Sunday, August 31, 2003


Saturday, August 30, 2003


Friday, August 29, 2003


And to the rest of you, have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

The Last Word

I got sucked into an email flame war. I should have just hit delete and moved on, but I was annoyed. Then I got pissed and then I got childish. I was playing follow the leader so I am not entirely to blame.

Why is getting the last word so important. I have an overwhelming urge to have it. I will go to great lengths to get it and I am deeply offended if the other guy gets it first. I know I am not alone in my Last Word desire, I have seen enough flame wars to know that this is an epidemic.

When I thought about that it made me wonder if The Last Word and general flamyness is something that email and Usenet have made worse. It’s so easy to tell someone to go to hell when you can’t actually see them and there is no chance that you will see them. It helps when you hide behind screen names. You may share an office with “90120fan” and not even know it. He or she, and sometimes that is a question, falls of short of being someone you feel a need to be civil to. Why bother they aren’t really real are they?

I have seen endless flame wars caused by a perceived slight to a favored actor, show or power that be. I mean if you’re going to get up a froth about something, whither Joss Wheadon or Chris Carter or Hot New Show Creature Of The Month, at least have a real position to start from. Saying that thus and such is a genius because he cast this on or that one and went with that story line over other story lines - is just a waste of time. The raging fans of the show wouldn’t mind if the actors sat on the floor and did puzzles , as long as the show was not a rerun and the characters didn’t do or say anything different then they had for the last 16 episodes.

Bad acting and worse line reading can be easily over looked as long as favored actor is dressed well and looks soulful enough. It doesn’t matter that the actor has exactly one facial expression and has confused monotone delivery and dirty hair with the portrayal of clinical depression. As long as he or she is hot, it’s all good.

A new poster comes to the board. Happy to have found a place where his or her favorite show is discussed, posts about his less then positive reflections of the most recent episode or “epi” and finds that on this board, This Show Is Always Excellent, The Cast is Perfect, The Direction is Flawless and the Scripts are always Perfect. But the new poster suggests, that episode was not really that strong, lead actor seemed a bit off… Ah. Ha. Says the Forum Powerful, that’s right, the script was written by someone less then totally obsessed with the show, the character was forced to do something that They Don’t Think He Would Have Done , He Should Not Have Done – He Changed!!! He learned something! Perish the thought!. And a flame war is launched.

256 “RE: HE SAID HE DOZNT LOVE HERs” later, the war has evolved into a discussion of the merits of vaginal birth verses c-section and if you were to walk on Mars would you need shoes or swim fins - is abandoned and taken to email, and a new topic is forged. Over the long hiatus it gets worse, there is nothing to talk about, so it becomes important to argue about everything. It is so boring and the reruns long ago stopped being worthy of discussion that all there is left is fighting over who loves the show more.

The other kind of forum is inhabited by folks who hate the show and post every day about how much they hate the show and how they have hated the show the whole time they have been watching it and hate it more every day, but won’t stop watching it. If they stopped watching it they couldn’t hate it and what would they do then? They may concede that the show was marginally better the first season but then went down hill after that and now that it is in its fifth or sixth season it is just unwatchable. They know because they watch it every week and can attest its awfulness. It really pisses them off that the show is so bad, that it has fallen so far, that anyone watches this drek, but they won’t stop watching it, and boy do they hate it. The only thing to fight about is who hates the show more.

My Birthday is Friday and I’m going out of town for the holiday, so no new update until Tuesday. Have a Safe and Happy Holiday.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Do you remember a situation when you experienced:

[sight]:: being incredibly tired and unable to keep your eyes open?
One year I was an intern at a regional theatre. We worked hard. The week before we moved from the rehearsal hall to the stage we worked even harder, we thought life was tough before, little did we know how much harder the stage was going to be 17 set changes, 13 actors playing 16 parts. Quick changes for both actors and set. All of this happened around Christmas. I was so tired. I went to Midnight mass with my family and almost fell asleep on my feet. They had to drag me out of bed Christmas morning. We got two whole days off for the holiday, when you do several weeks of 14 hour days, six days a week in one room, two whole days is like heaven

[taste]:: caffeinated or energy drink to keep you awake. (coffee, black tea, coke, anything...) What was it? Did it help?
I drink Coke, I also will drink hot tea. I’ve learned to drink coffee but only as a source of caffeine. I would chew chalk if it had caffeine in it. I have had to cut back on my consumption, but I still have three cans a day. I’m learning to deal, one weekend before a payday, I didn’t have a coke the whole time. If you are caffeine dependent, this is a very long time. If I have too much I get fidgety and can’t concentrate or sit still. I have all this energy and I can’t complete a task because I can’t pay attention long enough to finish it. It’s frustrating.

[smell]:: the familiar and cozy smell of your own home/room.
Probably a mélange of whatever I last heated up on the George Foreman™, cat and dog food with a bit of mold, damp and dust thrown in. Sometimes there is a whiff of clean clothes and mown grass. It should smell of Windex™, cleanser and carpet deodorant.
Upstairs it reeks of heat.

[touch]:: having your feet an muscles hurt so much you couldn’t walk or stand anymore and wanting very badly to get a massage. Did you get one or not?
When I was in High School I worked at a Jack In The Box™. I still hate them to this day. But. One day I must have not been able to find my work shoes or I had an urge to wear something different, got to make the uniform look good! I decided to wear top siders to work in. Top Siders are not usually looked at as a walking shoe or a spend all day on your feet type of shoe. By the end of my shift I could barely walk. It was awful. By the time I got home I had to lay down because it hurt too much to walk.
I’m not a massage person and I’m not sure that one would have helped that. I have heal spurs now and I still have never been in that much foot pain since.

[hearing]:: annoying sounds that didn’t let you sleep when you really needed to rest.

If I can’t sleep everything keeps me awake. The sound of the sheets can be a problem. In college the last dorm I lived in was on a corner. The busses that served the campus had to stop at the corner and the sound of their air breaks all day and all night was very annoying. Another time the Baptist Student Union was having a BBQ or something and was playing very loud music. They were doing this at my dorms nap time , well, most of the girls who lived there seemed to get out of class at about the same time and more then I had thought came home and lazed around until dinner. The front desk got tired of us calling and complaining about the noise so they called the BSU and asked them to turn the stereo down. They refused and someone called the campus police. The campus cops called the real cops. The BSU ended up with a ticket for disturbing the peace. We laughed.

These Five Questions brought to you by my new friends at:
Saturday Senses

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Night Owls Of The Round Table

Last entry I was given an interview with Mr. Faddish, the grand pooba of 15 minutes of Fame assignment. Today, I am present at a highly secret meeting of the Team

Faddish - Okay, guys, folks. Ashlee, Ashlie, Ashly, Asqly, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Josh, Joshua, Joss, Jen, Jenni, Jennifer, Genniver, Mike, Michal, Michael, Michelle, Em, Emma, Emily, Emmalee, Folks, can I have your attention. NOW!

Okay, I got your attention. We have a visitor. I Know! Okay. I want you to treat her like a lesser Wayon or most of the Baldwin’s, okay?

Asqly, so it’s kind of like she isn’t really here?

Dylan, What if she’s like Billy Baldwin? He rocks!

Faddish, What year are you in? treat her exactly like you would Billy Baldwin! What do you guys have today? Any hot phrases, anything you might have heard in the Men’s room at, say. Delphinium?

Genniver Ewwwww.

Faddish, Not in the literal sense. Anything, we really are hurting for some new stuff.

Dylan , Okay. They were serving a lot of something called Muddy Cleats. The kids were all over it. Very, very Hot. It’s made of coffee grounds, powered hot chocolate, and chocolate syrup and a handful of little marshmallows .

Faddish Non-alcoholic?

Dylan The version I had wasn’t , but it could be.

Jen, I heard that Dakota is having a Muddy Cleat party next weekend. Their going to have a make your own bar and a how to session, and then a tat to celebrate!

Jenni - I heard that Shoshana had one last week and it was all ready over.

Faddish, who said?

Jenni, some girls at the Eye Brow Hut at the mall.

Faddish, that is troubling.

Joshua, The kids at the “Just Say Me” rally were very into a Muddy Cleat Lite thing. Low Fat, High Soy. It was called a Dirty Sandal.

Faddish , Well, good. Good. I don’t like things getting out of our control. Okay, on to, Who's Hot Who’s Not.

Ashton and Demi

all Not! Hot!

Faddish, I’m going to go with, Not. I’m really getting over the whole Mrs. Robinson thing she has going. He looks like her Nanny. It’s over. Let them know. Onward.

Beyonce and JayZ

all Hot!

Faddish Okay! Good.

Madonna and Guy

all Ewwwww.

Faddish What? Is she too cut? I knew that was a problem. We’ll talk to her about cutting down the yoga and going with less tanning. It’s ageing her.

J ho and Ben ho

Faddish, Okay. I’m not even going to give this to the floor. They are a go. There is nothing going on, we need them for a little glammer or train wreak action. Whatever. It’s all good.

Emmalee A glam train wreak! That is too Hot!

Faddish Any new faces? New Hotness?

Aquily I have one! Ben Pasco Totally New Hotness!

Michelle, How old is he? The Basic Cable, Family Friendly, Teen Choice Awards is next week and we need a New Junior Hotness. It has really sucked since Home Improvement went off the air.

Asqly, No, he’s 23

Michelle, could he pass for a teen?

Asqly No. He’s taller then Rosie.

Michelle, American Juniors is going to help out, but we need a junior hottie.

At this point they remembered I was there and kicked me out. I felt the need to shower any way.

(my computer froze three times, the first version was okay, the second version was really good and this is the third version. Not the charm.)

Monday, August 25, 2003

The Fifteen Minute Society

The Fifteen minute Society is a highly secretive group that officially decided who gets each Fifteen minute allotment of Fame time. I spoke to Society President Fred Faddish

Q. How do you decide who has the next 15 minutes of Fame?

A. Well, it was once a very complicated process. We once used resumes, letters of recommendation from agents, publicist and studios, interviews with past partners, an equation for figuring paparazzi interest, appearances on talk shows, game show panels and length of involvement with certain well known serial daters. It was very time consuming and some people entirely missed their Fifteen Minutes while others ended up with thirty minutes! It was scandalous

We had to do something. Game show panelists were piling up and no one could remember why they were famous in the first place! If you’re sitting next to Jamie Farr and no one can remember why? What’s the point? It was getting out of hand.

Q. Could you give me an example of someone who was short changed of his or her Fifteen Minutes?

A. God. There were a lot. I can’t remember their names now because they never got famous enough to become a name, but trust me, there are a lot of no name folks out there that should be a lot less no name then they are. I know one in particular that should not be running a B and B in Quebec today. She should be living in Studio City and getting work on PAX. It’s a shame. Her Fifteen is way over, but she never even had a chance on Match Game, she would have been brilliant.

Q. I’ve noticed that there seem to be a lot of celebs that really haven’t done anything to be a celeb. Talk to me about the Hilton Sisters?

A. CoughBeachHouseCough

Q. You can payfor Fifteen Minutes?!

A. The first Fifteen are free, after that there is a sliding scale.

Q. I’m shocked frankly.

A. Hey, it’s a big operation we run here. Focus Groups, Questionnaires, we have to monitor a lot of variables.

Q. Like?

A. Box Office, Q ratings, fan club activity, internet chatter, Nelson numbers, TV scheduling, what day a show is scheduled on is very important.

Q. The Hilton Sisters are socialites they aren’t on TV. There is a difference between Celebrity and merely being a rich partygoer.

A. Socialites have always been B or C level Celebrity. Whichever one it is, is just trying to be known for something other then her alcohol tolerance.

Q. Dear God.

A. One of them, the less horse faced one, is doing a reality show.

Q. Shit.

A. So now not she won’t just be a scantly clad wildly publicity seeking attention whore, she’ll also be a scantly clad wildly publicity seeking Reality TV Personality. She is going to be Hot, Hot, Hot.

Q. Does she have a personality?

A. We’re working on that right now. She is going to be huge. By the time we’re done with her she have the same fame as a minor Danish Royal.

Q. A minor Danish Royal? Like Ophelia?

A. Okay, would you rather have a boorish European Sports stars?

Q. There are European Sports Stars other then that soccer player?

A. Loads

Q. More Boorish then that one? How?

A. Washed up former British Pop Star Boorish.

Q. God.

A. We are currently watching a very hot, almost verbal professional Wrestler.

Q. God.

A. Wrestling is very big.

Q. Where?

A. UPN and with 15 year old male virgins, who lie about it, have skin conditions and don’t drive.

Q. So who are the people who do all this assigning of Fame?

A. I have a lot of associates in the field these days. Things move so fast now. Sitting around a table is just not able to keep up with the pace. It is all about speed. Speed and Picture Phones.

Q. Who is out there?

A. Mostly?

Q. Yes.

A. 11 year old girls are gold.

Q. How does a Hilton Sister show up on 11-year-old girls radar?

A. They are shiny and they have partied with Leo.

Q. Leo? The 11-year-old girl market still big with Leo?

A. The 11 year old girl DVD market is huge

Q. Okay, we established who is on their 15 minutes, who isn’t?

A. The real job here is building, building, building these people up so we can bring them, Down, down, down. Everyone wants the next best thing, not the last big thing. The sooner one is brought down another can come up. It’s the circle of lies!

Q. Wow. Who is going to be brought down next?

A. Come to our next get together.

next, the next New Hotness and the new old coldness.

Saturday, August 23, 2003


Friday, August 22, 2003

Summer In The City

The neck of my blouse getting dirty and grimy. Well. So this is summer. Gee, that was nice. When’s autumn?

I have been turned into such a weather wimp. I’m from Texas, damn it. I’m used to summer starting in April and ending in March. I laughed in the face of 100 plus weather. If it wanted to be 102 degrees until 10:30 at night, swell! If it wanted to be 89 degrees at 7:10 in the morning< fine. I was the Heat Misers hotter sister.

Now. It was 90 something and I was sweating. What a lamo. Back in the day I didn’t break a sweat under 103. I ran an errand today and it caused me to go outside. In the middle of the afternoon. In the City. I had to walk around the corner, go do the errand and walk back around the corner. I about fainted. Lamo.

By the time I got back to the office I was drenched. Total Lamo. Where did my watery blood go? When did it thicken to the consistency of jam? I was acclimatized to Hells Attic and now I can’t deal with 90 something degrees. I should be ready for triple digits. I should be craving it. A hot summer fry’s the impurity’s out, it’s cleansing, it sanitizes you. It is harsh, but harsh in a good way, like a new loofa.

Now look at me. A slave to my ceiling fans. I have the A/C running entirely too often. I used to keep it set at 85 degrees. I didn’t keep the fans running all the time, loser. True, I lived in a third floor walk up spaghetti strainer and every time I turned the A/C I altered the heat index for the day. My blinds rattled anytime one of the roof rats burped.

I didn’t have to have a hibachi, all I had to do was put a couple of hamburgers on a plate and open the curtains. I could defrost things by opening the refrigerator door for two minutes. One time I thought I would cool off with a nice cool shower. There was no cold water the coolest I could get was luke warm. It was not really refreshing. I could have used the apartment pool to sterilize surgical equipment.

But. Damn. I miss that. I miss stepping outside and having all the fluid in my body evaporate. I miss not being able to blink because my eyes had dried out.

I’m also really getting tired of the green grass in August. It’s supposed to be yellow in August. Everything is supposed to be yellow this time of year. It went Spring, Green, Summer, Yellow, (no autumn) Winter, Brown. It was so easy it stayed 80 degrees until a week before Thanksgiving… a Blue Norther would blow in, drop the temperature 40 degrees in 15 minutes and it would hover around there until an Ice Storm at New Years, then it was 45 until February and then we started spring. Which lasted about two weeks and then Summer.

Here, we have Autumn. And in the winter, it snows. It snows and it stays on the ground for days. The school district closes every time the superintendent sees a snow globe. Last winter the schools were closed for weeks. If you wonder why children in North Carolina score so low on standardized tests? They Are Never In School.

Dallas wasn’t as paralyzed by snow and we got it so infrequently the city would put out a Gone Fishin’ sign until they could get the sand trucks out. Then we picked up and carried on. Here they lay down when there is a threat of snow. It does this every year and they still haven’t learned how to drive in it. Never In School.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

More Signs and Wonders

Another day another walk with Dogger. I had a suck day at work, again you say? So soon? Yes.

So I’m being all dejected and looking at the ground, mostly because I have new sneakers and I want them to stay clean –er then my old pair. I see things. Things like a nametag from a Jewish Federation event. In my neighborhood. It was on the curb near the VFW. It’s not a Federation neighborhood. It’s not a YMCA neighborhood either for that matter. It’s a Salvation Army neighborhood. Who, by the way, aren’t here either? The cops offer the only salivation in my neighborhood. They will at least take them off the streets for a night, feed them, medicate them, dress them.

There’s a storefront church every three blocks, still have staggering numbers of battalions of staggering numbers Where are the churches for these people? Who is responsible? Who is supposed to feel responsible? (The city? The State? The Government?) Why are these people wandering the streets, getting into knife fights in the fields, hurting and getting hurt? Shouldn’t the churches be tripping over themselves to Out Christian each other? One is having a Revival this week. I think they need a revival.

As I was reading the handbills and garbage along the way I looked closer at the Latin Princess and Getumout Bail Bonds signs. I think they may be the same business. They share a building with an insurance company with the motto “Tell Your Friends We Care”. Down the street is a no name lawyer’s office. There are a couple of law offices. Neither of them wants to tell you their names – even the nicer looking of the two. That firm uses a house built in 1855. It once belonged to a prosperous shoe salesman. I know this from the historical marker in the pavement.

There are a lot of markers along the way. One marks the location of a long ago “experimental” railroad (it was a railroad only in that it was not a canal, it used horses to pull carts full of marble for the construction of the capital), another the home of a long gone Free Will Baptist church. Another gives the name of the neighborhood as Starving Neck, as named by the freemen who lived there after The War. Another lets us know that the street marks the original eastern boarder of the city, another one about 12 feet down the side walk lets us know where the historical district starts. The historical society used to work very hard. I was reading one of the handful that rated being vertical, they all say Blah, Blah Great Man, Did Great Things 1 quarter mile east” why not put the sign one quarter mile east? One has “125 feet north”.

The DMV building rates two different signs. One proclaiming the site as the location of the first state fair grounds the other reminding us that after it was a fair grounds it was a Confederate Training Ground, then a Union barracks then a Confederate Veterans Home, until 1939. The one closest to my house tells us that until the late 1940s there was a baseball field there. Now there is a shuttered Exxon Station.

While on our walk I passed a house that literally had everything including the kitchen sink out on the front yard. Eight blocks to the East it would be eviction, in its neighborhood it would be restoration. I wondered if all the stuff on the front yard may be for give away. I should have asked.

I also saw a lone plastic baby doll arm. All by itself. It wasn’t there yesterday. Where is the rest of it? why tear off a baby doll arm?

Two signs advertising lost kitties. Lulu has been gone for a while now. Snofurder disappeared over the weekend the sign asked if you heard him crying in a tree or from under a porch to let them know. Tex is going to have to dig his way out, he isn't going anywhere unescorted. Two missing kitties are two many too close to home.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

On Me, Online

( more from the Friday Five)

1. How much time do you spend online each day?

Too much. I have a very fast connection at work and it’s really hard to not take a quick check when I can. I have a list of favorites at work that are different then my favorites at home. I can give myself an Oar Boat fix whenever I want, at home; it takes too long to download the pictures. When I want boat I want it now. But how much time? A couple of hours, tops, that includes time after work. I have in the past, like last week, forgotten to disconnect and left the machine online all night. I hate doing this. I spend a lot less time now that I have the hook up at work. I can check my email and hit my news sites quickly, first thing in the morning and save myself time later. Just being able to check my email is a time saver and bandwidth saver as I can delete the crap I don’t want. My spam filter doesn’t work as well as it should. Last week it officially, blocked 94 messages; I must have found at least that many. The black out stopped a lot too. Oh, and on that, I was with out power for four days last winter. Like in the Cold. In the ice. In the Snow. I feel for those folks, but the whining is getting old. Okay, it was hot; you had to climb the stairs, butch up. Try climbing the stairs in the cold. Oh, and it stays light for a lot longer this time of year too.

2. What is your browser homepage set to?

The Earthlink home page. In a lovely light green theme. I like the news and it lets me look at sports and finance stuff that I wouldn’t normally look at. It loads quickly too, which adds. The old version was just ugly and it took a long time to load. If I wanted to put it on a real page, I would go with the Washington Post site. Or the Oar Boat site. It would depend on how depressing the news was. Oar Boats always make me happy. The news for the most part makes me unhappy. A few months ago there was a forum I spent way too much time at, it was fun, they talked (I lurked) about my favorite show, they were clever, interesting and engaging. Then, an actress’ contract was not renewed. They turned into the saddest creatures ever, Fangirls they have surrendered to mass hysteria and I can’t hang there anymore. Celebrity Worship is bad for you. It leads to limp hair, a pasty complexion and carpel tunnel.

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?

I have whatever came bundled in my software. I have used it, successfully, twice. I have used it to successfully freeze my computer 23,000 times.

4. Where was your first web page located?

On Netcom. A very long time ago. I think that it is still somewhere. I’m not sure I ever put anything on it. I was very impressed with the space holder. Today, however, I am Web Site Girl.

one that I tried to link to by failed, a one act I wrote in college

The photo sites
Summer in Paradise, again failed in the linking
Marquette, 2003, once again not able to link to

So, I went from a sad little page holder to four different sites. Dayum, I have a lot of free time.

5. How long have you had your current website?

Reading In The Dark, since April 15, 2003

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Another day in Doggeradise

What did you do when you came home from work last night? Really? Good for you. I dug dog shit out of the drain at the bottom of my basement stairs. In the rain. And since I had to wash my hair again, less then one day after the last time I washed my hair, and I have very fragile, delicate hair that doesn’t like being washed all the damn time. It punishes me. I will have lovely shrubby hair to spend the week with. Yay.


My (current) Pet Peeves, Work Addition.

1. Argue with me about whether or not I should answer the phone while I’m in the secretaries’ office. Do this while you are on personal call number three for the day (at 8:30 am) and I am up to my shoulders in a jammed copy machine.

1a – The personal call issue. Don’t. This is an office. There are limited number of phone lines, they belong to the public When you are on your thirteenth personal call of the day, and everyone else in the secretaries office are also on their thirteenth personal call of the day and all the lines are tied up, and I can’t get a line out to make a Business call? It pisses me off. It makes me start to plan on how I can hang up on your personal call the next time I’m down there. I don’t care what you did at church last night. I also don’t care about your friends date. If you must waste time, play solitaire.

1b. – During a brief respite in your busy personal call schedule, send callers to me that I cannot help. At All. I love getting to sound very stupid and getting snipped at by the caller because I can’t answer the question. Makes me Happy. Makes me complain. A Lot. To Your Boss

2. Ask for something you know I don’t have. Ask me again, whine. Ask me after I have told you why I don’t have it, behave in such a way that it is clear that you know I’m doing this to you on purpose whine some more. Tell me you don’t really need it when I do finally get it back. Makes me slam doors.

2a. – Ask me to find something. Keep coming back to see if I have pulled it out of my ass yet. Do this over and over and over. Finally, tell me that the date I have been searching for is not the actual date. Don’t bother telling me this until I have taken apart my office and gone through all 32,000 individual pieces of paper. Makes me hate you.

2b. – Comment on how chaotic it looks in my office. Wonder out loud if I lose much, decided also out loud that I must lose a lot. Discuss different ways I could do my job better. Don’t offer to help. Suggest I tidy up. Makes me homicidal.

2c. – Comment derisively on how warm or cold it is in my office.

3. Complain about being so behind, so over worked. Do this while playing an online game.

3a. - Or while surfing a singles site.

3b. - Or Instant messaging your friends.

3c. – Or Shopping online. Or all of the above - simultaneously, do this on a day that I have been running around working, too busy to even fit in time to get lunch out of the machines. Makes me want to slap you. Hard. With the want ads. Or a ruler. Or your keyboard. Simultaneously.

4. Eat sardines at your desk.

5. Page overhead at the top of your voice, over and over. Ignore voice mail. Get snippy when Voice Mail is suggested as an option. Piss and moan about this all day.

5a. – Page over head at the top of your voice while getting progressively more annoyed and annoying. Chose to ignore the whole voice mail option.

5b. – When I answer my line, be sure to slam the phone down in my ear. Callers love that. Makes me want to strangle you with your phone cord.

6. Bitch about not being able to lose weight. While eating a doughnut. And peanuts. And soda. All Day.

6a. – Come up with reasons you cannot exercise and don’t have to eat less. Be as serious about this as possible. Quote studies. Lie.

6b. – Count going to the coke machine as exercise. Drink lots of diet soda and wonder out load why you can’t lose weight. Makes me want to set your desk chair on fire.

7. Don’t bother unjamming the copy machine.

And then, I had to dig dog shit out of the drain when I got home.

Monday, August 18, 2003

Ms. Blackjeans Strikes Again

I harvested my potatoes today. It’s a good thing I wasn’t planning on using the crop to get me through the winter. Only the Irish know my potato famine pain. I got two potatoes. Two little, tiny, dwarf potatoes. Sad little things. Not even those cute little “baby” potatoes. Baby potatoes even a mother potato would be ashamed of – probably go to genetic counselor to see what the matter, think perhaps, of adopting next time.

After recovering from my post harvest depression, I looked up on a vegetable site and there was an answer in their FAQ about LTD potato syndrome. It has to do with too much nitrogen or nitrates in the soil. Or that potatoes don’t like being grown in containers. Whatever
I am moving past this and am concentrating on my future garlic crop.

So what did we learn? Potatoes? Not container plants, carrots? Just bastards, garlic? Plant In The Fall Harvest In The Spring.

Next year I might just to flowers. The flowers are sad and ratty right now, but that’s the endless rain, not so much my piddly gardening skills.

I was in the car this weekend and I was thinking that it might be time to pull out my cars sunshade wardrobe. In August. I should have pulled these out in May. But it was raining in May. And June. And July. And Most Of August. I haven’t needed to pull out the sunshades because the sun hasn’t been out. All Summer.

Since there was a break in the rain this weekend I was finally able to do something about the front yard. I’ve been paying this guy to mow my yard for me. This makes my life easier. This makes my yard look nice. This makes me poor.

So. Off to the home improvement store. Brosky brought me an early birthday present. I am now the owner of a socket set. I need a socket set so that I can do whatever it is you do with lawn Mower blades when bend the blade.

The lawn mower guy was setting his mower too high. One week out and the lawn was looking like I was out of town for an extended time. That’s what happens when some one is paid by the lawn, if the lawn doesn’t need to be mowed they don’t get paid. Long Yards need to be mowed, Ka-Ching.

I also trimmed my shrubbery. It was looking really bad, I didn’t realize how bad until I drove up after I did the clipping and I noticed I have two windows in the front. While I would be happy to let the backyard seed itself into oblivion, I do have some pride about the front yard. The good neighbor's house is lovely and I aim to keep up with them.

Seeing the two windows has reminded me I want to get shutters for them. Lets see, paint doors, tart up little windows, get and apply shutters, paving stones for back yard, plant perennials in the front, take down ugly shrub in front, paint bedroom, paint bathroom, deal with the upstairs, pull up carpet in office room, think about carpet for dining room Damn. I’ve been watching too many home improvement shows.

I went shopping yesterday and it wasn’t at Lowes! Huzzah! Clothing for me Shoes for my feet!

Lowes is cheaper.

I did end up with some really nice sneakers and a cute top I’ve been eyeing since last February. It was really over priced, I got it for $6. Ha.

Now, while we're talking about the mall. Why do people let each other out of the house dressed like that? Why are little girls wearing their pajamas to the mall? I saw a picture of some aging starlet and her brood and one of them was wearing pajamas. I chalked it up to too much money, too many stylists, too much time under the sun lamp to know better. What was the girl at the mall's excuse? Too Stupid. Oh, and on that note, if you have a fat ass, don't wear shorts emblazoned with "Phat" across said fat ass.

I’m still in the market for some walking shoes. I found one pair I liked but they were the wrong size. It’s always that way with shoes – right price, wrong size, wrong price, right size. I looked online for the brand and at some point the right size and the right price will happen. I also found Bowling Shoes. Right Shoe, Right Price, Right Ugly.

Saturday, August 16, 2003


Friday, August 15, 2003

Due to Blogger eating all my links, I didn't have time to actually write a real entry, so after spending all that time re entering my links( think hours, people, hours), I thought a Link Entry would be my entry du jour.

  • Tomato Nation . Com

  • If you want to grow veggies this site will answer your questions

  • BBC America

  • Creative uses for stuff you were going to throw out

  • Cool crafts to make and buy>

  • Don't get fooled by Urban Legends>

  • Can't get to LA to visit the Getty? Vist online

  • Thursday, August 14, 2003


    I hate verbing. I do it, I understand it – I’ve watched Joss Wheadon shows, I feel verbing. I still don’t like it. I don’t care for made up words.

    You would think with our great huge brains and every language on the planet at our fingertips, we invent “google-ing. Not only is it lazy its giving free advertising to a business.

    I mean, I “get” Kleenex becoming a term for just about all tissue that we don’t flush. I “get” Coke as all carbonated beverage. Fine.

    But who invented this word? What brain trust came up with this? I don’t remember Yahooing a person or thing. I just typed in Blah Blah and I got 23,457,896 hits that had Blah, Blah. I didn’t Yahoo it.


    Anyway back to Googling. Ack. I wanted to not work this morning and I tried to look up this sing songy thing we used to sing to each other on the playground. I think it involved rhythmic clapping. I knew two versions.

    One was Playmate and the other was Enemy. I looked these up online and the words were about the same. How did that happen? We didn’t google stuff, we knew stuff. We all knew the same stuff. We didn’t have the Internet. We did have computers, I got my picture in the paper in local paper playing Hang Man on the new fangled computer machine we had in our classroom. That machine probably didn’t have the power my solar calculator has.

    But. How did we know all these rhymes, we all sang the same little songs. My school had one we used to lock games so I looked it up, and much to my shock; other people used it too! the hell? What is this “We made the world a smaller, closer place” bull shite that the Internet babbles on about? Oddly, we had universal knowledge before we all went online. My version was a little different then the version I found online, but it was close. We, being mean children referenced beating people who wanted to join our locked game with our shoes while the other one only talked about taking the persons shoe for a period of time. Wussy children.

    Play, Play my Playmate, Say, Say my Enemy, Tick Tock The Game Is Locked… Dayum.

    What else?

    Dogger got into some hydrogen peroxide. I called the emergency number for my vet and they assured me that a dog has huge as Dogger is, should have no problem with the little bit that she got. It scared me though. Little known fact, hydrogen peroxide can be used, in small amounts, under controlled circumstances, with supervison from a doctor - to make your dog throw up if your dog needs to throw up. Dogger did not throw up, but it was an option. My carpet, however threw up all over. Yuck. That cheap Wal-Mart stuff doesn’t hold up like that cheap IKEA stuff.

    I just woke Dogger up again (italics hers). She usually naps around this time, but this time she sipped on some poison and napping looks less nappy and more deady. I always look for the silver lining to fall on my head.

    I have also noticed that my links are gone. They left with out telling me where they went. Tech support has been notified. Sigh.

    Wednesday, August 13, 2003

    Pozzanghera has never been in my backyard.

    According to that pussy (willow) Pozzanghera the following Wetland Tree and Shrub Species very important for wildlife food.

    Tag Alder, downey service berry, hickory, hackberry, sugar berry, button bush, Atlantic white cedar, hawthorn, persimmon, Carolina ash, green ash, deciduous holly, myrtle holly, American holly, swamp tupelo, black gum, long leaf pine, pond pine, oak, weeping willow, black willow, arrow wood, nannyberry.

    It’s actually not as bad as it sounds. I think the gigantic tree is an Oak, I have a Crape Myrtle which sounds like a cousin to the myrtle holly and the drug dealers shade my yard with their hateful, drippy, hackberry. I kill cedar on sight.

    I looked and looked for what constitutes “wildlife” and was shocked how wild my backyard is.

    Bugs gone wild

    Dragonflies. I have dragonflies. I have seen them. They count. Damselflies, again, I have actually seen these. Score. May Flies, ditto, stone flies? Not so much. A Dobsonfly, according to the literature, these bite. No. Not in my backyard. Crane flies, yup. Waterbugs. Lets just say, not yet.

    Then we move on to beetles. I saw one beetle. Big guy. So big, he was in the front yard and the back yard simultaneously. It scared the Dog.

    We move on the crawfish. No Joy. Sadly. I know! I’ll go buy some for the cause. They can live in a nice pot in the kitchen. In nice warm water. Then, um, after, I’ll pitch the left overs in the back yard and say something killed my little crawfish babies and I think I should be a super fund site.

    Scuds are more then just a weapon. Scuds are also a type of wetland creature, specifically crusaceum of the amphipod group. We move on to snails. There are snails slugs no leeches though. I draw the line at leeches.

    Fish are a major player in the wetlands game. Too bad. No fish for me.

    After the fish family, we have snakes. The less I know about whether or not I have snakes, the better. Yuck. Lets move on.

    Turtles. I like turtles. I think turtles would do well here. I saw a huge turtle out in the world, going to the mall. It was dead but it wanted to go the mall. I feel the turtle going to the mall. I think I would make an excellent turtle mummy.

    Frogs. I have no issues with frogs. Frogs are nice.

    Okay. So far no leeches, no Dobsonflies, no cedar, no fish – what if I put a couple of feeder fish in Doggers bowl. Hmmm.

    More fancy Wetlands Knowledge.

    A Wetland has:

    surface water - water above the surface of the ground that is in channels, diffuse flow or standing. Not necessarily permanent

    temporarily flooded - surface water that is present during brief periods during the growing season, but the water table lies well under the soil surface for most of the season.

    travel corridor - an area that is used by wildlife to move from one place of suitable habitat to another! God bless Daisy and her huge feet!

    Water supplies – sources of water supply for drinking, culinary or food processing purposes as designative by Environmental Management Commission. I have a water faucet out there!

    wrack lines debris such as sticks and leaves that get washed into small piles or lines as a result of surface flow or scour. Oh. My. God.

    scub shrub - A wetlands class dominated by woody vegetation less then 20 feet tall. Gawd, this is like, all about my yard!

    seasonal flooding - I’m feeling damp now!

    snag - a standing dead tree with a DBH (the hell? ) of at least 10 inches. Daisy has killed everything out there smaller then she is.

    Okay. It’s settled. I want my grant money, my gift shop and my Park Ranger.

    What else makes a muddy mess into a prospective wetland? A threatened newt? , night fishin’ rednecks? , those rednecks using that threatened newt for fishing?

    Tuesday, August 12, 2003


    I went into my backyard. It’s been awhile. I avoid it. It’s not pretty. It has a flowering tree and some iris plants that grudgingly bloom. But it’s not pretty. I haven’t mowed back there since I broke the lawn mower so now it’s both muddy and over grown. Not Pretty. Very Natural.

    So. I went back there. I got a dollar store spa mud treatment and I wasn’t past the gate. I also got West Nile Virus.

    It’s wet. All the Time. And not in a good “its good for the grass” way either. It’s just gross.

    But I had a plan.


    Wetland Location

    On pond or lake _____
    On perennial stream____
    On Intermittent stream_____
    With Interstream divide_____
    Other __________________

    Hmm. On pond or lake? No can’t say that. I have pretty good drainage and this isn’t about the basement. Although, I may have to go with the flooded basement as pond and the back yard does lay ajasant to the basement. It’s an idea worth keeping in mind.

    Perennial Stream Well. The water does stream down the basement steps perennially and been raining for freakin’ months, so yes there is a perennial stream. Damn it. And, with the A/C running all the damn time, I have all kinds of streams in the yard. Check.

    Intermittent Stream - Aha! During a good rain, and it has to be a good rain (as opposed to a bad rain, we have streamage! Wetlands aren’t always wet; they are really Damplands most of the time anyway. So yeah. And, when I think about, Dogger leaves little streams there as well. So. Check.

    Soil Series

    Predominantly organic (humus, muck or peat) ________
    Predominantly mineral ( non-sandy)______
    Predominantly sandy________________

    I don’t know what humus is. I thought it was a kind of food. Not a kind of food I eat, but I thought it was a food item. Live and learn.

    Muck. I know from Muck! Check, check, check!

    Peat. No. If I had peat I would burn it in the winter and save money. No peat for me. Damn it.

    Sand, sandiness no. No sand. I did have a lot of sand left in my shoes after vacation but I think most of it ended up in my bed. Because I love grit.

    Hydraulic Factors

    Steep topography __________
    Ditched or Channeled_________
    Total riparian wetland width >100 feet ______

    Okay. The hell? Riparian? Again I think I could use the stairs for the steepness factor. I have been advised to make a channel to help with the A/C water feature I have going on. But I haven’t yet. It’s been raining for weeks. I’m going to have to go with door number three, Total Riparian Wetland. I don’t know what it is and I bet that they don’t either. It’s not even a real word.

    Adjacent land use (with in one half mile upstream, upslope or radius)

    Forested, natural vegetation________
    Agriculture, urban/suburban________
    Impervious surface______________

    I have the one tree. My neighbor in back of me has a Huge Tree. Gigantic. It’s not mine but someday it’s going to fall on my house. So, yes forested. The nice neighbors grow vegetables, so agriculture use and I have weeds and it’s urban. I’m seeing all kinds of positives. Impervious surface! I could just pave the son of a bitch and still score Wetlands! The hell?

    Dominant Vegetation


    Patchy Grass. Seedlings, dead limbs from Gigantic Tree. Maybe some fungus. Ivy! There is Ivy. I don’t think it’s poisonous. Dog did get a rash, but. Hmm, are there any protected, endangered poison ivy?

    Flooding and Wetness

    Semi-Permanently to permanently flooded? _______
    Seasonally flooded or inundated?______________
    Intermittently flooded or temporary surface water?_______
    No Evidence of flooding or surface water?_____________

    Give me a freaking break.

    Tomorrow – things that according to the State of North Carolina, live in real live grant producing wetlands v. things that live in my sodden back yard. If I put poison out for it, does that make it endangered?

    Watching – The Ref
    Watched – the Denis Leary Roast
    Loving – Denis Leary.

    Monday, August 11, 2003


    Dear Feeder,

    No!getawayfromthat eats my toys. No!getawayfromthat smells funny and leaves its fur on my things. No!getawayfromthat leaves dirt wherever it goes and No!getawayfromthat has tried to touch me. I think you know by know how I feel about No!getawayfromthat. You took No!getawayfromthat with you when you left me and then you came back with out No!getawayfromthat and then No!getawayfromthat came back. No!getawayfromthat smelled like not here. I remember not here. I liked not here and you took No!getawayfromthat to not here. No!getawayfromthat makes too much noise. No!getawayfromthat makes the house smell. No!getawayfromthat has used the floor like a litter box.. I do not use the floor. I have standards. I love you.


    P.S. – No!getawayfromthat chews on your putthatdownnow! and then hides them it was No!getawayfromthat not me who put your Thatisnotyours! behind the nonogetdownoffoff.

    Dear Superduperbestpersonever,

    The Not Dog was mean to me. The Not Dog has made scary sounds and moved in an unnaturally fast, way too quite way. I was sad. Not Dog can do things that are not Doggy at all. Not Dog can fly. Not Dog can make itself bigger and with more fur. I don’t know where Not Dog gets biggerness or the extra fur. Not Dog is a very sneaky Not Dog. Not Dog makes me sad. When I get sad I want to be close to you. You are not always here. Your Putthatdownnow! are always here. I am not hurting the Putthatdownnow, they smell like being close to you. And I want to be close to you. I love you. The Not Dog says it Loves you. Not Dog lies.

    P.S. – Not Dog put the No!thatisnotyours behind the No!Nogetdownoffoff, not me. I love you.

    Whatever. You know? Somebody chewed up my electric bill. Someone left material in my basement. If Somebody and Someone weren’t so damn cute – I would live alone.

    You may ask yourself? I wonder what the weather is like in The Dianaverse? It’s raining. It’s raining. Pick any day and I would bet that it was raining, had rained or was just about to rain. I think my kitchen floor was a whitish shade . Now its s grayish,redishy dirt color. Dog had white socks. Dog now plays for the Red Socks. She is filthy. If I don’t put her outside she goes bananas and makes me crazy. She ends up in her box for her own protection. If I let her go outside she gets filthy and ends up in the box for my houses protection. Poor dirty baby.

    Since having both dog and kitty I have noticed something. If I have to tell the dog to stop doing somehting, dog will usually at least look up before going back to whatever it is she's destroying , then if I persist in wanting her to stop, she runs with the thing and wants to play chase. I will eventully, get it back. Kitty will not stop whatever he's doing. No amount of starteling, shouting or rubber coasters pitched in his direction will stop him from his project. Kitty doesn't play chase and once he's had something, I don't get it back.

    God wanted me to go to church earlier yesturday. I went later and got caught in a downpour. The pockets of my Rain Coat were full of water. I stood so I would have to sit in my soaking jeans for an hour. Much Joy.

    I just finished watching High Fidelity. I didn’t remember it being a 90-minute John Cusack monologue, but it kind of was. And why does he want to work with Lily Taylor from I Shot Andy Warhol I mean she’s okay, but I want more warning that she’s going to pop up. She bugs. She bugged me in Say Anything too. I do not need to be bugged when I’m trying to watch John Cusack be all John Cusack-y! She gets in the way of the greater Cusackness and that’s just wrong.

    Anyway. It’s raining. Again.

    Sunday, August 10, 2003


    I updated the other photo site page!!

    vacation 2003 pt. 2

    Saturday, August 9, 2003


    I've updated my photo site!

    vacation 2003

    Friday, August 8, 2003

    Male Hygiene Products

    I was surfing around yesterday on (see link at right) and saw a story about one of the many penile enlargement or Dick Stretchers that the spammers are so wild about.

    The site was hacked or other wise left with the doors wide open and the names of the customers were left lying around; not only names but job titles and locations. And there were a lot of them - 6000 of them!

    And these 6000 pinky dicked guys ordered two bottles of this miracle Penis Projector at a cost of $50 a bottle. I could see a handful of Bachelor Party gag gifts or a couple of kids with daddies credit card, but 6000 people?

    We are all good on the ain't no way to make Little Johnny into Big John by taking pills? Thing right? Right? The only way to make it bigger is to put it to work. 6000 people? I could market a fake product and make money too.

    "Don't get fooled by imitation penile enlargement pills! They don't work and pills are girly anyway! After we cash your (your non refundable) $19.99 (+ $250.00s&h) you will receive (in 12-16 weeks) your very own Dick Stretcher™ free weights and the scientifically balanced stretch cable and Shlong Longer™ you can get start your metamorphous into the Stud you have always wanted to be!

    Getting Started!

    The Shlong Longer ™ weights may cause some discomfort initially, but it’s a guy thing, shake it off! When you are using your Johnson to rake the yard that will make any minor discomfort fade from your memory! The extra passenger in your shorts will sure to get you the right kind of attention all by itself, some men carry around the weight just for the chick magnet side affect, even if they don't need the extra inches!

    The secret of the Shlong Longer is our patented lengthing process. A tiny surgical steel tip can be easly placed in the tip of your not long enough shlong organ. This is where you separate yourself from the boys with short johnsons and the Men with Dick Stretcher ™ longer shlongs. (if you want to the long, flowing Dick of you and your lady's dreams, you'll suck it up and get to it) A metal ring will be inserted into the tip of your penis, to this you tie the specially balance cable and weight combo, then you just go about your daily business.

    Your Action In Traction!

    After you get home in the evening sit back and let the Dick Stretcher ™ really get to work! After attaching the cable to the guaranteed Dick Stretcher ™ Shlong Longer™. This top secret, pentagon developed tool will lengthen and strengthen your action like no pill on the market! Attach to the SL™ and just reel the Cable until you reach the desired tension. That’s All! Sit back and watch TV, read your paper or catch a NASCAR race. Your pocket weasel will lengthen almost before your eyes! And all for $19.99! (+ $250.00 s&h)

    Not For Porn Stars

    This isn't mere water gain or vascular swelling - this is the real deal! You can add feet to your length! Your action will be longer, stronger and better conditioned then ever before. This is not for guys with an average dick; this is for men with real problems, borderline medical problems with their extra teeny peinnys. This will absolutely work or (none) of your money back!

    We Understand

    Ladies, does your mans action need some extra attention? Have you had to ask if he was done yet? Have you used his member to pin up the drapes or used it as a bookmark? We can help!"

    Yeah. Help empty wallets. How dumb do you have to be for these things to work on you? How insecure? And if you are that insecure, why bother, you aren't going to show it around anyway.

    Maybe I'll bypass the spamming and work on creating a Miracle™ Jock.

    Thursday, August 7, 2003

    Self Monitoring

    Self pity rant

    My old monitor hated me. My new monitor hates me. There is a lot of hate in my office room. Since I can't make the monitor work with the machine part of the computer, I can't do anything. I know nothing about computers and every time something like this happens it tilts my world on edge.

    There is nothing wrong with my computer at all. It works; the guys at Best Buy said so. First they asked how much power it had and I when I said "I turn it on, it works", they laughed at me. They didn't actually do anything more advanced then hook my hard drive up to one of their monitors at the service desk, but it worked! I 'm feeling all thwarted by my technology. It was supposed to set us free damn it and here I am all chained up.

    Things I can not do because my monitor is being difficult:

    Down Load My email - I want to get it off the server and into my mailbox. I need to separate it into files so that I can never look at it again, but still get to it on the off chance I may need it. Now it's all jumbled up and I can't find anything. Not that I've looked, but the idea

    Update My picture Site - Also, not helping my frame of mind. I hardly ever update the picture site and now that I really want to I can't. I'm going to lose interest and never get the damn thing done. I found a groovy new version of my ISPs freebee home page builder thingy and it is much cooler then the current version that I'm using. Again, thwarted.

    Write Blog entries from home - Now I have to either waste state time and do it from work, which as big a turn on as that is, still I would rather use my computer. I could also drive across town and use my brother's machine. Still, I want my computer back.

    Solitaire - I need to play computer solitaire. Really.

    I want my Bookmarks back - it's really getting to me that I can't access the sites I want. I have some saved at work, but I can't spend hours gazing at Oar Boats at work. I could, but it wouldn't look right. I have sites marked that I haven't been to in months, they might not even be there anymore. In fact I know some aren't there anymore. I periodically go through and delete the bad links - something else I can not do with a striking monitor.

    My ability to check my email whenever I want. - I can only check it at work now. This wastes state time. I end up with dozens of messages to go through every morning and it could be far fewer.

    Solve World Hunger - if the monitor would co-operate, I could single handedly solve world hunger.

    See, right now, you're saying "Gee, Diana, obsess much? Don't you have anything else going on? You know there are wars on? Our civil liberties are under attack? Gawd. Get a grip and worry about what is important. Shit. What a lame-o."


    /self pity rant

    I may have figured out what is wrong with the monitor. I took the computer apart, first time ever (shut up, I know the rest of you have been performing transplants on your machines since you decided to upgrade your Playskool "My First Computer", when you were like 2 and a half. but I am not like that). So. One of the widgets on the plug thing into the computer seems to have broken off in the widget holder on the computer. I need to dislodge the widget and put a new widget in, I have a new widget I just have to figure out how to dislodge the old one.

    Wednesday, August 6, 2003

    Another Day in Paradise

    I am learning to not make plans about what I am going to get accomplished on a given day. It never works out.

    I decide a head of time, before I even get to work, on the drive over while the morning DJs try to out Morning Zoo Crew each other, I decide, okay, today I' going to get that bin finished that I started yesterday and then I'll start on the last one. I should get that one done too. Then I can start on cleaning the office up. It's a mess.

    Man Plans, God Laughs. I get about a quarter of the remaining bin taken care of. The phone rings, "did I get this request?" No, you got the request; it didn't come to me. "It's due now". So. I'm all ready off my schedule and it's only twenty after nine.

    So I make the copies. This requires standing at the copy machine for hours. I think I have developed heel spurs. Standing hurts. Standing for hours is crippling. So I find a solution. I hobble over to an office chair and drag it back to the machine with me. Now I can sit. Sitting is good but the machine is too tall and I look like a child who needs a high chair and having to reach up every time to hold up the lid of the copier is uncomfortable. Okay. Change of plans. I kneel on the chair. This is much better. I am the right height and I am off my sore feet. It works quite well. I imagine that I look like some sort of chair/human hybrid . I look silly.

    I am okay with the silly. I am not okay with the sore feet because I need those feet and if they are too sore I can't work. I can’t work I would have to spend my time playing with the computer at home. Unemployed . And thus homeless and they don't make extension cords long enough for me to be on the streets playing with my computer.


    I tell my boss that my feet hurt. She responds with sarcasm. She does however feel pity for me. Actually she says I am pitiful. I take pity where I can get it.

    I am also thinking about workers comp. I am dreaming, but it's a nice dream. I told my boss when I had filers thumb that I was going to call workers comp. She responded with sarcasm.

    I'm always glad that my pain can bring her joy. And sarcastic joy at that too.

    If my boss wasn't laughing at my pain, I would then really have to go to Workers Comp and since I have been there in the past, I really do not want to have to go back there now. I bled on their floor and they still wanted to know why I didn't have an appointment. I explained I wasn't bleeding prior to now and I didn't need an appointment before now and now I was bleeding and I needed help. Or a Tetanus Shot or stitches or they could just give me a damn band aid and I could go back to work and have the nurses there treat me! Oh, that's right! We work in an office! We aren’t set up for critical care; the newest Band-Aids in our first aid box had solidified the other box held a fossilized ace bandage.


    My knees hurt from all the kneeling.

    Tuesday, August 5, 2003

    More About Me

    Another Tuesday another Friday Five, brought to you by our friends at Friday Five.

    1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?

    6:05 am. Really it’s about ten minutes earlier then that, and I’m pretty sure that it is even further off then that. When the power goes off the back up battery keeps the clock going but it lets the time get a little spastic, but if I had to look at the alarm and see 5 anything I wouldn’t get out of bed. Sometimes the cat lets me sleep to my alarm goes off, sometimes he doesn’t. It’s a game. He could wait until my alarm wakes me up or he could start dropping books at three minutes till. He does it out of meanness. When he is going to play like that he starts at about twenty to six and goes on every 5 minutes until I get out of bed. This morning I got mad and put him in his travel box. Showed Him.

    2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?

    Really depends on what the animals want. Daisy sleeps later then Kitty but makes more noise, which is a shock, Kitty used to make a huge amount of noise. My baby is growing up. With Daisy, I can’t tell if she is seeing or hearing something that she doesn’t like or she just wants to get my attention. This Saturday, I slept until 10:30am. Sunday the cat woke me up at 8. I have learned how to feed, put out, and put up the dog and feed kitty and still go back to sleep. I usually end up sleeping longer then I would like when this happens.

    3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?

    Turn off my alarm. If I’m lucky the pre-alarm sounding click will wake me.
    It took me a long time to find an alarm that wasn’t too loud. Then I go down the hall, I stand in the hall way and close my eyes, then I turn on the light. Getting blinded first thing in the morning does not make the day start well. I curse that light then, but for the rest of the day, it’s really not bright enough in there. The light in the john at work is better.

    4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?

    I stopped showering in the morning when I realized I could do it at night and sleep an extra 10 minutes. It’s also better for my hair. Needless Make up-ing, brushing of the shrubbery, picking out the squishy of the day - twenty minutes if I’m not moving fast.

    5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?

    I don’t eat breakfast. If I get hungry at work I get a candy bar. My breakfast is hot tea. I can’t eat early in the morning because it makes me nauseous. If I could be out and about later in the morning I would get a sausage bisquet, I have also learned to drink coffee, cream no sugar.

    Monday, August 4, 2003

    Home Sweet Home Away from Home

    I’m watching Brosky and Alpha Gals house and looking after their dogs. That sounds better then mooching their air conditioning, digital cable and high speed internet access House-sitting sounds like I’m vacuuming and cleaning up after myself and my dog and cat, watering plants, picking up the mail and generally making sure the house isn’t being left to the elements. Like my house is. As I was pulling out with dog and cat in the front seat, the elements were all hanging out in the drug dealers front yard, salivating.

    Dog is having the second best time of her life while kitty is doing time in solitary. In his mind it’s a cell- it doubles as my bedroom - but he can’t wander the house and knock the breakables off the shelves at will, like he does at home. He is stuck in a lovely second story room with beautiful windows with views into the trees. He doesn’t want to look out the windows, he wants to come downstairs. Really, really, badly. The dogs would be thrilled. It’s not often that they get a treat like that. All the designer dog cookies on the market cannot hold a candle to kitty flavored Kitty.

    Dog almost got dead baby squirrel flavored dead baby squirrel but since it wasn’t a hair squishy or one of my shoes she didn’t know what to do with it, she was so confused by this new thing in her mouth - that she gave it to me when I told her to a first. It made me think, briefly about rubbing dead baby squirrel on my shoes as a deterrent to shoe eating but then I thought it may be a deterrent to shoe wearing or even worse, shoe being in the same house with, so I scrapped the idea.

    In the midst of all the dog letting out and putting in, I finally went and bought a new monitor. If Old Monitor was going to die it picked a good time to do it, ye olde Tax Holiday time. I trucked it back to my house, lugged the box inside, unpacked the box plugged that bad boy in and nothing. It turns on, I get some message that the monitor works it’s the machine that has the problem. I don’t know anything about the machine. The guys at the store popped open the front and looked inside and said everything was fine. So. Now I wait for Brosky and Alpha Gal to come back from vacation and come back over to my house and make the damn thing work. So close and yet so damn far.

    Since I was feeling bad about the computerous interupptus – I bought another shower curtain. I had finally put up the kewl IKEA shower curtain and after looking after it for a few day, it decided that it really wanted to be upstairs and when it’s up there that part of it wants to be a curtain around the sink and part of it wants to hang in the window and a little bit wants to be used a decoration on the toilet bowl cover. God Forbid I stand in its way.

    While I was bonding with the shower curtain, I also listened to the new curtains in the office room and they wanted sheers. I said that sheers are dated and they responded that the whole damn house is dated and that sheers in the windows are not going to date the house in the way that the phone cubby dates the house and not to talk to them about dating the house. I took a deep breath and explained that I all ready have sheers for the windows and that I while I don’t know where they are right now that I will add Find Sheers to my list of things to do and the blinds chimed in and said that they hadn’t seen that list in a while and did I have any idea where it was right now? And I said that I knew where it was and I could go get it when ever I wanted to and they said yeah, if you knew where it was … and it got ugly and words were exchanged and one thing led to another and I went out to a discount place and bought sheers. Next on the list Buy New Blinds.

    Sunday, August 3, 2003

    Happy Sunday!!!

    Saturday, August 2, 2003


    Friday, August 1, 2003

    Guilty Pleasures

    I’m watching 1001 Gross Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts or something. It has computer animation. Technology is a wonderful thing.

    It just started, but I think they're working from the top down. So far its 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Heads. They just listed a bunch of stuff that must have been stuck in people. It was just a list of random things. I was still on the boat ancher in the guys’ head and now we’re talking about Emu eggs. In heads? Bad editing. I should be asking questions like that. I should be totally entranced by the 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts. If you’re going to have computer animation of a fence post through some chicks head, you must stay on topic.

    Now we’re going to talk about a javelin through a guys face. This was not actually propelled into him, he ran into it. So it’s different from the other stuff stuck in people’s heads. And it’s in his neck, so we are moving down.

    Potentially Exsaunguate to think FOX taught me that word. I learned it from The X-Files but still FOX.

    So far we have learned that stupid people are just like puppies. They just want to taste everything. Puppies grow out of it.

    FOX is showing us all the little people who get screwed if you try to pirate movies. It took them a long time to figure out that we don’t feel sorry for Ben Afflick. I don’t feel very sorry for the Little People either. They still get paid more then I do, and now they are FOX toadies and I think I’ll figure out a way to pirate something out of spite.

    Speaking of Pirates, RIAA or whatever? They suck too and my computer is way to old and lame to down load music.

    Okay. We’ve moved on to Rebar. Always a problem. Don’t fall on it. It’s not pretty. The computer animation shows us what the rebar looked like in the person’s skeleton. Their eyes are there, and wouldn’t your eyes not be there if you were skeletal? FOX doesn’t care.That computer animated skeleton is going to have its own show as a midseason replacement.

    The biggest side effect of getting a thing in your head is you end up with facial paralysis.

    The Colon! Bike Pumps! Jelly Jars! Gerbils? Gerbils! Gerblis! Gerblis! Come on Gerbils!

    Damn. Jewelry phht. Who cares! This is 1001 Things Pulled Out Of Peoples Butts. Come On! Necklaces? Bah.

    They keep showing a pregnant guy and then they go back to swallowed sticks. Who cares! We’re not all here to watch spoons and sticks! We want pregnant guy stuff!

    Anti – Drug ads. Thank you FOX, I’ll stay clean for you. I think heavy drug use explained about 2/3s of their programming so I don’t under stand the Anti-Drug stance.

    Why is David Spade hosting the Teenager Awards? Because he’s short? I would think he wouldn’t like kids. He doesn’t seem like a teenager magnet. Teenagers must be losing their allure for advertisers. Hey Kids! It’s David Spade. David Spade he was on SNL when you were little? He was on Just Shoot Me? that show you never watched because it was lame? the one your parents stopped watching three years ago? he’s friends with Chris Rock? He has great hair! He’s really cutting edge, Yeah, Yeah, he is! Very X-treme! Tommy Boy! That movie with Chris Farley? He made a lot of movies with Chris Farley. No were not all the same movie. No, I’m sure!

    I’m Sure.

    Oh anther lesson. Don’t run with a frog gigger. I say, don’t gig frogs skip the whole no running warning. No gigigng.

    Man. 15 minutes to go and yet no pregnant man.

    What is an O.C?

    Dude! Pregnant Guy Teases!

    Ice Axe in leg. Wow. Pretty nasty. Don’t ski with your ice axe. Now they are talking about Turnips? Aren’t turnips supposed to be in our bodies? Why aren’t they talking about the turnip? What was it used for? Where was it? So far we’ve spent a lot of time on the head, we flirted with the face, moved to the neck, visited the gut and spent time with the leg. I want the pregnant guy!

    What is an O.C?

    Tell me Temptation Island 3 is not drug indused?

    Pregant Guy. Ewww. 44 pounds of fluid and a 9 pound fetal twin with two pounds of it's own hair!

    I feel so dirty now. Temptation Island 3 was on and I was in the same room with it!!!