Monday, January 31, 2005

The Time is Now

Go here to find your senators, tell them that you say NO to Gonzales. Be polite to whomever happens to answer your call, but be clear as to why you are calling and what you want your senator to do. Every call counts. I know you have a cell phone handy and if you're like me and have the phone for emergencies only, this is counts as an emergency. Make the calls.
Will Bark for Food

Dogger finally decided what she wants to be when she grows up. Dogger has worked really hard, she’s done a lot of internet research, she’s had a number of temps jobs in various fields and she lucked into a couple of different internships. At first she really saw herself as some sort of Sporting dog. She has more then a little retriever in her and quite a bit of yellow lab - she thought this was a lock until she discovered that she had to swim quite a bit for this position and Dogger does not like to swim. She likes to wade. She also has chosen to not dedicate herself to Fetching anything or Chasing or Dropping whatever she may have chased and fetched. Once she has something, it’s her’s. She doesn’t really understand the concept of repeatedly running after an object, to be honest she doesn’t
t really have the gene for caring about an object long enough to track its whereabouts and then care where it ends up. She’s not a big math dog. Trajectory mean nothing to her, she understands that when I throw whatever it is, that I want her to run after it and she will - . If she is around where the object is then, great! But she isn’t going to change where she’s headed just to suit the object, if it ends up where she is, then super, she’ll grab it and run around, she’ll play with it but she’s not really all about bringing it back to where I might be. She also doesn’t always remember where I am or remember that she is supposed to bring the object back. In her mind if I really want whatever it is I was throwing, I wouldn’t have thrown it away in the first place.

After she worked a couple of sporting internships she knew that was not where her future lay. She did some reading on service dog jobs but quickly lost interest when she found out she would have had to start at those as a puppy. She’s too old to start in that field. Then she got really depressed about her age and having no future and winding up in a nowhere job with no chance for advancement and spending her entire life in an entry level position... wait, that was me, she doesn’t have those issues. I was projecting, forgive me.

So, no sporting or service dog jobs, what’s left? Dogger dragged me down the street on a walk one day and we both felt that she did show some capacity as a sled dog. She did a quick self inventory while I was picking the gravel out of my chin, and found that this was a job she could do. We were very excited. We started to look for sledding classes, sled dog clubs, forums, yahoo groups, web sites, anything we could do to help her get into the field. Sadly, most sled dogs do not live in the southeastern united states and there is very little call for dogs with sled dog experience in this part of the country.

So, I called the Iditerrod people. I wanted to see if they could find a position for Dogger. This would be a great opportunity for her and I think she could have made a career with them or at least a human interest story for People or something .How often does the Iditerrod end up on the pages of People? I mean they are The Sled Dog Race and I told them that if I they gave her a shot, I could pretty much guarantee that Disney would be all over it once they heard that a pound dog was going to run the Iditerrod! My gawd! It would be huge! They showed a real lack of appreciation of hugeness and hung up on me. I kept trying to find new ways to make them take us, but sadly the race people turned out to be total breedists .

But last night while we were watching TV, Dogger and I found her true calling. Doggers calling in life is to be a Lap Dog.

Sunday, January 30, 2005


Saturday, January 29, 2005

Impending no more

The Impending Doom is no long Impending or Doom. It's rain.

Friday, January 28, 2005

No To Gonzales

George W. Bush needed some one to do his dirty work and he knew exactly where to turn. He looked to Alberto Gonzales to do the job. Mr. Gonzales, an architect of brutality built the framework that turned Us into Them. Mr. Gonzales and the Administration were not satisfied that American soldiers did not torture, they did not stack humiliated POWs into pyramids, they did not menace recalcitrant POWs with dogs, and they did not smear fake menses on the faces of POWs. This man turned a handful of our troops into tools of inhumanity. Here on the anniversary of Auschwitz, we must re-dedicate ourselves and our country to the fight againts those who would commit crimes againt's humanity. The best way for Americans to do this is to never allow these crimes to be committed in our name. Say NO to Gonzales.

Go here to find your house member, tell them you say NO to Gonzales.

Go here to find your senator, tell them that you say NO to Gonzales.

to read ( at last count) 371 other reasons to say NO to Gonzales, go here , and then think back that once upon a time, Robert F. Kennedy was our AG. Camelot indeed.

The Left got its head out if its free trade tote bag and fought fire with fire, Leftys shocked that it worked so much better than pouting and stamping birkinstocks at Sierra Club meetings and Dean Meet Ups.

from The Raw Story
What Not To Wear

Shrub was too busy to make the trip, so he sent Dick, the "lost" McKensie brother Cheney to represent our country at the Auschwitz memorium. Is there any wonder the world hates us?

from The Washington Post

Bush backs computerized medical records

...Bush appointed Dr. David Brailer to help coordinate the move. Brailer said if Americans' lives can improve by using eBay, there are great benefits to a sort of "medical Internet" where they can retrieve their personal health care information.

I want us to get away paper. I deal with, no hyperbole, millions of pieces of paper everyday, and I cheer computerization, but, and its a big but, putting our medical records on a "Medical Internet" (is this where he got the internetS thing?) is not going to make our lives easier. It will make the lives of the people who want to see our medical records with out our permission and with out our knowledge, much easier. Less paper is good, but, the thing about paper is you can lock up paper, you can keep it in a locked drawer in a locked room in a locked building. You can not lock up the internet.


It sucks to have everything in reruns. I’m forced to do stuff when I should be sitting on my ass watching TV.

Last night, for example instead of watching Law and Order, which wasn’t on so that Katie Couric could talk about sex with teenagers... “lets talk about sex Katie, lets talk about you and me, and all the good things and the bad things sex can be, lets talk about sex…” , I can’t think of a single TV personality with less teen cred then Katie Couric. Who came up with that idea? “Well, she’s short, kind of like a kid like that, so let’s hook her up with some sex having teens!”. I can’t even imagine. I guess it would be fun to lie about sex to Katie. I didn’t watch, did they lie to her or did they set her up with a bunch of Abstinences!Teens who told her how uncool they think sex is and how only the really unpopular kids at church have sex, while, they the cool kids, they spend their free time cross stitching samplers and memorizing the classics. Some day those samplers of passages from the Kama Sutra will be worth big bucks and memorizing Lady Bovary’s Lover will pay off big time. Those kids are going to rawk at Sexual Trivia.

Or did the kids lie to her about the wild, wild sex parties they attend every weekend and try to impress her with their wide and varied knowledge of sexual practices? I think it would be fun to scare Katie Couric on national TV. I am assuming that it was all very raw and uncensored; it was on during the naughty time of the evening. I’m sure the FCC heard from lots of concerned 45 year old virgins with three kids this morning, shocked! Shocked! That little 15 year old boys and girls were bullied into discussing such sordid topics by that librul media harlot!

Instead of watching Katie blush all night, I gave myself a project find reason to stay upstairs in the warm. I went through old pictures. Lots and lots of old pictures. I still have a lot to go through; I may find what I’m looking for yet. I had to stop after awhile because I was getting a crick in my neck and Dogger was whimpering and feeling sorry for herself because she was stuck in her warm and dry crate with lots of fresh water and toys. She was alone and I was a big mean dog abuser because I was busy doing something with out her. I went to be with her and she ignored me for three hours while she played with her toys. She could have played with them in her crate but they are much more fun to play with when she brings them three feet from her crate so she can be busy doing something with out me.

The promised impending doom hasn’t surfaced yet. It’s still sunny and nice enough outside. It got colder but not so that you would notice, in fact I while I was walking Dogger last night, I was over dressed in a sweater and winter coat. Dogger was panting. They are still saying it’s going to get cold, but they keep backing away from predicting solids falling from the sky. I see a weekend of cold rain and grayness. To get myself into the cold and gray mood I went to Blockbuster to see if they had Scotland PA. I heard it was good; its Macbeth set in a diner in Scotland, PA. It has Maura Tierney in it and I always like a good Shakespeare adapatation. Blockbuster didn’t have it, I was shocked. Blockbuster didn’t have a years old indy? Color me surprised. Not. Blockbuster doesn’t have a good selection of catalogue films, much less a years old indy. That has always been their problem, too deep on shallow titles and too shallow on titles with depth. Art Films are not a big Blockbuster category. Blockbuster thinks Pulp Fiction is an art film.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Insert Winter here

Hello Children! How are you today? Having a fun day at work? Any traumas so far? Good. I hate early morning traumas. It just sets a bad tone for the day. I get all traumatized and then I can’t work effectively for the rest of the day. I like to schedule my traumas for the end of business if possible.

It’s supposed to get ugly again here this week. More ice and snow on the way. We just got over the last little bit of snow and here it comes again. If we’re lucky it won’t start until after rush hour, but it’s never to soon for the little rednecks to get all het up about a little impending doom.

I think I’ll celebrate this impending doom by going out again and stocking up on toilette paper, bread and milk. I don’t need any of that stuff but I’m trying to be more at one with the people. I also want ice cream and if I’m going to be bad and buy it, I might as well buy things that might be more practical. I think what I should do is hit the video store and stock up for the weekend. Last weekend was cold and wet and miserable and it looks like the coming weekend isn’t going to be much better. If I was really going to be hardcore about it I would move the DVD player upstairs and watch with the dog, but, that involves a lot of coax and cables and plugging and unplugging and moving dog toys to and fro and I can’t see me getting all excited about that. It does make me wish I had a TV upstairs back when I was getting on with my Dishthing, because I don’t think it was a lot more to get another room added. If I had, I would never have to go downstairs for anything all winter – but this way, should the Dishthing fail, I still have TV and I really need TV.

The last time I bought up for impending doom I picked up a six pack of Shiner. I didn’t plan on it but my grocery store doesn’t carry it and I thought “why not!”, so I did and now, I’ve drank three of them since the coronation. I hadn’t had three beers in the last three years and now Shrub has poured beer down my throat three times in a week. Bastard. Beer is really carbtastic; I can blame my weight gain and incipient alcoholism on Shrub. I hate Shrub.

Speaking of Shrub hate. I got panhandled twice in my neighborhood this week. Twice! In my neighborhood! One right out in front of my house. They didn’t used to come this far in, they stayed a couple of blocks up from me on a different street. It is not a good thing. The first was a woman and she told me right off she wasn’t a whore. How nice of her to clear that up, I was pretty sure she was a junkie whore and then she cleared it up for me, a junkie, yes, a whore, no. I left her standing outside in the street talking to herself and she was still talking when I came back with my trash, I’m not sure she noticed I wasn’t there or if maybe my recycling was more chatty then her than it is with me I wonder if I should feel hurt? I gave her fifty cents because I knew I had it somewhere and she was cold and wet outside while I was warm and dry inside. I don’t think you can buy a useful amount of drugs for fifty cents so I don’t think I was contributing much to her eventual downfall the whole Hand Up not Hand Out thing notwithstanding. If it had been summer time and she had asked for a dollar, she would have been on her own.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Just don't get caught!

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- President Bush ordered his Cabinet secretaries Wednesday not to pay media commentators to promote his legislative agenda, saying payments by the Education Department were improper and new leadership was now in place.

full story here

Now, he says specifically, "commentators" how about the rest of the media? how about the pundits and talking heads masquerading as journalists? say the entire stadd of FAUX News.Who else is in their stable of the propagandists and other RNC/GOP apologists? Do they count as "commentators", I bet they don't. We know about two so far, who else is out there? the checks are still flowing out of the White House. I want to know who else they are paying and what money from what funds are they using to pay them.
Deadliest day for U.S. in Iraq war

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Thirty-one Marines were killed in a helicopter crash near Iraq's border with Jordan, bringing the number of U.S. troops killed Wednesday to 36 -- the deadliest day for U.S. forces since the start of the war in Iraq.

complete story here


Democracy is on the march. Everything is going swimmingly, this was a great idea. Condi Rice is going to be a fab Secretary of State!

*1453 my count includes most recent deaths, site update pending family notification, count at site, 1417 as of 1-22-05.
The Silver Screen

As well know by now the Oscar™ nominations came out. I don’t think I’ve seen any of the nominees. I have no horse in the race this year, which makes me sad. I love movies, I really like going to the movies and lately I haven’t seen much of anything – even counting on DVD. I think I’ve gotten out of the habit of going to the movies – but it’s not my fault. It’s the fault of The Industry for turning out drek and deciding that no one over the age of 14 should be entertained. I mean Hillary Duff? The Olsen Twins? The Simpson sisters?! Have careers?! They can’t act, sing or make jokes. Providing parents with cheap childcare? There has to be a better reason these people get paid the big bucks. What other reason would there be to buy these stinkers much less watch anything with an Olsen Twin or anything with Princess in the title – Ann Hathaway I am looking at you. Its all about the babysitting.

I was looking at a list of the 100 top grossing movies of 2004 and I had only seen f of them. Two out of a hundred. That’s just sad. And its not like I can say “Well, I saw Art Film “A”, “B” and “C”, because films that are not in wide release don’t make it here where they euphemistically refer to as “Everywhere” but really mean “Places where they wouldn’t go on a bet”. So, it’s not like I was watching art films instead of Spiderman whatever. I didn’t even make it a point to go see grown up movies. Kinsey went right past me and I didn’t even try to go see it. I am so lame. I did see F911 and I watched Garden State on DVD. Wait, I did go to the theater to see Oceans 12 and Harry Potter! ! I am kind of still on the Pop Culture train!

On To The Nominations.

Best Picture

THE AVIATOR - Didn’t see it, probably still won’t
FINDING NEVERLAND – Possibly, but I’m not going to go out of my way to run out and see it.
MILLION DOLLAR BABY – Boxing. Girl Boxing. Wasn’t this all ready a movie with Michelle Rodriguez? I don’t do boxing reguardless of who is getting pummeled.
RAY – Is it wrong to say no to a movie just because the hype is annoying me?
SIDEWAYS – It’s this years Lost in Translation, a way for the voters to make themselves feel hip. I might see this. I too, want to feel hip.


Martin Scorsese – Just give him the damn trophy all ready.
Clint Eastwood – He all ready has his.
Taylor Hackford – No thoughts.
Alexander Payne – Not a damn chance.
Mike Leigh - Right.

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Don Cheadle for HOTEL RWANDA – I want him to win.
Johnny Depp for FINDING NEVERLAND – He should have had kids years ago, he’s finally decided that he can work and not bathe, but he still doesn’t need to get nominated every year to reward him for it.
Leonardo DiCaprio for THE AVIATOR – He’s trying for the gravitas but still, no trophy for you Growing Pains boy!
Clint Eastwood for MILLION DOLLAR BABY – He has his.
Jamie Foxx for RAY – Not this year, not this roll. I really don’t want him to slip into Cuba Goodingland.

Best Supporting Actor

Alan Alda for THE AVIATOR – Hawkeye!
Thomas Haden Church for SIDEWAYS – Lowell? they nominated Lowell? No! it was suposed to be that Paul Gimo whatever guy the other guy, the other guy! morons. They nominated the wrong guy.
Jamie Foxx for COLLATERAL – Whatever. I know sharing air space with Cruise is tough, but really.
Morgan Freeman for MILLION DOLLAR BABY – Just give him a trophy, he has to get something for allowing baby actors to boss him around.
Clive Owen for CLOSER – Not as close as you think.

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Annette Bening - BEING JULIA - Is this a real movie? I mean, has anyone seen it?
Catalina Sandino Moreno - MARIA FULL OF GRACE – Maria Full of Baggies.
Imelda Staunton - VERA DRAKE – So grown up, so mature, so boring.
Hilary Swank for MILLION DOLLAR BABY – Look I’m totally unattractive! Again!
Kate Winslet for ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND – Look! I survived Titanic I have done a lot of art films! Reward me for agreeing to work with Jim Carrey!

Best Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett for THE AVIATOR – I miss the real Kate Hepburn.
Laura Linney - KINSEY – Always good, all ready rewarded for goodness?
Virginia Madsen for SIDEWAYS – Even character actors need love.
Sophie Okonedo - HOTEL RWANDA – A nice gesture, but…
Natalie Portman for CLOSER – Awe.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Oscar Noms.


"The Aviator" soared over other films at the Oscar nominations Tuesday, earning 11 nods, including best actor (Leonardo DiCaprio), best director (Martin Scorsese), best supporting actor (Alan Alda), best supporting actress (Cate Blanchett) and best picture.

"Million Dollar Baby," the story of a female boxer, and "Finding Neverland," a biography of "Peter Pan" writer J.M. Barrie, followed with seven nominations each.

Jamie Foxx earned two acting nominations: best actor for "Ray" and best supporting actor for "Collateral."

Besides "The Aviator," the nominees for best picture are "Finding Neverland," "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray" and "Sideways."

The other nominees for best actor are Don Cheadle ("Hotel Rwanda"), Johnny Depp ("Finding Neverland") and Clint Eastwood ("Million Dollar Baby").

The nominees for best actress are Annette Bening ("Being Julia"), Catalina Sandino Moreno ("Maria Full of Grace"), Imelda Staunton ("Vera Drake"), Hilary Swank ("Million Dollar Baby") and Kate Winslet ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind").

The other nominees for best supporting actor are Thomas Haden Church ("Sideways"), Morgan Freeman ("Million Dollar Baby") and Clive Owen ("Closer").

The other nominees for best supporting actress are Laura Linney ("Kinsey"), Virginia Madsen ("Sideways"), Sophie Okonedo ("Hotel Rwanda") and Natalie Portman ("Closer").

The other nominees for best director are Clint Eastwood ("Million Dollar Baby"), Taylor Hackford ("Ray"), Alexander Payne ("Sideways") and Mike Leigh ("Vera Drake").

Nominees for best original screenplay are "The Aviator," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Hotel Rwanda," "The Incredibles" and "Vera Drake."

Nominees for best adapted screenplay are "Before Sunset," "Finding Neverland," "Million Dollar Baby," "The Motorcycle Diaries" and "Sideways."

The nominees for best animated film feature are "The Incredibles," "Shark Tale" and "Shrek 2."

The 77th annual Academy Awards are scheduled for February 27. The show
Oscar Noms.


"The Aviator" soared over other films at the Oscar nominations Tuesday, earning 11 nods, including best actor (Leonardo DiCaprio), best director (Martin Scorsese), best supporting actor (Alan Alda), best supporting actress (Cate Blanchett) and best picture.

"Million Dollar Baby," the story of a female boxer, and "Finding Neverland," a biography of "Peter Pan" writer J.M. Barrie, followed with seven nominations each.

Jamie Foxx earned two acting nominations: best actor for "Ray" and best supporting actor for "Collateral."

Besides "The Aviator," the nominees for best picture are "Finding Neverland," "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray" and "Sideways."

The other nominees for best actor are Don Cheadle ("Hotel Rwanda"), Johnny Depp ("Finding Neverland") and Clint Eastwood ("Million Dollar Baby").

The nominees for best actress are Annette Bening ("Being Julia"), Catalina Sandino Moreno ("Maria Full of Grace"), Imelda Staunton ("Vera Drake"), Hilary Swank ("Million Dollar Baby") and Kate Winslet ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind").

The other nominees for best supporting actor are Thomas Haden Church ("Sideways"), Morgan Freeman ("Million Dollar Baby") and Clive Owen ("Closer").

The other nominees for best supporting actress are Laura Linney ("Kinsey"), Virginia Madsen ("Sideways"), Sophie Okonedo ("Hotel Rwanda") and Natalie Portman ("Closer").

The other nominees for best director are Clint Eastwood ("Million Dollar Baby"), Taylor Hackford ("Ray"), Alexander Payne ("Sideways") and Mike Leigh ("Vera Drake").

Nominees for best original screenplay are "The Aviator," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Hotel Rwanda," "The Incredibles" and "Vera Drake."

Nominees for best adapted screenplay are "Before Sunset," "Finding Neverland," "Million Dollar Baby," "The Motorcycle Diaries" and "Sideways."

The nominees for best animated film feature are "The Incredibles," "Shark Tale" and "Shrek 2."

The 77th annual Academy Awards are scheduled for February 27. The show
Blue Velvet pt. 2 – Blue Twill

After I baked enough dog cookies over the weekend to make Purina executives wake up and wonder what happened to their market share, I had to get out of the house. Sadly, when I finished the cookiepalooza it was pouring rain and 33 degrees outside. I couldn’t leave the house until Sunday. I awoke to blinding sunshine and 30 mile an hour gusts of wind. I imagine it would be like being in a room with Paris Hilton, pretty but chilling, okay, it wasn’t that cold, my very soul wasn’t frozen by exposure to the wind so it wasn’t quite as bad as I would assume, exposure to Paris Hilton would be... I was also looking forward to being able to wear a coat inside and not look like a weirdo. Walking around a store with your coat on? Fine, walking around your house with a coat on? Issues !. I was just tired talking to the animals.

If I was going to go out I needed more of a reason then the fact that the animals and I had run out of things to talk about. I needed a real reason to go out. Money was going to be spent and I wanted to have a plan. I had to think. Did I need more chocolate covered donuts? Probably not. I mean, I wanted more chocolate covered donuts but I didn’t really need more. I finally settled on needing blue slacks. Remember, many moons ago when I searched the world over for black pants and I couldn’t find them to save my life? today there are black slacks stacked to the ceiling in the stores, I find them under the refrigerator and breeding in the basement. Blue slacks? Not so much. I have a pair of blue slacks but they were cheap and they were past their expiration date. The cheaper or more over priced an article of clothing is, the sooner you’ll have to replace it, try it out, it’s the truth. The extremes will kill you.

I decided to start my search after church (also, very cold inside). I thought I would try Wal-Mart first since there is one close to my house and I can buy cheap gas there. I needed cheap pant for me and cheap gas for the car and I thought it would be a good way to kill two birds with one stone, or one credit card but the “two bird’s one stone” sounds much nicer than “putting two more charges on my credit card”. Anyway, I got to the Wal-Mart; they don’t have any blue slacks. They had blue elastic waste jobbers, blue sweat pants and blue clam diggers. All of the above for sizes 20 and up. No petites, which I can’t wear either, nothing for any one who isn’t either big boneded or knocked up. Yeah, they had blue slacks for pregnant girls, fat girls, very fat girls, morbidly obese girls – nothing for this girl. I weigh more then I did in high school, but not that much more,and I think I should be able to find cheap Wal-Mart quality clothes too. In Wal-Marts view of the world, their female customers can’t wear clothes with out elastic waistbands and everyone who shops with them are right wing reactionaries hell bent on protecting their chillrins from Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. They don’t want to sell things to me because I can still button my pants and I vote blue. Wal-Mart doesn't think I deserve blue slacks.

So. I tried Target, further from home, cleaner, with better quality, smaller sizes – no still blue slacks! Has someone started a blue twill draft? Is this a sign of things to come? Then it was off to K-Mart. Horrible. Terrible, place. Awful. Made Wal-Mart look like Nieman Marcus – but, they had one pair of blue slacks in my size, I had finally found the prodigal blue slacks! I then took us both home we both had showers to scrub clean the residual K-Mart related scuzz from us, sadly, my psyche was scarred, and no amount of scrubbing would remove the K-Martness. Martha Stewart worked for these people? Was she in charge of housekeeping? ‘cause, ya know they need to fill that position pronto. The K-Mart I went to was the “nice” K-Mart, I don’t even wanna think about the condition of the other K-Mart I stopped going to months ago because it was too gross then. Ew.

Monday, January 24, 2005

How cold was it?

It was so cold that...

Dogger actually helped me put her sweater on in the morning... She was like “Hi, I’m cold. The sweater thing? Bring it on, I’m not going to fight about it. Do we have any dog shoes? How about ear muffs? I would wear a hat... This cold is totally bull shit. Do I look like a sled dog? This cold weather nonsense is for dogs with thick coats. I have the equivalent to a wind breaker here and I’m not set up for cold, I’m set up for going to the beach, swimming, strolling through the forest, I’m a little bit into chasing ducks and shit, I’m good for “Brisk”, but this whole winter thing is so not me. I am not Dogger - Dog of the Yukon. Hey, I really don’t actually need to go outside. I went outside last night and I have really watched my fluid intake. I can hold it. Really. Look, I can learn to use a box, just like the not dog! See, Meowuff! I can do it! Just try me! And okay, you aren’t buying it and we are going outside. Don’t even try to hide in the basement and throw me out the door and into the yard on my own. That’s not going to work. If I have to go outside you have to go outside. We’re in this together.”.

I spent the entire day Saturday making dog cookies because the oven made the kitchen the only room in the house where I felt comfortable with out a coat. So. So I made cookies. Hundreds of cookies in two different flavors. I started out with bacon and cheese and garlic and milk for Dogger and then made another batch for the Nephdogs. All of Doggers were either heart shaped or bone shaped.. I found I could get about nine cookies across the sheet and seven down of the hearts. I averaged about 63 cookies a sheet. They ended up more like dog chips instead of dog biscuits - which I’m not sure is a good thing, I get more of them but they are less to them. Dogger does get a lot of cookies so its probably better that she’s getting less cookie every time but I’m afraid I make up with volume, “Gee, that’s kind of thin, here have three!”, I’m always cold and if I’m cold she must be cold and she needs more cookies to be able to burn more calories to make herself warmer. The Nephdogs got little gingerbread men, hearts and bone shapes. The little men I got a huge number of, about 77 a sheet.

After I finished I realized that I was going to have to go back into the rest of the house and I decided that maybe the dogs also needed peanut butter cookies too. These are my least favorite cookie. I can not get the chemistry right to end up with a nice well behaved dough. I’m getting a little better at the making the dough wind up less greasy, but it still ended up greasy. Dogs love peanut butter though and I hate to not give them what they want because I don’t like making it and besides, every minute warm in the kitchen with the oven working away was one less minute cold.

I was making all those cookies for the Nephdogs because little Bandit nephdog is not well. I told you that a while back that he was sick and he has not gotten better , he's shrinking, he'll be a chihuahua before to long. The canine “Make A Wish” folks are hovering around with tickets to You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown and freebie Air Bud and Beethoven DVDs and videos of old Lassie movies and passes to high end dog spas. So, he needs cookies, lots and lots of cookies and good thoughts! think lots of happy thoughts for my little nephdog.

Sunday, January 23, 2005


Johnny Carson is dead.

Saturday, January 22, 2005


Friday, January 21, 2005

Either Very Good News or The Devil You Know...

Michael Powell... is calling it quits today after four years at the helm of the Federal Communications Commission.

Wall Street Journal
Chance of Flurries

On the front page of the local paper yesterday morning was one word PARALYSIS . The correct headline would have been : PROFOUNDLY RETARDED. If I were the city fathers I would not want it published on the front page of the paper that we lost our minds and were freaked out to the point of city wide paralysis because a half and inch of snow fell. I think that’s the kind of thing they like to have buried on page 23 in the City Section under “News Briefs” along with the rise of violent crime and the graduation figures from the local diploma mill.

What happened was that it started to snow. Yes, in January, snow was falling. This is another thing the city fathers would like covered up, they like to say “Why, it never snows here! Look! Fresh seafood! Hardly snows here ever at all… just sometimes… just three or four times between December and March… just a few inches… not much more then 20 inches. If the city fathers didn’t want to be lying through their tobacco stained teeth they should say “It snows every winter, at least a couple of times. We shut everything down and empty the stores of milk and bread and the kids run in the streets for a few days a month, our schools really suck so it’s not like the kids are really missing anything. Hey, ya’ll wanna go to the beach?!”.


This is what happened. We were supposed to get flurries. We got more. All over the city the little red necks looked out their windows and said “Looky thar! Its done started to snow! I best go on home before the traffic gets bad”. Well. One little red neck went out to his car and then another and another and all of a sudden the whole damn region was heading out early to beat the traffic. All at the same time. But right before they left, they called each other and said “Hey, ya’ll wanna go to work tomorrow?” and the answer was “Hell no!”, so they found a way to make sure they didn’t have to.

And the then little red necks at the schools looked out their windows and got the same idea. You know what happened? A lot of kids got stranded at school because the busses couldn’t get through. That’s right, we are so lame we couldn’t get the busses out because we got a half an inch of snow and it was cold and all the little red necks were on the road at the same time. They have no plan for snow happening during the school day. If it snows falls after dark the plan is to cancel classes out right, just in case, just in case of what is up for speculation. I imagine it snows in Minnesota and North Dakota and many other places where it snows every damn year and I bet they can get their kids home from school in the snow with out breaking into Law and Order to breathlessly share what complete morons they are while they are at it.

The roads were shut down. Nothing was moving, it was one giant parking lot all the way from the South Carolina welcome center to the Virginia border, because of a half an inch of snow. And we knew it was supposed to snow! Its not like it was a surprise or August or anything. Morons. Red neck morons.

And now, it’s going to snow tonight. More snow. In January! Oh, the humanity! To make sure that it doesn’t wind up with an apocalypse, I went to the store over lunch and stocked up on chocolate covered doughnuts, Pringles and Shiner – ‘cause you never know. If I’m going to be cold and stuck in the house all weekend I might as well be happy while I’m cold and stuck in the house. Drunks die of hyperthermia but at least they die happy.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Wonkette live blogged the coronation so we didn't have to. Nice of her to do that. Anyway,here it is . HATEHATEHATEHATE George Bush.

thanks to Wonkette

Black Thursday

So. This is it. Today is the first day of another long, bloody, constitutional nightmare. We can look forward to the continued Vietnamization of Iraq and Afganistan with the possibility of Vietnamizationing of Iran at some point this year as well.

We can look forward to our Democratic leadership, what there is left of them, bloody from battle and in fear for their political futures sucking up to and laying down in front of the GOP, Martin Frost, brother, I am looking at you and I turn my eye darkly on the other dems that got in line and okayed Rice yesturday when they should have just said NO, and we can look forward to the more steam roller tactics from the RNC. Hell, they don't even have to stem roller us, our elected dems seem to lay down just fine on their own.


There are Barbara Boxers and John Kerry's out there and there are a few Democratic folks in leadership who are not asleep at the wheel and hopefully our anger will help fuel them. I’m all for continued partisan politics. I want our democratic representatives in Washington and in our state houses to be huge pains in the ass. I don’t want a discussion about what to eat for lunch to happen with out blood shed. I want those people to argue and complain and slow down everything that crosses their paths. If the GOP and their brown shirts want to cry wolf about being picked on, I want us to give them something to be crying about . I want to make those people hurt. If they want to pretend they are victims I say make them into victims, they want to carry that sad flag, make them carry their wounded in it. I want to see all elected Democrats fight like hell. I don’t want anything to be passed for any reason. I don’t care if it’s before the Senate to declare it “Little Johnny Smith Day” as a favor for some red state senators’ littlest cousin little dieing Johnny Smith, I want our leadership to vote NO, and I want nothing to pass with out a fight. Nothing.

I want us, that is the great unwashed “us” to bitch and moan and make as much noise about nothing as the brown shirts have been. I want the grass roots to turn blue. I was thrilled when enough people called that red neck Mississippi librarian a “commie and a fascist” and forced that low life to put America – The Book back on the shelves – true it was only off for a day and the libraries weren’t open anyway, but still. We must be heard and we have to do things like that. Any time there is a chance to make ourselves heard we must do it. If you go to a site and it says “Call your reps and bitch about this”, call your damn reps and bitch about it to them! Learn who they are and get them on your speed dial! Don’t let them rest for one minute. If your rep is a rethuglican and chances are your rep is a rethuglican, call them just to let them know you didn’t vote for them and yet they still manage to disappoint you or better yet, lie to the bastard and tell them you voted for them and they did something you, a voter didn't like. If your rep is a democrat, ride them hard, keep up with their voting record and don’t let them betray you. Remind them how they got there and how easy it would be for them to never get a chance to go back, you did the hard work and wrote the checks that got them elected, and you can write checks to get someone else elected next time. You own them. They will forget, don’t let them forget.

And then there is this Not One Red Cent. I should hide myself away? Make myself invisible? Pout in a corner till its over? Bull shit. I’m not hiding or pouting, I’ve been doing that since November. Go out and be seen, be heard! Spray paint your pennies blue, but don’t hide yourself or them, away – don’t make your contribution to this day be your absence from this day. Be seen and be heard. Wear black and tell people why you’re dressed for a funeral, if widows weeds aren’t your thing, wear blue and be proud. Don’t hide.

I’m not going to the coronation but if I was, I would be doing this, Turn Your Back on Bush. If you want to help out progressives while being trendy check out I – Did – Not –Vote-4-Bush stuff, it’s cheap and goes to a good cause.

Can’t do any of the above, join me as I hum this all day.

1. We shall overcome
We shall overcome
We shall overcome some day

Oh deep in my heart
I do believe
We shall overcome some day

2. We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand
We'll walk hand in hand some day

3. We shall all be free
We shall all be free
We shall all be free some day

4. We are not afraid
We are not afraid
We are not afraid today

5. We are not alone
We are not alone
We are not alone today

6. The whole wide world around
The whole wide world around
The whole wide world around some day

7. We shall overcome
We shall overcome
We shall overcome some day


edited to add, North Carolina goes red and this is what happens to us.I live in the SOUTH damn it! it is not supposed to snow! its' supposed to be the freaking tropics! we have banana republicans and warm weather. I feel gyped. This weather system is Bushs' fault.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Does not work well with others

The Axis of Evil is so over, this is Bush II - Electric Boogaloo, its all about the Out Posts of Tyranny. We're mad a whole bunch more places this time and some of these places actually include white people doing stuff we suddenly don't like.

For example, we're mad at :

President Alexander Lukashenko, in power for a decade, has been accused of crushing dissent, persecuting independent media and political opposition, and rigging elections.

My gosh, Pot, Kettle? Bush's calls that behavior "Tyrannical"? Bushco has a problem with this behavior because? Belarus has been getting away with it longer then he has? did Shrub run off and get borned again all of a sudden when it comes to crushing dissent, persecuting independent media and his political opposition? Does Belarus sit on oil? they didn't join the coalition of the cowed? Because these old boys sound like they should be on Bushco's Christmas card list.

Bushco is also mad at Burma. Burma?



Its Snowing!
TV is too much, I want a magazine spread instead

The Donald is marrying The Tacky

Weekend Wuss pt.2

Day 2

Day 2, Diana has finished the painting of the walls and the wood work and is waiting for the calvary to bring the saw and cut her fake bead board and edging to size so she can paint it and get them up on the walls. Late in the day Broskey and Alphagal arrive to help get the project jump started.

“Before they got here I moved the sheet of fake bead board from my bedroom to the kitchen. I tried to get it down the basement stairs but its too big. Its really, a two person job.”

after Broskey and Alphagal arrive, Alphagal and Diana heft the enormous sheet of fake bead board down the stairs while Broskey gets the supplies out of the truck

“I don’t actually have saw horses to properly do this. I pulled this short bench out and brought down my plastic recycling boxes. That’s good enough for balancing this sheet and cutting exacting dimensions? Right? Okay! This will turn out great. Will I have enough? of course I figured it from the idea while the sheet is measured from its vertical height and the wall is horizontal! And my 50 year old house? The walls are all perfectly plum and totally straight. They really build houses back then - Post War, in a huge hurry, one after another after another as quickly as possible... Okay, the walls make the Queer Eye guys look like young republicans. Check your expectations of easy measurements at the crooked door!”

After much work and piles of saw dust everything is cut, measured and numbered.

“ I’m going to paint them tonight and hang them tomorrow, lalala. This will be fun!”

“Ready to paint” my ass.
“Is red paint always a bitch?”
“This shitty fake bead board is nothing like real wall”
“Why won’t this cover?”

“How many coats is this going to take?”

“Well, it looks like I hosted the St. Valentines day massacre in here, but they are all done.”

It takes about 12 coats to get the job done... and with that Diana calls it a day.

Day Three

“They all looked so pretty all lined up against the wall! My paint job was awesome! They look great down here in the basement. I’m glad I got that job all finished last night.”

Diana finds her tube of liquid nails and takes it upstairs to read the directions

“Cut one quarter inch off top of container top. Okay. clip Done. Okay. Why won’t this stuff come out? Oh, “take wire or nail and puncture interior bag”. Okay. perforate Now. Why won’t it come out? “Fit tube into calking gun”. What? I don’t have a calk gun! Why didn’t the guy at Lowes mention a calk gun when we were in the store? Does he think I carry calking guns around in my purse? Shit.

An unexpected trip to the hardware store. Afterwards, armed with her calk gun, Diana starts again

“Why can’t I get this in? Is there a door or something? Why are there two trigger things? I JUST WANT THIS DONE AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! DAD!”

Diana calls her Dad and he tells her how to make the calk gun work. She is still confused and by the end of the conversation she can’t here his instructions over her blood pounding in her ears. Has Diana bitten off more then she can chew with this project?”

“Okay. It’s in the gun thingy and I didn’t kill anyone”

Putting the fake bead board on the wall goes quickly

“Getting them on the wall was messy. How do I get all this crap off my hands? the fake bead board pieces I painted last night looked great downstairs. It looks really uneven and patchy up here. Great. I just washed all those brushes and put the paint up.”

After another phone call to her father to get directions on getting the liquid nail tube out of the calking gun, Diana spends the rest of the day touching up the paint and cursing

Well. The projects not done yet. The edging needs to be cut and primered and painted and I have to get some kind of fill in pieces to make up for the walls being crooked... but it looks all right . Kind of. In a “Boy I can tell Diana did this” kind of way. I ended up going over budget because of the whole calk gun thing, but if I had paid someone to do it, it would have cost a lot more then $43. I saved being made to feel lame because I was too useless to do the piddley little job myself.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Weekend Wussior

Welcome to Weekend Warriors.

Diana purchased her 1947 house two years ago. The house was in fairly good shape but it did have problems she couldn't even begin to do herself. Being unable to tackle the really pressing, important problems, Diana painting out what she could not fix. Diana's current project is updating and cleaning up her dingy, outdated and down right ugly back entry way.

"What I want to address with this job is the boring nature of the back entry way. I use this entry way as my primary egress to and from the house and I'm tired of it looking like a utility closet, it is also Doggers dining room and it looks it! I want to add some personality to the space. I'm going to repaint the walls, install fake bead board and make my entry way space more inviting".

Diana has a budget of $39.64 and thinks the job should take about four days.

Day 1

"I can't wait to get started! This is going to be so fun. Look at me all putting newspaper down and taping the windows! I'm so good. This is nice paint, I like this.The door looks so much nicer all ready! I think it's the same paint from the bathroom. It looks nice in there. The old color is so light and I?m really looking for a darker color, something a little warmer. Its really lucky we didn't't use all of it with the bathroom repaint, with a room this small I would hate to end up with a lot of left over paint to store, and it saves money on the budget not having to buy more paint . Hmmm. This paint is very light. I thought it would be darker, well it's a sight better then what's here now and it will darken up as it dries. Hmm. Did I all ready paint here? Its hard to tell. The new paint at least has some gloss to it. Shiny. Why is all of a sudden there stuff in the paint? What the fu-! What is this stuff? How did paper get into the paint? Shit. Maybe I can smooth this out. Maybe not. Damn.

"I just get some in my hair. Eek. Anyway. Its water based, so it'll come right out. I'm glad I'm painting everything the same color, I don't have to worry as much about taping off the wall from the wood work. This stuff is so drippy. Its all over me. Lets look at the can before it gets all paint covered. "Blah, Blah, Blah OIL!! What! Oil paint! I didn't want oil paint! Oh, shit. Its all over me. Damn. This isn?t the bathroom paint. This is the paint I bought for the office woodwork! Damn. Well. Okay. I?ll be more careful. I really didn't want oil paint. It's such a bitch later on. Dayum It's the same color as the old paint. No! I hate the old color. Its very rental beige and I detest all the beiges in the Rental Collection. Damn. It looks cleaner now at least. Whatever."

With this Diana decided to call it a day.

cont'd. In Day 2

Monday, January 17, 2005


Sunday, January 16, 2005

HAPPY "If anybody had told me I was going to wake up to snow this morning, I wouldn't have bothered to get up, get dressed and make plans, Thank Gawd I have film in the camera!" SUNDAY !!!!

Saturday, January 15, 2005


Friday, January 14, 2005

Go Blue

This is a list of actors/performers/whores . Consider them red listed, they are publicly kissing the feet of Shrub at his coronation. Buy Blue.

from Wonkette
Bush : Words mean things - more then just sounds and noise!

Bush: Comments had 'unintended consequence'

"Sometimes, words have consequences you don't intend them to mean", Bush said Thursday.


full story here

Dogger Tired

I’m so tired. Sweet baby Dogger. Lovey, dovey, fuzzy face. What a nice dog. Sigh. I came very close to murdering her this morning but I was too tired to get out of bed to do it.

I made the mistake of bragging on her sleep habits. I said “Oh, Dogger never wakes me up in the middle of the night. Nope. Dogger sleeps like a log. Right. Dogger slept like a log until 4am this morning when she suddenly woke up and thought the rest of the house needed to wake up too.

Zzzzzzzzzz... Oh, yes, I'm up, I'm up, on with the zzzzzzz...

It was the middle of the night. The Kitty was asleep. I was asleep. Everyone was sleeping. Dogger was barking. My first thought after I pried myself off my ceiling was that the house alarm was not going off and it is set to go off if anyone as much as looks at it with larcenous thoughts , so I was pretty sure we weren’t being robbed. As soon as I could think straight, I started to hate Dogger, she woke me up like that one other time when she was a smaller Dogger and all she did was growl - which woke me up because I was wondering how a motorcycle got into my living room and why was it gunning its engine? This morning, after I discounted the robbery motive, my next thought was that the paper delivery guy was pissed at me because I reported them for delivering my paper late, I thought maybe they had decided to show me by throwing the paper at my door early, really, really early. When I went out to get my paper, it was late, again. So I don’t know what she was upset about.

zzzzzzzWhat?Uh, Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I wonder how I could get that out of her. Could I hire Chris Noth to slam his hand down on a desk and shine a bright light into her face and be all mean to her until she talks?

Chris Noth – Why did you do it!
Dogger - I didn’t! I didn’t do anything!
CN – BANG! Quite lying to me! Why did you do it!?
Dogger – I don’t know!
CN – Did you have a bad dream? Was that it?
Dogger – I don’t remember my dreams!
CN – Sure. Sure. What were you thinking? Was it a joke? Are you mad at her and wanted to get even?
Dogger – No! It’s not that! I don’t know. Waaaaaaaahhhhh! I want my Mama!
CN – Sorry, Dogger. If you don’t answer my question, you won’t get to see Mama. Ever.
Dogger – The Not Dog is up all night every night. The Not Dog gets to wander around and sometimes Mama gets up with him. I just wanted Mama to get up with me! I just wanted Mama! The Not Dog is such a bastard! (weeping) he gets to do whatever he wants and it’s not fair! And sometimes he comes into my room and sniffs me! And then he leaves and, last night I was up playing with my toy and it got out of my house and I wanted it to come back and it wouldn’t and I thought it would but it didn’t and so I called to it but it wouldn’t so I needed Mama but she wouldn’t come!
CN – So, you’re saying it was a crime of passion?
Dogger – I lost my toy and my mind!

After Dogger successfully woke the house up, she went back to sleep. She went back to sleep, I did not. Kitty did not; he took advantage of all this to let me know that he was hungry or bored or whatever cats feel at 4 am. I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay in my bed and pretend I was still asleep. I was hoping to do such a good job pretending that maybe I would trick myself into really falling back asleep – Kitty isn’t as easily fooled. He knew I was awake.

I’m so tired.

My Shit List
The Kitty

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Things that piss me off

If you call me in hysterics because you need a certain facilities documents right now!!! or dismembered puppies are going to fall from the sky and the streets will turn red from the blood of a thousand dead kittens – if I don’t drop everything and do your bidding immediately, and then I do your bidding immediately and then you don’t pick up said documents until the next afternoon? You just pissed me off.


Tell me you need about a thousand pages of material for a facility and after I get you the thousand pages of material, call me when you get it and ask why you got a thousand pages of material because you really didn’t need a thousand pages of material, also, then bitch because I charged you for the thousand pages you asked for. You just pissed me off.


Tell me you are going to come look at some material and that you will be there at X time, and make sure you tell me how busy you are and how you really need me to be ready for you because you don’t have much time and after I find a place for you to look at the material and have everything ready for you, show up when ever you feel like it and don’t bother calling me to let me know you will be 45 minutes late? Don’t bother rescheduling, just show up when you’re ready. I didn’t want to eat lunch any way. You have just pissed me off.


If you work here. Just call me and ask that I hand deliver a chart to you, because you’re too lazy to walk down the hall to pick it up yourself, call me after you are finished with it and tell me you put it in my box on the other side of the building and I should go get it now. You have just pissed me off.

If you get “sick” a lot on Mondays and Fridays, so much so that even I notice, and then spend the days you do show up for work bitching and whining about how much work you have and how far behind you are. You have just pissed me off.

If you take exception to the request that office staff wear as little perfume as possible, because there are folks in the office who are whinny hypochondriacs taking advantage of the newest, hippest conditions to whine about whined to the PTB so the PTB sent out a request to get the whiney hypochondriacs out of their offices/off their phones/out of their in boxes and you wear strong perfume, as well as strongly scented hand cream, scented hair spray and you eat canned fish for lunch everyday. Don’t point fingers at people who have in the past brought pets to the office as the real contributors to the hypochondriacs’ current complaints. The pets are rarely there while you are there every day. One hour with your canned sardines/cheap perfume/nasty hand cream/awful hairspray is more odoriferous than a month with my cat. You have just pissed me off.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Candy is our friend

Attention fellow North Carolina residents! Have I got a cookie connection for you!

Do you like chocolate? Do you like graham crackers? Do you like those chocolate covered grahams they sell at the store? Those are lame. The true chocolate covered grahams are made by KP KANDIES and you can order them online from KP KANDIES

I've eaten them, they are made by a friends family and I can vouch for the cookies addictive qualities. A few of them a day will make the next four years at least in some small way, sweeter and easier to swallow.
Hee! Go Blue!

WASHINGTON (AP) The National Park Service has agreed to give thousands of anti-war demonstrators a prime spot along President Bush's inaugural parade route that will allow them to protest during the procession.

The anti-war group A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition is planning to erect its own bleachers in the space, an open plaza on Pennsylvania Ave., just a few blocks from the Capitol building, said Brian Becker, national coordinator for the group. The bleachers could seat up to 1,000 people and the park service estimates up to 10,000 could fill the space standing shoulder to shoulder.

"I don't think it's ever happened in history that the anti-war movement has ever been able to have this kind of setup," Becker said.

National Parks Service and DC tell Shrub to eat shit, full story here its going to be ugly, it may almost be worth it to watch the coronation.

from Boston News.Com, via Atrios, comments


Search for Banned Arms In Iraq Ended Last Month. It was over for 76 U.S troops last month too. Its over for 1,360 who died since this started. It is not getting better, it is not getting easier and we are not getting out.

from, and Washington
Weekend Worrier

It has come to my attention that I may not be able to complete my entry way redo project over the weekend. I may only be able to get the walls and doors painted. This makes me sad.

In a perfect world, I would be able to carry the fake bead board outside by myself, twitch my nose and have saw horses appear to keep board off the ground, have a band saw and some how know how to use it so that I could cut the board into the right sizes while keeping my figners the same size,and then I would paint the correctly sized pieces of fake bead board and install them by myself. Yeah. It’s also going to rain and get cold over the weekend. Its been warm, lovely and dry perfect for sawing and painting fake bead board outside for two weeks. But no. I need to saw and paint fake beadboard outside and now its going to be cold. Mother Nature is not a fan of DIY.

So, in a case of needless make upping last night, I spackled the back entry way. I enjoy spackling. They don’t show that much on the home improvement shows. They just paint over. This is what I’ve done in every room I’ve painted. I never spackled anything and as a result my walls look as though they have been attacked by generations of angry wood peckers. But not my entry way! It’s going to look like a room with out a past. A room where time, woodpeckers and random acts of vandalism have never happened. A virgin room. I did learn though that spackle is not wood filler and doesn’t want to be, it will allow you to fill a pretty good sized crevice but its not going to be all corrective and cast like, its going to be soft and fall out. It knows its limitations and it’s is also very afraid of the wood filler union.

It has also come to my attention that it takes more then a sharp look to cut wood. You can'y hurt its feelings so much that it wil get all broken up about it. It takes more then sharp wit to cut through fake bead board. Apparently, it takes something like a saw. I do not own a saw. I also do not own saw horses. I own an exacto blade and a ceramic reproduction of a Chinese horse. Try as they might, they will not be adequate for the job. Kind of like Shrub but with out the hubris, they know they aren’t up to the challenge and are totally open about it. The little horse was really apologetic and the exacto blade sent a card made out of poster board, it was really sweet, it said “Sorry, I can’t cut it”. I laughed through my tears.

Now what? I have picked out the wallpaper for the front entry way and have a pretty good idea what it’s going to look like. Yay. I mean, I’m not going to get any further on that than I will on the back entry way but I can dream. I have decided that I’m going to use the rest of my Christmas money to buy this very fabulous candelabra I saw at Lowes
 Posted by Hello

it will look fantastic in the front entry way. I was all excited about getting this way cool floor vac/cleaner thing
 Posted by Hello

on Ebay but other people kept driving the price up,hey, just because it retails for $135 does not mean it needs to sell on Ebay for that amount. I don't want to pay retail for it on Ebay. I feel fine about spending $20... too bad I'm the only one who felt that way. I also kind of decided that the sellers were kind of doing it because they were all being sold by the same people and the prices went up too fast by too much by too few. Bastards. Their greed is robbing me of clean floors but their loss is Lowes gain.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Next Up

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush has nominated Michael Chertoff to replace Tom Ridge as the Secretary of Homeland Security.

Go here for full story.

How clean do you think this guy is going to be, I mean, next to the last guy, he could be a serial killer and still look better by comparison, but maybe that was the plan, put up a very inappropriate candidate, one that would never get past the initial scrutiny and then put up the real guy, maybe a guy whose wrongness and faults are less obvious, perhaps he keeps his brown shirt at the back of his closet - a choice less glaringly lizard like, some one under the radar...

Gentlebloggers, start your engines, a Bushco choice is going to be a wrong choice, find this guys heel.

from Counter Punch .Org - how Bushco got to know Chertoff

DC First Responders last with Bush

D.C. officials told the registration-restricted Washington Post Monday that the Bush administration is refusing to reimburse the District for most of the costs associated with next week’s inauguration, breaking with precedent and forcing the city to divert $11.9 million from homeland security projects.

The region has earmarked federal homeland security funds for such priorities as increasing hospital capacity, equipping firefighters with protective gear and building transit system command centers.

Full Story: Here The Raw Story.Com .

Deep Sigh

The tree is packed up in its box and the box is back to guarding the attic from the infidels, the last left over, forgotten, rolled under the couch, ornament is back with its brothers and the vacuum is coated with a fine grit of sparkles and crushed plastic pine “needles”. Christmas is over. Sigh.

Now that all of that is behind me its time to get all exited about… the January white sales? Certainly not that feast of conspicuous debauchery Valentines Day. Why can’t Bill O’Riley bitch and moan about how that Saints day has been totally commercialized, scorched of its sacred religious meaning and run to ground and turned into a pagan celebration of S E X?, and what is the naked cupid thing? Naked? Naked is bad we hate nakidness. Nakid leads to lust and lust is bad bad and it leads to bad, naked, sinful things:like nakid Cupidy things! and Cupid is usually depicted as male, and while male nudity isn’t all that bad really, but we can not and will not deal with naked women. I mean after all, most of the high ups in the RNC make Richard Simmons look like Bruce Willis.

Bill O’Riley is such a good Catholic and did so much breast beating about the loss of Christmas, which I couldn’t hear over the constant blare of Christmas Carols on TV and the 24 hour Christmas Carol station on my radio and from every card table selling anything from August 8th on, and I could barely see his point for the huge and varied Christmas Decorations every where I went. I wasn’t really sure what exactly he was bitching about. He should be outraged at what secular society has done to St. Valentines sacred feast - but he won’t, unless the GOP tells him to and then he will, or things in Iraq get even worse and the base needs something shiny to get its attention and make it feel all abused and attacked and angry at those damn Libruls and by extension those Christ and St. Valentine hating secularists and non -Christians so I guess we have to wait on that because to the Base, hate is a Family Value.

What else? I went alone, shockingly to my Wendy’s for lunch today and ordered my Kids Meal and for the second time the yoyo behind the registered did not want to give me my toy or the bag that the meal and toy come in. I don’t want the bag but I’m not embarrassed about being seen with one either. I do however, want my toy. I had to ask for my toy and the yoyo looked at me in disgust, I had asked to see him naked under florescent light and only threw my toy at me like I had asked for a toddler to go. It was the same toy he gave me last week and I don’t want another bat, I want a snake or the lady big thing but no, the feeble yoyo won’t give me one. And he puts too much ice in my kiddy drink. Bastard. You would think he was thinking I was too cheap to buy a real grown up meal or something, which I am, but still he doesn’t need to be a bitch about it or get all high and mighty. He is wearing a paper hat so he isn’t even eligible for Mighty, high, possibly, but Mighty, never.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Good Morning!

NEWSWEEK has learned, the Pentagon is intensively debating an option that dates back to a still-secret strategy in the Reagan administration’s battle against the leftist guerrilla insurgency in El Salvador in the early 1980s. Then, faced with a losing war against Salvadoran rebels, the U.S. government funded or supported "nationalist" forces that allegedly included so-called death squads directed to hunt down and kill rebel leaders and sympathizers. Eventually the insurgency was quelled, and many U.S. conservatives consider the policy to have been a success—despite the deaths of innocent civilians and the subsequent Iran-Contra arms-for-hostages scandal.

I swear to Gawd if they trot out Ollie North... full story : Death Squads? first they bring back Dynasy and now they want to bring back El Salvador?

from The Poor Man, via Atrios
Long Days weekend into Monday

I watch Weekend Warriers. I watch them complete little home improvement tasks and I laugh at them. Who is their right mind thinks they are going to rip out their back patio, replace the awning and re-floor the whole thing and add a built in grill in a single weekend? Almost all of them! “Hmmm. I think I’m going to rip out the kitchen cabinets, lay new tiles, replace the counter tops and paint the walls... in three days! all for about $800!! Woo-Hoo! Cost savings! It doesn’t take a “professional” to remodel a kitchen!”, They’re not going to pay someone to do this!.

It takes them about a day and sixteen thousand extra trips to the home improvement store, an additional $1400 and a trip to the marriage counselor for it to sink in why there are people who do this for a living and why they maybe should have paid them to do this in the first place.

Every single one of them is sure their whole project regardless of how involved it is, is going to take them less time to complete then it takes them to finish a crossword puzzle. These people are so stoked by their idea and are sure that the fact they could think of it means they can do it - which is nice in a Climb Every Mountain River Deep Mountain High I Am Super Competent kind of way, but lets face it. If you can dream it, you can mess it up.

I watched one couple replace the linoleum their kitchen. They could have laid their new peel and stick over the linoleum, but no, not CEMRDMHIASC. There is this neat product I saw at the store today that removes the nasty stickum your flooring leaves behind, it also helps you when you are removing the flooring by easing the bond between the bad nasty must-go-now flooring and whatever lies beneath.. The people on TV felt that was not CEMRDMHIASC enough for them and they were going to use their very own CEMRDMHIASC finger nails to do the job. It turned into a mess. It always turns into a mess. Nothing goes the way is supposed to, and after watching as many Home Improvement shows as they must have, they should know it’s all going to go to hell, yet they all think that somehow a six hour task is going to morph into a four minute task because that’s how long is takes on TV. What the world needs is a real time home improvement show.

What has really surprised me is how well adjusted the couples seem, “It’s not “Reality”, I can hear the producers whispering its Do It Yourself”.I’m waiting for them to premier Do It Yourself Trial Seperation for the couples that require more editing. These couples are the fun part of watching this show, who cares about their troubles with the Pergo! how long will it take The Bickersons to kill each other? how many times will he measure a piece incorrectly before she throws an exacto at his head? How many unplaned trips back to the home improvement store before he abandons her there? Some of the couples don’t seem capable of making a joint decision regarding dinner plans much less a joint decision involving power tools.

Long story short, I’m going to tackle my back entry way. I have a three day weekend coming up,I have the paint, the fake bead board, the edging, the liquid nails and the time...and what I don’t have, I have a Broskey... Hey! Ya wanna cut some fake bead board into many little pieces for me?

Call me Weekend Warriorette. Oh, and my new weed wacker is gray.

Sunday, January 9, 2005


Saturday, January 8, 2005


Friday, January 7, 2005

The morning after

When torture lover Gonzales passess his hearings and he will because the GOP and its demonic minions are desperate to take us all to hell with them, do yourself a favor and get on your knees and pray with the rest of us that God knows we aren't all happy about it.

from Adventus
Yay! Happy Late Christmas Gift To Me

I just bought a weed wacker! online! Yay to shopping and comparing prices and not having to go to the store! I love the internets.
Do they make invitations to Pity Parties?

I thought I was going to end up eating by myself again today. Lately I have just not been able to get enough of myself, I can’t get over what a fabulous conversations I am and what witty, charming company I am. I “get” all my jokes, I think I have great taste and I voted for the right guy. All in all, I’m fabulous. I should bottle me.

Today, the roll of “Lunch Buddy” would have been played by The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Lets all share a round of applause for this trooper and bid a fond farewell to Holidays in Hell and thank it for all its hard work last week, it’ll be missed. There is nothing I like more then settling down to a good meal with a good book, by myself. Day after Day after Day. Three meals a day. I think the next time LB leaves her desk to go somewhere with out me I’m going to put a tack in her chair.

I could, in theory have gone home and started my laundries or mopped my kitchen floor or start to strip the tree, but those things sound like so much work and I am at work as it is I don’t want to go home and work there too, not before I have to; Also, if I wait to do start to do those things tonight or get it into my mind that I must do all those things tonight (because tomorrow the worlds coming to an end? because Martha Stewart got a day pass and is coming for tea? Because I’m afraid I’ll get fined by Good Housekeeping?) Gawd.

Hey, the stress and aggravation and almost certain failure will be fun! I just love the sense of nonaccomplishment I achieve by getting by setting the bar too high and demanding too much in too little time from myself and so ultimately setting myself up failure! Go Me.

But hey, maybe I like running around like a chicken with my head cut off for a few hours and starting seventeen projects and getting none of them finished and its knowing its all my own fault! There is nothing like over scheduling myself while at the same time being really, really lazy to really make me feel good about myself. I think I will also add to my to do list to curing cancer and ending world hunger and after I’m finished with that I think I’ll teach The Kitty to knit.


I didn't end up on my own. I had to wait an hour to finally get my lunch by which time I was willing to eat my own hand but at least I didn’t have eat my hand all by by myself. If I had eaten by myself I would have had some nice pizza and gone to the bank, instead I had room temperature mystery meat and didn’t make it to the bank, but since I did drive, we weren’t late coming back. I hate that. It’s very hard for me to feel superior to people who take long lunches when I take long lunches too. I can eat by myself and be a guest at my own pity party or I can have company and be a guest at someone else’s pity party. It’s a toss up.

Thursday, January 6, 2005

That was fast

Remember Shrubs "Coalition of the Helpful"? well. It was fun while it lasted. I do hope someone is standing by with a clip board to make sure that all $350 mill actually gets to where its going. Shrub has a very bad habit of not following through with promises of cash to places where the folks are less white and less Khristian then he his...
Enforcing whimsy!

I went through my desk before Christmas because I was under the impression that I had Christmas Carol CDs somewhere in the reaches of my top desk drawer. I didn’t. I found an assortment of CDs, none that I wanted to listen to, a book mark with the lyrics to You’re A Grand Old Flag, two years worth of office birthday cards, unsharpened pencils – thought, is it really a pencil if it is not sharpened? Does it need to have a point in order to have a point? And then, if it has to be sharpened in order to be all it can be, why do they hand them out unsharpened? I mean other then the public safety issue. My desk is full of them and the offices one pencil sharpener doesn’t work. I would throw them away but I might need to use them as chop sticks someday or I may need to lash them together and use them as a raft. A teeny, tiny raft. Or maybe, the under sized feral cat I feed outside may get hit by a car and he’ll need them for little kitty crutches. I could get all Emergency Vets and break one in half and use the pieces to make a splint for his little shattered leg or use two whole ones and make a little gurney thing to carry him in to one of the nurses here to look at and maybe she could scatter nurse dust on him and cure him of his smushedness . Yeah. I can dream.

I also came across about a dollar in pennies. It’s a good thing that there aren’t any vending machines that take pennies because I might be able to get rid of them or maybe I could put the lot of them in a sock and use it as a weapon the next time someone asks me to find a file I can’t, I can knock them unconscious, box them up and send them to archives. Right.

As I went through my top drawer looking for something seasonal, or eatable or vending machine friendly I ran across a stash of pictures apparently detailing a year in the life of a taxidermy squirrel named “Earl”. Earl had a better wardrobe than half of the people in the office and substantially better recreational gear there were no pictures of these but I remember he had at least one canoe a couple of speed boats, a ski-doo, and some home made skis. Earl was the first thing visitors saw when they entered our building, I would like to think it made us look like nice friendly, folksy types. Most of our visiters only knew our Enforcement side "You owe us $35,000, We're closeing you down, alerting the feds, and talking to the press", Earl let them know we had Whimsical side as well.

In attention to his role as greeter Earl was kind of a Calendar Boy, he was always dressed for the season and you would be surprised how many seasons you can invent when you get to use state time to play dress up with a squirrel. In the series of shots I found were Earl at a picnic, Earl as Tourist and Earl as Santa.


Picnic Earl Posted by Hello

Summer Earl Posted by Hello

Santa Earl Posted by Hello

Earl “retired” with the past director of our division and it is rumored that he fed Earl to his dogs. Not everybody loved Earl.

Wednesday, January 5, 2005

Very Cute

Go to this site and look at kittens . Little, tiny, kittens. Picture after picture after picture of kittens. It's very calming.
New Years Resolutions

I decided I should at least think about making some resolutions. I all ready have stated that I will at some point score a tool chest for my tools to live in. I’m pretty sure that they sell them at Poverty Barn but I’m also pretty sure they’ll make me buy one all ready stocked with tools, that’s kind of a Poverty Barn thing, to only let you buy the cheap thing if it is all ready filled with even cheaper things. I don’t need more cheap things cluttering up the place.

I will also refrain paying extra to get a pink tool chest. I’m secure enough in my femininity to not be threatened by gray. That is something else that annoys me, why is it that they sell pink hammers and decoupache socket sets in the first place? I mean, if I or any other woman needs to fix something or hang a something or just posses the tools to do so, why do they need to be decorative? I’m not going to leave the tool chest out on the coffee table and my hammer isn’t something I leave laying about for its decorative qualities. I mean, kill me if I ever buy such a thing and then gush about how pretty it is. And, a pink hammer? Have you ever looked at a hammer? Totally phallic. I’m pretty sure that selling pinks hammers is probably illegal in Alabama. Why do we insist on buying things that look like toys? Are we embarrassed about not being helpless? Do we think that the big strong man who sees our gray wrench will think less of us for having a wrench if it is not flowered and concealed by a wrench cozy?

Pink or Gray? Posted by Hello

Kind of off topic but, have you noticed that “feminine hygiene” boxes are now every color but pink? those are navy blue. If something is meant for girls it is almost always pink ( pink TVs, pink DVD players, Pink jam boxes) but Kotex boxes need to look nongender specific?

If we want to be taking seriously, we need to stop spending extra money to buy “cute” tools. As I say that I think “Hmm. If I saw a pink weed whacker I would so buy it just because it’s pink and pretty”. So as to not make myself a tool hypocrite. I now change my No Pink Tool Diatribe to No Pink Tools With The Exception Of The Higher Ticket Items. If the Lawn Care PTB would market a pink lawn mower, or a Hello Kitty ™ weed whacker, that would be cool. I would totally shell out extra for a pink chain saw – if I am all ready being all butch and useful cutting down a tree or turning downed limbs into fire wood, I might kind of like to look like a life sized “Storm Damage Clean Up Barbie”, while I’m doing it. And garundamntee that no man would be caught dead stealing it. No chain saw thief would ever live down such a thing being in his possession.

Thiefy Buddy – Dude.
Thief – What?
TB – Is that a pink chain saw?
T – I found it.
TB – Is it yours?
T – It is now.
TB – Fag.

So in conclusion – pink hammer? Bad, Hello Kitty™ weed whacker? Good.

I have months to mull over my tool issues. The yard won’t be doing anything interesting for months yet. My outside flowers either handle the cold better than I do or are in hibernation. I came home yesterday to find that the city had finally come and taken away the piles of dead leaves. I had thought while spending the last month or so looking at the leaf piles that the lawn would look better with out the piles of dead leaves, but it doesn’t; instead of semi decorative seasonal leaf piles outside I now have two scars from said seasonal decorative leaf piles. Oh, and moldy grass. Yuck. Moldy grass. Blech.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

It's Okay If You Are A Republican

"The new Congress convenes with House Republicans, leery of a bruising floor fight, stepping back from plans to significantly relax ethics rules that ensnared Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

"It would have been the right thing to do, but it was becoming a distraction," said John Feehery, spokesman for House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., referring to a relaxation in ethics rules including one that would have allowed party heads to retain their posts even if indicted

Because we want indited people to holding office? will they cahnge it when he goes to jail, which is a possiblity - did the GOP go soft on crime suddenly? are they now embraseing criminals? The GOP hated Clinton and wanted him out for cheating on his wife, unethical yes, criminal, no, but GOP bigwig Delay can illegally raise campaign funds,unethical yes and criminal? to be sure! hell yes! he has buddies who are going to go to jail for this very thing, that he's getting a slap on the wrist for, his henchmen in Texas who worked hand in claw with him and they will be in real life prison for a long, long time. IOIYAR.

full story here
Those were the days

Could I have?.. Could you find? I need. Isn't it obvious to these people that I am boxing up purged documents? That I'm on my knees surrounded by a mountain of paper? That I am busy and maybe they could come back later, say Friday? No. They all want me to pick myself up and go digging through the cabinets for the stuff they should have done last week, had they come to work, like I did. I was here and they were off in Gestadt or where ever it is people go on vacation to during the winter as long as they weren't swept away by a tsunami, and they clearly weren't, I don't feel all that excited about how much stuff piled up on their desks while they were gone. I vant to be left alone.

When I wasn't doing laundry or messing up my Direct TV over the weekend, I went to a cat show. I had been to one in the past but it seemed like a down market poor man's version of a real Cat Show. Imagine my surprise that it was just a regular cat show. They aren't fancy, cover acres of space or include any flashy competitions. Unlike Dog Shows where the animals are paraded about to cheering throngs, cats are hefted out of their tents and plopped in front of a judge that fondles it before making the big announcement. There are crowds (tiny) watching breathlessly but only because they are in the middle of a nic fit and they are dyeing to get this over with. There weren't a lot of Cat Show groupies or publicity people, it wasn't shown on Animal Planet and I doubt Chris Guest was hiding behind a display of leopard print kitty condos taking notes.

I didn't get to touch any of the cats either. I wanted to see what the hairless cats feel like. They look wretched. If you've ever wondered what a naked cat looks like, think about what a naked Olson Twin would look like with a few extra pounds and minus the huge sunglasses. It's not pretty. Cats are modest for a reason, they know what's under their fur and they know it's not going to get them into Maxim it's why they don't bitch about being hot in the summer, they don't want anyone to get the idea that they really want to be shaved. They don't. And just like the Olsen Twins, the naked cats don?t look happy either, well, none of the cats there looked happy, they all kind of looked asleep, but the asleep naked cats looked like they were dreaming of bathrobes or the Feline arm of the Hair Club.

While I was stalking the isles searching for freebies,you know maybe someone had a spare kittin they wern't useing, I noticed there are different kinds of display cages for cats. You have the large colorful Plexiglas box thingies that look all the world like curtained fish tanks and cat tents that look like well, like tents for cats. I prefer the cat tanks because they allow you to see the cats while the tents give them a certain amount of privacy. I was there for cat porn, privacy be damned.

I noticed something else, picture a cat face.Big eyes, perky ears cute little nose. Okay. I thought cats looked like cats looked like cats. They don't. Some have very prominent noses some have little button noses some don't seem to have any noses at all. If the cat is at the extremes of noses, say a Siamese at the All Nose end and some sort of fat, white fluffy breed one that was only identified by its dumb name Fauntleroy Haberdasher Pick Up Truck Mommies Baby Smith at the No Nose end that's how you can tell you are looking at the really expensive, hard core cat breeds, the kinds of cats you can't even really afford to look at. These are cats that come with admiration meters.

Kitty was an adoptacat. He has a very tasteful turned up nose. Starlets pay big bucks for his nose style. Kitty would have kicked ass at the show except he probably really would really have kicked ass at the show and I don't think cats are judged on how well or how fast they take down the competition in paw to paw combat. think he would do well in TV wrestling too but he hates wearing a collar so I don't think the big belt thing would work for him.

Monday, January 3, 2005

Insert Topical Title Here

Well. Happy New Year. Welcome back to real life.

No more long weekends, no more or less okay online shopping and time waste-age its Hi Ho Hi Ho Back To Work We Go. Welcome to January, February, March and April. The only time off you can count on between now and the summer months is sick time. Good luck with that.

It doesn’t looks as though I can even count on a good head cold this year, it was 70 degrees on New Years Day and it was almost as warm today. I took my outside lights down and had them boxed up in less time then it took me to decided where I was going to put the first strand. I got all my extension cords dealt with, unplugged the timer and, and, it was still on. There is a battery hidden behind a little door locked behind a tiny screw. I took it to the basement and went to where my screw drivers live, actually, where my screw drivers are supposed to live. I found a couple of the probably dozen or so that should have been there. I have about a dozen that call my house their home. They are very close knit bunch, where there is one there is usually more, but lately, every time I hide a a dust gerbil under a table I find another tangled up inside, there must have been a family fight.

I found three screw drivers and none the right size for the tiny screw. It ended up being a twenty-five minute process to do a forty-five second job. I did get the tiny screw out and the battery freed, but still. New Years Resolution Number 1 - Get Myself an Actual Tool Chest. I have tools they need somewhere to hang out - hammer, nails, the screw driver family, six and a half inch adjustable crescent wrench and the thingy that does something with wires and coax. Anyway, I’m tired of playing hide and seek with my stuff. I should not be asking myself what McGiver would do every time I have a home improvement project to handle.

Sigh. I mean Yay! I got all the outdoor lights down and boxed up! I even got the little tree stripped and put away and the creche set boxed up. I gathered up all the small Santas and put them to bed, I started on the big santa’s annual 12 month check up before they go to bed too - it turns out that Kitty doesn’t like men with beards! He really feels that they are hiding something and it is up to him to remove their disguise’s and make them come clean. The new santa was so taken a back by this intrusion he jumped off the table top! He is also undergoing treatment.

The outside lights are in boxes on the floor but I haven't taken them upstairs yet, I hate to say good bye. The big tree is still up. I like it. It makes for a really interesting floor lamp and in theory if I took off the more Christmas centric decos and concentrate on the more Winter Yay! themed figures, I think I could keep it up for at least a little longer. Maybe add some little MLK things and then some little valentines stuff and then maybe some Easter Eggs and, and... people are doing that now, keeping up their trees year round and just re-purposing them, but if I’m taking off the Santa’s and the Rudolphs and the candy canes and the I might as well start taking off everything else and I don’t wanna start on that...If I close the blinds the neighbors won’t know the tree is still up.

I’m hoping that over the weekend that somebody at work took it upon themselves to take the tree there down. I doubt it, but I’m going to hide in my office behind the cabinets until some one who is not me, gets their elf on and takes it down.