Friday, April 30, 2004

Tell David Smith that making our war dead invisible and dishonoring their total sacrifice is counter to showing support for them.

David D. Smith, CEO
Sinclair Broadcast Group
(410) 568-1500 x1504

Remember, to watch Nightline tonight
Yard Dog

I took Dogger on a different route today for our walk. I get bored walking the same routes day after day. It gets old. I think Dogger likes to mix it up herself a little, sniff new smells see new sights. I think so at least, for her part Dogger doesn’t say much either way and she keeps her inner dialogue to herself.

The new and improved route we took last the one I see people on with their dogs every morning when I’m turning into campus to go to work. I always wondered where they were going and why they were there. They are there because its pretty! And peaceful and it smells good. It’s right off the main road, across from the prison within site of death row, You would never know from the path. The only lifers on this side of the road are bunny rabbits, squirrels, song birds and flowering vines. A little creek burbles by. I felt like Snow White.

We came across the worlds slowest squirrel. It sat there for so long I was wondering if the squirrel had mistaken dogger for a lost deer. It came with a hair of getting up close and personal with the business end the not really a deer. I’m would have made a great chew toy for Dogger, she would have loved digging the squeaker out.

We had the best time. We even met another dog and some people and Miss Dagger behaved like a lady. She didn’t lunge at the people, hardly at all and she didn’t even try to taste test the little dogs ears, much. The little dog was yipping and yapping and trying to be all tough and thuggy. Dogger was all sweetness and light. The people even commented on how calm Dogger was. Dogger doesn’t have to be thuggy with yappy little dogs. She saves her thuggery for her chew toys and random people walking past the house - conveniently for both of them, out of her reach. The last thing I want is to look out the window and see Dogger playing tug of war with one of the drug dealers customers. Dogger has stronger jaws, weighs more and is in better shape then most of them but I’m afraid they are better armed.

By the time we came back it was twelve hours since her last meal and she was looking at me like what she imagines poor starving doggers must look like. After all, she had two rides in the truck and a long walk. She was exhausted! Sleeping all day, riding in the car and then a walk! Poor thing.

After I fed Dogger I mowed the yard. I had thought all this time that I had the mower set on the“Sir! Yes Sir!” New Recruit setting but instead it was set on “Just A Little off the top, I’m letting it grow out” Suburban mom

. I should have known. There are these raggy little flowering weeds that sit out there and smirk at me every night when I pull into the drive way. I look at and say “those little bastards are going to be first against the wall when the mower revolution comes”. But the little bastards get away from me every damn weekend! So I reset the mower and showed them Revolution. I kind of like those little flowering weeds in other peoples yards. They look cute in kind of a shaggy chic way. In my yard they look like ass and they must die.

I discoverd after mowing the back yard that it is like a balding man. I should barber the yard like you would barber a balding man, keep what little is there longer, it looks better. If it gets too short you see how sparse it really is. Sigh

Thursday, April 29, 2004

From Reuters: Raise All The Funds You Want Buddy.
Disagreeing like cats and dogs

Diana Had a very long day at work so the little animals agreed to handle todays entry. Todays topic “You are What You Have Eaten”

Kitty - I own this. I am the King of mischief. There is nothing worth putting “up” beyond my ability to toss, push or throw it off to its death. I have broken things bigger than me. I have left a wake of destruction in my wake that is awesome. I make huge messes and get away with a scolding and cuddle.

Dogger - How many TV remotes have you eaten?

Kitty - I don’t eat things. I leave things shattered..

Dogger - Shattering stuff is not the same as eating stuff.

Kitty - How many times have you eaten something and been forcefully cuddled as your punishment? You eat things without knowing. You slobber on something and get yelled at and put in your box, I get moved. Cats’ know what they are destroying. Dogs destroy mindlessly.

Dogger - Mindlessly? you think for one moment I didn’t know I was chewing her favorite bra? Phhht.

Kitty - It was there and you were teething. Mindless.

Dogger - I plan what I’m going to chew.

Kitty - You’ll slobber over what is in front of you.

Dogger - Slobber? I’m not one of those slobbering breeds.

Kitty - What breed are you exactly? Tick Tock, if you don’t know...

Dogger - And you are what kind of Cat? . Is Fat an actual breed?

Kitty - I am Rubenesque.

Dogger - “Rubenesque” the fat kid who won that Talent Show? ‘Cause Kitty, you’re fat.

Kitty - Fluffy. I am Fluffy

Dogger - a couple of minutes ago you were Rubin Stoddard, now your fluffy?

Kitty - Why don’t you go gnaw on something?

Dogger - I get exercise, I walk every day. Nothing sticks to these hips. Do you have hips? Where do your legs go? Little tiny, spindly things.

Kitty - I can’t be spindly and fat.

Dogger - Your legs are spindly, your body is fat. You are a fat animal.

Kitty - How many cats do you know?

Dogger - I know you and your fat butt, I think that counts for at least two and if I count your dew laps, I know a lot of cats.

Kitty - You know a lot of cat . I am a lot of cat. And, I knock something off a shelve? I get fed. You knock something down? You get put away. Advantage Kitty.

Dogger - Fat Kitty. Fat increasingly slow Kitty. Keep knocking things to the floor. Wait. I’ve just learned to down, I’ll be down there, waiting.

Kitty - You forget Dog. Every part of me is sharp. You wait.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Better Living Through Letting The Other Guys Do All The Work

I think I’ve decided what I want. I don’t want to have to paint my own walls or deal with clean up. I want to live on a home improvement show!

Everything is so neat and tidy in those worlds. The walls get painted, the wood work gets done and there is isn’t a drop of stray paint anywhere. Their clothes are even more or less clean. They aren’t walking smurfs or white haired before their time. They glow. They just wander around watching the show’s elves do all the real work. Sure, the host may come by once ain a while and whine about getting stuff done, what a fake out, all that created drama - Of Course It’s Going To Get Done! It’s the whole point of the show, everything gets done,. No one spends the better part of a week with a damp dresser in the middle of their living room or have their basement full of even damper dresser drawers. If they are ever put out, they are put out “cute”. Bastards..

In also want a band of elves to do most of my work for me. I mean, I would some of it, the cute parts of it, the easy eye level work, no bending down. I might even use a step stool if the paint was thick and not likely to drip down my arm or get in my eyes. I hate that. I also think having a designer on site would be good too, I pick colors fairly well, but I am lost with furniture placement and fabric choice. I think the elves could also take stuff back to the home improvement store for me too. I think I should eat lunch over lunch. The elves would live for returning stuff to the store.

It would also be nice to have a lot of people around, people who could stay up late and finish all the jobs for me so I could sleep. I think the elves could also clean the brushes and deal with the paint pans too. The elves could also be responsible for supplying me with clothes that I could just throw away after I was finished for the day. I don’t like ruining my clothing. There are only many paint shirts one girl needs.

Where was Paint Shirt One? Paint Shirt One is hidden somewhere in one of my closets, safely away from the paint. Paint Shirt One is very sensitive to color and seems to prefer the richer colors, light blue would have made it depressed. I’m sure it is very sad it missed the stain experience, brown is such a rich color. And so stain-y so permanent in nature, so hard to get out. Paint Shirt Two is going to kick Paint Shirt One’s ass. Paint Shirt One is going to be all “Sheeeeit, you don’t know from stained until you have had bright red oil based exterior grade paint splashed all over you, you don’t know from stain. and then Paint Shirt Two is going to be all Red? Red is an okay color, with red you score a Halloween costume, splashed red paint is nothing. Brown Stain is mush worse, brown is just nasty.

My clothing and I are no longer on speaking terms, I need What Not To Wear to stage an intervention.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004


Be afraid, be very afraid...

This is how Shrub Supports The Troops?
Home Computer, Sweet Home Computer

Finally. The whole tour grind was really getting me down, as much as I loved collecting all those snowglobes and paper weights and groupies, it is good to be home. I have done more traveling then that little Expedia(tm) troll thing.

Mother Nature was all up in my face today. This afternoon she really needed to talk and frankly, she over shared. Once she started to open up it was TMI City. Despite Mother Natures need to let us all feel her pain, Dogger and I needed to walk.

That Mother Nature is a real bitch. We hardly got any walk at all before the sky started to look like a wet blanket and it began to drip all over us. Dogger does not like rain and she hasn’t learned to look at it as a surprise bath. Dogger only likes warm showers and only those because she gets many, many bones to help soften the blow. Dogger is not a natural born water dog, she had to be taught how to swim, if left to her own devises she would just sink like a stone and she’s never gotten to like swimming enough to do it on purpose, pity, she has large enough flippers to swim to Canada. She could be a great all natural outboard motor, and with gas prices being the way they are now... I could rent her out all summer! There are a lot of lakes around and many of them have prohibitions against power motes. I bet they wouldn’t have a problem with a dogger motor! she’s quite, more or less, she doesn’t leak petroleum products and what she does leak, is totally biodegradable. I think the Sierra Club would want to know about this alternative power source. It could put a lot of otherwise unadoptable big dogs to good use.

It would empty out the shelters, all those over sized dogs that just languish at those places until they are either put down or languish into furry throw rugs would suddenly be useful, local humane societies could finally get really nice facilities and it would be so good for those dogs self esteem and confidence and they would probably not eat small children because they would be too tired from being out boards all day that they wouldn’t have the energy to nosh on toddlers. I mean, people would take advantage of the dogs, because people in general suck, but if they worked their big dog too hard it would just eventually drown and leave them to die in the trackless deep or the muddy shallows or whatever. Boats sink.

I could just see it. Little dogs on little boats in the shallows, maybe with little kids at the helm! It would be so cute. Puppy Power! Those puppies would grow up to propel bigger boats and it would be a world of happy, useful dogs and their would always be leetle puppies at the lake to play with and lot’s of little kids would spend the summer around little puppies. Puppies who spend time with people turn into happy, well adjusted dogs, kids who spend time with dogs turn into happy well adjusted people.

Could you imagine all those puppies in swim class? All those tiny swim wings? All the Mama Dogs standing by with towels and cameras? I think the teachers would be German Short Haired Pointers named Lars, but maybe, for the puppies they would use Beagles so that they wouldn’t be that much larger then the students. I think on the first day of class they would throw a one of those Taco Bell dogs into the water to prove that there is no such thing as a dog too small to swim, Maybe a specially trained Cat for the non-sporting breeds. I
think it could work

Monday, April 26, 2004

Fun In The Sun

After much soul searching . Is this what I really want to do? , advise gathering “Is this what you would do? , research How do I do this?. I finally took the big leap and spent Saturday in the sun staining the tiles on my front deck, my clothing, my shoes, the driveway and The Kitty.

Oh, and I got some stain on my dresser too. I went to my local do it yourself place and did it myself. It would have been nice if there would have been some one handy to help me Do It Myself, but I guess that would run counter to the whole Do It Yourself thing that they have going. “Don’t ask us! Do it yourself!”, having a lackey around to tell me what it I was buying would be too easy and might cause me to not have to come back and buy the right stuff when I figured out what I bought was not the right stuff. Measure once buy twice.

Stain. intentionally permanently staining an object. How unnatural! How nice it would have been to actually have a wood stain instead of wood paint masquerading as stain. Stupid Gel Stain.

Brosky came over and helped me move the big enormous thing outside, prior to that I had to empty out the drawers which I did in a hurry, the night before as if I was practicing for some contest or was about to be tested on how fast I could clean out a dresser. Fast but not well was the verdict. I may never see my clothes again because for some reason I felt compelled to hide everything from what I don’t know, but I really had to get all the clothes away! And where they would be safe. Like I was preparing for some tee-shirt eating monster to come charging in.

I didn’t notice how many drawers my dresser had until I had to deal with each one on an individual bases. A lot is how many, many, many , many drawers. Big drawers, smaller drawers, really itty bitty drawers .I think they spent there time making more of the itty bitty drawers while I was spending most of the after noon painting the enormous dresser itself. Painting not staining. Staining would have been what I had wanted to do, not what I was doing. I had to move on and do with what I had. So I painted.

If I had planned on painting it , I would not have planned on painting it brown. I would have painted it white, a bit on the Shabby Chic side for the look I was going for, but I could have lived with it being painted white but ... I wanted to stain it! I wanted... I ... it’s brown! I have to move on past the brown dresser disaster and on to other things. Like fabric swatches.

The good thing about the painty stain was it did briefly give me the appearance of the dark pre-cancerous tan that I have always dreamed about possessing but was too cheap to go to Jamaica to get. My friends at work spend big money on getting that dark. Had I but known that the fastest way to that tan was spilling stain all over myself, I would have done it years ago. No more "Leche Legs" for me! I had that dark pre-cancerous tropical tan that people spend big money on and that dermatologists name their yachts after, "Come have some Fun In The Sun aboard the SPF 2 (BYO tanning lotion)" .

I suggested one of my friends at work that as a money saving tactic maybe instead of spending the cash on the fake bake she could just work out in her yard or walk her dog or something that might put her in contact with the actual sun that might produce an actual pre-cancerous natural tan instead of her pricey fake bake pre-cancerous tan,. She demurred. I guess microwaveing is not just for popcorn anymore.

Sunday, April 25, 2004


Saturday, April 24, 2004


Friday, April 23, 2004

The Good With The Bad

Remember a few days ago when I was doing a Congo line around my office because I had finally collected enough scratch to replace my dead computer? And I hauled off and bought a new one? it was a big day. Well, for me anyway. You might be enjoying the tour of public facilities and playing "catch that transmittable disease" or getting excited by playing the at home version of Law And Order, but frankly, I am way over it.

The other day I came home and there was a sticky note on my front door letting me know that UPS had been there. I am assuming that the UPS person took a quick look around the neighborhood, and after making sure his wallet was still where he left it, decided that he was not going to leave anything out where it could possibly be mistaken for carrion and get carried off by the neighborhood vultures. I understand that. He could have left it with the nice neighbors, but I don't exactly have a sign in the yard saying "This Way To The Nice People, Guaranteed Not To Sell My Stuff At The Flea Market Out Of The Trunk Of Their Car because ya know, that wouldn't be neighborly and might piss off the neighbors that would steal my stuff and sell it at the flea market out of the trunk of their car.

So. I grabbed the sticky off the door and rolled over to the library and looked up the address and got the directions to the UPS place and a nifty rash. They will wipe the screen off while you are still sitting in front of it but God Forbid they as much as dust the keyboards and the less said about the mice the better. Anyway I made plans to go to the UPS place the following day.

I find the UPS place, surprisingly and I only passed it up one time, Go Me! I waited around for a while and got rewarded with my box. Yay Box! I put it in the truck and went on my merry way.

And then I got home. I wasn't going to unpack it because it was nearing nine o'clock and I had a show to watch and I didn't really want to get into it with the machine just yet - Hey, Angel only has so many episodes left and I didn't want to half watch it. The show wasn't supposed to start just yet so I opened the box. I pulled out my new computer, mouse pad, mouse pad and keyboard, and approximately 378 different preloaded disks. All good. I did notice that among the 378 preloaded disks they included a pre-loaded AOHell disk even though I clearly told them that AOHell was not my choice and not the ISP I wanted pre-loaded This ended up being a sign of things to come.

I plugged everything in and sat down in front of the screen and prepared myself to be dazzled…

So far, nothing shiny.

Okay, it sings. Go it. My speakers do work!

Good, the screen is working, slicked right on, little messages from Dell, little messages from Windows. Okay. All systems go!

"Now Hit The Next Key" the machine sang at me.

I took the mouse and, and, nothing the pointer didn't even twitch. I moved the mouse again. Maybe it fell asleep or something. It's a version of Windows I haven't used before and maybe it does things differently.


Long story short, it never moved. I called tech support in Bombay; I switched the keyboard and mouse hook ups to see if maybe they were put in backwards or something. Nope.

So the good news is, I have a new computer, the bad news is, it doesn't work.

Edited to add, It Works Now!!!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2004

See no Dead, hear about no dead, Know about no dead

What George Bush doesn't want you to know about from the Seattle Times. The woman featured in the interview that accompanys the photo this is what happened to her from CNN.Com
Dear Answer Dogs,

If 100-pound Dogger jumped under the couch when Kitty snarled, does that mean Kitty is bigger than Dogger?

Signed Wondering,

Dear Wondering,

The Kitty has very high self esteem and Dogger has body image issues.

Dear Answer Dogs

Dear Answer Dogs,

You need an archive of the answer dogs. You need more answer dog questions. What's up with people not writing to the answer dogs? They are so funny!

Loyal Reader

Dear Loyal Reader,

It makes us sad too! No one hardly ever wants to talk to us and that makes us wander around the house with sad dog expressions and we won't play with our toys and we're all listless and mopey and then we curl up in little dog balls in the corner of the room and sigh . We love having people ask us questions! we know there are people out there because we can hear the tap, tap of their key boards echoing in the ether. We'll answer anything! we even love cats! The Counter Point Kitty handles cat questions! help us help yoooooooo!

The Answer Dogs and the Counter Point Kitty

Make the dogs happy! ask them a question!
This Yard was his Yard, This Yard is her Yard…

While Diana is obsessing over the pros and cons of various furniture stains and how each shades may directly positively or negatively effect how the dresser see's her and thus effecting the outcome of the Rest of Her Life, Dogger and The Kitty have a sit down

The Kitty starts the meeting.

Dogger intones "...As we travel through the valley of the…"

I think we can skip the benediction- Kitty says.

" I fear no… What?" Dogger says, "I do this all the time, like under my breath. Skipping the benediction is fine, whispers "evil…"

"You cut that out!" Kitty spits

…"The Lord Is A German Shepherd, I shall fear no cats…"

Kitty says, "Did I say we were skipping the benediction? I really think I said we were skipping the benediction Dogger"

"I Pledge Allegiance…" Dogger starts

"Do you even know what the pledge is? Look at you! You can't even sit up properly and you put the wrong paw up, put your other front paw over your heart. Pathetic. Don't do it if you can't do it. I asked you here today Dogger. We have issues and they are all about you!"

"Me?! Dogger says, "I'm the problem? I'm flawless. I don't do anything!"

"Are you on drugs?!" Kitty says

"Just Frontline™ but I don't take that as much as have it apli-"

"Shut Up" Kitty snaps and then goes on,

"I don't do anything? You got into the carpet shampoo didn't you? Define Anything! You do all kinds of things. Big stinky things! You make the yard all gross. Do you know how hard it is to attract birds to a yard when you are running back and forth like some sort of demented toy? It was perfect before you go here. There was nice grass in the back yard and no fence. You suck".

Dogger is stunned,"This is about the yard? What do you think we're supposed to do in the yard? It’s the outside! And, it is not gross, it is natural. You are the gross one, litter breath."

"You don't even cover it up! are you trying to let your prey know where you are? It's about being predatory! You big dumb dummy!" Kitty said.

"I weight 100 pounds. If they don't want to see me or it, they can stay out of my yard. The yard isn't for slinking around hiding from "prey" any way; the yard is for running around. And, if any one here is a "Demented Toy", elevensies anyone? Anyone else run around for no reason? Out of nowhere? Almost daily?" says Dogger.

"I do not hide from my prey! I sneak up on it, and I do not slink around, I am being covert! And as to the other thing, shut up!" Kitty says

"Whatever.." Dogger smiles ,fhhhht.

"Did you just fart?" Kitty asks, shocked

"Yup". Dogger , smileing again

"That's disgusting!" Kitty says, still shocked

"Disgusting? it's gone in a moment, you honk out cat breath all damn day! right now for example? I'm breathing through my eyes" Dogger responds, frowning

"YOU CAN NOT BREATH WITH YOUR EYES!" Kitty responds, outraged

"Through, not with" Dogger snips, "And I can so it's a skill passed down by my retriever ancesters."


What "prey", what have you covert-ed up on lately?" asks Dogger

"I don't have to tell you" The Kitty counters.

"Not a damn thing! Not one damn thing!" Dogger crows.

"And you are some sort of killing machine? I quake in terror!" says Kitty.

"And you should! Do you have any idea what I could do to you if I wanted to? have you seen my toys? Totally Gutted!"

"Kitty, Hissssssss!MrrrwwwwwwwrrrrrrSpit!grrrrrrr

From under the sofa Dogger says "That was completely uncalled for!".

"This is getting us nowhere. Do you want to tear apart the new magazine while I shred the phone bill?" Kitty suggests

"Bring it On!" says Dogger.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Thank God

Judge in Kobe Bryant case rules accuser's previous medical, psychological records not admissible in trial.

Watch CNN or log on to for the latest news.
The Early Bird Special

I got the room painted. I even went over it a second time. It is well and truly painted. It looks great. Very soothing, very blue. I now have to think about the rest of the furniture in the room. I had been waiting until I knew what I wanted to do with the room before I hauled off and did anything with my dresser. It's large and what ever I do with it; it's going to be a big job. A big potentially messy job. That potential for mess part alone has kept the thing in the same unfinished state it was in when I bought it, six years ago.

I also don't want to think about having to moving it. It is not the kind of thing I can just pick up and haul back and forth to the driveway to have my way with it. What ever ends up being done is going to be done in sito.

Painting it is probably the fastest option, but its still going to need to be sanded and if I am going to make that much of a mess I would rather stain it to match the bed. But. stain is messy and I don't think I can be trusted to stain a big hulking piece of furniture and not also end up with a brown carpet as part of the bargain. I have seen on my home improvement shows that brown is making a decorating comeback, but I don't think that I want to be that trendy - not that I am in love with the pink carpeting in there, but it is still nice and I have a certain devotion to anything I don't absolutely have to replace, granted, there is hardwood flooring under that pink carpet, but the carpet trumps the wood as carpet is soft and the wood is, um, hard and given to being cold first thing in the morning and I have enough excuses to not get up when I am supposed to with out adding "The floor is too cold" to the list.

If I got through and do all the staining or painting or whatever with the dresser, I then start to think about furniture placement and that just makes my head hurt. I can really imagine myself making me very crazy with where do I really want the bed to be and where I really think the dresser should go and do I really want the carpet after all? I just got this wild hair to paint the walls and all of a sudden I'm thinking about staining the dresser and ripping up the carpet. I also am going to have to do something about the drapes. In an "I don't want to have them anymore" way. I really like the windows in there now that I took the drapes down and I think they should be seen, but at the same time I like the dark. A Lot. I don't want to wake up with the sun every morning and that room gets all the sun. It takes from the other windows and will steal the neighbor's sun too. That room gets bright. And Hot. So I'm going to have to have something on the windows that both stops the light and allows the architectural interest aspect of the windows to be seen.

Since I got all Trading Spaces on myself - despite washing my hair every night I still have enough blue in my hair to qualify for a senior citizens discount, The Kitty has morphed into some sort of vile tempered Smurf and I think Dogger is getting stoned off the paint fumes.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Democracy isn't for Sissies

It isn't for people with schedules or for clock-watchers either. Put away the Timex and step away from the dayrunner.

The day started off really well. I got up, I voted in my caucus, which despite the fact it was over two miles away and I had never been there before, I did not get lost trying to find. I went to the library and checked my email came home and mowed the lawns, ate lunch. All this before noon! Really, really efficient use of time. I was looking around for the Efficiency Committee to bustle in and give me a Certificate of Appreciation and take my picture or something. I was on a roll.

And then. Then I left for the convention. The Democrats were having a mixer and I had an invitation. I had my little yellow card in hand and my Official Khaki pants of good works on and my little I Am Earnest And Work For The Little Guy And Drive A Ten Year Old Truck blouse and I was good to go.

So into the building I go. I and a couple of guys with signs for candidates enter the building. The Dems have good signage. Go Us.

Go, Go, Go went us. Up and down hallways down stairs and apparently, into the basement. On the way we passed a very nice, very large, very well appointed. Very not for us, room. We kept going.

Finally we heard the sound of guilty laughter. We had found our people! Liberals can feel comfortable laughing at very few things with out at least some one in the group writing to The Nation to let every one else know that this joke is out there and we should start a petition against this joke at once! And we should all get down on our knees and perform some sort of group Mea Culpa because we didn't write the letter ourselves.

But there we were. We all had on our official Khaki pants of Good works as though we had all just driven in, in car pools, in electric cars, from some well digging project.

We were there to be Democrats. So it started late, they ran out of chairs, didn't make enough copies, didn't know who was supposed to be there, didn't know what handouts they had given us. Later on when they wanted us to turn to page 7 of our hand out half the crowd didn't have a page 7 but they did have a page 5 and is that the same? Waaaah.

We started by voting on the minutes from the last convention. This took about an hour. And then we voted on the platform. There were 37 items on the platform. For the record, the democrats in NC officially did not approve of the War in Iraq, and at least one African American woman did approve of Bush's Man/Woman marriage thing, but then an African American man to stood up and said that not all African Americans thought that way.

Every time one item was read some one had to go up and speak on how important that item was. Then there was some one who didn't like the item and wanted it changed. And then we had to have some one speak on how the change was good and then we had to ask permission of the original speaker for the item to change the item. And then we had to vote and then some one had to bitch about the vote, And then we had to vote again and some one else had to stand up and bitch about wither the change, and then we had to stand up and be counted. Lather rinse repeat 35 times. It was supposed to end at five. Some kind soul stood up abruptly at 5:45 and demanded we adjourn. We did. Finally, on item 25, which caused the head of the man frothing at the mouth about item 25 to explode. Democracy also isn't for people afraid of a little gore.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Clothes call

After searching through my closet for something appropriate to wear to an employee recognition lunch at a country club - I have come to the shocking conclusion that I have, for the past several years, bought all my clothing from Mrs. Yoders House Of Amish Couture. How else would I have ended up dresses more suitable as a pink tent and flowered awning?Or a lovely floral car cover? Deep Sigh, this is what happens to your wardrobe when you don't have to dress up for church?
Playing Dress Up

Ack. Tomorrow is Administrative Para-Professional nee' Secretaries Day and the powers that be are taking us to lunch. Yea! No plant for me to kill this year, Boo! I have nothing to wear!

Do you think they would take it wrong if I wore jeans and a teeshirt with "If You Paid Me Better I Could Dress Up Too"? written on it?
Paint gets in My Eyes

On Thursday night I decided that it was time to paint my bedroom, that the swatches taped to the wall were not the same as actual paint and I wanted to get this done now.

I took at long look at those swatches and after some study one was a shade above all the others, it was The Blue! This was to be my room color! I took it to work Friday and said that I was going to go right after work on the buy this paint. I was going to get the walls taped and I was going to start painting those walls blue right away.

Well. On the way to the paint store I passed a house with a ton of stuff piled by the curve. Poverty has turned me into a trash diver, and in the stuff piled up was a mirror. A framed mirror. I had wanted one for my bedroom wall! I had been look at a couple on eBay, the prices were right but the shipping wasn't. So here was one just sitting there. I couldn't turn around in the street and I was a mission anyway.

Everybody was on a mission. I couldn't get to the paint store and I had to go around Robin Hoods barn just to get back to where the mirror was. I did get back and when I got there some one else was picking through my stuff! It was okay though, he didn't want my mirror so I allowed him to live.

I got my mirror! But by this time I really needed to get back to Dogger. I would go later to get the paint. I did.

I marched in, went to the paint counter and didn't have the swatch. I marched back to my car, found the swatch and marched back. The guy mixed my paint and... and it didn't look right. It looked Aqua. It was supposed to be Light Blue. It was Aqua...

None the less I took it home and got to the painting. It was worse then aqua once I got it on the wall. It was Toothpaste! I was standing there looking at toothpaste! on my wall! I stood there and said "This is what it looks like inside a tube of toothpaste. It isn't even blue toothpaste, it is mint green toothpaste! You are supposed to be Light Blue! Light Blue! Damn it!".

I painted the short wall to see if a lot of it appeared more blue then just a little bit on the wall. No... It stayed green. I tried rationalizing it. Maybe it will turn blue in time. Maybe if it spends enough time with blue sheets will turn it blue...

I thought about learning to like it. I have learned to like a lot of things I didn't initially like. It's part of life - But then I said, "Wait. This isn't something I have to learn to like! This is my bedroom. I control this world. If I don't like it I don't have to learn to like it. I'm going to relook at my swatches and I am going to get different paint. Blue Paint.

And I did. I carted that bad green paint back to the store and got my money back. I found a blue I liked and after getting a second and third random stranger to swear that it was actually blue, I bought my paint. My room is now a lovely light blue and despite a very long shower, so am I. Call me Painter Smurf.

Saturday, April 17, 2004


Friday, April 16, 2004

TV Guided

I was right on April 21, 2003 and I am still right.

FCC chairman Newton Minow said in 1961 said that TV programming was a vast wasteland. He hadn't even had a chance to see "Fear Factor"

Reality Television and Rupert Murdock have laid waste to the television landscape. This is true and I am always right, this is my blog and it is all me all the time. This is me ranting.

I have learned things in the wasteland. I watched the first man walk on the moon, I watched the Watergate Hearings, I watched the Shuttle blow up. Twice. I watched tragedy. I also saw the little girl get pulled from that well, I watched the Berlin Wall come down. I watched Lady Diana marry Prince Charles. I watched a little gymnast get a gold medal on a hurt foot. Though TV, I have shared cultural mile stones with not just those around me but everyone, everywhere with a TV. I am grateful for this.

This has given me shared experiences to talk about with people from all over the world. I can go to a forum and ask what folks remember about a given event and get responses from regions I would not have guessed would have even heard about the incident.

Part of it I am sure is the reach of our media and the sweep of our glitzy, Made for TV culture that has been cultivated by The Powers That Be for foreign consumption. We’re richer, stronger, taller and better dressed. At the same time we’re not as educated, literate, or politically involved as our European brethren. It Doesn’t Matter, we are over paid, over sexed and over there. We are always going to be the prettiest girl at the party and everyone is always going to want to dance with us.

The media has done such a good job at spreading the word about our fabulous – ness, why are they always wrong?

Why is it that in portraying the huge cultural diversity that is our nation for public consumption that we have been whittled down to a few wildly offensive “types”.

On the East Coast, usually portrayed by New York City, everyone is either 1.) Irish Catholic or 2.) Jewish. There are no Protestants on the City. You are either a cop or a lawyer. You are a drunk/ an addict, or you where in the past a/n drunk/addict or well on your way to being a/n drunk/addict in the future. You followed in your fathers foot steps even if you really didn’t want to, or your Old Man swept the lobby of the building you now own. Rich people are intrinsically evil unless they were once poor in which case while Rich they are now really good at heart. Everyone regardless of their wealth, is educated. Even the street
people quote Shakespeare .

If you have the bad luck to be in the South you are 1.) Dirt poor, with three teeth between you and your common law wife/cousin, you either work yourself to death in the fields or are chronically unemployed, you are a racist and probably handle snakes at church, you are Protestant There are no Jews or Catholics south of the Mason Dixon Line. You are still fighting the Civil War. Everyone no matter what region of the South that they live in talk like Elly Mae Clampett . You are poor but you really are not good at heart. Or 2.) Your Daddy is in oil or has never worked a day in his life and your Mother drinks and mean and has awful taste in clothing and home furnishings. You are just as stupid as your dirt poor
neighbors but your bad taste and self absorption have pulled you up out of the muck. You are racist and evil.

If you live in the Midwest you are good and pure . There is no choice one or two. You work from dawn to dusk in the fields or with the cows. You have flawless intentions. You live in a tiny town and rarely make it to the big city. You are not really well educated or curious about the world Podunk, Iowa. You are Protestant unless you are Catholic and there are no Jews in the Midwest. You go to Las Vegas to embarrass yourself and lose the egg money. You are the archetypal tourist . Even if you are evil, you are still good of heart.

And thanks to the cultural fire bombing that is Reality Television, these wildly inaccurate and insulting stereotypes are being given flesh and made real. But ultimately, it is not Rupert Murdock's fault, it is not the fault of the Reality TV producers and participants or even the Media Powers that Be - it is our fault for rewarding them for doing it. They are as responsible for the proliferation of these shows as Pavlov's dogs were for their mouths watering when the bell rang. We give them the ratings and they give us the slobber.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

McDonalds writes back...


Thank you for your email. We appreciate your opinion, and the opportunity to address
your concern.


It's important to us that you understand our decision to advertise on MTV. McDonald's
advertises in a variety of environments that are relevant to our different customer
segments. However, it is certainly never our intent to offend any of our customers.

When did I mention MTV? Is their auto reader subliterate? how did we get from suggestions about adult happy meal toys to complaints about MTV?

Whether it's MTV or any other broadcast partner we work closely with them to
review and screen programming opportunities and select only those that are consistent
with the values of our brand. When we learn of content that is inconsistent with
our standards, we will not advertise on that particular program or episode.

The Hell?

McDonald's is also a member of the Family Friendly Forum, which works on an ongoing
basis to develop family friendly programming.

This is supposed to make some one writing about adult happy meal toys happy?

I hope this information gives you a better understanding of our decision to advertise
on MTV. Thank you again for the opportunity to address your concern.

Oddly, you didn't and now I have to write you again.

Dear McDonalds,

It is noon. Lunch rush is on. You have one register open. The place is full of people! We are everywhere! And you have one register going! How is this good customer service? You are making all these people stand there and giving them all that time to think about how much they actually want to eat this food and about that place right across the street or next door that might have a faster moving line or more then one register working at a time - how is this good for the bottom line?

Oh and speaking of the bottom line? If you are going to come out with an Adult Happy Meal? Have a toy in it! A pedometer is not fun to find in with your lunch. If we wanted to eat healthy we would not be eating at McDonald's in the first place! Making us feel fat or guilty about eating your food is not what you should be striving for. Put a nice toy in the meal. Maybe action figures from The Sopranos or do a Sex in the City tie in and have collectible mini Manalo Blanik's or tiny bottles of vodka, hint, if it's an "Adult" meal, why not include "Adult Toys?" Have fun with it!

A regular customer

P.S. - When are you going to start taking plastic for real?
Wooo and Hoooo

Join me in my Conga Line!

I Bought A New Computer, I Bought a New Computer, I Bought A New Computer!


But I Bought A new Computer, I Bought A New Computer, I Bought a New Computer!
The Mission Statement
April 15, 2003

Welcome to my Blog. This is not a diary. There will be no entries describing what I wore today, my weight at the given moment or what the weather is like. Unless its nessary to the plot- like gratuitous violence and nudity in a film with no plot and a bad script, but with a hotty actress and a trailer featuring explosions and fast cars.

April 16, 2003

I break from The Mission Statement

As soon as I say I'm not going to talk about what I'm going wear on a given day, I'm going to talk about what I am going to wear on a given day. Yesterday I started to get my stuff packed up for my weekend dog/house sitting gig. I had to decided on Tuesday what I would be wearing on Thursday. This was stressful, then after blowing my Clothes decision wad, I had to turn around and decided what I would wear today. This is a lot of clothing decisions for me. I also had to pull out my Easter Sunday Go to Mass In A Dress Dress.

Fortunately I have an official ESGTMIADD, so I just had to pull it out of the Archive closet. Which then led me to the Shoe Issue. In my current world I do not need nice shoes. I need shoes that don't hurt my feet when I kick cabinets and that go with slacks. So I had to find my ESGTMIADD shoes, which I haven't seen since last Easter and possibly since I moved from Dallas. Then after finding the Island of Unused shoes, I had to find a pair that was 1) a pair and 2) not ugly. Well I got one for two on that issue. I have a whole box of shoes I don't wear, or wore one time and they either didn't fit or were so outfit specific they can only be worn with the outfit and nothing else. I am such a smart shopper, I am the worst shoe shopper ever and an insult to my gender, all my shoes are worn out and so far out of style it will be seasons before they are so out they're in again.

Today after work I get to put dogger out feed dogger, put dogger out again, put dogger in box, race around getting her stuff packed ( toys, food, bowls, bones, blankets for box, leash) and the rest of my stuff that I could take yesterday because I would need it today. There is also The Kitty to deal with. I need to get his box changed and loaded up, fill his bowls up and hope he doesn't get suspicious that I may be leaving him there by himself again. Then I have to get dogger in truck, drive to the house put dogger away, put doggers attendant stuff away, take my crap inside and hope to make it to the couch before my show starts at 8pm.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004


Go to Google. Com and enter "president bush news conference"

edited to add that it at some point today the headline that came up first said "Was He Drunk?" but it's gone now. Deep Sigh.
Tooth or Dare

originally posted June 26, 2003

It has occurred to me that dentistry is becoming the new chiropractors. I broke my tooth, I called around found a dentist and made an appointment. Dr. Teeth confirmed my initial diagnosis and put the equivalent to a band-aid on it. Which promptly fell off. I made another appointment to get the permnent temporary crown, a Tiara if you will, installed. So be it. I made yet another appointment to get the permanent crown.

Three separate office visits in less then a month. I also was coached into making another appointment for a cleaning in another month. Its some kind of Dentistry-chiropractor cabal; if everyone makes patients pay for multiple appointments, it won't look as questionable as it is.

I can see them now; a Golf/Marketing Seminar at an over priced resort near a beach.

Q - How can I make my patients believe that I need to see them every forty-eight hours for six months?

A - Explain to them that it is a process and they must conform to the proscribed plan of treatment if they ever want to be able to perform as they did before they began to see you. Make it their responsibility to make the commitment. It isn't to you, but the treatment! If they balk at the multiple visits, hammer home that it is only themselves they are hurting and make sure you highlight the painful and disfiguring results of making fewer appointment over less time.

Q - How can I best draw out the commitment? Some of these are minor procedures?

A - There are no minor procedures! Make procedures into events! . Get creative! Involve as many of your staff as you can. Your patients shouldn't know that your receptionist isn't actually a trained medical technician, have her hold a instrument or make some sort of important action just barely out of the sight lines of the patient; she could be making an appliance or running up some sort of bonding agent or just using an old drill to polish her nails! Have a brain storming session with your staff to come up with exciting ideas of your own. If you come up with some really workable options, tell us all! We have a forum online just for that!

Q - How many appointments are too many?

A - Good Question! "Too Many" is not really applicable in most cases. The patient needs to keep coming back as often as the Doctor tells them too. If they do complain, gently explain that it is their health that is at stake. You took an official oath to Do No Harm. Is your license if something goes wrong at any stage of treatment. Legally, and ethically, you need to see them for as long as you need to see them. Explain that while there are other treatment avenues that could be explored for this particular condition, those avenues could lead to their deaths! .

Q - Help! I'm a podiatrist! How can I make my patients think they are going to die!

A Repeat After me "If This is left untreated, it could lead to amputation" No one wants to use a peg leg! Most patients have no idea why they are seeing you in the first place! As you know, there are some conditions under the rightconditions that if left untreated could, ultimately, in enough time, lead to amputation. You are not being an alarmist, you are being honest. Another helpful possible side effect of not sticking with treatment can be Sepsis! Even a hangnail can lead to death! One condition leads to another, and all untreated conditions lead to infection!

Q - I'm an optometrist. I didn't actually go to medical school, how can I put the fear of death into my patients?

A - High Blood Pressure, Brain Tumors! Diabetes! Just because they are so signs of it today, does not mean that they may not be about to show up! You can tell your patients that multiple visits to you to follow these conditions, is much, much more affordable then a visit to a real Doctor.

Q - I'm a dermatologist. My patients aren't going to die of pimples, what about me?

A - Disfigurement! In your line of work this is a powerful treatment weapon. Just tell your patients if the area is left untreated or worse treated with inexpensive over the counter skin creams, that they will, not can, they will be terminally disfigured. They will never land the job in the career that they want, never marry and end up ugly and probably will end their own lives violently! So, really you can just have them connect the dots! or if they have really watched too much TV, talk to them about Sepsis! They can die of untreated pimples!

Doubt it? I Don't

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

In honor of the three different Walmarts I visited over the weekend, I am reposting this entry. Originally posted on April 25, 2003

Out Wal-sMarted

I have to bring paper plates to an office birthday party. I went to my grocery store but they must have hid them somewhere I don't frequent, like the produce section, because I couldn't find them.

Don't look at me like that. We have a Farmers Market in town and I don't have to buy corporate produce. Damn the Man.

So I still need the plates. No plate -y no cake-y and I like cake-y. So. Wal-Mart

I hate Wal-Mart. Employee exploiting, vender black mailing, and alleged destroyer of Mom and Pop enterprise, small town killing Wal-Mart. I Hate Wal-Mart.

Welcome To Wal-Mart!
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Here's a circular! Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Drop Dead. You're a thousand years old and you're wearing Jazz Shoes I don't need a circular I need a map. I need birthday themed paper plates. Just direct me to the paper plates and show me the express line, eight items or less

There is no Express Line. No one has ever made it out of a Wal-Mart with less then ten items.

Okay. No map. I'm on my own. Except for my Happy Face. Everyone is happy at Wal-Mart! Even the price tags are happy.

Where are the paper products?

Look! Cute spring outfits!

No. I don't want cute spring outfits. I really do not need cute spring outfits from Wal-Mart. I want paper plates.

Your last year's clothes are worn out and I bet they don't fit. Cute Spring Clothes!

Ya know, I think I'll stick to my sweats. Thanks

Not fitting in that they are too big! You've lost weight! Pink baby Tees!

No. Paper Plates only.

With Sparkles!


Purse, you need a spring purse! Yes you do! It's a Rite of Spring!

No, awww, that's so cute. No. Wait God. Where am I? paperplatespaperplatespaperplates

Look! Film!

I don't need film. I just bought film.

On Sale!


Decorative Plastic Cups!

I love decorative plastic cups! Lemme see.

Beach scenes…

I want to go to the beach; these would be so cute! And they're reduced! Okay. These and just these. No More.

Flower vases! pretty, pretty, pretty!

No, the cat has enough toys and as it is. I'm going to have to mow the carpet. Paper Plates.

Fruit Bowls!

I don't eat fruit.


Stop it! I have a book. I don't need more paperbacks. I have dog manuals to read that I'm all ready not reading.

Picture Frames

Where? I need some. No, I don't. No. These are all 5x7.

Didn't you get some nice flower pictures back? Wouldn't they look nice in one of these?

No, No they wouldn't.

Table Lamps!

No. Dogger has her toys covered too. Paper Plates.

DVDs!!!! On Sale!!!

Damn You!

Pretty In Pink! The Breakfast Club! Some Kind of Wonderful!

I have them on Tape Damn It. My VCR, both my VCRs work just fine. Back Godless Yellow Demon! I don't need these cups either! Ah Ha! Paper Plates. We're grown ups I don't need Birthday Themed. Okay. Eleventyteen different kinds of paper plates. I am in disposable hell. Big plates? Plates with sections? Little tiny plates. Heavyweight, lightweight. , Made with recycled products, plastic coated, cardboard, decorative borders...

Finally decided on paper plate Varity. On the Road.

Sheet Sets! Flannel Sheets! On sale!

No. I must resist…


No! No I'm poor, I'm broke! I have plenty of sheets at home. Old, worn out last years sheets… No. I came I saw I conquered. I am on a mission. Mission accomplished!

Now that I have the smiley off my back I need the check out. Not toys not tires not paint. Where are the damn checkouts? Was that moss on that pole? North side? Up in the rafters, a sparrow, could that mean that there is a door somewhere close by? The doors are by the check out!

People I hear people! I must be close.

Oh. God. The lines are so long.

Wait in Line.
Wait in Line
Wait In Line.

Finally to the front. Price Check.


Forget why I am here.
Forget what I came for.
Forget why I am standing up.

People in crowds smell. This place smells. The muzak is deadly. I'm so glad Wal-Mart is glad it is an American.

As I leave the Wal-Mart, they check my bag to make sure I haven't stolen anything between the check out and the door.

Thank You for Shopping Wal-Mart!
Thank You for Shopping Wal-Mart
Thank You for Shopping Wal-Mart

Damned by the Man.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Happy Anniversary To Me!!

Well, actually, Anniversary Week. Reading In The Dark was first published, Blogged? whatever, on April 15, 2003. So what my plan is, while I am still with out a computer at least, is that I am going to republish my five favorites from the past year.

The first Reading In The Dark "Classic" is one of the first, originally published on April 17, 2003.

I could be a point of Light!

Another day another chance to have a work related stroke. The wetlands application I filled out came back and said although my yard was a soupy mess it was not a big enough soupy mess. I knew I should have salted the place with baby turtles instead of grass seed.

I thought Department of Natural Resources "Call Us Deiner!" people might mistake Dogger for a deer but the cardboard antlers I ducked taped to her head fell off and she ate them. The whole spray painting the sparrows white and teaching them to walk on stilts, totally fooled no one into believing they were a here to for unknown indigenous crane species.

I may have to free my Drug Dealers customers from my shed where I have been teaching them to be a previously believed to be a eradicated Indian tribe - yesterday, it was so cute! They tried to plant microwave popcorn and used fish sticks as fertilizer! I'll miss them...

I'm afraid they have may have set up a trading post because they have both hootch and small pox. I had to take away their new guns because I was afraid they would try to shoot the Doggalow.

Soon I'm going to have to send them to Oklahoma!, whether they dig musicals or not.

Thursday, April 8, 2004

Cost Of Living Calculator from CNN.Com.
Dog School part… whatever

Dog School was a bummer. We did actually meet this week, shockingly. I was afraid it was going to be called on a count of Daylight savings and it almost was. The Dogwhisperer was late 'cause it was so light, you know? Arrrgh.

Dogger was not feeling Dog School. She wasn't focusing, I wasn't focusing. We aren't learning anything new. Dogger needs to learn new things. I understand that fine tuning what we all ready know is, technically "new", but its boring. Doggger does not need to be bored. She eats things when she gets bored.

The Dopgwhisperer didn't really bring his A Material either. He spends too much time playing with the dogs and not enough time teaching them anything. It's great that he likes the dogs and everything, but jeez, dancing with them is not getting the skills learned, do something with them!

The only thing we learned this week is that Dogger doesn't like the "Down": command. It's too submissive for my little dom. Well, that’s sweet but I want the little bugger to hit the dirt when I tell her too. She hasn't run into traffic yet, but she hasn't really had the opportunity to try. I'm sure she would love the chance to chase a car or a deer or an anything else that had the bad fortune to catch her attention and chase whatever it would be to ground or the grill of an oncoming car.

Another Dogger related problem. The little bits of commands she does respond to, she will only respond to if she's on leash. This is not helpful around the house. I don't want to have her on leash in the living room. I would like it better if we could learn things that I can use with her while she's not on a leash. It would be nice if she could translate Sit! into actual Sitting while not leashed. I don't even think Down! is going to become a reality even on a leash. The way the DW had me do it at class didn't look like Dogger liked it and this morning she didn't want me to put her collar on - a sure sign her neck is tender. Thanks a lot Dog Whisperer. He may think getting into a battle of wills with her is a great challenge, he doesn't have to live with her.

She was doing so well in Puppy School before the months long interval between sessions. She was all turned on about learning and now she just doesn't care that much. I was all turned on about learning and now I just don't care that much. Maybe this summer I'll see if the humane society has classes. Indoor classes. Hopefully by that time we both will be back to being excited about learning. Or, its just that we both have hit a kind of Obedience plateau and I am just going to have to be patent and not worry about our lack of progress - that maybe by next weeks class Dogger and I will have spent a lot of time working on Down! and we won't be depressed like we, er, I am now about the whole thing. Oh, and the nephdogs are coming and it’s a holiday weekend and my parents are going to be in town. Oh, yeah… Lot's of free time to be had… No distractions there…

No new entry tomorrow. See you Monday!

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

That guy from Nirvana…

I guess by the time Cobain killed himself I had given up my subscription to Rolling Stone and taken up with back issues of, Pretentous Theatre Weekly that I found in the Big Time Professional Theatres recycle bin. I had moved on.

When I heard on the radio this afternoon it had been 10 years, I said "Damn! was college 10 years ago all ready?" actually, college was eleven years ago all ready and it probably explains my initial lack of reaction at the guy's suicide. I remember the band; I remember the music. It was the sound tract of most of the parties I went to. I could hear it pouring out of dorm windows.It got played in the dining halls. A lot of the guys I knew of all ready dressed like that and listened to Seattle garage bands; Of course, those that were wearing flannel and not washing their hair before it got trendy to do so, promptly shaved their heads and threw out their skateboards. What do you do when you have all ready stopped bathing? Homeless chic was all ready so late 80s by that time.

I do remember the news about it. I was working a lot and didn't watch much TV, but I saw clips of kids in flannel clusters lighting candles and mourning in the street outside the mansion where the poor little rich boy killed himself. I never got it. I never got the Cult of Kurt. I guess I was too old by then.

It was a surprise that the rock star used a gun. Isn't ODing or death my small plane more Rock and Roll? there some sort of cosmic crapshoot for them. Do they have any other choice? "oh wait. You want to die? well, lets see? when do you go on tour? will you be using any small plans? do you use drugs? Goooood" Drugs and plane crashes kill those people. Suicide by gun seemed so messy and mean spirited. So un Teen Spirit-ed

The flannel drenched mobs outside the house thought their John Lennon had died. Kurt Cobain was no John Lennon. Gifted, yes, over hyped? Yes. He killed himself before ever got to distinguish himself the way Lennon did. He may have, had he not taken the way of the gun. Lennon didn't want to die. Lennon was killed, Cobain killed himself. He could have really built a legacy, been a force, done something, he could have been a father to his child. Maybe that was the real reason those mobs were mourning, the death of his promise, what he could have been, what he never let himself have the chance to do.

I haven't heard Nirvana on the radio very much, or really, at all in along time. I heard it this morning and I'm sure by the end of the week I will be tired of Teen Spirit again, as I was the first time it was in rotation.

I did like the band; I remember the chatter about the baby on the cover of one of the albums, because of some bitching about his penis being visible or something. It was a big deal. . The music always reminds me of school and parties and good times. I remember the sound tract to Singles being played a lot but that no one saw the movie.

Poor Kurt Cobain, he didn't want to keep watching the movie.

Tuesday, April 6, 2004

Mission Accomplished?! My Ass

- Iraqi insurgents mount a large-scale attack against U.S. Marines, with "about a dozen" Americans feared killed, initial Pentagon reports say.

Watch CNN or log on to for the latest news.

My Train of Thought Goes Off Roading

I wish spring would just go and get all springy. So far at least here, it has made little baby steps toward its ultimate goal, but it's still jacket weather. It's April it supposed to be warm. Next week is Easter and if this chilly weather holds I'm going to have to wear long sleeves. I have one spring dress that’s church worthy and it has short sleeves, I get dressed up for Mass twice a year and I have limited Sunday Go to Meeting clothes to choose from, I have Midnight Mass and Easter Sunday.

I had to bring my hydrangea in last night. Poor little thing. I forget about it and its gets all dried out and dead looking. The other plants don't need as much attention. I have decided where little hydrangea plant is going to live though. It's going to go in the nook where I thought I was planting garlic.

From the test plant I pulled up, I was planting garlic scented grass. Another gardening failure for Ms. Black Thumb.

The yard is looking better. The weather was nice enough over the weekend that I hauled off and mowed the yards again. The back yard looks very nice post mow, almost like a real yard. The front yard still looks like a mint green weedy mess, with one side looking better then the other. The Drug Dealer mowed his yard too and his yard still looks nicer then both the Nicest People Ever's yard and mine combined. The NPE yard has the same one-sided problem mine does but theirs is more pronounced since they actually have grass in the yard. They don't even have a dog to eat their flowers.

Have I mentioned I miss my computer? I mean, really, really, really miss it?

It's tough having to take my show on the road so much. I'm getting tired of all this diner food and sleeping in hotels. The road is hard on relationships. Dogger and I have entered (sob!) couples therapy.

Starting on Thursday I'm going to have the whole answer dog panel at my house for a few days. That will be an experience. Three dogs and one pissed off kitty. I'm going to spend the long weekend playing musical leashes with the dogs. The exercise will do me good.

The nasty inner Fangirl was pleased to see Wonderfalls shit canned, at least now she won't have to worry about which Thursday At Nine show I was going to watch and which I was going to tape. She didn't need to be nasty about it, I was going to tape Kingdom Hospital because I don't fear for it the way I feared for Wonderfalls. I knew FOX wasn't going to let it live. Mostly of course because I liked it, but it was also critically acclaimed and featured good writing. FOX hates good writing. FOX only likes easy ideas that fit with FOX Televisions credo - The Audience Must Not Think. Thinking is Bad. The Audience Is Stupid, A Stupid Audience Is a Happy Audience. Happy audiences buy more Trucks from Toby Keith.

Whatever. Now I don't have to watch FOX at all.

Monday, April 5, 2004

Step Away from the computer. Yeah. You. Get away from my computer. I'm talking to you big guy. I need that computer and I need it now. I don't care what you have going on. I need that machine. I'm waiting and you are still there. Get a clue. I'm not standing here because you smell good! go away. Scat. Don't you have someone to mug? Get away from my machine! I'm still here. Yup. Right here. What we have here is a failure to communicate. You Must Go Away. Now! I have things to do, dogger to bathe, email to read. Stuff to do. I have a TV show to catch. Move away from the machine. Look, what do I have to do? put a quarter in the corner of the screen? Move on! Jeeze! You may not have anything to do tonight but I have plans! Big Plans. We're burning daylight here guy! Instant Messanger? you are wasting my time with Instant Messanger? what a dork! Call the girl you big dumb looser! who are you trying to impress? Step off. I have things to do and I am going to do them on that computer.

I am going to take a deep breath and read my two week old National Enquirer. And Wait. Patently.


Those bastards at FOX cancelled Wonderfalls.
I Blame Stephen King.

Stephen King has awakened my long dormant, very scary and I thought long gone, inner Fangirl. Stephen King brought back Andrew McCarthy! Eeeeeeee! It has been a long time since I had even thought about The inner Fangirl. She had been gone a long time so long infact, I had replaced her with Been There Done That Girl. I liked that girl. That girl wasn’t given to Eeeeee!ing about anyone.

And now the inner Fangirl is back.

Andrew McCarthy is only on once a week; The Fangirl needs more Andrew McCarthy then that. Fortunately The Fangirl had a VCR back when she first dissovered her Fangirlness and she has old videos on hand to help out with non-Kingdom Hospital days. It’s tough.

The Fangirl re-watched Pretty In Pink over the weekend. Sigh, Blaine! What cute guy. What an obviously not high school aged guy. My God! The Fangirl was so rapturously in lurve back in the day she didn’t remember him looking so old then. James Spader looked old back in the day, like maybe in his twenties, on rewatch over the weekend James Spader looked about 35.

The Fangirl also watched a portion of St. Elmo’s Fire letter boxed on DVD. The Been There Done That Girl can’t really imagine a movie like SEF really deserving letterbox format. It makes it look all serious and real. It was hardly, on 234th watch, worth being on a big screen in the first place. But golly, Rthe inner Fangirl thinks that Andrew McCarthy was cute. And Judd Nelson, thanks to The Breakfast Club Another Fangirl Fav. I think back in the day I actually preferred Nelson to McCarthy. Nelson was more Bad and thus more interesting. McCarthy was the nice boy you dumped for Nelson and then went back to, and who took you back! , after Nelson was Bad.

Since I don’t have a home computer for the time being, Sigh. I am unable to really keep the Fangirl happy. The Fangirl want to do searches for articles and features and pictures of her crush. The Fangirl did not watch the 20/20 thing because The Been There Done That girl thought it seemed too weird for Andrew McCarthy to rate a whole interview there. He admitted, the Fangirl learned on a forum, to being an alcoholic and to now being a nondrinker. The Fangirl knew this a long time ago because she read an interview with Molly Ringwald where she bitched about AM having to get loaded before a love scene. The Fangirl had worried about McCarthy while she was in Been There Done That Girls shadow.

The Fangirl also wants to buy more of McCarthys old movies. The Fangirl thinks that money grows on trees. The Fangirl forced me to do a search for McCarthy movies online. There are a lot of them. Some of them were even released in this country. Some of them the Fangirl had never heard of, some of them the Fangirl wished she hadn’t heard about in the first place, Mannequin 2

The Fangirl also found yahoo groups that allow her and other aging fangirls to eeeeee! To their little thirty something’s hearts content. The Fangirl is a little pathetic. But she feels less pathetic with other Fangirls to eeeee! with.

Sunday, April 4, 2004


Saturday, April 3, 2004


Friday, April 2, 2004

Friday Five April 2 edition

What was...

1. ...Your first grade teacher's name?

Mrs. Cummings. She didn't like children, or teaching or having to be around children in general. So she became a first grade teacher. I learned much later on that as a child she was told repeatedly that she was not wanted and in the way and she did her best to pass that message along to us. She was also the first teacher I had that used a paddle - but only boys, girls were too fragile to get paddled. I can't remember what girls got instead but it may have been No Recess or something like that. Yay! First grade.

2. ...Your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?

I liked Scooby Doo a lot. I really liked Gullivers Travels but that wasn't on Saturday mornings, that was an after school show. I haven't seen any of the live action Scooby Doo's and have no plans to. Thanks to Scooby Doo if a guy looks like Shaggy, chances are I'll go out with him. Fred did nothing for me, I think it was the ascot. My gaydar was young but it was well calibrated.

3. ...The name of your very first best friend?

Kim Vernon. She disappeared into the mists of time a long, long time ago. She was really not a nice person. I hope she has changed.

4. ...Your favorite breakfast cereal?

I was all about Froot Loops. I lurved them. My Mother wouldn't buy us sugar cereals like that unless it was our birthdays.

5. ...Your favorite thing to do after school?

I would go over to my friend Valerie's and we would go to the 7-11 and get sodas and then go ride our bikes around.

Sorry this is so short, my I still don't have my own machine and I have to do this from work. My taxes are done now and sent on to The Man, so I am hoping for a check before too much longer.

And as always, the Friday Five comes to us from our friends at The Friday Five. Com.

Thursday, April 1, 2004


Go to google and enter 'weapons of mass destruction' don't hit search,

but instead hit "i'm feeling lucky" read the error message.

Wax on, wax off

Events that might be called off due to threat of rain.

1. Golf Tourney
2. Picnic
3. Garden party
4. Puppy School.

That's right. Puppy School can not happen if there is a threat of rain. My Dog can not get schooled if it may rain, Dogs can't get wet, dogs are made of water-soluble products, or they are furry lighting rods, or no one has invented rain coats! Dog ownership is about going out in the rain! It's part of the dog-person contract, if it rains, you must go out in it.

Things Dog Whisperer could have done prior to me showing up to canceled Puppy School

1. Called me?
2. Called me?
3. I don't know, called me?!

I tore ass home, hustled Dogger through dinner and rushed her through her walk, broke laws to get to puppy school - not next door to me, by the way. A while away. A trip. A journey through rush hour traffic. To canciled Puppy School. The guy at the pet supply place said, "Dog Whisperer didn't call you? Hmm. He was watching the weather on the internet and it showed the rain was going to hit so he canceled, are you sure he didn't call you?"

"NO! He didn't call me! I checked even! No. He didn't call me!"


While I was away from home and close to a grocery store I decided to go and see if there was anything I needed. I decided I needed to wax my legs. I know TMI. I am the last woman in America to experiment with this. I thought how hard can this be? How much can it hurt, I mean after all, women wax their "bikini area" all the time.

Owe! Ow!Ow! And this was just leg skin. I never realized how much of my anatomy was taken up with leg skin until I decided to peel all that skin off. Ow! And it's not like you can take a whole lot of area every time either. It's not like shaving where you get whole swaths at a time, its one little area at a time.

I watched a Friends episode where a couple of the girls waxed their legs and howled every time and one of the boys came rushing in to ward off whatever wrong doer was making the girls howl? I thought it was a Joke! It was a damn documentary. Slather, rip, howl!

The only thing not in the Friends Docudrama about leg waxing was how far away from their microwave they were, they were in a bedroom, again not somewhere that I normally think to take care of unwanted hair.. I had to wax in the kitchen because it's where my microwave lives. Kitchens are set up for your depilatory needs, you have to keep zapping the wax every few minutes or it will cool down and lose its skin peeling prowess. I don't even eat in my kitchen but there I was waxing in it. It seemed wrong. I do not beieve that Julia Childs would aprove. So there I was using my breakfast table in a way no breakfast table should be used, slathering on the sticky mess and covering it with a piece of cloth kind of thing that came with the kit and then, casually and the progressivly, less casually ripping off a layers of skin.

And other women do this to their "bikini area"? On purpose? And they pay other people to do this to them? And not as part of some kinky S/M thing? but so that they can look good in a thong?

I think if it came down to on going pain of repeatedly ripping layers of skin off or the embarrassment of having to keep my "bikini area" covered at the beach? wait, what am I worried about? I've got a great rack! I can wear pants to the freaking beach.