get for an emotional unstable co-worker given to loud outbursts? I would like to get him medicated and restrained and working in someone else's office but I don’t think that's something I can get gift wrapped. Do you think I can find Christmas ornaments in the shape of tiny four point restraints? or I could go with a gift certificate for a six month prescription of Halidol, because that would be the gift that keeps on giving. To Me. A cheery Merry Christmas!-You-Wacko! would probably suffice but my riot gear is at the dry cleaners and I think any one-on-on time with him needs to be undertaken by trained professionals. Bless his heart.
Most fun thing I did at work today? Instructed a caller on how to get the coconut meat out of her coconut. We take complaints against health care providers, when she told me she needed kitchen help I told her to ask her doctor to give her the name of a home care agency, Oops!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I’m now thinking of doing an all Dogger nativity scene. For some reason I was not able to get a lot of Dog Park support for the Dog Park Nativity! It was agreed that it was funny but not that it was actually doable. I think they suffer from a lack of creativity and a sad lack of confidence in their dogs. I think it would work beautifully.
So. I might go with Plan B. I think that it would have to be a photo, but I don’t have Photo-shop and it would most defiantly need to be photo shopped. Dogger as Mary! Dogger as Joseph! Dogger as a Camel! The three wise Doggers!
Well, I think it would be cute.
I asked the SPCA volunteer at work about what she thought about an all dog nativity as a fund raiser, but she just looked at me and told me to seek help, well, actually, the first time I suggested it she laughed. It was later, after I had suggested an all-cat nativity and then an all-hamster nativity that she told me to seek help. I think any of the above would be cute. I went with hamsters because I think that they would be compliant, rats would probably be better disciplined, but even I don't think the world is ready for an all rat nativity.
I would think about an all cat nativity but I could see the cats all thinking they should be playing Baby Jesus and nobody wanting to play third Shepard on right or the sleeping lamb. I see cats as being more susceptible to star trips than dogs or hamsters.
But you know, it’s a work in progress and there is the writers strike, although I’m not sure exactly what kind of effect that would have on an all dog/cat/hamster nativity scene as yet. To stay on the safe side, I guess I should not submit the idea to the networks.
After Christmas though? If you pitched them the reality show you shot while you were making the nativity happen? That would sell. After Christmas anything you suggest to the networks that doesn’t require a script is going to sell. Hamsters on bikes? Ka-ching! The footage you shot of your neighbors garage sale? Ka-ching, Ka-Ching! They are going to be wild for any kind of programming. I think I’m going to suggest they do a whole series dedicated to home made TV shows! Law and Order-Oakhaven!, can you see it? On every episode Mom, Dad and the kids solve minor neighborhood crime! Who's stealing the morning paper? Who takes the corner too sharply? Every week the family research's and investigates goings on around the neighborhood! Sometimes its sweet sometimes its sad! But everybody learns from the outcome! Or CSI-Oakhaven Mom searches for who stained the living room carpet! Mom uses advanced stain fighting technologies to uncover the culprit! Amber notices her toothbrush is wet! Watch while she uncovers the truth!, and that’s just the procedurals! Find your own big fat dumb guy and a sassy blond and you are on your way to sitcom city!
I see a whole world of fame-whoring opportunities opening up for folks who thought that all that fame-whore money was out of reach for them because they just aren’t fame-whorey enough to make it to TV big leagues. After Christmas? It's all going to be all minor league all the time! Have you been told you are not narcissistic enough? That you are too unattractive to score your own prime time hour of fame-whoring? By February, if you can show up on film, you will have your own TV show.
Tina Fey, Steve Carell and the staff of The Family Guy won’t hang out with you, but you’ll be on TV and they won't.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Because I had a long weekend, I get more days off but I get paid less than you – I had time to think.
Things I thought about:
A possible fund raiser for the dog park: An all-dog live nativity scene! I don’t see how this wouldn’t be a big money maker. Its coming down to the Christmas season, people love dogs, they pay bucks for live nativity scenes Churches put on and some of them when you get down to it, are just about as spiritual in nature as an all-dog nativity. People will buy cast resin all-dog nativity scenes so what’s to stop them from wanting to see one in real life? I’ve seen all make and model of crèche sets for sale with every conceivable group bowing, kneeling and genuflecting in front of various and a sundry Holy Family's. I don’t think there is anything disrespectful about staging a live nativity with pets.
Imagine it! Mary-dog, Joseph-dog, Baby Jesus-puppy, Wise-dogs, Shepard-dogs, camel-dogs, sheep-dogs, Angel-dogs! What could be cuter? We could have a rotating cast! You saw it Tuesday with LuLu the lab as Mary-dog, come see it Wednesday with Sadie the Shepard mix interpreting the role! It’s never the same experience twice! We could totally sell tickets to this.
The Danes with a little wardrobe magic could be the donkeys and the camels; we have two that could play be cows! , we have a lot of mid-sized labs, three of those could be wise men, we have a handful of cattle dogs that would love to act as Sheppard’s, a few white dogs that could double as sheep and I’m sure that somewhere out there is the perfect Mary-dog and Joseph-dog and we could use a light for Baby Jesus-dog, or a puppy! Who wouldn’t come to see a dogitivty scene with a puppy-as-Baby-Jesus! And as for The Angel? ask anyone, their dog is an angel. We could make a fortune for the park! It would be tastefully done, absolutely no playing of dogs barking jingle bells.
Another thing I thought about – I bought the most comfortable pajama pants ever. I wouldn’t be as comfortable naked because then I would be cold. I love these pants. They claim to made of some sort of poly mix but I believe that they are really made of puppy skin – specifically the skin from puppy tummies! There is no other way for them to be as soft as they are. I want to live in these pants. I know that very soon I am going to really start to resent having to change out of them… But. What they should really be marketing to us over the winter months? Warm –N-Fuzzy leotards and Comfy Cat Suits. They wouldn’t have to be those plain jane things we wore in third grade! They could feature snow scenes and happy penguins! Because if you were stretched out on the couch wearing a Unitard , you could really keep track of those holiday pounds! You could literally trace that gift tin of home made fudge you polished off during The Muppet's Christmas Carol! It’s hard to be as aware of that sort of progression when you spend the winter in layers of blankets and fat camouflaging winter wear. If they really loved us, they would want us to be uncomfortable.
I also thought that here it is, the middle of November and my local All-Christmas-All The Time radio station hasn’t started playing All-Christmas-All-The-Time yet.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Long weekend, short entry.
I was going to leave it at that and slink away, but then I remembered:
Purchase great books at a great price, while helping Wake County's Library System, at the 2007 Wake County Library Book Sale. The annual library book sale will be held November 14-18, 2007, at 4121 New Bern Avenue, Raleigh, in the former Super Kmart. More than 500,000 books will be available for purchase.
Book Sale Hours:
Wednesday, November 14, noon to 9 p.m
Thursday, November 15, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Friday, November 16, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Saturday, November 17, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Sunday, November 18, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Book prices from Wednesday through Friday will be $4 per hardbound book and $1 per paperback. On Saturday the prices drop to $2 per hardbound/50 cents paperback. On Sunday, the library will provide bags and boxes for customers to pack at $2 per bag and $5 per box. Cash and checks will be accepted, and patrons are encouraged to bring hand trucks or book carts to use as they find great bargains.
The Book Sale will be held in the former Super Kmart, at 4121 New Bern Ave, between New Hope Road and Corporation Parkway in East Raleigh, just past the I-440 interchange.
Okay, now I'll go slink away.
Friday, November 9, 2007
A federal grand jury has returned a sealed indictment against former New York Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik, sources familiar with the investigation said Thursday.
President Bush nominated Kerik to be secretary of homeland security after the president's 2004 re-election. But Kerik withdrew his name from consideration after allegations that he employed a nanny whose immigration status was questionable.
Bronx District Attorney Robert Johnson then began investigating allegations that Kerik had traded payment on repairs to his Bronx apartment for favors, including city contracts. The ex-chief pleaded guilty in 2006 to accepting tens of thousands of dollars in gifts while he worked as city corrections commissioner.
Full Story here
I have found the perfect way to make sure I can attend your meeting: Make sure I can see it from my house.
Anyway. Big Baby’s First ACORN Meeting. They had been door to door, a couple maybe three weeks ago. They made an appointment and came by to see what I wanted changed. I gave them the police report from last March and told them to start on page one.
They had a meeting scheduled but it didn’t happen. I think because they had no place to have it. I was a little surprised because they seemed really motivated and ready to start something, power to the people and all that. Rah, rah. I had figured they would be able to guilt someone into hosting in their home.
They called, conveniently for me, while I wasn’t there. They had a location.
After Wednesday's fiasco, I was feeling bruised. Bruised and inept. I needed to feel ept. It was important that I be able to go the four blocks from my house successfully. And thankfully, they didn’t move the rec center, so I felt pretty secure that I had the right place. It’s a lot bigger place then I thought. My tax dollars at work. A proto-banger who is busy shooting hoops is a proto-banger who is too busy to be out banging. I would assume. I prepared to walk into an empty room and bond uncomfortably with the leader. So much like a precinct meeting.
I was not alone, I wasn’t even the first one there. This was clearly not much like a precinct meeting. They were middle aged, middle income, all the way pissed off. You have to be to show up.. No one says yes to ACORN unless they are really, really angry. No one gets involved with any group unless they are really tired of getting nowhere by themselves.
Together... We watched Jeopardy. As a group we were very good at TV Detectives and Southern Cuisine. The local TV news wants us to be suspicious of fluoride in our drinking water. What year is it again? Oh, I forgot, Hgielar .
We got underway. We introduced ourselves and watched a video of ACORNS 2002 national convention. It involved a lot of gospel music, think A-CORN, A-CORN, A-CORN, sing it joyfully, crowds of poor people in free tee-shirts and a lot of speeches about working together. And marching, ACORN loves marching. The leader guy went on to tell us that there is going to be a convention in Detroit (!!) And that there would be fundraisers. Looking around the room, no one there was very interested in fund raising or going to Detroit.
And then the guy asked what we had problems with. Suddenly everyone was very interested. We all had problems. From garbage men not putting the trash containers back on the curb to the need for bus shelters to strengthening loitering ordinances to fighting drug dealers and hookers.
And we looked at him and said what are you going to do about these things. And he looked at us and said what are you going to do about these things. And we were like Dude. If we knew how to fix these things ourselves, do you think we would have shown up here?. Fix it!
And then he told us what we're going to do about these things: We’re going to go to City Council meetings and we’re going to write letters and we’re going to make phone calls and if we are really good, we're going to march.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
I got this Evite
Come and meet local Triangle area bloggers, swap technical skills, exchange marketing ideas, and much more!
NBC 17 is hosting a social event with an assortment of coffees, teas and pastries. NBC 17 recognizes the significance of the personal media revolution, having begun partaking in our very own blogs as well. Share your expertise with us!
In addition, Terry Heaton , will be on hand to provide us with his own best practices since entering the blogosphere four years ago. Feel free to pick his brain with your own thoughts, ideas, and questions too!
Let's all learn from each other.
And I said Cool! I wanna go to a social event that does not include dogs! I wanna learn! I want to enjoy an assortment of coffees, teas and pastries with other bloggers! I don’t know any of them and I read very few local bloggers who aren’t actually kin or Tiffany, but I could change, I could grow. I could eat some free pastries.
So. I went. I tried to “went”. I drove around for forty-five minutes before I decided to cut my loses and go home while I still knew which way that was.
I should have turned around when I saw a guy out walking with his cute,cute,cute Jack Russell and the guy was talking to the dog and the dog really seemed to be listening and I said to myself Why am I not home with my dog?
I had directions. I went online and printed them out. I have said in the past I was never, ever, ever,ever,ever,ever going to do that again but it’s the only way. The business isn’t going to keep a library of speciality directions on hand, you can’t call them and expect- Oh, give me your address, let me tell you how to get here, Of course, let me stay on the phone with you while you get here. Excellent.. And speaking of the business, they weren’t real helpful when I called them either. They did know they were closer to the mall than to downtown but they weren’t exactly sure what defined “closer” They were very sure they were near a Block Buster. Super.
According to Opal ( I could hear her tats) they were real near the Subway. I didn’t see a Subway or a Blockbuster. I saw a lot of lawyers offices and the mall, but no Subway, no Blockbuster. I blame my directions. They were the expected poor directions sample direction Right on Local Street - Why must I be directed ‘round Robin Hoods Barn every single time? Is there a reason they can’t give the best possible route? Must it always be the route that goes from point A to point B but not before sending me though points F, R and D. I would love to tell the drones that create those maps that not all locations in Raleigh require a trip on Wade Avenue...
And the thing is, I can usually find where I’m going. I don't understand maps, but as long as I know what general direction I’m supposed to be going in, I find my way. It’s all about land marks and street numbers - which can be a problem if you are in backward place. Hgielar doesn’t believe in street numbers or signage... The city fathers of Hgielar expect you to have been born here and thus, since you have always lived here, you don’t need street signs to find things, you just know where things are. I hate Hgielar.
Your dog will not understand the time change or why it's leisurely trip to the park has been replaced with a frantic pee-and-run. It’s not fun.
At least this year we've had practice. Since the affaire Drama Dog we've been rushiong to get to the park for months. We haven't gotten as spoiled as we have in the past - you know with the going to the park whenever we wanted to and staying as late as we wanted to. The time change really screws with that schedule. This year? I drove home like a normally do, changed my clothes immediately upon getting in the house, hustled Dogger out the door, just like everyday No learning curve for us.
I pulled into the park and did my usual scan to see if Drama was there yet. Drama and her people come later, but later was not an option anymore. And there they were, a quarter to five and they were all ready there! Do those people not have jobs? I was not thrilled. If I wasn't such a chicken shit and they wern't such assholes, we could have long ago worked out a schedule. But ya know, I'm a chicken shit and they're assholes..
But I didn't turn around in the lot and go home. The park is big enough for all the dogs. My Dogger wasn't going to spend what little time we had there in doggy time out. They had all ready claimed the back forty, we could claim the rest of it. The front forty.
And we did. Dogger cavorted, I felt pretty good about letting her off the leash with Drama so far away and Dogger stayed pretty close to me any way. It was a little lonely, but I didn't have the daylight to sit at the picnic table and visit. Dogger was off leash and enjoying herself so I decided that I would enjoy myself watching her enjoy herself.
And she did. And I did.
Everything was cool until I went to pick up a dog bomb and when I looked up I saw her running hell bent for leather towards the back forty.
Fortunately, she ran out of leather and when she noticed I wasn't immediately behind her. She stopped and looked for me and I was able to grab her before she noticed the whole rest of the park and the always attractive Drama Dog, who had left the reservation and was wandering too close to our neck of the park. Bitch. I noticed some of our doggy friends arriving and watched their people go merrily to the back forty to visit with Drama's people.
And that made me think about how long it's been since I've been able to visit with those people and watching them happily go sit with Drama's asshole people made me more than a little bitter. Dogger had a good time wrestling with a group of smaller dogs and she was getting tired out and so I found a chair and we took a rest. I was about rested out and getting ready to head home when I saw Drama Dog leave the park! And the angels sang and the heavens opened and a there was joy through out the land. Sure, it was getting dark and a little chilly, but Dogger could run free and I could go visit with my friends!
It was great. We stayed until well after dark. And hunters, if you want to hunt in the dark, dye your hunting clothes the same color as your big orange dawg. You'll render yourself even more invisible than if were dressed head to toe in camo.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Greetings from inside the rock polisher, it’s not quite the bell jar but you can see it from here. The PTB have scheduled two full weeks to do something very loud to the driveway below my window. I don’t know what it is but it involves a machine that beeps every time it does anything – it backs up, it moves forward, it stops, it starts, it shifts gears, it pauses briefly. If it can do it, it beeps while it’s doing it. I feel so much safer knowing that it is working overtime to protect idiots from getting squished/buried/forcibly moved or whatever it actually does while it’s beeping.
It’s beeping so that an idiot won’t get crushed as it backs up/moves forward/stops/starts/shifts gears; I need them to stop the beeping. I would be happy to explain to the idiots family why their idiot got ran over - Their idiot got ran over because he was an idiot who got smushed because he idiotically wandering onto a construction site and didn’t get out of the way. Because he was an idiot. That thing out there is obligated to beep all the time because one too many idiots got smushed.
I think I feel less bad about the potential accidental death of an idiot than I do about spending two weeks with that thing beeping under my window.
I can’t tell what the beeper is doing out there, last week it beeped up the existing pavement, it made my teeth vibrate, and not in a good way. There is no such thing as a tooth massage. You do not feel better after having your teeth Rolfed.
They are now excavating, excavating what I can not tell you. I think they are trying to find The Lost Colony! They are just going to keep that freaking beeper out there beeping, beeping, beeping until they find the damn thing. News Flash- They died, the sad little unprepared English merchants all died from malaria and their badly built shelters collapsed and rotted! the survivors ran away and joined the closest indigenous tribe they could find and lived with them. And all this happened NOT HERE! It’s making me crazy! I was very happy with the driveway as it was, I didn’t ask for this! I put in no work order requesting that they spend two weeks under my window dredging out the driveway – and that is what they are doing. There must be four feet of old macadam out there and they are dedicated to removing every last piece of it so they can pour four more feet of macadam.
I was thinking as I watched them beeping away out there that with all the ground they are shifting though that they should be finding things. There must be things in that dirt. I momentary got archaeologically interested in what they were doing out there but then I remembered that if they did find an interesting thing out there, it would just make the whole beeping project take longer and I bet the archeology people probably have beepers on their little brushes.
To add insult to injury, they also re-roofing the building. Are you one of those people who love the smell of napalm in the morning? Then you would be infatuated with the smell of roof tar all damn day.
Monday, November 5, 2007
You know what would be good right now? An Aleve slurpy! True, consuming that much Aleve at one time would bring on sudden catastrophic liver damage, but I wouldn't have this headache anymore.
A crazy guy at one of our "Psycho-Prisons slash Teenage Wastelands" just called me a bitch and suggested I fuck myself with a toothbrush. He isn't locked up just because he's crazy, he's locked up because he's an enormous asshole. I think four way, hard restraints and maybe a little judicious use of a ball gag might be an appropriate therapeutic intervention for him at this time.
I woke up Sunday morning, looked at the clock and said Oh, yeah. I didn’t sleep though 10:30 mass. I’m good, no noon mass for me! and then I thought. Isn’t this time change weekend? Did I see that somewhere? is this a sign I should I be watching TV news? That means it’s not nine something, its really eight something! I could go to 9am mass. That would be different wouldn’t it? I could go to church and be back by 10am. And then I could do... What? I didn't have a good answer. If I got up I would have done what? I couldn’t think of a single thing I would do at 10am that I couldn’t also do after 11:30am. I decided to stay in bed.
But I couldn’t stay there. This Sunday was Food Bank Sunday. Last Sunday they handed out grocery bags and shopping lists and told us to bring back the grocery bag by Sunday.
Friday night I went shopping. What? What do you spend your Friday nights doing? And why don’t those plans include grocery shopping for needy strangers? Shame, shame on you for taking part in whatever bacchanals you took part in - Excuse me while I do my Shame, Shame on You dance of moral superiority.
Okay, I’m done now. It normally goes on longer than that and involves a lengthy interpretive dance sequence, but while I was at the store I bought myself a life sized stuffed penguin.
Those needy had a long and expensive shopping list. I had to go to two stores to fill it. Who knew Poverty Barn would carry baby diapers but didn’t carry baby formula or baby food. I also bumped up against a new issue. The list called for a can of spaghetti sauce. A can! Spaghetti sauce does not come in a can In the first place, you don’t buy spaghetti sauce and in the second place, if you are forced to buy spaghetti sauce, you buy it in a bottle! Poverty Barn didn’t even sell spaghetti sauce in a can. It’s sad when something becomes even too gauche for Poverty Barn to carry.
Fortunately, Food Lion was there to pick up the gauche slack. They also carried the elusive baby formula - they were hiding it from me - they keep it locked up like the cigarettes. Is there a black market for it? Is it a way of shaming mothers who can’t or choose not to nurse? And then there are so many kinds of formula and they are all expensive. I went with the cheapest can because I noticed it was all covered by WIC and if you are eligible for food from a Food Pantry, chances are you are eligible for WIC. Let WIC pay the $27.50 a canister. The $4.50 I shelled out for the cheapest possible can of formula was more than what I paid for four cans of vegetables and two cans of soup, combined.
I cheaped out big time with my groceries and it still ran me $45. After I got home, I looked at my list and it suggested if I didn’t want to go shopping, I could cut them a check for $20 and I would still be feeding a family of four for a week. I would like to know where that family of four does their grocery shopping.
On Nov. 5, 1968, Republican Richard M. Nixon won the presidency, defeating Vice President Hubert H. Humphrey and third-party candidate George C. Wallace.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Last night, The Kitty and I were upstairs and I was getting ready for bed. One minute The Kitty was there, the next minute he was gone. This time, I was able to stay calm. I didn’t have to worry that every minute I wasn’t finding him was another minute for him to be playing in traffic. I could take my time because I knew he was in the room, it was just a matter of discovering where.
I looked in some good places, if I was a cat, I would hide under the curtain in the bathroom or I would hide on the lowest shelf of the book shelves, behind the plastic boxes I use as my closet/dresser - Ideal hiding place. A cat could do well for himself back there.
All the while I kept up a running monologue with The Kitty in mind.
I would be right here, if I were you, it’s nice and dark and soft. Actually, if I were you I wouldn’t be fooling around like this. I would be watching CSI-NY with me, in bed. if I were you.. But if I were you, I would ride around on my shoulder all day and if I wasn’t there, I would be cuddled in my lap. I would also be friends with Dogger and spend all day cuddled up with her. But I’m not you. I have thumbs.
Kitty was all “Whateveh”
If I were you I wouldn’t mess around like this. This is boring. This is way more exercise than I need late at night. I wouldn’t make me do this because I might decide I don’t care where you are and I might just bring Dogger upstairs, she could sleep on the futon. You know she sleeps thought the night, right? she doesn’t wake me up every three hours for a feeding. She goes to sleep and stays that way. She maintains all night. She can’t cuddle under my chin though. You get points for that.
Kitty was like “She can’t pee in a box can she? Talk to me about how superior she is the next time it goes below freezing.”
I finally saw something out of place. I was going around to look under the bed again, and I saw something the foot of the bed, under the re-purposed coffee table. It wasn’t a lose sock..
You are good. You could run seminars for tax cheats and mob informants.
Kitty said “You don’t even know”.
I had him! This must have been where he was the other night. He wasn’t under the bed, so even repeated trips under there wouldn’t have found him. He wasn’t really under the bench either, I remember looking there. He was in between them, curled up on a blanket that had somehow slipped off the bench and between it and the bed. It was genius. There is a bar that runs under the bench and he was behind it. If he stayed flat I would have never found him.
I tried to pull him out but he wouldn’t budge. I used my superior strength and thumbs against him.
If you would sleep through the night like Dogger, you wouldn’t have scruff. I’m going to pull you out of here. Now, let me get to your scruff. Really, move around. I know you don’t want to come out. I want to watch CSI and I want to watch it with you!, you made me miss Boston Legal, and I won’t miss CSI because you suck.
The Kitty could have stayed there the other night, warm and happy and I would have spent the night cold and miserable searching the neighborhood for him, fruitlessly and in hysterics. Thank Gawd he wanted to stretch his legs before I had to stretch mine
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Bush is an idiot
According to Godwin's Law , he just lost the argument. You don’t use Hitler’s name in vain, no one else is Hitler, it doesn’t matter what kind of raging anti-Semite Iran’s’ president may be, he is not Hitler. Overstating the threat he poses does not strengthen Bush’s argument, it weakens it.
And Lenin was no Joe Stalin. Lenin was a socialist whose theories gave rise to communism, Joe Stalin put those used theories and killed untold numbers of people as put those theories to work. Please note we didn’t attack them for this. We didn’t hate them until much later, and then not because the creation of collective farms starved to death and unbelievable number of the people and any of the people who did not think this was great were sent off to re-education camps or summarily murdered, but because they weren’t a democracy and Soviet Union officially didn’t believe in Jesus. Now? We would bomb them to kingdom come for that.
Is it November all ready? How did this happen? I just got back from vacation, I’m still getting razed for how long I was gone. It can not possibly be November.
I won’t allow it.
If it’s November it means that Thanksgiving is coming up and after Thanksgiving its Christmas and New Years and then we have to some how survive Valentines and after that everyone will be sitting around saying “How is it March? Wasn’t it just Christmas?” and we’ll all stand there and talk about how fast time is going by and can you believe that-fill-in-the-blank was all ready X number of years ago and doesn’t time fly .
But lets live in the now. It’s November. I saw something in the paper that said our peak leaf color should be November 1. I’m looking, but it’s not looking “peak”, peaked certainly, but it’s not peaked. I have some leaves in the yard but they didn’t fall, they got depressed and jumped.
It’s finally gotten cooler and that’s helped a little but I’m having dark visions of some storm coming through in December and the leaves still hanging on and they freeze and instead of leaves everywhere we’re going to have limbs everywhere because the weight of the leaves is going to be too much. The trees can handles leaves or they can handle ice but they can’t handle frozen leaves.
The Kitty made sure I got my first Halloween fright early. Tuesday night after a really good time at the park and her dose of benadryl, Dogger and I settled in for some good TV watching time. Well, I watched TV, Dogger slept. She’s going to be pissed missed House, anyway. She’s making like the greenest electric blanket evah and I decide it’s time to wake her up and take her out one more time. She’s too tired to fight me on it and I take her outside. It’s getting late and I decide to call it a night. It’s The Kitty’s turn for a little TV Togetherness.
Well. I can’t find The Kitty.
A check his usual places turns up no Kitty. I call for him - which is dumb because he has never come when he’s called, Dogger doesn’t either and I know it has something to do with The Kitty’s bad influence. I look in the window sills, smack the curtains to see what falls out - he doesn’t. I checked under the beds, the couches, behind the chairs, down in the basement - which has been locked ... I looked in cupboards, behind the TV, in the fireplace...
I’m looking in the bathroom, despite the fact the door has been closed and unless he tunneled under, he can’t get in there, or the bedroom either - where I also looked. Also, unsuccessfully.
I decide he got out when I took Dogger out, So, I go there, out. I pad around the yard in my pajamas and peer under the shrubs and then the car. I go back inside and put shoes on and check under different shrubbery and the neighbors car. Nothing.
I stand on the drive way and say Here Kitty, come on Kitty” and the feral cat that looks like The Kitty only butch, wanders over. I hate him for looking like Kitty and coming when he’s called. I go back inside and search the house again
The search is not successful. I change into real clothes and find a flashlight. More shrub peering and car under carriage inspecting. Nothing. I’m supposed to be inside in my bed in my pajamas with my cat watching Boston Legal. Oh, and it’s cold.
Back inside. Another top to bottom search of the house. He is not there. I stand in the living room and assess my choices. I decide to put on real clothes and go back outside and do this search for real.
I go back upstairs to change and he’s sitting on the bed.
What if they threw a Halloween and nobody showed up?
Do you think the kids knew I was handing out coupons instead of candy? Did they have little maps of where the “good candy” was? Did they hold meetings where one kid stood in front of a satellite image of the neighborhood and said:
Chief Kid - Okay troops! Lets go over this again, 4572? Snack sized Snickers! Two down is hard candy , lets not repeat last years mistake! What do we say?
Kids - If its hard it’s in the yard!
Chief - Good! Good! Okay, what else did we go over? What do we think of those little packages of pretzels?
Kids - NO way!
Chief - Unless what?
Kids - They are covered in chocolate!
Chief - You guys are great! Now what about coupons?
Kids - If it doesn’t have sugar it’s not candy!
ALL - WE WANT CANDY WE WANT CANDY WE WANT CANDY!!!
If I didn’t all ready know I lived in the ‘hood - The first kid who came to my door was dressed as Ghost Face Killer..