Saturday, January 31, 2004

Sad Saturday

Machine took a turn for the worse last night and I had to take it to the ER this morning. The admited it directly to the HDICU. I may be on your door step looking to borrow your machine. Sigh.

Friday, January 30, 2004

Luddite Tour 2004

Yes! Its that time again! I have again done something amazingly stupid to my computer. Woo-Hoo! Go Me!! And now TheDianaverse is Going On Tour – The Luddite Tour 2004! I took my show on the road so I could spread the gospel of Ludditism across the land. You will notice a distinct lack of crashing and freezing and cursing. I’m much calmer now. I think its one of the stages of grief. I was angry, I am now making deals.

I didn’t start out to be a Luddite. I once had a deep love of technology. I was the only girl in my dorm that could hook up her own VCR. Technology was my friend.

Technology turned out to be a two faced bitch who talked behind my back and stole my boyfriend.

If Technology was really my friend, Technology would have told me that when the little message came up and asked if I was sure I really wanted to delete the most recent version of Internet Explorer, it would have mention that it was the ONLY version of IE I had. See? I told you she was a bitch.

The little message would have also mentioned that that if I was really sure I wanted to delete the most recent version of IE I was also going to delete Outlook Express. Total Bitch, that Technology.

Technology could have said something about how if I deleted the fucked up version of IE that I had been having problems with, that I was also going to delete the unfucked up version of Outlook Express that I was not having problems with. The Bitch.

It started out innocently. The machine was stressing. It’s getting old and it’s a little slower, and its memory isn’t what it used to be and it is easily taken in by scams. I didn’t get a flu shot so the machine caught a virus… I think. I don’t know. One day everything was fine and the next I was getting a flurry of messages from Microsoft apologizing for something and asking me to press the button and let them know what the error was. I couldn’t see anything wrong. It was freezing and crashing more then normal, but it has always froze and crashed so it didn’t alarm me. Much.

I thought all it was was just some corrupted files. I could fix that. I did a scan disk, I did a disk defrag. Still crashing and freezing. I talked to my temp and she suggested that I go to this icon and then go to that icon and then do something else… and I think I stopped listening, and whatever I did, was not what she told me to do.

That bitch, Technology played me.

So. I talked to my temp again and we went together to the appropriate web site and she showed me the right thing to down load as opposed to the wrong thing… and that would be great, if I could get online for any length of time. The machine has successfully been on and uncrashed since last night, but I haven’t gotten close enough to it to try it out today. Last night, things were said, certain old arguments were brought up; there were a lot of nasty exchanges. We both went to bed angry.

So. The Tour was born.

Burt then… I had a conversation with Brosky.

Broskey - get a typewriter!
Me- what? How would I post it? I don't think Blogger supports that platform.
Broskey - You could be the new wave, Analogue Blogs! The new Black. You could type them up and stick them to telephone poles!
Me - Like a lost kitty? or a Lose Weight Now thing? The Lost Kitty Lose Weight Now Blog?
Broskey - The ground floor of a new Internet rage.
Me - A Luddite rage! I'm so there!

Coming soon to a telephone pole near you - Reading In The Dark goes unplugged The Lost Kitty Lose Weight Now! Blog

Thursday, January 29, 2004

My Oscar™ predictions.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King -

Even big movies get the blues. If Star Wars can lose this, so can ROTK. Voters like big movies, but they don't love them. These extravaganzas are technical triumphs but they may not be the Best Picture of the year. Will win many tech awards.

Lost in Translation

My favorite of the lot. It's small, it deals with the human condition and it's about characterization. Sadly, it also does not feature a brave farm wife or a Big Evil, so sometimes even small movies get the blues. I think it has a fighting chance though and it is my pick for Best Picture.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

The Other Pirate Movie. the Serious Pirate Movie. I really like Peter Weir, he does good work and I heard good things about this. It also features Russell Crowe. Again, it has the Big Technical Triumph problem.

Mystic River

Wasn't this a Kevin Bacon movie or something a few years ago? group of friends, bad history? stuff happens. It has the same thing LIT has going for it, small, actor and character driven. I didn't see it and don't know any one who did. Blah. Loud and Depressing.


Was an Oscar™ Contender last summer. I heard it was very uplifting. Go it. Uplifting is Oscar™ bait.

Best Actor:

Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - I heard he did a great Keith Richards. Pass.
Ben Kingsley, House of Sand and Fog - Does the actor really perform if no one is there to see it? Pass, but a dark horse if the Cute Boys cancel each other outs.
Jude Law, Cold Mountain - Cute guy, but it was about the chicks. Pass.
Bill Murray, Lost in Translation - I lurve Him,
Sean Penn, Mystic River -Most likely going to get it, but will the voters notice that screaming, crying and general misery is pretty much Penns default condition. He has played this guy before. I pass on him.

Best Actress:

Keisha Castle-Hughes, Whale Rider - 13. I head this was a great performance. Voters like children but we have Ugly actress and Ugly trumps. Pass.
Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give A nice gesture but no. Pass
Samantha Morton, In America - Little tiny movie, little tiny actress. Pass.
Charlize Theron, Monster - Beauty goes ugly. Winner.
Naomi Watts, 21 Grams - Too pretty. Traffic was a better movie. Pass.

Best Supporting Actor:

Alec Baldwin, The Cooler - getting a rep as a loud mouth. It was a good performance from him, but he has played this guy before. Pass.
Benicio Del Toro, 21 Grams - Did Traffic all ready won for this role. Pass.
Djimon Hounsou, In America - Possible. If folks couldn't or wouldn't vote for Robins.
Tim Robbins, Mystic River - Popular guy, good politics. Might have pissed off a section of the voters though. May be the protest vote.
Ken Watanabe, The Last Samurai _ Could have killed Tom Cruise but didn't. Voters may hold a grudge. Pass.

Best Supporting Actress:

Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand and Fog - Didn't see it, don't know who she is. Pass.
Patricia Clarkson, Pieces of April - Again, didn't see. Sounds like a chick flick. Pass.
Marcia Gay Harden, Mystic River - All ready won, but if MR is going to sweep this is where it will start.
Holly Hunter, Thirteen - The kids were great in this. She may get the nod, has won before. I pass.
Renée Zellweger, Cold Mountain - Used an accent, possibly her own.

Best Director:

Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation - Loved it. Like Her. My Vote.
Clint Eastwood, Mystic River - Again, if MR sweeps. So will Clint.

Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - didn't get it for the others, might get it now. Directors feel his pain.

Fernando Meirelles, City of God - No chance. So might win.

Peter Weir, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World - He and Jackson could cancel each other out.

Best Original Screenplay:

The Barbarian Invasions, Denys Arcand - It's about Health Care. Pass.
Dirty Pretty Things, Steven Knight - Didn't see. Pass
Finding Nemo, Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson and David Reynolds - it's a Cartoon. Pass.
In America, Jim Sheridan & Naomi Sheridan & Kirsten Sheridan - Wasn't this mostly improving? Pass.
Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola - Yay! My Vote.

Best Adapted Screenplay:

American Splendor, Robert Pulcini & Shari Springer Berman - Small movie, industry fave.
City of God, Braulio Mantovani - Didn't see it. Pass.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens & Peter Jackson - If it sweeps.
Mystic River, Brian Helgeland - I didn't see it. Comes from a book, may be a better adaption then ROTK.
Seabiscuit, Gary Ross - I didn't see it and this movie didn't get the nominations. It may be a Dark Horse.

Best Animated Feature:

Brother Bear - Didn't see. Pass
Finding Nemo - Didn't see but have the toys.
The Triplets of Belleville - didn't see, but I bet it wins.

Best Foreign-Language Film:

The Barbarian Invasions, Canada - health care. Yawn
Evil, Sweden - Didn't see never heard of it. Possible.
The Twilight Samurai, Japan - Didn't see. Pass.
Twin Sisters, The Netherlands - Sounds depressing. Pass
Zelary, Czech Republic - Celery? Pass.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Another Day in Snowerdise

Dogger has found her goal in life. She wants to compete in the Idterrod. She loves being in the snow, it smells good, it tastes good and it feels nifty between her toes and if she can drag me along behind her all the better. I kind of like this. I don’t have to walk, I can skate behind her. Its fun. But. Dogger forgets we don’t all have four paw drive and that while she can think of nothing better then being face down in the lovely, sniffy white stuff – I can think of many things I want to do in the snow that do not include being face down in it. I’ve been skiing, I’ve done the face down in the snow thing when I was wearing a ski suit and I didn’t enjoy it then either. I enjoy it even less in jeans and sneakers. Pavement is even less forgiving then you may think.

So I skate along behind Dogger. She totally looks at my big feet and thinks what wonderful things she could do with such large paws and how really pathetic I am for not taking advantage of them. She wouldn’t lose her balance for no good reason and she certainly wouldn’t force someone else to slow down and walk on a short leash because she was having a hard time balancing her self. Her feet have nearly perfect purchase on the ice. My sneakers keep my feet dry, but they are nothing on ice. My rubber boots are also useless but they have some tread and it’s harder for snow to sneak down the back of them while I am trying to pull myself up from the ground. Bad ice.

Dogger is so ready to race. She all ready thinks she should be the lead dog. Tomorrow, if I still can’t get out of my driveway? Dogger is going to pull the truck to work. It will be a good work out for her and I will finally make it in to the office. I’ve run out of chores I want to do around here and I’m down to the stuff I try to avoid. I go to work or I vacuum the basement.

Today while I was not at work, a little man came to the door and wanted to shovel out my front walk. I told him I wasn’t interested - I wasn’t interested in paying him to do it when I have a shovel and I work for free.

So I did it myself. It wasn’t hard. It was warmer today and there was some melting going on. I didn’t get it all done but I got enough of it done to make it safer for Ms. Mailman to finally deliver my mail ( rain nor snow nor dark of night, my ass!) and for me to take Dogger outside. It also looks like someone lives here.

I went out to the store and bought some kitty litter just so I can get traction tomorrow morning. My street is still not plowed and it’s in even worse shape then it was yesterday morning. I went out so that I could go give blood and I got stuck in the middle of the street. This sucked. I didn’t have enough gas in the truck then to waste it gunning the engine and not moving anywhere.

I did give blood. Successfully this time. I feel like such a loser when I can’t do it. You should give blood too. You can call your local red cross and they can um, hook you up.

Also? Time Warner cut my Red Cross location off from the cable they had been comping them with. $85 dollars a month for three locations and those cheap bastards cut them off. Time Warner is a bad, bad, company. I’m calling them to complain. I knew there was a reason I dumped them. Cutting The Cable Off To The Red Cross! low lives.

Oh. CBS sucks too.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Best Picture:

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Lost in Translation
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Mystic River

Best Actor:

Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Ben Kingsley, House of Sand and Fog
Jude Law, Cold Mountain
Bill Murray, Lost in Translation
Sean Penn, Mystic River

Best Actress:

Keisha Castle-Hughes, Whale Rider
Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give
Samantha Morton, In America
Charlize Theron, Monster
Naomi Watts, 21 Grams

Best Supporting Actor:

Alec Baldwin, The Cooler
Benicio Del Toro, 21 Grams
Djimon Hounsou, In America
Tim Robbins, Mystic River
Ken Watanabe, The Last Samurai

Best Supporting Actress:

Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand and Fog
Patrica Clarkson, Pieces of April
Marcia Gay Harden, Mystic River
Holly Hunter, Thirteen
Renée Zellweger, Cold Mountain

Best Director:

Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
Clint Eastwood, Mystic River
Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Fernando Meirelles, City of God
Peter Weir, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Best Original Screenplay:

The Barbarian Invasions, Denys Arcand
Dirty Pretty Things, Steven Knight
Finding Nemo, Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson and David Reynolds
In America, Jim Sheridan & Naomi Sheridan & Kirsten Sheridan
Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola

Best Adapted Screenplay:

American Splendor, Robert Pulcini & Shari Springer Berman
City of God, Braulio Mantovani
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens & Peter Jackson
Mystic River, Brian Helgeland Seabiscuit, Gary Ross

Best Animated Feature:

Brother Bear
Finding Nemo
The Triplets of Belleville

Best Foreign-Language Film:

The Barbarian Invasions, Canada
Evil, Sweden
The Twilight Samurai, Japan
Twin Sisters, The Netherlands
Zelary, Czech Republic

Not a complete list, but the majors. Did I tell you to see Lost In Translation a while ago? did I say it was terrific? I was RIGHT!

I lifted this list from e!
Snow Daze

I get up. I get dressed, I take the dog out. I watch the dog do 180s in the yard and we go back inside. I’m still going to work. I feed the dog, read the paper that actually arrived this morning and took the dog out again. I do 180s in the yard. I am still going to work.

I call in and someone answers the phone. Curses. I am going to have to go to work. The good news is there are only two people in and I don’t have to go in. I take the dog out again, we both do 180s in the yard and I change back into my jammies and go back to bed.

Two hours later. I get back up, get dressed again and take the dog out again. It is still cold and wet, it may be slightly less dark. But. I have to go to work. Okay, have verses need. I left a pile of stuff on my desk that I was going to “deal with on Monday”. Some of the pile did actually have to be dealt with on Monday and on Monday it was going to be dealt with. I decided I should at least see if I could move the truck. It moved! It moved.

Okay. I’m going to go to work. I get my purse and coat and gloves and rubber boots. Note I did not mention shoes. I didn’t notice this over site until I gone too far to go back – about two blocks. So I keep going. Some SOB passed me! on the ice!

There are down sides to urban living. The Drug Dealer for instance. But. My streets get plowed first. So I got to work and I got there with relatively little hassle. I should have unstuck my wind shield wipers before I left. I said relatively little hassle… I get there and realized I was dressed like a Hobbit, blazer, vest, rubber boots. It’s a good thing I’m tall and the people who were there aren’t big on pop culture references or Hobbits. I was just relived I didn’t show up at work in one or more pieces of my pajamas. It had been a long morning.

I did my two hours of work. My boss got to see me being all good and responsible and at work. Then I noticed something was falling from the sky and it wasn’t skittles™. So I went back home and took the dog out again and changed my clothes again.

What do people do all day when they don’t work outside the house? When they are not changing in and out of their clothes three times in four hours or searching for their shoes or gloves or their other gloves or the scarf they like better… They work. They do stuff. I get that. They leave the house, they run errands . I can’t leave the damn house. I am stuck in here. Mother Nature grounded me.

Taking the Dogger out. This was so much easier, say Saturday. Now I have to find my boots, under foot all the time unless I’m trying to find them, round up my gloves, the coat, the Doggers’ coat, and sometimes my hat. Just to go outside! This sucks.

Dogger and I finally did go out because she was driving me crazy and I couldn’t face Judging Amy or yet another BBC home improvement show. Why yes, I am still eating cake.

We did have a nice walk. A nice long walk. Dogger is made for long walks in the snow. She has enormous feet and goes across the snow like a sled dog. I think Dogger could pull me across the ice if I had a sled. IditerDogger! I slipped a few times and this scared her a little. As soon as I hit the ground, she whipped around and looked as concerned as a large red dog can.

When will it be summer again?

Monday, January 26, 2004

For every season, turn, turn, turn… On A Dime

What a weekend.

Here is a short break down of how I spent it.


10:30 am – What a gorgeous day! It’s like spring! I have to take advantage of this! where’s my book? we’re going outside Dogger! Get your toy!

12:30 pm – “Okay, Dogger you win! Lets go on another walk! It’s so nice. They say tomorrow might be too cold for this.

1:30 pm – …Sitting on my glider reading my book, sipping my soda, waving at the Drug Dealers while Dogger growls at them. “Bad Dogger! Don’t growl at the little baby drug dealers! Growl at the Grown Up Drug Dealers! You can tell the difference because the grown ups don’t drive expensive little plastic cars. They drive cheap POS Fords. Learn the difference!”. Dogger goes back snuffling around the yard, wrapping herself around the tree and chewing on twigs. Dogger also learned that twigs from rose bushes are not good chew toys. I learn that the seat pads I had on the chairs last summer also fit the glider. I think I’ll eat lunch out here.

2:30 pm – Dogger looks like a lioness. She needs a gazelle.

3:30 pm – Okay Dogger! One more walk! Embrace the exercise Dogger Girl.

4:30 pm – Um. I may want to put a long sleeved shirt over my tee shirt if I’m going to finish my book out here.

10:00 pm – I didn’t need my coat to take Dogger out for a pee. There is a little bit of wind.

10:45 pm – Damn. It’s cold.


10:30 am – Where is my paper? I called them an hour ago. Is it sleeting or something? I am never going to get my paper.

12:30 am – It’s Snowing. Hard. And I still don’t have a paper.

1:30 pm – It’s now a blizzard. I go out and buy a paper

2:30 pm – They deliver my paper. It stopped snowing! Goody. Lets go for a walk Dogger. No, really.

3:30 pm – It stopped snowing, it’s now sleeting. Super. Walk Faster Dogger. Gawd.

4:00 pm – I can’t feel my legs.

On to the Golden Globes™

When is this going to get started? Why can’t it just start earlier instead of wasting all this time with the red carpet garbage? I usual like the red carpet hoo-ha, but this time it’s just dull and seems to be moving very slowly. Could it be because I had cake for dinner? Today, instead of lolling around outside like I did on Saturday, I stayed inside and shivered by the stove. To make sure the stove stayed warm I baked a cake. Yummy.

Somebody has to eat the carbs everyone else is avoiding. This may be just me, but - Do people on Atkins™ actually have to exercise? is exercise any part of it? how are you supposed to lose weight laying around eating steak? or are they supposed to get their exercise by talking endlessly about being on Atkins™ Eat Less Move More! Cultwits.

Quick GG Hits – Flesh Colored dresses do not flatter anyone, Are things not golden at the Douglas –Zeta Jones home - She did not look happy, Why did Robin Williams intro Master and Commander?, Jennifer Lopez looked like shit, is Brittany Murphy challenged? Has Al Pacino acted as though never accepted an award before, Jim Carry is a moron, Sara Jessica Parker is still trying to get to the stage to get her award.

No work for me today, at least this morning. Dogger did a 360 on the yard this morning. Maybe later on.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

I Stayed Up So You didn’t Have To. The Golden Globe's Went To :

Best Supporting Actor Movie – Tim Robbins, Mystic River
Best Supporting Actress Movie – Renee Zellweger, Cold Mountain
Best Mini-Series – Angels in America
Best Comedy TV – The Office
Best Actor TV Drama – Anthony Lapaglia, With Out A Trace
Best Supporting Actress Mini-Series – Meryl Streep, Angels in America
Best Actress TV Drama – Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under
Best Actress TV Comedy – Sara Jessica Parker, Sex and the City
Best Supporting Actor Mini-Series – Jeffery Wright , Angels in America
Best Actress Comedy – Diane Keaton, Something’s Got To Give
Best Drama TV – 24
Best Actor Comedy TV – Ricky Gervais , The Office
Best Original Score – Howard Shore, LOTR-ROTK
Best Original Song – Howard Shore, Fran Walsh, Annie Lennox- Into the West, LOTR-ROTK
Best Actress TV Mini-Series – Mary Louis Parker, Angels in America
Best Director – Peter Jackson, LOTR – ROTK
Best Actor Mini-Series – Al Pacino, Angels In America
Best Actor Movie Drama –Sean Penn, Mystic River
Best Foreigh Language Film - Osama, Afghanistan
Best Actress Movie Drama - Charlize Theron, Monster
Best Movie Comedy - LOST IN TRANSLATION!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!
Best Movie Drama - LOFR - ROTK


Saturday, January 24, 2004


Friday, January 23, 2004

Friday Photo Blog

Whew. That was bracing. I just finished uploading some pictures to my new photo site. I was getting really burned out by the free thing my ISP provides and went looking for something, um, better.

It took longer to scan and resize them than to upload them to this site. My scanner really feels that even though I want the image to be say, 5x7 that what I really want is something more along the lines of 10x13 – which takes about eleven thousand years to load . I have to take all the images through a second program to get them to a more manageable size.

So, go here and Look At The Pretty Snow and have a great weekend.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

The More You Know

While I was waiting at the check out at the grocery store, there were only two lines available – one there was a line and the other was one of those new fangled check – yourself line, and I am not groovy enough for that yet. Neither were most of the people in the store. So I had to wait.

And wait in front of the newsstand I did. In front of the Weekly World News stand. What they won’t print in the main stream papers!

I had to buy the rag because they had a story about the alleged Worlds Fattest Cat. I really question their research on this as the story was not about Kitty.

Poor World’s kinda Fattest Kitty! He got smushed by his new 600 pound owner. Fortunately for WkFK, there was a team of brave vets handy to air him up and get him back on his dew flaps in no time despite the fact that the Worlds Flattest Kitty flat lined midway through the procedure. Sadly, the kitty now has the figure of a flounder. Her grateful owner claims not to care about her kitty’s new lithe look. I have a story almost like this, except it’s about a dachshund, a blanket and an over stuffed actor. I was working in theatre several years ago and was crewing a show that featured a dachshund. It was really cold back stage and the poor little dog was all but naked. We had a couch back there and someone took pity on the dog and stole a blanket from props for him. The little dogs leash would get tired to one of the couch feet and he would jump up on the couch and curl up under the blanket. One night a good sized actor came back stage and threw himself on the couch - All we saw was the dogs leash up under the blanket. There was some hushed squealing about it until the dogs owner brought little dog in from the parking lot.

What else what else? Oh, Satan has his own web site. I don’t see that as a big shock. You always knew that Microsoft was evil? Well, it isn’t the Big Evil. Satan hired a web designer, who says that in exchange for hooking the devil up with the site, he is going to enjoy worldly bliss and immortality. How does the devil win here? Doesn’t he want souls? If the guy lives forever, how will he end up in hell? He might have failed to read the boiler plate on the contract but he got himself a way cool site. It has a forum that only is open to trolls, a searchable database to see who’s who in Hades, a chat room, and the site features a guest book guaranteed to be read by the site owner! And there are even more exciting add on’s coming soon, including an online application to hand over your soul! The FCC has been notified but until the Big Evil messes with Shrubs daddy, there isn’t much the feds can do.

Speaking of federal involvement. The pentagon is creating super soldiers by cross breeding with Chimps! It’s all about "gene splicing and other advanced techniques that we didn’t have back in the 50s when such cross breeding schemes were popular at the pentagon". I guess that in the 1950s chimps were seen as strongly anti-commie. But it was all pie in the sky thinking then. And you thought the administration was all about promoting marriage between hets! No, in fact it's about marriage between sapiens – but of course, not between homosexualhomo sapiens!, cause ya know, Shrub don't like that - Warm up your voters registration card now people! Get it together or get it on with Bubbles.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Classus Interuptus

What a let down. I hurried home, changed my clothes, fed Dogger, walked Dogger and then scarfed down my own dinner. Whew. For nothing… the puppy class isn’t really going to met for another couple of weeks. Seems there aren’t enough people signed up yet and he wants to have a puppy class and an adult class.

I did get to visit with an iddle biddle itty bitty puppy whuppy, So cute! A 10 week old Boxer/English bull dog mix. I got to hold him and smell his little puppy head. His mama went into the pet store to find him a sweater because he was cold and Dogger looked so warm in her vest and so styling – I was peer pressuring her and I wasn’t even trying! Dogger was styling and so Big!

Dogger looked like a pony next to that tiny dog. When Dogger first got a look at the puppy she didn’t know what to think, she just peered at him and leaned hard into me. That didn’t last long. She looked at him like she was trying to figure out what this tiny thing was. It didn’t smell like the Not Dog yet it was small like the Not Dog . I think she was waiting for him to hiss at her like the Not Dog . Dogger finally got a good whiff of tiny dog and decided it was a Dog after all. Then the puppy tried to get up in her face with his tiny, mostly ineffectual paws. Dogger just shook her head and glared at him as if to say a I’ve shit bigger than you boy.

I just about got giddy when I got to hold the puppy and had to put him under my coat! It made me wish Dogger was a tiny puppy. I wish I had known Dogger when she was a younger Pupper. I bet she was a gorgeous puppy! she probably smelled like a puppy and had puppy tummy and puppy tail and all those tiny puppy things that make it easy to over look the puppy puddles and puppy poop. I wish I had known Dogger then. I knew the older puppy her, the toddler puppy her. Sigh. I wish I had known her when I could have picked her up and put her under my coat. Deep sigh, Tiny Puppy Tummy!

Since Puppy School was a wash out I went to the store instead. I needed soda and enough ramen to get through to pay day. Winter time is one of the few times of year that hot chicken soup is not only appropriate but doctor recommended. I think that if I had ramen when I was sick that I would have gotten better faster and if I had started sooner I might have saved myself the drug store visit. Maybe. I at least would have had some chicken soup to comfort myself with. I can of see myself sitting at my desk with my aspirin bottle and throat spray lined up in front of me, sipping soup out of my coffee mug.

While I was wandering around the grocery store and trying to find where they had hidden the soup and why they had endless soda kiosks but no soda isle, – it is not my regular grocery store and everything was moved around. It’s very confusing trying to find things in a strange grocery. Why can’t they be uniform? I don’t want to spend time in cookie isle when I really want to be in the dry soup isle. I don’t need the temptation of surprise cookies or doughnut displays. They do it on purpose so you get confused and so you wind up in Cookies instead of Cookware.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Kitsched Off

Don’t think less of me because I know what size clothing my dog wears.

I was feeling bad for Dogger, every night we go on our walk and I put my parka on and my gloves and some times a scarf and Dogger goes out naked. True, she does have fur working for her, but it’s short fur and her whole belly is pink and exposed. Poor Dogger! All pink and exposed! and I go out and look like the Michelin Man. I don’t expose my pinkness to the elements why should she?

So I did some homework, I looked online, then off line at various pet supply places and the products I looked at had in common was price and tackiness and hoods. Hoods! For dogs!, Dogs don’t like hoods, or cow prints or fake fur. They also don’t care what teams you follow. Dogs are not fashion victims. Ultimately, they all had Tackiness and Big prices in common. Big prices for less then a yard of fabric, an expensive yard of fabric that was probably going to end up being peed on. So. I had to expand my search.

What is small? What is washable? What is made to be beaten up? What can I find cheap?

Children’s Clothing. Used children’s clothing. More specifically, a used child sized coat. Goodwill to the rescue. Hmmm, a coat would have sleeves and people arms are significantly longer then dog arms. Even, child arms are longer then dog arms. This is problematic, last winter, Dogger expressed a strong disinterest in wearing sleeves when I put one of my sweat shirts on her. She was fine, I was cold. I am always cold. She’s just lucky I haven’t found a pair of long johns for her. The winter is still young though and I am always cold.

So back to the coat, it was looking like the coat was going to have to be a vest.

Did you know that there are literally thousands of choices of used children’s vests to be found at your average Goodwill? Polar fleece, fake polar fleece, quilted, flannel, quilted flannel, sleeveless parkas. It’s very dizzying.

Dogger ended up with a lovely light blue polar fleece vest. We go back to Puppy School tonight and I want her to look her best.

Conversation with my Alumni Association

Them - We noticed that your membership has run out .

Me – really?

Them - We have several levels of membership
(blah, blah school spirit, supporting scholarships, blah, a plaque, blah, school teams!, web site access and lists of where your friends are! a free alumni association tee shirt!, blah, blah) Gold Club Level - $500

Me – Phht. What do you have in plastic?
( and can I still get a tee shirt? And as to lists of my friends? If I need you to keep track of where my friends are? I don’t think we’re still friends)

Them – ( very seriously) we don’t have anything in plastic. If you do not want to go with the Gold Club we have the Silver Club for $250.

Me – Yeah. Um, No. Is it all precise metals? How about aluminum?
( and can I get a tee shirt?!)

Them – (confused) Aluminum? No we don’t have that level. You can pay in installments?

Me – No. I can’t.

Them – There is our most popular level. The Captains Level, for $50.

Me – Sigh. No. How long are these memberships good for?

Them – One Year.

Me – When I joined before I graduated it was $10 and it was good for, like, ever and I got a bra for my license plate .

Them - I don’t know about that.

Me – Good Bye.


I was going to get a fabulous $14.99 Moose Head for my wall. Those bastards sold out! What the hell? Sold out? A smallish, plastic, felt covered Moose Head? Dayum. How did I miss out on this? Why Gawd Why! I needed it for the whole Cabin – Outdoorsy theme! I have been thwarted in my pursuit of cabin – y outdoorsy theme kitsch!

Monday, January 19, 2004


Sunday, January 18, 2004


Saturday, January 17, 2004


Friday, January 16, 2004

From Yahoo News

"Let's put it this way," he said. "I'm getting ready to start shooting two movies, I'm still working on `That '70s Show,' I'm producing two other shows for MTV and creating a one-hour drama pilot for Fox ... I don't have the time."

Is this really what the world needs, Ashton Kutcher, King of All media?
Lucked Out

I came home from work, changed clothes grabbed Dogger and went for our walk. This went fine. We saw, we walked , we did our thing . One of us danced for a passer by – every day stuff.

We headed home. I took my keys out of the pocket of my coat and began to tell Dogger tales of how her kibble is waiting for her and how nice it will be for them to see each other again. Dogger and I have a lot of conversations.

So I get to my door, insert the key and precede to run into the door. Hokay. Trying again, Insert key, turn a bit, spin all the way around, fail to open door. I put Dogger in the yard as the door was starting to work my nerves and I need both hands free to properly work back.

I left with out leaving any lights on, because that would have been too much like right and it would have made it so much easier to see that the dead bolt is a dead bolt.

But I am not going to give up! I have more doors! I have at least one that should open.

Should Open. Wouldn’t Open. Not when I unlocked it, not when I pushed against it, not when I yanked on it, not when I cussed at it. It made me happy to know that even a burglar with a key wasn’t going to be able to get into this house. Well, Great. I can’t get in either!

There is a door downstairs. It’s barred . Don’t laugh. If you lived in my neighborhood you would bar your doors too. So door number one hates me, door number two also with the hate and door number three is blocked from the inside. It’s dark, it’s cold and Dogger wants dinner. 15 minutes ago.

The neighborhood stray cats come by to see what all the commotion is about. They are wondering if all the commotion is about putting food out for them. So while I am trying to break into my own house I have a flock of cats weaving in and out of my feet, whining.

So back and forth between my two choices. Yanking and banging on one and then yanking and banging on the other. Someone should have called the cops by now. It is not getting lighter out.

There is the breaking a window option. I don’t like this option. I’ve um, had to break in before this way when I locked my self out the last time. With out my damn keys and the breaking a window option sucks.

The last time I also had my cell with me.

Finally. The damn front door finally opened. It’s odd how if you have the damn key and the damn key actually fits into the damn lock that then the damn lock then allows the damn door to open, and how the damn door actually opens! That it only takes 132 damn tries to get it to open.

So now I have one door I can’t open, one door that won’t open and one door that shouldn’t open.

But I got in. Dogger got her dinner only a half hour late and the flock of kitties got their dinner too. Kitty was not happy about that. Tough, he should have opened the damn door.

I did get kind of a smile yesturday. The Nominal Boss was told by our new Very Big Boss that she ( NB and I) and needed to go and visit some of the other divisions and see how efficient, tidy and well run their file rooms are – because mine is such a chaotic nightmare and it must be because I am inefficient, disorganized and lazy . Oddly, as it turns out, I have more paper, fewer cabinets and less room then any of them. I already knew that, now the NB knows that too.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

My heart bleeds for me

My job must really suck. I lost another temp today. The last temp lasted three weeks. One Day! How awful is my job? That even a temp found it too tedious and repetitive. Temp jobs area all tedious and repetitive. I worked temp and I don’t think anything I did was less then tedious, if I got lucky it was repetivly tedious. I am in a job too dull for a temp to tolerate. I’ve been there for almost three years.

It’s just filing. The girl couldn’t hack one day of filing. I file everyday. She decided that she wasn’t coming back for the rest of the while she was at lunch. After almost three hours of work.

I mean, right now the office is unpleasant. Getting around is hard. There are plastic mail bins filled with facility files all over the floor. There are portions of the cabinets that are hard to access, you have to shove the bins around. Files fall off, slip around. Some of the cabinet doors don’t work, some of the drawers won’t open. One won’t close.

I hope it wasn’t me. I was nice to her. I showed her where the bathrooms and break room are, and introduced her around. I didn’t leave her to do all the work, I helped.

The silver lining of this is maybe the Powers That Be will notice that it is really hard to work in there and maybe they will move faster to get me the new cabinet they promised me before Christmas. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, the boxes all over the floor. The broken cabinets , I was repaired for, they break – it’s part of the lowest bidder thing. But. I didn’t think I was going to be living with the boxes this long. I think the PTB that decided in the first place that my office was “awful” should be spending more time in it now.

I need the temp. The last one saved my life. If it wasn’t for her, I would be in a very bad place at work, so behind, so in trouble. Sigh. I even liked her.

So here I am. I have to reteach a new person the same stuff I taught somebody else today. I think I’ll put him to work with the license stuff. It’s very boring but it will keep him busy. Hopefully it won’t be too boring. Maybe he’ll last out the week.

I did get some good news. My snow pictures turned out well, and I was able to pick up frames for some posters I have wanted to get framed. My film place is closing and everything, except the film developing was half off.

Oh, and for those of you who insisted, here. I am the one in glasses.


Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Independence Day

Monday I kept reminding myself I had to go to the vet after work and pick up another month of Doggers’ heart worm preventive. That was the plan. It was a perfect walk day. Sigh. It was also a perfect day to get stuck in traffic and have to spend $1.61 a gallon for gas so I could make it to the vet before it closed. It’s quite a drive to the vets. I should have got a soda at the gas station.

I get to the vetastics’, Oh, look their open till 5:30. Fine, hurried for nothing. I could have bought a coke. I wander in, gaze at the lovely aquarium, designer cat tents, macrobiotic dog treats and back issues of Architectural Digest. Sigh . I go up to the for want of a better term, nurses station and wait for one of the scrub clad girls to notice I was there. Cough

Still standing there. Ack, Ack.

Yep. Still here. Hack, Ack, Gasp.

Finally, Chrissi/Cassi/Cathi is alerted by my by now convulsive coughing. “Hi, How I can I help you?”. I give her my CV and she punches something into her hidden monitor and says “Mmmm, Dogger needs a heartworm test. She should have had one in August! I’m surprised that we kept letting you have the Heart Guard™”. She narrows her eyes at me as though she could figure out what sneaky business I was up to and how I have been messing with them. This time, Chrissi/Cassi/Cathi wasn’t going to let me get away with it.

I looked at her. I started again. “I just need the one month, I promise I’ll bring her in later” . A lie. I’m begging like a junkie jonesing for Heart Guard™ .

Chrissi/Cassi/Cathi is standing her ground. She learned about drug seekers on TV and now there is one at her office! She should call the Animal Police! Oh, Even better Animal Planet

Maybe her brave choice could get her a gig at Alameda Animal Hospital! The Big Time! Woo-Hoo! She is not going to let me get away with this. I repeated that I needed the meds and the dog was due for her dose and I need it. Now. Before it gets any darker and dog misses her walk and gets fat.

Chrissi/Cassie/Cathi suggests that I make an appointment. She’s standing there with her fingers poised over a hidden keyboard and she is going to will me into coming into the office and opening my wallet. I think about suggesting to her that I could just go online and bypass her and an office appointment all together. I have used the Online word with these people before and they alluded to me that I was damning my pets to an uncertain future and probably cancer if I bought my drugs online. It is not an argument worth pursuing with them.

We’re done . I walk out. Go to my car and go home. The first thing I do is find the card I got at Petsmart™ and make an appointment for Dogger.

Dogger and I go to the New Vet and get her test done , no heartworms! Go Dogger! They give her some wormer stuff which she promptly drools on her coat, I told them if they had put it under my dinning room table she would have scarfed it down immediately, and neatly. They gave her a shot that takes care of 6 months of heart worm preventive – Yay! No more trips to the vet to buy it or ordering online and risking dog cancer! Woo-hoo!

I am going to miss the back issues of Architectural Digest, but ya know, if I can get out of the vets office for what I got out of the vets office for? I’ll buy my own subscription.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Because bloggers are generally contractually obligated to talk about award shows, here goes. And here is my obligatory rant about the “people” and who they voted for:
I wasn’t asked! Who are these “people”? where are they? What possessed them to vote for (fill in the blank)? That Hack won again?, that show won again? For what? Show Still On The Air? Did they just rerun the show from last year? Or the year before or the year before that?! Did any one check? What the hell were they thinking? Why are so many of these shows CBS? I knew Les Moonves sold his soul to the GOP! Gawd!

Favorite Male Television Performer: - Ray Romano
What the again? Ray Romano?! I don’t know any one who loves Raymond. This is crap. I can think of half a dozen Male Television Performers who should have had this and that’s just on what I saw flipping through the channels a minute ago.

Favorite Female Television Performer: - Jennifer Anniston
Whatever. She seems to be not entirely offensive in interviews and I didn’t hate her on SNL this week. I have no opinion.

Favorite New Television Dramatic Series: - Joan of Arcadia
Is this another one of those God shows that the Right Wing has blackmailed the networks into airing? Yeah. I don’t watch it. If I want to watch religious programming I’ll watch Mass for Shut ins.

Favorite New Television Comedy Series: - Two and a Half Men
There are no words. I don’t watch Arrested Development. But I know it’s the better show. Two and A Half Men?

Favorite Television Dramatic Series: - CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Whatever. I don’t get William Peterson, so I’m not into the worship. Wasn’t Boomtown a better show? Isn’t With Out A Trace? Better? I think E.R rawks.

Favorite Television Comedy Series: - Friends
I hate that I watch this show. I know there are better sitcoms out there. Just because it’s still on doesn’t make it anybody’s favorite.

Favorite Reality-Based Program: - Survivor: Pearl Islands
No Such Thing. If I lived in a world where this was a possibility? It would be that Stand Up show from last summer.

Favorite Talk Show Host: - Oprah Winfrey
No. I don’t get it. I never got it. I’m not going to get it.

Favorite Male Musical Performer:
Favorite Female Musical Performer:
Favorite Musical Group or Band:
Favorite Music Video:

I don’t care. I don’t listen to the radio. Much, but N'Sync? are they even still around?

Favorite Motion Picture: - Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Favorite Comedy Motion Picture: Bruce Almighty
I wanted to see School Of Rock. I heard it was very funny. I vote for Jack Black.

Favorite Dramatic Motion Picture: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
You know? It was a good movie.

Favorite Motion Picture Actor: - Mel Gibson
Not in a movie this year. Not really in contention.

Favorite Motion Picture Actress: - Julia Roberts
I don’t hate her. She’s all right.

Favorite All-Time Entertainer: - Tom Hanks
Harrison Ford?

The “people” have spoken? The “people” need mind their business and go back to their schedule of studying their fingers and listening to their N'Sync records. Leave the voting to the grown ups.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Winter Wonderland

I must be feeling better. I got more done in three hours Sunday afternoon then I had gotten done in the last five days.

I did several loads of laundry, finally put away the clean laundry I did last weekend that had been on the bed gathering dust, filled and ementy the dish washer, remembered that today is a recycle day and played hide and seek with various coke cans around the house, got that all of those and the newspapers together and into their recycle boxes and carried those out to the curb. I also remembered that today is trash day and gathered up and dumped all the trash in the house and took that outside – and then got another bag to replace the original bag that tore two seconds after I stuffed it into the can.

After all that and changing the sheets on the bed I still had enough energy to solve The Case of the Missing Dog Toy.

Dogger has three identical bones. She however, can only go steady with one of the bones at a time and if she can’t find the bone she will play with one of the others, but she knows it isn’t the right bone and she whines about it.

I’ve been spending more time back in the wetlands since Dogger joined the Pipe Liberation Front. The Front hates the idea that any water pipe may be denied its natural right to burst and be “free”. Dogger believes that this cause is so important to water pipe rights that she will undertake terrorist acts to protect the pipes God given right to burst in the cold.

So I have to stand outside and guard the blanket I have now wrapped around the exposed pipe. I did have a lovely pipe bra thing so that the pipe could keep itself warm but no the Pipe Liberation Front didn’t like that and some PLF member got to Dogger and taught her how to take the bra thing off and destroy it.

I looked out the window one afternoon and the wetlands were littered with Pipe Bra Thing. She tried to do the same thing with the blanket despite the blanket being liberally spritzed with Dog be Gone and sprinkled with enough red pepper powder to win an east coast chili cook off. She is nothing if not dedicated to the cause.

Now I have to go out there and stand guard, in the cold and wet, for as long as it takes Dogger to do her thing and now since she’s suddenly like all Pipe Liberation Front – and she knows I am going to insist on not allowing her to “liberate” the pipe and destroy the blanket. She isn’t going to make it easy on me and my poor frozen toes, her toes aren’t going to curl up and freeze off right away and she knows it.

As if in sympathy to the PLF, The wetlands have a New And Improved! Now With New Snow Smell! and Dogger has to go around a resniff the whole damn yard before she can pee on it. If I don’t want to hang around the wetlands and feel my toes curl up and freeze off inside my shoes, I can take her to the front yard where it also smells new and different and have my toes curl up and freeze off out there, in public.

There is nothing that says I Love My Dog like allowing yourself to be seen wandering around your front yard with a parka over your bathrobe waiting for your politically radicalized dog to deign to pee.

Sunday, January 11, 2004


Saturday, January 10, 2004


Friday, January 9, 2004

A four year old child. In my office fondling my toys!, er, collectibles Monsters Inc. with The Simpsons! Sponge Bob and a Madame Alexander Doll! Oh The Plastic Coated Humanity!!!!
Say what you will about snow, and I have said a lot of nasty things about it. Snow makes everything pretty. It doesn't matter what it is, put a layer of fresh snow on it and it turns into a post card - junked car? a picturesque reminder of times gone by! pile of dumped tires? a lovely snowy mound! random street light? awe, look it's wearing a hat!
The After Christmas Put Up

I took the lights down from outside, I stripped the tree of baubles, garland and the star at the top. I boxed up the various chochkies, decorations, Holiday toys and the Santa Shrine. All of it. Widgets, chochkies, outside lights, Santa Shrine, Little Tree its attendant decorations and garland. It’s all boxed up.


The tree. The tree is still there. A big pine green hole in the middle of my living room. It was so pretty with its decorations and garland and baubles… now its just naked and sitting there like a great big pine green hole in the middle of my living room.

The little tree is upstairs, it is part of the cabin theme. I can leave it there all year, I did it last year and I’ll do it this year. I have no problems with that. It was a Christmas tree it is now adding to the North woodsy - Cabin-y Atmosphere. Same tree, different job. It’s a good tree. I can’t do that with the bigger tree. Its bigger for one and I want North woodsy - Cabin-y atmosphere not Mordor – y. Evil Wizard Castle-y

But that doesn’t get the rest of the lights unstrung or the tree taken apart and put in its box and hiked up to the attic and put to bed.

But I don’t feel well!!!. Okay. Fine. I don’t feel well. I will though. Just because the evil flu has gone to war with the Tamaflu causing my sinuses to weigh heavily on my teeth causing me even more discomfort… there is a silver lining to that. It caused me to take a closer look at something I was afraid was some sort of tooth cancer but was really upon closer inspection, a filled cavity. Now, if my mouth didn’t hurt I would have even thought about that.

An! All! New! Friends! The! Last! Season! . Why. Why is this show still on and why am I still watching it. I hate them. Way back when I remember calling up my best friend and squealing over the phone when Ross kissed Rachel. Today I could care less who they end up with or which of them end up with kids. I don’t think any of them needs children. Imagine their shock at discovering … ya know what, this show is not about the shock at discovering anything. It’s part of the same New York as Sex and The City where everyone lives in fabulous apartments and have kewl wardrobes and life styles that no one with a real life could possibly afford, in their lives there are no shocks that can not be softened by a pint of ice cream or a new pair of pumps.

And while I’m watching TV, why would any one in their right minds want to work for Donald Trump? And why would you humiliate yourself on national TV in the process? In the ads the contestants describe themselves as “bright”. If you agree to be cast on a reality show, and you take part in competitive lemon aid selling and whatever else they can cook up to separate the really moronic from the deeply disturbed? You are not bright!

Back to Friends. I’m waiting for one of the Queer Guys to swoop in and fix Ross. They sent them to Wake up Miami or whatever and they don’t send them to Friends? That’s cold.

Speaking of cold, it may snow here tomorrow. Think Happy Thoughts. Edited to add, drove to work in blizzard.

Thursday, January 8, 2004

Diary of A Sick Blogger

I stayed home from work. I’m going to lose my perfect attendance medal and I know there were people in my office trying to find things. Maybe I’ll stay sick, I know I’m going to be nauseous when I go back.

Camille Has A Cold

1:35 am – The phone rings. My first thought is that I over slept and turned my alarm off and forgot to call in at work and now they were calling me. No. It was a fax machine. Stupid fax machines.

6:30 am – Kitty wants something. He is tipping shells off a shelf to get my attention. It doesn’t seem to hurt the shells, but I get up and feed him.

7:30 am – I call in. It takes me a while to remember the name of the woman who answered the phone because she wasn’t who I was expecting. I leave a voice message on Nominal Boss’ phone telling her I am following her request to stay at home.

8:30 am – I find my doctors number, but first I want to figure out how to find the office. I can’t remember how to get there and I’m pretty sure I do remember throwing the directions away the last time I cleaned out the car. Brilliant. I can’t print the directions out when I finally find them, stupid printer. All printers are stupid. The $250 printer will shit out in three months just like the $39 printer. So I have to find paper. Stupid paper. And a Pen. Stupid Pen. I did not stay home so I could hunt around to find office supplies. Stupid Diana.

8:50 am – Call Doctors office. Whimpered into the phone to list my symptoms and what I thought my diagnosis was. I was wrong. I’m not dying. I have the flu, maybe. A nurse will call me back and they will call in a prescription. What pharmacy do I use? My pharmacy closed. My head is full of flem and it takes me a minute to remember what my replacement pharmacy is called. It is not CNBC or CBS.

8:55 am – Dogger wants to eat. Now. Feed Dogger. Take Dogger out. The leash slips from my trembling hands and she races around the basement. Bitch. I go up the stairs again and get her a treat-bribe and force her furry butt outside. Damn it’s cold. Stupid Dogger.

9:00 am-11:00 am – TNT does not have much outside adverting during the day. They just pimp their own programming. Over. And. Over. And. Over. Really, really hating Patricia Heaton. Also, Alyssa Malono. She looks funny.

11:00 am – Doctors office calls and tells me they called a script in for me. I may have to brush my teeth. Watch more TV to rest from all that thinking.

12:30 pm – Pharmacy. Loud lady bitching because her daughters meds weren’t ready, because she sent her nine year old son to drop off the prescription he didn’t have all the information that the pharmacy needed. Because he was Nine, this is the pharmacy’s fault. Loud Stupid Lady.

1:00 pm - $40 with insurance for 10 pills. Without insurance, $80.

1:15 pm – 2:00 pm – More TNT. More Patricia Heaton Hate. Remember promise to call Heater Service to come look at heater. I call the Heater Service and they agree to send someone by today.

2:30 pm – Heater Guy comes. Makes me spend way too much time upright. There is nothing wrong with heater. Very Tired now.

3:15 pm – Heater Guy leaves. I turn to TBS, awe. The X-Files I loved this show. Mulder. Deep Fangirl Sigh. Fall asleep, Hate Patricia Horton in dreams.

5:30 pm – Wake up. Feel somewhat less awful. Feed dog, watch more TNT.

5:30 pm – Present – I am beginning to believe that Lenny Briscoe is everywhere and he should arrest Patricia Heaton. Stupid TNT.

Wednesday, January 7, 2004

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

I’m feeling better. Not well, but better then I was. Sick enough that the nominal boss warmed me that if I was still as sick today as I was yesterday, that I was not to come to work. I’m trying to decide how sick I am.

My throat still hurts and the only food I can get down that doesn’t cause me rethink my stance on fasting are milkshakes. Woman can not live on milkshakes alone. Woman can not afford to live on milkshakes alone. But woman gets hungry…

So it finally occurred to me. I have a blender! I have access to a grocery store! I’m not picky! Food! Cold and colder running food!

Awww. Sweet relief. Sweet temporary relief. Sadly, I can’t main line half assed home made milkshakes. They aren’t as easy as add liquid to ice cream and blend. It takes much more ice cream then I thought. Sigh and they get runny and melty so much faster then the store bought kind. And now my throat hurts again. Yesterday it exhausted itself and went away. Today it’s been there all day. Bastard.

Okay, I’m watching TBS too much, granted. But. I hate Patricia Heaton. I don’t even watch her show and I hate her! I want her off my TV! I’m tired of hearing her go on about how fabulous her hair is, I’m tired of her being all over my screen. I really hate Hootie and the Blowfish now too. I hate the Good Bye Girl song, I hate the “video” and right now they are making me hate whatshisface who plays the Man in the movie and I really like him.

Dogger begged and pleaded for the past few days to be allowed to run and fetch. I’ve been too sick to do much of that and the wetlands are hardly fit right now for her to run and fetch in it. She could fall into a puddle and get eaten by crocodile or something. It’s really ugly back there. If she was a little better with her paws I think she could lash together the branches back there and make her own raft to float on the puddles! Huckleberry Dogger. She would be so cute in a little pair of over alls and a straw hat! Dogger is a hat person. I learned that about her New Years Eve, Kitty isn’t a hat person. Kitty isn’t a Hat On Other People person either. He would not wear a hat. Even a cute hate. Dogger was a little cranky about a hat, but after a little bit … ya know, this is kind of entering TMI. Anyone who spends New Years at home putting paper hats on their pets probably doesn’t need to share the joy. I did also go to see Return Of The King, which spared me finding out about the animals hat issues until about 5 minutes to midnight. Neither animal wanted to hear my noise makers. Actually, both animals kind of looked at me and shook their heads. Agreement at last.

I got through today. The Mouth That Roars didn’t roar at me, I could stand up for more then two minutes at a time and I didn’t hate the phone. So I did okay. Then, I went home. Dum, Dum, Dumb. My power bill was waiting.

$256! I sit in the cold! I keep the thermostat at 65 degrees! Last month it was $66- I changed nothing! I totally do not buy that Christmas Light are worth that much wattage. $256!!! I am cold All The Time!

They are so going to hear from me.

Tuesday, January 6, 2004

Insert Witty Title Here

The first thing I said to the Mouth That Roars yesturday morning was I don’t feel well. I might not make it out the whole day to which she shrieked Okay! . I wasn’t just warning her I might have to leave I was sharing with her that I felt like shit. That it might be a nice idea to not drop stress on my head. That today I might be more fragile then normal. On a day to day basis I’m getting more and more like spun glass. It doesn’t take much to really upset me at work. All day I have these people wandering into my office and suggesting that I lost their thing, they are positive there thing is in my office. It must be somewhere in my office. So I look. Hmm, not here. The response is that I must have lost it. That I should keep looking. I turn my office over. I look in files before and after and with similar names. Not There. By this time I can feel my blood pressure working itself up to blow the top of my head off. The intruder will leave my office and find their thing somewhere else. Do they bother to tell me they found it? HA! Why bother. They found their thing.

Yesturday, in my pre-death state. everything was too much. The lights were too bright, the phone rang too often and too loudly. I really wanted to crawl under my desk and die and the people I work with wanted to watch me crawl over 26 boxes of files to find their file.

Like I care about their file . My head was/is pounding, my eyes were/are burning, throat raw and temperature fluctuating. I did not need to be at work. I had to be at work. If I didn’t go to work strangers would wander my office and try to find things. I take a day off to die and my office ends up in hells lost and found.

So to work I go and at work I stayed.

I spent the day trying to decide if the pain in throat was worth it if the caffeine could do something about my head ache . Pain all the way around. And, even better. I am no longer able to make copies unsupervised.

I can make copies. A Monkey can make copies. I now have to show the Nominal Boss what I have copied so she can see that I copied every page. I always copy every page. It’s too hard not to. A lawyers office has a flunky who made copies for someone else and messed up the existing copy. I don’t know this, but I can see it. So they sent it back and said I didn’t copy every page (because they did something to theirs). I think they tried to double side it. Some how, this is my fault. So I get to be humiliated. Because the Mouth That Roars has an office humiliation minimum that she has to meet, right after she nailed me she found a surveyor and made her cry.

I hope NB likes reviewing in detail all several thousand pages of everything I copy from now on. There is nothing like the letter of the law. If my head can pound all day, so can hers.

So add a little office humiliation to whatever is trying to kill me and I had a great day!

Lunch. I went out and thought a nice milk shake would be nice. I got a kiddy meal. I got a toy I all ready have and a milk shake that wouldn’t have filled a Dixie cup, what little there was did make my throat better.

Right before I finally left for the day I sneezed and my face hit my desk top, hard. It was easier to come home and die after work before I had Dogger, she wants to be fed and walked and yesturday, walked in the rain. It stayed Monday All Damn Day.

Monday, January 5, 2004

Wake Up And Smell The Consternation

I hit the trifecta at 5:27am Sunday morning. The kitty was tap dancing through the breakables, I had to go to the bathroom and somehow over night I had swallowed some razor blades and they were hurting like hell on the way down.


I got up, visited the facilities, and went downstairs to feed the cat. While I was downstairs I noticed that there was a light on in the back yard. Sometimes the electric eye back there is so into its job that it forgets to blink. I went to the basement door and turned off the eye. Okay. Must Go Back to Bed Now. Curses. When I go back into the kitchen I see a light is still on. It must be the light over the downstairs door. Now I have to turn on yet another light, go down the very step basement steps, walk across the basement and turn off the light. Go back upstairs, turn off the lights I have turned on and then, Go Back To Bed. All the while hoping that all of this is getting Doggers attention and reminding her that she too may need to be fed and toileted right now. This is a lot of activity for some one trying not to wake themselves up too much and planning to Go Back To Bed.

I finally get back to bed. Kitty is all ready back to sleep at the foot of the bed,. I lay there. I lay there and my throat hurts. I lay there and try to remember if I still have throat spray. Then I lay there and try to remember if I put it back in the bathroom cabinet where it belongs the last time or if it is in the bedside table downstairs leaking on something. I finally sleep, only to be woken up again because Kitty sensed where I hurt and was trying to make it better by putting his considerable weight to work crushing the bad, nasty hurtful throat that was making his Mommy unhappy. He was also purring like an out board motor into my ear. I turned over and went back to sleep and dreamt of all the important scraps of paper that will never suffer from sore throats again.

My alarm goes off. Last night I set the alarm and had planned to hop out of bed, get dressed, feed the dog and load both Dogger and Kitty into the truck and go to Petsmart for cheapo rabies vaccinations. Before 10am and get back in time for noon Mass.

Instead of hopping out of bed I lay there doing my best impersonation of a blanket. I was not in a hopping place. I was in a collapsing place.

But. Cheap vaccinations don’t grow on trees. Vets do not often wave the charge for office visits. This was a saving of $70 for the two animals and I was not going to let a little thing like being on my death bed to keep me from it.

Okay. Up dressed, took Dogger out. Picked up the paper, fed Dogger, put Dogger in the yard, read some paper, rounded up Kitty, put Kitty head first and snarling into his box, found Doggers leash, put both animals into the truck and off the Petsmart.

Got to the Petsmart 15 minutes early and took a nap.

I was woken up by some asshat’s yappy dog who thought he was going to get in line for the vacs a head of me. Amateur. I haven’t been awake since 5:27 am to be the second in line.

I think I may have found a new, cheaper vet for the animals. Yay! No more vet induced guilt! No more unnecessary tests! No more paying $170 to announce that Dogger may have fleas! $33 for two animals!! Office visits are only $27!!! They have Sunday hours!!! Woo-Hoo!!!! Other Vet was nice, but Other Vet charged too much.

Sunday, January 4, 2004


Saturday, January 3, 2004


Friday, January 2, 2004


Thursday, January 1, 2004