Unshocked and unawed
anyone surprised at all?
Monday, May 31, 2004
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Saturday, May 29, 2004
I Think This Calls For The Death Penalty
7:40 SATURDAY morning - Binnnnng-Boooong
Me - Snork, Huh what day is this? What time is it? The hell?
Biiiing-Boooong
Me - It must be an emergency.
Okay. Get up out of bed, go turn off alarm go to door
Biiin-
Me - Yes? WHAT.
does not seem to be a cop. Seems to be a tall guy in a yellow shirt. If he's not here to beg me to call 911 because someone just killed his whole family - I'm going to kill him. Seems to be a tall guy in a yellow shirt who may soon be a dead guy on my front porch
Moron - Happy Memorial Day, Ma'm. ( arms full of stuff. Among a 40 oz-er.)
Me - Happy Memorial Day Dead Man. (I've been awake for now onto three minutes)
Moron - Do you have a spoon?
Me - WHAT! a WHAT
Moron - I don't even know what time it is
Me - IT'S 7:43 IN THE MORNING!!!!!
Moron - I'll go now! (rushes off)
HAPPY SATURDAY!!!!!
7:40 SATURDAY morning - Binnnnng-Boooong
Me - Snork, Huh what day is this? What time is it? The hell?
Biiiing-Boooong
Me - It must be an emergency.
Okay. Get up out of bed, go turn off alarm go to door
Biiin-
Me - Yes? WHAT.
does not seem to be a cop. Seems to be a tall guy in a yellow shirt. If he's not here to beg me to call 911 because someone just killed his whole family - I'm going to kill him. Seems to be a tall guy in a yellow shirt who may soon be a dead guy on my front porch
Moron - Happy Memorial Day, Ma'm. ( arms full of stuff. Among a 40 oz-er.)
Me - Happy Memorial Day Dead Man. (I've been awake for now onto three minutes)
Moron - Do you have a spoon?
Me - WHAT! a WHAT
Moron - I don't even know what time it is
Me - IT'S 7:43 IN THE MORNING!!!!!
Moron - I'll go now! (rushes off)
HAPPY SATURDAY!!!!!
Friday, May 28, 2004
Fun with email, reply-to-all means hear-from-all
Okay, got an email. Deleted said email. Moved on with my life. Everyone else, not so much.
1. Please stop acting like children and stop sending this email.
2. Next time do a little investigation before you waste my time and others
3. Please be more careful and double check these "urban legends" before passing along. This one has been around for quite awhile Go to: Snopes.com and do a check for "Penny Brown"
4. She has been missing longer than two weeks. I' ve seen this hoax at least two years.
5. EMAIL hoax. Please do not forward. See link.
6. Please STOP "replying all" to this e-mail. We've all seen this e-mail for the last 2 years. This e-mail address is not for personal use! Thank you!
7. I don't know who any of you are so please stop sending this email. Thanks...
8. Sorry, but I can't resist. Boy aren't we a bunch of snippy, kind hearted, loving, warm state employees this morning. Give the girl a break, she made a mistake. I am sure she will learn from this one.
9. please stop replying all. we get the message...
10. For the ONE e-mail I received saying the little girl was missing I have received 20+ saying its a hoax. ( gee, I only got 15…)
11. I received this same email over 2 years ago. I later got an email to say this was a hoax.
12. ya what he said...
13. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP
14. Please stop acting like children and stop sending this email.
15. A lot of folks obviously don't understand what's going on with this Amber Alert e-mail, so I'm going to explain. The first person sent it to the DHHS Newsletter e-mail group. Every time someone hit Reply All and sent another message, it went to the same thousands of DHHS employees who got the first one.Before anyone sends another one, stop to think that your supervisor, their supervisor, and every supervisor in the Department up to and including the Secretary, will get your message.
Okay, got an email. Deleted said email. Moved on with my life. Everyone else, not so much.
1. Please stop acting like children and stop sending this email.
2. Next time do a little investigation before you waste my time and others
3. Please be more careful and double check these "urban legends" before passing along. This one has been around for quite awhile Go to: Snopes.com and do a check for "Penny Brown"
4. She has been missing longer than two weeks. I' ve seen this hoax at least two years.
5. EMAIL hoax. Please do not forward. See link.
6. Please STOP "replying all" to this e-mail. We've all seen this e-mail for the last 2 years. This e-mail address is not for personal use! Thank you!
7. I don't know who any of you are so please stop sending this email. Thanks...
8. Sorry, but I can't resist. Boy aren't we a bunch of snippy, kind hearted, loving, warm state employees this morning. Give the girl a break, she made a mistake. I am sure she will learn from this one.
9. please stop replying all. we get the message...
10. For the ONE e-mail I received saying the little girl was missing I have received 20+ saying its a hoax. ( gee, I only got 15…)
11. I received this same email over 2 years ago. I later got an email to say this was a hoax.
12. ya what he said...
13. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP
14. Please stop acting like children and stop sending this email.
15. A lot of folks obviously don't understand what's going on with this Amber Alert e-mail, so I'm going to explain. The first person sent it to the DHHS Newsletter e-mail group. Every time someone hit Reply All and sent another message, it went to the same thousands of DHHS employees who got the first one.Before anyone sends another one, stop to think that your supervisor, their supervisor, and every supervisor in the Department up to and including the Secretary, will get your message.
With apologies to Alan Sherman
Hello muddah, hello faddah, here we are at Camp Knottypine-a
Dear Mom and Dad Dog,
Aunt Cookie says you are almost back from vacashun. This is good, we want you back from vacashun. Aunt Cookie says while you are away on vacashun at The Frants, we’re at camp. Bandit says if this a good time for him to whip out his pink boa and bright yellow over sized sunglasses. Aunt Cookie says it’s not that kind of camp but he could make a boa in the Crafts Cabin instead of a lanyard if that was his preference.
Camp is very entertaining and they say we'll have some fun if we’ll stop whining
We said we don’t know what camp is, so Aunt Cookie screened Meat Balls, Camp Nowhere, Camp, Cheerleader Camp and about 15 minutes of the Addam’s Family for us. We still do not know what a lanyard is. Aunt Cookie refuses to put on a bikini top and join us for a sack race. Aunt Cookie is not fun.
All the Doggies hate the Kitty and the Kitty hates the Doggies and Aunt Cookie has a headache La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
We thought Aunt Cookie brought us the Kitty to play with. The Other Dog says that the Kitty is not a toy but if we work together to corner him he may turn into one!
We have learned interesting new ways to sleep all day and bark at nothing! Dogger is a great teacher! Aunt Cookie let us play in the sprinkler and now we all smell! We also now believe that we should have our own beds and a 1-1 dog to floor fan ratio. Work on this. We expect to see a Plan Of Action by the time we get home. We also need to talk about Theme Walks... We went to the Governors Mansion! And through some place that Aunt Cookie called the “Inflated Property Value District”. Aunt Cookie says we live the “Deflated Property Value District”. Aunt Cookie sighed a lot.
Aunt Cookie makes us get up really early! We mean, really, really, really early. We want to sleep in! When are you coming home! We are not the Dawn Patrol! and Aunt Cookie won’t take us in the truck hardly at all, she claims there is too much dog and not enough truck. We thought we found a Dead Thing, but Aunt Cookie said it was an alive junkie and wouldn’t let us roll in it. It smelled like a Dead Thing though. You would have let us roll in it? right?. We were very confused.
When are you coming back from The Frants? What is vacashun and why didn’t you bring your dogs with you! whywhywhy We want our forest back! We want our house back! We want to live somewhere where there is no Kitty! Why have you abandoned us? WooooooooooooooffffffffBaaarkkkkWhiiiinnne!
Wait a minute, the cat stopped wailing, dogs are swimming, dogs are running , playing soccer, gee that's better! Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.
We can run in the yard! We can sing with the sirens! We can play the Other Dog! Whoopee!!!
Signed,
Your Dogs
( with thanks to bussongs.com)
Hello muddah, hello faddah, here we are at Camp Knottypine-a
Dear Mom and Dad Dog,
Aunt Cookie says you are almost back from vacashun. This is good, we want you back from vacashun. Aunt Cookie says while you are away on vacashun at The Frants, we’re at camp. Bandit says if this a good time for him to whip out his pink boa and bright yellow over sized sunglasses. Aunt Cookie says it’s not that kind of camp but he could make a boa in the Crafts Cabin instead of a lanyard if that was his preference.
Camp is very entertaining and they say we'll have some fun if we’ll stop whining
We said we don’t know what camp is, so Aunt Cookie screened Meat Balls, Camp Nowhere, Camp, Cheerleader Camp and about 15 minutes of the Addam’s Family for us. We still do not know what a lanyard is. Aunt Cookie refuses to put on a bikini top and join us for a sack race. Aunt Cookie is not fun.
All the Doggies hate the Kitty and the Kitty hates the Doggies and Aunt Cookie has a headache La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
We thought Aunt Cookie brought us the Kitty to play with. The Other Dog says that the Kitty is not a toy but if we work together to corner him he may turn into one!
We have learned interesting new ways to sleep all day and bark at nothing! Dogger is a great teacher! Aunt Cookie let us play in the sprinkler and now we all smell! We also now believe that we should have our own beds and a 1-1 dog to floor fan ratio. Work on this. We expect to see a Plan Of Action by the time we get home. We also need to talk about Theme Walks... We went to the Governors Mansion! And through some place that Aunt Cookie called the “Inflated Property Value District”. Aunt Cookie says we live the “Deflated Property Value District”. Aunt Cookie sighed a lot.
Aunt Cookie makes us get up really early! We mean, really, really, really early. We want to sleep in! When are you coming home! We are not the Dawn Patrol! and Aunt Cookie won’t take us in the truck hardly at all, she claims there is too much dog and not enough truck. We thought we found a Dead Thing, but Aunt Cookie said it was an alive junkie and wouldn’t let us roll in it. It smelled like a Dead Thing though. You would have let us roll in it? right?. We were very confused.
When are you coming back from The Frants? What is vacashun and why didn’t you bring your dogs with you! whywhywhy We want our forest back! We want our house back! We want to live somewhere where there is no Kitty! Why have you abandoned us? WooooooooooooooffffffffBaaarkkkkWhiiiinnne!
Wait a minute, the cat stopped wailing, dogs are swimming, dogs are running , playing soccer, gee that's better! Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.
We can run in the yard! We can sing with the sirens! We can play the Other Dog! Whoopee!!!
Signed,
Your Dogs
( with thanks to bussongs.com)
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Bee There or Bee Square
There is a bee in my office. Ew, ew, ew! No where to run to, no where to hide! Auuuuuuuuhhhhhggggg!
No. Wait, it isn't a bee. It's a fly. A buzzing fly. A huge buzzing fly buzzing around my office like it's some sort of fly NASCAR track. Ew. I could almost deal with a bee or a wasp. Somewhere is this building is a can of Wasp Be Dead and I know how to use it. First you spray enough at the little beasty to drown it and then you spend the rest of the day getting high off the fumes.
But flies are dirty and nasty and gross!. I had this huge fly's bigger, badder, brother in here a couple of weeks ago. It wouldn't leave and it wouldn't die! How long do those little bastards live anyhow? A long time, when all they have to do buzz, buzz, buzz around your head.
I go back to my filing, I would be making copies but somebody, so clearly not me, cause that is so not my job, let the copy machine run out of toner and then didn't order new toner. Or tell anyone that the toner was gone and that more needed to be ordered. Too easy. Lame-os. I shared an office with a printer and a fax machine and a copy machine and don't even think that the maintenance of those little bastards wasn't my responsibility. If they needed anything it was I who ordered it. If they broke, I made the call to get them fixed. And this was not on my Job Discription! I just did it because it made sence. It's not hard. The damn machine is in their office and they use it all the time and they can't be bothered. They also can't be bothered to refill the paper either for that matter. I can. Every damn time. Me and only me. It's just too hard for anyone else to take the initiative to go down the hall and get the key and load up on some paper. Way too hard. It might cut into their making personal calls time or their running to the store to get breakfast time or their visiting with their Avon™ lady time. They're just too "girly" for such heavy lifting, "It's A Mans job…" so I have to do it? Did I grow a penis and not notice? let me go check. ( musak, musak, musak) Hmm. No penis there.
I am also waiting for Big Brother to make it around to my office and turn my happy, carefree, independent little machine into a borg. I'll really miss my machine. There was an article online this morning that is making the rounds in the office; it's all about what a colossal waste of state money Big Brother, Inc. is, that is borg-ifying our computers . They are sitting down at the Legislature cutting DHHS programs, cause ya know the state is so broke, but some one managed to cut $10 million lose from somewhere to take away my access to my browser. Bastards!
edited to add - this email we all found in our in box this morning:
This afternoon at about 4:45 in a meeting with Honcho, I was told
that Our Divsion would be taken out of Big Brother, Inc. He said that he had not yet called DIRM, so it is possible Big Brother, Inc. personnel will not know this first thing tomorrow morning. If they come to your office please ask them to check with DIRM before doing any new installations. We may end up keeping the units already installed. We will have to determine later whether they should be moved to an employee who is all state funded.
Hee!
There is a bee in my office. Ew, ew, ew! No where to run to, no where to hide! Auuuuuuuuhhhhhggggg!
No. Wait, it isn't a bee. It's a fly. A buzzing fly. A huge buzzing fly buzzing around my office like it's some sort of fly NASCAR track. Ew. I could almost deal with a bee or a wasp. Somewhere is this building is a can of Wasp Be Dead and I know how to use it. First you spray enough at the little beasty to drown it and then you spend the rest of the day getting high off the fumes.
But flies are dirty and nasty and gross!. I had this huge fly's bigger, badder, brother in here a couple of weeks ago. It wouldn't leave and it wouldn't die! How long do those little bastards live anyhow? A long time, when all they have to do buzz, buzz, buzz around your head.
I go back to my filing, I would be making copies but somebody, so clearly not me, cause that is so not my job, let the copy machine run out of toner and then didn't order new toner. Or tell anyone that the toner was gone and that more needed to be ordered. Too easy. Lame-os. I shared an office with a printer and a fax machine and a copy machine and don't even think that the maintenance of those little bastards wasn't my responsibility. If they needed anything it was I who ordered it. If they broke, I made the call to get them fixed. And this was not on my Job Discription! I just did it because it made sence. It's not hard. The damn machine is in their office and they use it all the time and they can't be bothered. They also can't be bothered to refill the paper either for that matter. I can. Every damn time. Me and only me. It's just too hard for anyone else to take the initiative to go down the hall and get the key and load up on some paper. Way too hard. It might cut into their making personal calls time or their running to the store to get breakfast time or their visiting with their Avon™ lady time. They're just too "girly" for such heavy lifting, "It's A Mans job…" so I have to do it? Did I grow a penis and not notice? let me go check. ( musak, musak, musak) Hmm. No penis there.
I am also waiting for Big Brother to make it around to my office and turn my happy, carefree, independent little machine into a borg. I'll really miss my machine. There was an article online this morning that is making the rounds in the office; it's all about what a colossal waste of state money Big Brother, Inc. is, that is borg-ifying our computers . They are sitting down at the Legislature cutting DHHS programs, cause ya know the state is so broke, but some one managed to cut $10 million lose from somewhere to take away my access to my browser. Bastards!
edited to add - this email we all found in our in box this morning:
This afternoon at about 4:45 in a meeting with Honcho, I was told
that Our Divsion would be taken out of Big Brother, Inc. He said that he had not yet called DIRM, so it is possible Big Brother, Inc. personnel will not know this first thing tomorrow morning. If they come to your office please ask them to check with DIRM before doing any new installations. We may end up keeping the units already installed. We will have to determine later whether they should be moved to an employee who is all state funded.
Hee!
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Kitty
Poor Kitty. Now that it has gotten hot all he can bring himself to do is flomp on the carpet like a discarded stole. He is very unhappy. He rests up so he can throw himself at the hallway door in an attempt to get at the nephdogs whom install themselves on the other side of that door there with the hope that eventually Kitty will rest up enough to make it though.
Once it gets hot, usually about May Day, Kitty no longer initiates physical contact whatsoever. He just wants to find a cool spot and concentrate on shedding and then he wants to lay as flat as possible and hate me. I've gone all summer with out seeing him. So it came as a huge shock when he jumped up on my lap in the middle of a Charmed rerun the other day.
Me - Baby Kitty! how's my pumpkin?
Kitty - Why do you hate me?
Me - Oh Sweetie! I don't hate you; you're my smallest baby! I lurve you!
Kitty - Why won't you let me outside?
Me - It's too hot. It makes you pant when you go outside when it's hot like this. Remember?
Kitty - You mad me walk around on a leash. I don't want to walk around outside. I want to lie down.
Me - There are too many mosquitoes outside, You'll get all itchy.
Kitty - Frontline ™ remember? I am impervious!
Me - You are impetuous. It's too hot.
Kitty - You let those dog beasts outside!
Me - That's different.
Kitty - In what way? They have fur too. More fur over more space.
Me - They don't have their own boxes. They have to go outside. Sometimes it takes a while. When I'm out there with them, I get hot.
Kitty - They're dogs. They need to be watched. I do not. I don't need you out there with me. I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - Baby! I can't leave them out there alone. They might bite each other and you know Dogger can't be in the back yard unsupervised! She might eat the air conditioner or the little dog. It's very hot for me too. I don't like it out there.
Kitty - But I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - Do you want to go the basement to play with your bugs?
Kitty - I don't wanna chase bugs. I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - Sweetie. How about I lock the screen door and you stay in the entryway? You can smell the outside!
Kitty - I don't wanna "smell" the outside I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - No.
Kitty - You love the dogs better. You love the new dogs more then you love your old cat! You don't love me!
Me - Hey! That is so not true! And you were outside the other day, remember? You got out. You went right through the door. I had to go find you.
Kitty - I was under the truck. I was barely outside. See what happens if you won't take me outside, I have to take matters into my own hands.
Me - No! No going outside. That was a huge mistake. Something will eat you out there! my poor little itty-bitty kitty! Look snookums, how about a deal? I'll put you outside -
Kitty - Outside!!!!!!
Me - … In your crate…
Kitty - Noooooooo! Not in the crate! outside outside - My Inner jauguar!!!! No Crate!
At this he jumped down and hid under the coffee table. I could hear him shedding. Later on after I went to bed, he knocked my stereo off the shelf and went online...
Poor Kitty. Now that it has gotten hot all he can bring himself to do is flomp on the carpet like a discarded stole. He is very unhappy. He rests up so he can throw himself at the hallway door in an attempt to get at the nephdogs whom install themselves on the other side of that door there with the hope that eventually Kitty will rest up enough to make it though.
Once it gets hot, usually about May Day, Kitty no longer initiates physical contact whatsoever. He just wants to find a cool spot and concentrate on shedding and then he wants to lay as flat as possible and hate me. I've gone all summer with out seeing him. So it came as a huge shock when he jumped up on my lap in the middle of a Charmed rerun the other day.
Me - Baby Kitty! how's my pumpkin?
Kitty - Why do you hate me?
Me - Oh Sweetie! I don't hate you; you're my smallest baby! I lurve you!
Kitty - Why won't you let me outside?
Me - It's too hot. It makes you pant when you go outside when it's hot like this. Remember?
Kitty - You mad me walk around on a leash. I don't want to walk around outside. I want to lie down.
Me - There are too many mosquitoes outside, You'll get all itchy.
Kitty - Frontline ™ remember? I am impervious!
Me - You are impetuous. It's too hot.
Kitty - You let those dog beasts outside!
Me - That's different.
Kitty - In what way? They have fur too. More fur over more space.
Me - They don't have their own boxes. They have to go outside. Sometimes it takes a while. When I'm out there with them, I get hot.
Kitty - They're dogs. They need to be watched. I do not. I don't need you out there with me. I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - Baby! I can't leave them out there alone. They might bite each other and you know Dogger can't be in the back yard unsupervised! She might eat the air conditioner or the little dog. It's very hot for me too. I don't like it out there.
Kitty - But I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - Do you want to go the basement to play with your bugs?
Kitty - I don't wanna chase bugs. I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - Sweetie. How about I lock the screen door and you stay in the entryway? You can smell the outside!
Kitty - I don't wanna "smell" the outside I waaaaaannnnnnnnnnttttttttttt to go ooooouuuuttttssidddee!
Me - No.
Kitty - You love the dogs better. You love the new dogs more then you love your old cat! You don't love me!
Me - Hey! That is so not true! And you were outside the other day, remember? You got out. You went right through the door. I had to go find you.
Kitty - I was under the truck. I was barely outside. See what happens if you won't take me outside, I have to take matters into my own hands.
Me - No! No going outside. That was a huge mistake. Something will eat you out there! my poor little itty-bitty kitty! Look snookums, how about a deal? I'll put you outside -
Kitty - Outside!!!!!!
Me - … In your crate…
Kitty - Noooooooo! Not in the crate! outside outside - My Inner jauguar!!!! No Crate!
At this he jumped down and hid under the coffee table. I could hear him shedding. Later on after I went to bed, he knocked my stereo off the shelf and went online...
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
The Kitty Diaries
Dear Diary,
Something terrible happened. I woke up from my nap and three were more dogs in the house! Not just the one but three! Big smelly, nasty, dirty, ignorant dogs. I don't know what to think. They smell like dirt and fabric softener. The feeder is paying too much attention to these new dogs. The feeder keeps locking me away, as to keep me out of sight. Out of site out of mind. I think I will pee on her pillow.
Dear Diary,
The new dogs are still here. They wander around my space and lay in the sun under my windows! How dare they! That is my sun! And those are my windows! I take my early morning nap, later morning, early afternoon, late afternoon and pre-dinner naps under those windows! No one respects the Kitty Man! That whole area is a No Dogs Allowed space. I can hear them sniffing through the vents. They still smell like dirt. Today one of them tried to lick my paw. Tomorrow it dies.
Dear Diary,
I woke up from my nap and those damn new dogs are still here. They get to spend entirely too much time in my backyard. The other dog is also spending too much time out there. I want to go outside! Every time I suggest that I should go outside too, the feeder tells me "it's too hot". Too Hot? The dogs are out there all the damn time! Running around tearing up the landscape and barking, barking, barking! I would simply lie in the grass, quietly, non-combatively; I would be a freaking postcard! They are ruining my habitat and scaring off all the birds. How am I supposed to keep in touch with my inner jaguar if they are out there scaring away my birds? They are also killing my favorite baby grass.
Dear Diary,
Today the live in dog tried to kill my lovey. My Lovey! The live in dog can't be satisfied with eating everything else in the house it has to kill my lovey as well! Evil creature. Live in dog will pay. I think I will pee in its soccer ball. Gnaw on that you big stupid thing! I almost like the new dogs better. Those nasty things don't get the opportunity to eat my lovey. The small one watched TV in my chair. It must die.
Dear Diary,
It rained all day. The dogs could not go outside and neither could I. I also couldn't go to my basement because one of them did something to it. When I went to the door the feeder wouldn't open the door because she claimed it "smelled funny" and went on to say "You don't like icky smells. Stay up here with me. We'll play with the cat dancer!" If she thinks for just one moment that I'm going to fall for this blatant attempt to distract me… she's got another thing coming. I think I'll go pee on her keyboard.
Dear Diary,
Those new dogs are still here! They show no signs of leaving and I have not seen my windows in days! I'm afraid my space will never be the same.
I was up all night! There is no end to my dissatisfaction. The feeder is not even trying to understand my feelings about the new dogs. Needless to say, something must be done, so last night I tossed her stereo off the shelf and pulled videos off the bookcase. Now I'm off to poo in her shoes.
To be continued….
Dear Diary,
Something terrible happened. I woke up from my nap and three were more dogs in the house! Not just the one but three! Big smelly, nasty, dirty, ignorant dogs. I don't know what to think. They smell like dirt and fabric softener. The feeder is paying too much attention to these new dogs. The feeder keeps locking me away, as to keep me out of sight. Out of site out of mind. I think I will pee on her pillow.
Dear Diary,
The new dogs are still here. They wander around my space and lay in the sun under my windows! How dare they! That is my sun! And those are my windows! I take my early morning nap, later morning, early afternoon, late afternoon and pre-dinner naps under those windows! No one respects the Kitty Man! That whole area is a No Dogs Allowed space. I can hear them sniffing through the vents. They still smell like dirt. Today one of them tried to lick my paw. Tomorrow it dies.
Dear Diary,
I woke up from my nap and those damn new dogs are still here. They get to spend entirely too much time in my backyard. The other dog is also spending too much time out there. I want to go outside! Every time I suggest that I should go outside too, the feeder tells me "it's too hot". Too Hot? The dogs are out there all the damn time! Running around tearing up the landscape and barking, barking, barking! I would simply lie in the grass, quietly, non-combatively; I would be a freaking postcard! They are ruining my habitat and scaring off all the birds. How am I supposed to keep in touch with my inner jaguar if they are out there scaring away my birds? They are also killing my favorite baby grass.
Dear Diary,
Today the live in dog tried to kill my lovey. My Lovey! The live in dog can't be satisfied with eating everything else in the house it has to kill my lovey as well! Evil creature. Live in dog will pay. I think I will pee in its soccer ball. Gnaw on that you big stupid thing! I almost like the new dogs better. Those nasty things don't get the opportunity to eat my lovey. The small one watched TV in my chair. It must die.
Dear Diary,
It rained all day. The dogs could not go outside and neither could I. I also couldn't go to my basement because one of them did something to it. When I went to the door the feeder wouldn't open the door because she claimed it "smelled funny" and went on to say "You don't like icky smells. Stay up here with me. We'll play with the cat dancer!" If she thinks for just one moment that I'm going to fall for this blatant attempt to distract me… she's got another thing coming. I think I'll go pee on her keyboard.
Dear Diary,
Those new dogs are still here! They show no signs of leaving and I have not seen my windows in days! I'm afraid my space will never be the same.
I was up all night! There is no end to my dissatisfaction. The feeder is not even trying to understand my feelings about the new dogs. Needless to say, something must be done, so last night I tossed her stereo off the shelf and pulled videos off the bookcase. Now I'm off to poo in her shoes.
To be continued….
Monday, May 24, 2004
The Early Bird Gets the Free Sausage Biscuit
Chapter 2 of Adventures in Participatory Democracy
9:30 am - Eating an Elect Bob! biscuit off a red white and blue paper plate emblazoned with God Bless America!!.
So far I am the youngest person in the room and the only one in shorts, I am also the only one that saw eating on the stairs as good alternative to standing and juggling my plate and orange juice . This time we were also pressed to wear our best “Patriotic or Political wear”, there will be a contest. I’m wearing my I Marched On Washington and All I Got Was This Lousy Tee-Shirt shirt. It is the most Patriotic thing I own. Later a man thanks me for wearing it. Eventually I am joined by two women dressed for church and a man in a golf shirt. A woman shows up outfitted in a modified Uncle Sam outfit. She looks like a very tall, very thin Flag. I am still the youngest person in the room. This convention is being held in BFE and the folks out here take their politicking seriously. I see many men in flag ties. I am waiting to be kicked out.
10:00 am -I am no longer the youngest person in the room. Someone brought a toddler. I am still the youngest “Official Delegate” - damn, I’m in my thirties!
10:15 am - Stickers, stickers, stickers. Pols don’t seem to hand out pins anymore. Stickers are so ephemeral. They lack the collect - ability of pins. Trading stickers isn’t the same. Cheap bastards. I bet the GOP is all about pins.
10:20 am - The show is on the road. What a nice room! So much nicer then the first convention space. It’s a real live auditorium. Wow. Padded seats and air conditioning. I find the assigned section for my county. I am all by myself.
10:30 am - My county shows up. I also get the job of being our Official spokesmonkey. I get to stand up and announce the results from our county caucus. Woo-hoo. I am doing this because the folks that should be doing this, didn’t come. BFE strikes again. I am glad to see that the loud mouths from the last convention are not here.
Opening prayer , 20 minutes, essentially, God Bless The Democrats
Pledge - Since there is no flag in the building so we recite the pledge at the woman dressed like Uncle Sam , someone behind me asks if there is anyone from the press there.
11: 25 am - Warm Up Act.
John Edwards says “Hi”
MC - Sweet little man. Reminds me off that Louisiana story teller? Really funny He introduces speaker number 1.
Speaker number one starts speech promising a short speech. She lied.. The speaker announces they have found a way to solve the tobacco problem. This state has a hell of a lot hogs. We also have a lot of tobacco. We’re going to teach the hogs how to smoke and we’re going to sell that smoked ham to all the Yankees!, this was actually pretty funny.
Speaker Number 2 - Mostly numbers. Short version - Bush is bad.
The business section starts out with the election of something called State Party Council Of Review it, I think is where bad Democrats go. One of the loud mouths from the first convention is nominated and elected. The next order of business is electing someone to State Conventions Committee on Credentials and Appeals I don’t know what this is. We nominate a couple of people, we elect someone. I stand up and announce my counties votes. Go Me! We have the second highest number of votes, we swing results. Wheeeee! You can’t get elected if we decide we like someone else better. Phhht.
Next we nominate and elect aPresidential Elector, not a clue what this person does. He is happy he gets to do it. Go Him.
We elect delegates to the real convention in Boston. We start the Resolutions, the loud moths start to warm up. I leave. 1:30 pm.
Chapter 2 of Adventures in Participatory Democracy
9:30 am - Eating an Elect Bob! biscuit off a red white and blue paper plate emblazoned with God Bless America!!.
So far I am the youngest person in the room and the only one in shorts, I am also the only one that saw eating on the stairs as good alternative to standing and juggling my plate and orange juice . This time we were also pressed to wear our best “Patriotic or Political wear”, there will be a contest. I’m wearing my I Marched On Washington and All I Got Was This Lousy Tee-Shirt shirt. It is the most Patriotic thing I own. Later a man thanks me for wearing it. Eventually I am joined by two women dressed for church and a man in a golf shirt. A woman shows up outfitted in a modified Uncle Sam outfit. She looks like a very tall, very thin Flag. I am still the youngest person in the room. This convention is being held in BFE and the folks out here take their politicking seriously. I see many men in flag ties. I am waiting to be kicked out.
10:00 am -I am no longer the youngest person in the room. Someone brought a toddler. I am still the youngest “Official Delegate” - damn, I’m in my thirties!
10:15 am - Stickers, stickers, stickers. Pols don’t seem to hand out pins anymore. Stickers are so ephemeral. They lack the collect - ability of pins. Trading stickers isn’t the same. Cheap bastards. I bet the GOP is all about pins.
10:20 am - The show is on the road. What a nice room! So much nicer then the first convention space. It’s a real live auditorium. Wow. Padded seats and air conditioning. I find the assigned section for my county. I am all by myself.
10:30 am - My county shows up. I also get the job of being our Official spokesmonkey. I get to stand up and announce the results from our county caucus. Woo-hoo. I am doing this because the folks that should be doing this, didn’t come. BFE strikes again. I am glad to see that the loud mouths from the last convention are not here.
Opening prayer , 20 minutes, essentially, God Bless The Democrats
Pledge - Since there is no flag in the building so we recite the pledge at the woman dressed like Uncle Sam , someone behind me asks if there is anyone from the press there.
11: 25 am - Warm Up Act.
John Edwards says “Hi”
MC - Sweet little man. Reminds me off that Louisiana story teller? Really funny He introduces speaker number 1.
Speaker number one starts speech promising a short speech. She lied.. The speaker announces they have found a way to solve the tobacco problem. This state has a hell of a lot hogs. We also have a lot of tobacco. We’re going to teach the hogs how to smoke and we’re going to sell that smoked ham to all the Yankees!, this was actually pretty funny.
Speaker Number 2 - Mostly numbers. Short version - Bush is bad.
The business section starts out with the election of something called State Party Council Of Review it, I think is where bad Democrats go. One of the loud mouths from the first convention is nominated and elected. The next order of business is electing someone to State Conventions Committee on Credentials and Appeals I don’t know what this is. We nominate a couple of people, we elect someone. I stand up and announce my counties votes. Go Me! We have the second highest number of votes, we swing results. Wheeeee! You can’t get elected if we decide we like someone else better. Phhht.
Next we nominate and elect a
We elect delegates to the real convention in Boston. We start the Resolutions, the loud moths start to warm up. I leave. 1:30 pm.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Friday, May 21, 2004
Diss-carded again
I was going to finally read my Cosmo. I didn't get a real chance yesterday so I thought I would try again.
I go to lunch, by myself, natch. I head for my neighborhood Wendy's because it's the closest and it takes plastic and I don’t hate their fries. On the way there I get stopped by a red light. Fine. There is left turn lane and it goes right by the Wendy's lot, I think maybe I'll see if it is any faster then going straight and making a U-turn to get o the restaurant. Okay.
The light changes for everyone else. And by everyone else I mean for the entire eastern seaboard. Everyone going in every direction except mine gets to go through the intersection. I'm still there.
I decided that this route is not faster and next time I'll just do it the other way and it isn't even one of those six of one things… It's a definite several dozen of one v. I don't know of another, I can't think of an appropriate metaphor to use. I haven't taken the SATs in a long time.
Finally into the parking lot. I open my purse and take out my wallet so I will be all ready to go. I have my magazine I have my card and I'm going to eat lunch! My plastic isn't in there. It's not lose in my purse either. I find a small forest of paper in there but no credit card. I know where it is. It's by the phone where I left it after explaining a second time to the VISA people that my card and I are very happy together, no one is being held hostage and as far as I know the card isn't doing anything with out me.
VISA -…but there is a charge at a Burger King -
Me - Yes. Me. I did that
VISA - For $4.55?
Me - Yes, that was me.
VISA - This card has a hold on it.
Me - I know. I found out at Burger King. Then I called you. Then you unheld the card.
VISA - There was suspicious activity on the card. The Pet Shed?
Me - Yes. flea meds, I buy them every three months. I have a cat and a dog. I couldn’t go to my usual site because it was down so I did a search… why am I explaining this. My card is fine I am fine. Buh-By
VISA - There was a charge at, deep breath…Domestications? (said in a tone of voice that made it sound like it supplies sheets and towels for terrorists or kiddy pornographers)
Me - Yes. I bought a bed spread. A Blue one.
VISA - Yes…. It didn't go through.
Me - I found that out. We all ready talked about this. I talked to Domestications we all talked!
VISA - we try to keep an eye on accounts to make sure there isn't any suspicious activities.
Me - Last month I bought a computer.
VISA - We can't check all accounts all the time. The $48 looked suspicious.
Me - Can I go now?
VISA - We're keeping an eye on you…
Yes. $48 whole dollars all on one day. And then later on, $30! The Humanity! They truly are a point of light, good work on the $4 at the Burger King they should go to the Police Academy, really take advantage of their advanced fraud spotting skills. Next time you might bust me for using my own card for something really nefarious like Canadian drugs!
I mean good lord! if they are keeping that close an eye on my purchaces I'm going to have to start playing Mother May I every time I fill my tank., $17-$18 all in one place….
So. I didn't get lunch again and I still haven't read my Cosmo.
I was going to finally read my Cosmo. I didn't get a real chance yesterday so I thought I would try again.
I go to lunch, by myself, natch. I head for my neighborhood Wendy's because it's the closest and it takes plastic and I don’t hate their fries. On the way there I get stopped by a red light. Fine. There is left turn lane and it goes right by the Wendy's lot, I think maybe I'll see if it is any faster then going straight and making a U-turn to get o the restaurant. Okay.
The light changes for everyone else. And by everyone else I mean for the entire eastern seaboard. Everyone going in every direction except mine gets to go through the intersection. I'm still there.
I decided that this route is not faster and next time I'll just do it the other way and it isn't even one of those six of one things… It's a definite several dozen of one v. I don't know of another, I can't think of an appropriate metaphor to use. I haven't taken the SATs in a long time.
Finally into the parking lot. I open my purse and take out my wallet so I will be all ready to go. I have my magazine I have my card and I'm going to eat lunch! My plastic isn't in there. It's not lose in my purse either. I find a small forest of paper in there but no credit card. I know where it is. It's by the phone where I left it after explaining a second time to the VISA people that my card and I are very happy together, no one is being held hostage and as far as I know the card isn't doing anything with out me.
VISA -…but there is a charge at a Burger King -
Me - Yes. Me. I did that
VISA - For $4.55?
Me - Yes, that was me.
VISA - This card has a hold on it.
Me - I know. I found out at Burger King. Then I called you. Then you unheld the card.
VISA - There was suspicious activity on the card. The Pet Shed?
Me - Yes. flea meds, I buy them every three months. I have a cat and a dog. I couldn’t go to my usual site because it was down so I did a search… why am I explaining this. My card is fine I am fine. Buh-By
VISA - There was a charge at, deep breath…Domestications? (said in a tone of voice that made it sound like it supplies sheets and towels for terrorists or kiddy pornographers)
Me - Yes. I bought a bed spread. A Blue one.
VISA - Yes…. It didn't go through.
Me - I found that out. We all ready talked about this. I talked to Domestications we all talked!
VISA - we try to keep an eye on accounts to make sure there isn't any suspicious activities.
Me - Last month I bought a computer.
VISA - We can't check all accounts all the time. The $48 looked suspicious.
Me - Can I go now?
VISA - We're keeping an eye on you…
Yes. $48 whole dollars all on one day. And then later on, $30! The Humanity! They truly are a point of light, good work on the $4 at the Burger King they should go to the Police Academy, really take advantage of their advanced fraud spotting skills. Next time you might bust me for using my own card for something really nefarious like Canadian drugs!
I mean good lord! if they are keeping that close an eye on my purchaces I'm going to have to start playing Mother May I every time I fill my tank., $17-$18 all in one place….
So. I didn't get lunch again and I still haven't read my Cosmo.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Interesting, vwery interesting
Listen children, Every time a high level Bushit appointee get's the chair an angel get's its wings.
Listen children, Every time a high level Bushit appointee get's the chair an angel get's its wings.
Cos-no Girl
Since I had gotten stood up again for lunch, what do you mean you aren't going to be in the office? I'm going to be here! Tell your boss you don't really want to take notes at her silly little meeting, my lunch hour is sacrosanct! . Oddly, the boss and the meeting won. Damn.
This wouldn't be a problem except that my house ate my most recent library book. I can eat by myself, I do it all the damn time, thanks lunch buddy! but I can not eat by myself with out something to read. I've tried and I can't. Okay, I can but I look like a pathetic dweeb with no friends and that look doesn't work for me.
So off I went to find a friend to eat with. I checked my old Rolodex and everybody else was busy or married or in childbirth or something and I really had to scrape the bottom of the barrel.
Written in purple lip liner on a three-year-old receipt from the Nordstrom purse department under the heading "For a Good Time Call" was my savior.
Cosmopoliton!!!!
I haven't on purpose read an entire Cosmo since college. I subscribed back then because I looked around one day and realized that all my girl friends were actually gay men. I missed talking to chicks. I wanted to hear about all the girly things that if I actually had any female friends we would no doubt spend all our time talking about. I read a couple of issues and it turned out that we would talk about dicks - which was pretty much what my gay male friends and I talked about, but I wanted to talk about dicks with people who didn't actually have their own. So I became a Cosmo Girl.
Kind of.
Cosmo girls seemed to have a lot of cash and free time and they all had really great hair and had more then two pairs of shoes - neither of which were off brand sneakers from K-mart and they seemed to spend very little of their endless free time watching Star Trek - The Next Generation reruns in the lobbies of boys dorms.
If the Cosmo girls had jobs, they had really cool jobs that did not require them to wear bow ties or make change. They got to travel to really cool places and needless to say, they worked with really cool guys too. The coolest guys I knew snapped along with The Adams Family theme at the movies. Cosmos girls didn't hang out with guys who snapped along with sound tracks.
Which shocked the hell out of me. "What do you mean these guys aren't cool? These are the only straight men I know who aren't also Theatre Majors! These guys are General Studies majors, the only show tunes they're familiar with come from Tommy! They aren't given to singing the theme to Gilligans' Island in the cafeteria! Or grabbing passing chicks and making them waltz in front of the Business Building! Come on! These guys are great!"
Real Cosmo girls don't know any of the guys I hung out with. They hung around exclusive clubs with Deeter while I was hanging around boys dorms with Wayne. I didn't even get much girl talk out of my magazines because once the guy's always stole it from me.
Anyway. Right after I picked my buddy up for lunch up, I didn't get my automatic put down from it, Burger King stepped in and declined my card because VISA thought that I spent too much money yesterday on flea meds and they felt the best way to share that they thought there had been some "suspicious" activity on my card was to have some guy in paper tell me to hit the street.
The $480 I spent last month for a computer wasn't an issue, this month $48! in! a! single! day! and VISA is on the hotline to Homeland Security.
Real Cosmo girls always have someone else buy their lunch.
Since I had gotten stood up again for lunch, what do you mean you aren't going to be in the office? I'm going to be here! Tell your boss you don't really want to take notes at her silly little meeting, my lunch hour is sacrosanct! . Oddly, the boss and the meeting won. Damn.
This wouldn't be a problem except that my house ate my most recent library book. I can eat by myself, I do it all the damn time, thanks lunch buddy! but I can not eat by myself with out something to read. I've tried and I can't. Okay, I can but I look like a pathetic dweeb with no friends and that look doesn't work for me.
So off I went to find a friend to eat with. I checked my old Rolodex and everybody else was busy or married or in childbirth or something and I really had to scrape the bottom of the barrel.
Written in purple lip liner on a three-year-old receipt from the Nordstrom purse department under the heading "For a Good Time Call" was my savior.
Cosmopoliton!!!!
I haven't on purpose read an entire Cosmo since college. I subscribed back then because I looked around one day and realized that all my girl friends were actually gay men. I missed talking to chicks. I wanted to hear about all the girly things that if I actually had any female friends we would no doubt spend all our time talking about. I read a couple of issues and it turned out that we would talk about dicks - which was pretty much what my gay male friends and I talked about, but I wanted to talk about dicks with people who didn't actually have their own. So I became a Cosmo Girl.
Kind of.
Cosmo girls seemed to have a lot of cash and free time and they all had really great hair and had more then two pairs of shoes - neither of which were off brand sneakers from K-mart and they seemed to spend very little of their endless free time watching Star Trek - The Next Generation reruns in the lobbies of boys dorms.
If the Cosmo girls had jobs, they had really cool jobs that did not require them to wear bow ties or make change. They got to travel to really cool places and needless to say, they worked with really cool guys too. The coolest guys I knew snapped along with The Adams Family theme at the movies. Cosmos girls didn't hang out with guys who snapped along with sound tracks.
Which shocked the hell out of me. "What do you mean these guys aren't cool? These are the only straight men I know who aren't also Theatre Majors! These guys are General Studies majors, the only show tunes they're familiar with come from Tommy! They aren't given to singing the theme to Gilligans' Island in the cafeteria! Or grabbing passing chicks and making them waltz in front of the Business Building! Come on! These guys are great!"
Real Cosmo girls don't know any of the guys I hung out with. They hung around exclusive clubs with Deeter while I was hanging around boys dorms with Wayne. I didn't even get much girl talk out of my magazines because once the guy's always stole it from me.
Anyway. Right after I picked my buddy up for lunch up, I didn't get my automatic put down from it, Burger King stepped in and declined my card because VISA thought that I spent too much money yesterday on flea meds and they felt the best way to share that they thought there had been some "suspicious" activity on my card was to have some guy in paper tell me to hit the street.
The $480 I spent last month for a computer wasn't an issue, this month $48! in! a! single! day! and VISA is on the hotline to Homeland Security.
Real Cosmo girls always have someone else buy their lunch.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
One Down, how many more to go... Rummy your fate is calling
BREAKING NEWS - Spc. Jeremy Sivits sentenced to one year confinement, discharge for bad conduct, and demotion in Iraq abuse scandal..Details here
See CNN.Com for more.
BREAKING NEWS - Spc. Jeremy Sivits sentenced to one year confinement, discharge for bad conduct, and demotion in Iraq abuse scandal..Details here
See CNN.Com for more.
Message In A Dog Bowl
Dear Dog Mom and Dog Dad,
Are you mad at us? You went away and now you aren't here. We aren't at home. You were at this place but then you went away. Sometimes you go to the store. You must be at the store you have been at the store for a very long time. Aunt Cookie says you went to a store called Frants. Are you buying us snacks? But not the last snacks you bought us. Those snacks made us feel bad, are you mad at us because we felt bad? We won't feel bad again. Will you come back now from the Frants?
Aunt Cookie gives us a lot of snacks. We love Aunt Cookie. Aunt Cookie also lets us sleep on the other Futon. It is a more comfortable Futon then our Futon. It is a flat Futon. Aunt Cookie is very nice to us. You have been gone a long time so now we live at a different place now. It doesn't smell like the other place but we're working on it. Aunt Cookie says it's time for a B,A,T,H.
We play Docccer every day in our yard with the Other Dog. The Other Dog gets in the way of Winston when Winston is playing Doccer. The Other Dog does not understand that only Winston can play Doccer. The Other Dog runs around a lot. The Other Dog wants to eat Bandits ears. Aunt Cookie made Bandits ears feel wet, Bandit thought this was an ear bath and when The Other Dog tried to eat Bandits wet ears The Other Dog made a face. The Other Dog doesn't want to eat Bandits ears now.
We spend a lot of time looking out the windows. There are different sounds at this place. Sometimes we smell cooking sometimes we smell flower smell. We also hear loud sounds and deep sounds that are loud. We hear our old friends Sirens too, we sing along with the Sirens so the Sirens they will know we are here now.
In this place we have two windows to go to. We have to keep checking the windows for new smells. We look out the windows many, many times a day. We both need to smell some smells. There may be Other, Other Dogs. Where are the Other Dogs? Do they have windows at Frants? What do you smell out your window? We like windows.
Why couldn't we come with you? We would stay in the truck. We would not fart in the truck if you took us to the Frants. If you came back and took us back there with you, we would stay in the Frants parking lot and guard the truck. We would not fart in the truck even if we had to spend all day in the truck.
Most of the time we sleep. Sometimes we sleep on the floor. Sometimes we sleep on the Futon. Sometimes we take turns sleeping on the Futon sometimes we both sleep on the floor, but not in the same place. Parts of the floor are Winston's and parts are Bandits. Winston sleeps in the front of the flat Futon but Bandit likes the side of the flat Futon. We miss our Futon, but our Futon is way away. We don't know where our Futon is. Did you take our Futon to the Frants with you? .
We think there may be a cat in the building.
Are the dogs at the Frants good at protecting the truck? Are the dogs using our Futon? Where are you? Why aren't you here? Did we make you mad? Are you going to come back from the Frants? Aunt Cookie says it we will have more awake and asleep until you come back from the Frants. Come Home Soon.
Sincerely,
Winston and Bandit.
Dear Dog Mom and Dog Dad,
Are you mad at us? You went away and now you aren't here. We aren't at home. You were at this place but then you went away. Sometimes you go to the store. You must be at the store you have been at the store for a very long time. Aunt Cookie says you went to a store called Frants. Are you buying us snacks? But not the last snacks you bought us. Those snacks made us feel bad, are you mad at us because we felt bad? We won't feel bad again. Will you come back now from the Frants?
Aunt Cookie gives us a lot of snacks. We love Aunt Cookie. Aunt Cookie also lets us sleep on the other Futon. It is a more comfortable Futon then our Futon. It is a flat Futon. Aunt Cookie is very nice to us. You have been gone a long time so now we live at a different place now. It doesn't smell like the other place but we're working on it. Aunt Cookie says it's time for a B,A,T,H.
We play Docccer every day in our yard with the Other Dog. The Other Dog gets in the way of Winston when Winston is playing Doccer. The Other Dog does not understand that only Winston can play Doccer. The Other Dog runs around a lot. The Other Dog wants to eat Bandits ears. Aunt Cookie made Bandits ears feel wet, Bandit thought this was an ear bath and when The Other Dog tried to eat Bandits wet ears The Other Dog made a face. The Other Dog doesn't want to eat Bandits ears now.
We spend a lot of time looking out the windows. There are different sounds at this place. Sometimes we smell cooking sometimes we smell flower smell. We also hear loud sounds and deep sounds that are loud. We hear our old friends Sirens too, we sing along with the Sirens so the Sirens they will know we are here now.
In this place we have two windows to go to. We have to keep checking the windows for new smells. We look out the windows many, many times a day. We both need to smell some smells. There may be Other, Other Dogs. Where are the Other Dogs? Do they have windows at Frants? What do you smell out your window? We like windows.
Why couldn't we come with you? We would stay in the truck. We would not fart in the truck if you took us to the Frants. If you came back and took us back there with you, we would stay in the Frants parking lot and guard the truck. We would not fart in the truck even if we had to spend all day in the truck.
Most of the time we sleep. Sometimes we sleep on the floor. Sometimes we sleep on the Futon. Sometimes we take turns sleeping on the Futon sometimes we both sleep on the floor, but not in the same place. Parts of the floor are Winston's and parts are Bandits. Winston sleeps in the front of the flat Futon but Bandit likes the side of the flat Futon. We miss our Futon, but our Futon is way away. We don't know where our Futon is. Did you take our Futon to the Frants with you? .
We think there may be a cat in the building.
Are the dogs at the Frants good at protecting the truck? Are the dogs using our Futon? Where are you? Why aren't you here? Did we make you mad? Are you going to come back from the Frants? Aunt Cookie says it we will have more awake and asleep until you come back from the Frants. Come Home Soon.
Sincerely,
Winston and Bandit.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Things I don't get
Why
Does my kitchen get so dirty when I rarely use it?
Do people bring their dogs to art festivals and other outdoor cultural events? are dogs interested in art? are the the last creatures on earth that like mimes?
Do women wear Fuck Me pumps to Mass?
Do people put those born again fish on their cars? Do they know their cars better then I know mine? I've never asked mine what it's religious beliefs are. What happens if all cars are Jewish?
Are there no youthful yard gnomes?
Do birds seem to pick on cats but not dogs?
Is there more grass growing in my concrete driveway healthier then the grass in my back yard? Should I drive over it more?
Are there so many personalized license plates?
Why are really, really, really tiny motor bikes so popular?
Can I not order small french fries anymore? Will they change back now that we are all fat? will fast food places boast of having really, really small sizes?
Do so many chicks have tats at the small of their backs?
Are all wedding gowns strapless?
Is George Bush still president?
Did Jimmy Fallen leave SNL?
Won't Mr. Kitty do cute things for an audience? Does he have stage fright has he brainwashed me into seeing cuteness where there is no cuteness?
Do I always remember something to add to my shopping when I'm about to fall asleep?
Are their ants all over my hose?
Is the gas at my corner $1.94 for low test? and why did it go to $1.97 over night?
If Wal-Mart can keep lowering prices why don't they start off at the lowest possible price?
Did the Weekly World News have a headline that said, "Pope wants Mel Gibson To Be His Successor"?.
Things Other People Can Do To Help Me Out
All I want is a light blue bedspread and I'm trying to find one cheap. The other bidders on Ebay need to step off.
To the posters on my favorite site - If you don’t like the show STOP WATCHING IT.
To the posters on Yahoo - No. it is not the Best Show Ever! And He is not the bestest actor ever, please do not brag about writing fanfic based on an episode that may or may not be aired. Don't brag about writing CSI-Miami fanfiction.
I've been in bed for an hour; I do not want to hear your car stereo.
I'm minding my own business; I'm not making any sound at all. Do you need to have a screaming argument to shut out the sounds of my silence? take your argument somewhere else. Like inside your house, I've heard that you can argue inside as well as outside. If you are having problems with your baby mama go on Sally Jesse like everyone else.
Read it live it learn it - Your bad scheduling is not my problem.
Angel's last episode ever is this week. Waaaaahhhhhhhhh!
I am right here. Is my office really the place to have a rather private discussion with your buddy your health problem?
Are we really discussing potatoes? Still?
I really don't care where you ate lunch. I ate at my desk.
Why
Does my kitchen get so dirty when I rarely use it?
Do people bring their dogs to art festivals and other outdoor cultural events? are dogs interested in art? are the the last creatures on earth that like mimes?
Do women wear Fuck Me pumps to Mass?
Do people put those born again fish on their cars? Do they know their cars better then I know mine? I've never asked mine what it's religious beliefs are. What happens if all cars are Jewish?
Are there no youthful yard gnomes?
Do birds seem to pick on cats but not dogs?
Is there more grass growing in my concrete driveway healthier then the grass in my back yard? Should I drive over it more?
Are there so many personalized license plates?
Why are really, really, really tiny motor bikes so popular?
Can I not order small french fries anymore? Will they change back now that we are all fat? will fast food places boast of having really, really small sizes?
Do so many chicks have tats at the small of their backs?
Are all wedding gowns strapless?
Is George Bush still president?
Did Jimmy Fallen leave SNL?
Won't Mr. Kitty do cute things for an audience? Does he have stage fright has he brainwashed me into seeing cuteness where there is no cuteness?
Do I always remember something to add to my shopping when I'm about to fall asleep?
Are their ants all over my hose?
Is the gas at my corner $1.94 for low test? and why did it go to $1.97 over night?
If Wal-Mart can keep lowering prices why don't they start off at the lowest possible price?
Did the Weekly World News have a headline that said, "Pope wants Mel Gibson To Be His Successor"?.
Things Other People Can Do To Help Me Out
All I want is a light blue bedspread and I'm trying to find one cheap. The other bidders on Ebay need to step off.
To the posters on my favorite site - If you don’t like the show STOP WATCHING IT.
To the posters on Yahoo - No. it is not the Best Show Ever! And He is not the bestest actor ever, please do not brag about writing fanfic based on an episode that may or may not be aired. Don't brag about writing CSI-Miami fanfiction.
I've been in bed for an hour; I do not want to hear your car stereo.
I'm minding my own business; I'm not making any sound at all. Do you need to have a screaming argument to shut out the sounds of my silence? take your argument somewhere else. Like inside your house, I've heard that you can argue inside as well as outside. If you are having problems with your baby mama go on Sally Jesse like everyone else.
Read it live it learn it - Your bad scheduling is not my problem.
Angel's last episode ever is this week. Waaaaahhhhhhhhh!
I am right here. Is my office really the place to have a rather private discussion with your buddy your health problem?
Are we really discussing potatoes? Still?
I really don't care where you ate lunch. I ate at my desk.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Three Dogs and A Little Kitty
Okay. Day 1 with the nephdogs. So far so good. So far everyone has had their morning toilette, ate or at least pretended to eat and went out for a quick pee before going back to bed. Whew. I got to read a little of my paper and I remembered to feed the Kitty.
To make this all work we have to work with military precision. The precession of the Swiss military. Everyone must have their clocks set and everyone must be paying attention. Everyone being me.
Dogger gets to go first. It's her house and she lives here all the time. She goes first. Dogger is with the program. She gets up and heads for the front door; she goes outside does her thing and heads for the house. She goes right to her bowl, she eats. I read the paper, I take her outside again and she goes back to bed. I don't have to wake up before dawn and she gets taken care of. We are a team.
The nephdogs are thus far not on the team.. The nephdogs have their own program and I need them to TiVo the little bastard and watch my show instead. I need then lined up and ready to run outside, pee, come back inside, eat, go back outside and then to bed. Not sniff around inside, look around, go outside, and sniff around and do dog tai chi. then remember they need to pee, and go back inside. After we get inside, it's still not over, They then need to hike up the stairs and eat their food but, not the little dog who likes who watch his food congeal and then not eat it and cause me to stand their and do little time consuming Rah! Rah! Eat! Eat!" cheers that I am not really up to until I have had my morning caffeine and seen what kind of day For Better or Worse™ is having. I have tried to talk to the dogs, they agree that schedules are important. They lie.
The nephdogs aren't feeling my schedule. I've tried to tell them its Out, pee, eat, out, pee, bed Amen, and this is how it is going to be. They think its Out, wander around do some sniffing, maybe do a pee, go back inside, look at their food, whine about the food, go back outside sniff around a bit more, pee on the porch, go back to bed. . I've tried to explain that I have other things on my schedule apart from them, like my own dog, like sleeping past 5:15 am, feeding Kitty and cleaning out the kitty's box, reading my paper, getting to work on time… these are things that I have to do.
The little dog thinks I need to do cheers.
Sunday morning was easy, this morning we're on the clock.
Okay. Day 1 with the nephdogs. So far so good. So far everyone has had their morning toilette, ate or at least pretended to eat and went out for a quick pee before going back to bed. Whew. I got to read a little of my paper and I remembered to feed the Kitty.
To make this all work we have to work with military precision. The precession of the Swiss military. Everyone must have their clocks set and everyone must be paying attention. Everyone being me.
Dogger gets to go first. It's her house and she lives here all the time. She goes first. Dogger is with the program. She gets up and heads for the front door; she goes outside does her thing and heads for the house. She goes right to her bowl, she eats. I read the paper, I take her outside again and she goes back to bed. I don't have to wake up before dawn and she gets taken care of. We are a team.
The nephdogs are thus far not on the team.. The nephdogs have their own program and I need them to TiVo the little bastard and watch my show instead. I need then lined up and ready to run outside, pee, come back inside, eat, go back outside and then to bed. Not sniff around inside, look around, go outside, and sniff around and do dog tai chi. then remember they need to pee, and go back inside. After we get inside, it's still not over, They then need to hike up the stairs and eat their food but, not the little dog who likes who watch his food congeal and then not eat it and cause me to stand their and do little time consuming Rah! Rah! Eat! Eat!" cheers that I am not really up to until I have had my morning caffeine and seen what kind of day For Better or Worse™ is having. I have tried to talk to the dogs, they agree that schedules are important. They lie.
The nephdogs aren't feeling my schedule. I've tried to tell them its Out, pee, eat, out, pee, bed Amen, and this is how it is going to be. They think its Out, wander around do some sniffing, maybe do a pee, go back inside, look at their food, whine about the food, go back outside sniff around a bit more, pee on the porch, go back to bed. . I've tried to explain that I have other things on my schedule apart from them, like my own dog, like sleeping past 5:15 am, feeding Kitty and cleaning out the kitty's box, reading my paper, getting to work on time… these are things that I have to do.
The little dog thinks I need to do cheers.
Sunday morning was easy, this morning we're on the clock.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Friday, May 14, 2004
Wouldn't this be cool? I mean, the local pretend convention thingy made my teeth itch, but a trip to the Big Show would be something to remember. The People Watching alone would make it worth it. I wonder if they hand out little passes, I can see it now:
Random Attention Whore or Anna Coulter - You with the thousand yard stare, are you with the Press?
Random Blogger - (searching for a public terminal and on the look out for Wil Wheaton) No! I'm even better! I'm a Blogger! I update every 15 minutes and have eleven thousand links! wanna join my webring?.
Random Attention Whore or Anna Coulter - You with the thousand yard stare, are you with the Press?
Random Blogger - (searching for a public terminal and on the look out for Wil Wheaton) No! I'm even better! I'm a Blogger! I update every 15 minutes and have eleven thousand links! wanna join my webring?.
Schools out for everrrrrrrr
Dogger and I finished our second round of Dog School. Dogger ran through her skills - heeling fast, heeling slow, sitting, staying while sitting, laying down, staying while laying down, doing all of these while another dog wandered around trying to pull her focus. Dogger was very, very good. She peed on the Dog Whisperer, but she was very good.
And again the Dog Whisperer didn't come across with a diploma. Bastard. I pretty much signed up for this class because I thought he said something about a certificate that went along with the second course. I'm going to call the ASPCA to see if they offer any classes and if they hand out diplomas. I'm about ready to go print off one myself so Dogger can have something that officially says she learned something and has some skills. I'm mean, my college gave me one, I think the least the Dog Whisperer could do would be to give Dogger one. I mean, jeez, she stayed! for gawds sake! Give the dog a diploma!
Speaking of the Dogger. I am in the market for a really kewl collar for her. I want something that says "Hi, I'm a very big dog but I am also a girl dog, but a hip edgy girl dog"," I was kind of thinking of a spike collar but with a pink background and maybe with little spiky flowers instead of just spiky spikes. I think something in the pink family and with flowers but at the same time, big enough and butch enough to go along with her size. So no little thin wispy things. Something she would really have to work at eating. That's another thing, it can't be so expensive of hard to replace that I'm afraid to let her wear it. I have thought about hot gluing silk daisies to a plan collar but I think she might find that itchy. We're going on vacation in August, so I have some time. If you have any ideas or know where I can see kewl dog collars email me.
Mr. Kitty is working my nerves. He wakes up at about 5:30 am, he wants to chat. He can't just jump up on the bed and softly bleet in my face, closer to me so that I may grab hold of him and hold his little mouth shut - he stands at the bottom of the stairs at the top of his prodigious lungs and caterwauls for about ten minutes and then he stops. He just goes away and I don't hear or see him again until I'm reading the paper and then the little bastard ignores me, well he ignores me in an "I'm walking across your paper and putting my tail in your nose, but I'm not talking to you" kind of way. He's been doing his little predawn concerts every morning for weeks. He wakes me up he wakes the Dogger up and after Saturday, he will wake the rest of the Answer Dogs up as well. I do not need all three dogs whimpering and wanting to go out all at the same time. I need everyone to wait for their turn. We will have a schedule and we will follow it. Damn it. Once you have more dogs then you have hands you have basis for martial law.
I have the Answer Dogs at my place for two weeks. This means they will be available for your questions. Ask the Answer Dogs!!!
Dogger and I finished our second round of Dog School. Dogger ran through her skills - heeling fast, heeling slow, sitting, staying while sitting, laying down, staying while laying down, doing all of these while another dog wandered around trying to pull her focus. Dogger was very, very good. She peed on the Dog Whisperer, but she was very good.
And again the Dog Whisperer didn't come across with a diploma. Bastard. I pretty much signed up for this class because I thought he said something about a certificate that went along with the second course. I'm going to call the ASPCA to see if they offer any classes and if they hand out diplomas. I'm about ready to go print off one myself so Dogger can have something that officially says she learned something and has some skills. I'm mean, my college gave me one, I think the least the Dog Whisperer could do would be to give Dogger one. I mean, jeez, she stayed! for gawds sake! Give the dog a diploma!
Speaking of the Dogger. I am in the market for a really kewl collar for her. I want something that says "Hi, I'm a very big dog but I am also a girl dog, but a hip edgy girl dog"," I was kind of thinking of a spike collar but with a pink background and maybe with little spiky flowers instead of just spiky spikes. I think something in the pink family and with flowers but at the same time, big enough and butch enough to go along with her size. So no little thin wispy things. Something she would really have to work at eating. That's another thing, it can't be so expensive of hard to replace that I'm afraid to let her wear it. I have thought about hot gluing silk daisies to a plan collar but I think she might find that itchy. We're going on vacation in August, so I have some time. If you have any ideas or know where I can see kewl dog collars email me.
Mr. Kitty is working my nerves. He wakes up at about 5:30 am, he wants to chat. He can't just jump up on the bed and softly bleet in my face, closer to me so that I may grab hold of him and hold his little mouth shut - he stands at the bottom of the stairs at the top of his prodigious lungs and caterwauls for about ten minutes and then he stops. He just goes away and I don't hear or see him again until I'm reading the paper and then the little bastard ignores me, well he ignores me in an "I'm walking across your paper and putting my tail in your nose, but I'm not talking to you" kind of way. He's been doing his little predawn concerts every morning for weeks. He wakes me up he wakes the Dogger up and after Saturday, he will wake the rest of the Answer Dogs up as well. I do not need all three dogs whimpering and wanting to go out all at the same time. I need everyone to wait for their turn. We will have a schedule and we will follow it. Damn it. Once you have more dogs then you have hands you have basis for martial law.
I have the Answer Dogs at my place for two weeks. This means they will be available for your questions. Ask the Answer Dogs!!!
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Mean People Suck.
I hate people! this was mine! damn it! I hope they enjoy spending way, way the hell too much for it. I had all ready decorated around it. I had a really nice mental picture of how everything was going to look. Sniff. Back to the drawing board.
Edited to add, "my" bedspread sold for $174!
I hate people! this was mine! damn it! I hope they enjoy spending way, way the hell too much for it. I had all ready decorated around it. I had a really nice mental picture of how everything was going to look. Sniff. Back to the drawing board.
Edited to add, "my" bedspread sold for $174!
The Blame Game
I took a few days off from trying to get my computer fixed. I was getting tired of the daily head aches that come from being on hold for hours listening to nonstop musak or in the case of Dell, listening nonstop to the sonata of mass murder and then when finally getting a human being, regardless of which tech support I had been holding for, answering the same questions over and over and over again.
They kept putting me on terminal hold so I would get tired and hang up or in the case of Dell, many times; they hung up on me.
It's really getting old. I mean I bought the new computer because the old computer was broken. It took several years for it to achieve broken. The new computer achieved broken in a matter of days.
I have been around and around and around with the various Tech Supports. Dell, Microsoft, Earthlink. I have spent more time with Indian nationals then Ghandi did. I called Dell from work. My plan was to get tough with whomever answered the line and I was going to tell them how it was and how they were going to fix my damn computer.
Me - - I am who I am, These are my magic service numbers. My computer is broken. Fix it. Send a repair guy to my house.
Them - Are you with your computer?
Me - No I'm not. Here is my magic service numbers fix my machine. I have a warranty. Send someone out to fix my machine.
Them - Is there someone at home with the computer who can…
Me - No! There isn't. Haven't I talked to you before? Here are my magic service numbers. Send someone out to fix my machine
.
Them - You need to be with your computer…
Me - I'm Not. Here are my magic service numbers. Send someone out to fix my machine.
Them - What part of your computer is broken?
Me - What part? The computer part! I have talked with tech support from Microsoft and Earthlink and Dell over and over again all ready and they can't figure out what is…
Them - The virus!
Me - … No! Not the virus! Tech Support can not fix it, I can not fix it! What is wrong with the computer is not the virus! It's the hard drive! Send some one out to fix my machine.
Them - Virus!!!
Me - Fix. My. Damn. Machine. I. Have. A. Warranty.
Them - Are you in front of your computer? You have to be in front of your computer.
Me - HOOOOOOWWWWWWWEEEEELLLLLLLLL! FIX MY DAMN MACHINE! SEND A GUY OUT TO FIX MY DAMN MACHINE. HERE ARE MY SERIVCE NUMBERS. MY MACHINE IS STILL UNDER WARRENTY. FIX MY DAMN MACHINE!!!
I had to promise to call back later when I could station myself in front of my computer for several hours because I don't have a life or things to do or anything that might be more important then spending even more time listening to the sonata of mass murder before getting some tech support person to run through yet another flow chart of endless, ultimately, unhelpful suggestions. I want my computer back!!!!
10 minutes after I finished this my best friend called to let me know her teen aged former step daughter is in a hospital in Ft. Worth dieing from bone cancer. Suddenly a sick computer is so nothing. I feel about thisbig.
I took a few days off from trying to get my computer fixed. I was getting tired of the daily head aches that come from being on hold for hours listening to nonstop musak or in the case of Dell, listening nonstop to the sonata of mass murder and then when finally getting a human being, regardless of which tech support I had been holding for, answering the same questions over and over and over again.
They kept putting me on terminal hold so I would get tired and hang up or in the case of Dell, many times; they hung up on me.
It's really getting old. I mean I bought the new computer because the old computer was broken. It took several years for it to achieve broken. The new computer achieved broken in a matter of days.
I have been around and around and around with the various Tech Supports. Dell, Microsoft, Earthlink. I have spent more time with Indian nationals then Ghandi did. I called Dell from work. My plan was to get tough with whomever answered the line and I was going to tell them how it was and how they were going to fix my damn computer.
Me - - I am who I am, These are my magic service numbers. My computer is broken. Fix it. Send a repair guy to my house.
Them - Are you with your computer?
Me - No I'm not. Here is my magic service numbers fix my machine. I have a warranty. Send someone out to fix my machine.
Them - Is there someone at home with the computer who can…
Me - No! There isn't. Haven't I talked to you before? Here are my magic service numbers. Send someone out to fix my machine
.
Them - You need to be with your computer…
Me - I'm Not. Here are my magic service numbers. Send someone out to fix my machine.
Them - What part of your computer is broken?
Me - What part? The computer part! I have talked with tech support from Microsoft and Earthlink and Dell over and over again all ready and they can't figure out what is…
Them - The virus!
Me - … No! Not the virus! Tech Support can not fix it, I can not fix it! What is wrong with the computer is not the virus! It's the hard drive! Send some one out to fix my machine.
Them - Virus!!!
Me - Fix. My. Damn. Machine. I. Have. A. Warranty.
Them - Are you in front of your computer? You have to be in front of your computer.
Me - HOOOOOOWWWWWWWEEEEELLLLLLLLL! FIX MY DAMN MACHINE! SEND A GUY OUT TO FIX MY DAMN MACHINE. HERE ARE MY SERIVCE NUMBERS. MY MACHINE IS STILL UNDER WARRENTY. FIX MY DAMN MACHINE!!!
I had to promise to call back later when I could station myself in front of my computer for several hours because I don't have a life or things to do or anything that might be more important then spending even more time listening to the sonata of mass murder before getting some tech support person to run through yet another flow chart of endless, ultimately, unhelpful suggestions. I want my computer back!!!!
10 minutes after I finished this my best friend called to let me know her teen aged former step daughter is in a hospital in Ft. Worth dieing from bone cancer. Suddenly a sick computer is so nothing. I feel about thisbig.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
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Quiz Lifted from Zervoids'Bluereign
Things To Do
It never fails. I decide I am going to do these things in this order and I am going to get them done. Damn it.
I stopped doing that, decided ahead of time what I was going to get done. It's hard to do though. I would sit there at a red light at seven in the morning and say "I think I'm going to start off with that last bit of filing and then I'm going to make the copies for that request and then I'm going to redact it and get all that copied and then I think I'll start on the single page filing. That's not really all that much. It'll make the day go. and I'm all secure in how I am going to be spending the day and reasonably happy about it.
I had to stop that. It was like there was some psychic goblin somewhere saying Aha! She thinks she's going to get that project done! HA! I think I'll have that lawyer call her and tell her that this new project needs to be done today. And then! And then I'll have the phone ring all day long so she can't concentrate and gets nothing done! Wheeeee!
Bastard.
Or the ever popular inservice or surprise inspection or tornado warning or whatever. It's always something. And it's always a big nothing.
So I tried to not make plans. I just took things as they came. But. I don't like that. I like having a schedule, I like having a list or failing a list, a plan. I hate having things just dumped on my head. It always starts off "I know you're swamped… if they recognize I don't have time for it, why bring it to me? If I do it means that there is something else just as important but waiting longer, that won't get done. It's not their thing so they don't care.
Things To Get Done
Alphabetize, hole punch and file single page filing
File the bucket of filing all ready in office and fetch the other buckets from the other office
Deal with boxes from archives
Fill new phone requests
Tidy
Things I got done
Roughly alphabetized single page filing
Faxed a huge number of pages for surveyor
Dealt with public
Filed some of the bin all ready in office
Dealt with boxes from archives
I always over schedule myself. Everything takes longer then it should, or I think it should. Things may take as long as it takes me to get them done but other people seem to get more done in the same time. Sigh.
I am so going to stop planning ahead at work. At Home I'll put that on a list along with
Will paint woodwork in bedroom this week
Will review skills with Dogger daily
Will call tech support about connectivity issue tonight
Will empty and fill dishwasher as needed
Will do laundry
Will vacuum
Will watch taped material
Will remember why VCR has turned self on
Will go through stuff growing on dining room table
Will file all stuff
Will shower
Will Stop over scheduling self
I need to make lists of what I did get done
Did laundry!
Did empty dishwasher!
Did wash Dogger!
Did wash self!
Did water plants!
Did read book!
Did pay bills!
The spirit is willing but the flesh just got a new Entertainment Weekly
It never fails. I decide I am going to do these things in this order and I am going to get them done. Damn it.
I stopped doing that, decided ahead of time what I was going to get done. It's hard to do though. I would sit there at a red light at seven in the morning and say "I think I'm going to start off with that last bit of filing and then I'm going to make the copies for that request and then I'm going to redact it and get all that copied and then I think I'll start on the single page filing. That's not really all that much. It'll make the day go. and I'm all secure in how I am going to be spending the day and reasonably happy about it.
I had to stop that. It was like there was some psychic goblin somewhere saying Aha! She thinks she's going to get that project done! HA! I think I'll have that lawyer call her and tell her that this new project needs to be done today. And then! And then I'll have the phone ring all day long so she can't concentrate and gets nothing done! Wheeeee!
Bastard.
Or the ever popular inservice or surprise inspection or tornado warning or whatever. It's always something. And it's always a big nothing.
So I tried to not make plans. I just took things as they came. But. I don't like that. I like having a schedule, I like having a list or failing a list, a plan. I hate having things just dumped on my head. It always starts off "I know you're swamped… if they recognize I don't have time for it, why bring it to me? If I do it means that there is something else just as important but waiting longer, that won't get done. It's not their thing so they don't care.
Things To Get Done
Alphabetize, hole punch and file single page filing
File the bucket of filing all ready in office and fetch the other buckets from the other office
Deal with boxes from archives
Fill new phone requests
Tidy
Things I got done
Roughly alphabetized single page filing
Faxed a huge number of pages for surveyor
Dealt with public
Filed some of the bin all ready in office
Dealt with boxes from archives
I always over schedule myself. Everything takes longer then it should, or I think it should. Things may take as long as it takes me to get them done but other people seem to get more done in the same time. Sigh.
I am so going to stop planning ahead at work. At Home I'll put that on a list along with
Will paint woodwork in bedroom this week
Will review skills with Dogger daily
Will call tech support about connectivity issue tonight
Will empty and fill dishwasher as needed
Will do laundry
Will vacuum
Will watch taped material
Will remember why VCR has turned self on
Will go through stuff growing on dining room table
Will file all stuff
Will shower
Will Stop over scheduling self
I need to make lists of what I did get done
Did laundry!
Did empty dishwasher!
Did wash Dogger!
Did wash self!
Did water plants!
Did read book!
Did pay bills!
The spirit is willing but the flesh just got a new Entertainment Weekly
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Windows XT to your soul
Last week I got word that I was going to go to a training session. First it was supposed to be Thursday, which bummed me out because I all ready was leaving early on Friday and I didn't want to lose even more time. Then I was told that Thursday was full and I would have to go Friday. I had to bum them out. So finally, Monday afternoon I go to training class.
I was warned a head of time that the class was deadly and I should bring something with me to keep me occupied. - note to self, see if that Do it Yourself Appendectomy kit is still available on Ebay…
The first question posed in class was: "What does XP stand for?", answer "It Doesn't Matter.". Lovely.
The first thing I learned in class was The early bird gets the padded chair. He who hesitates sits in a folding chair. I left early; I got a good chair. I also walked. Go me.
On my way to the other building I found a nice fenced in area that I think is supposed to be for patents/ residents/inmates to use. The sign says For resident and EMPLOYEE use. I am an employee and Dogger is an extension of me. Score. Dogger gets to run. I never would have read the sign if I had driven. I got exercise and a place to take Dogger. Healthy living finally pays off.
The second thing I learned is that they have doctored the version of XP that we are going to get so it looks and behaves exactly like Windows 95. Super. I need to go to class because why? I'm going to have to reset the damn program to make it look and behave like it is supposed to? How many of my coworkers aren't even going to notice a difference? Why have these classes if everything is going to look the same?
A late comer arrives. The trainer tells her that the rest of us all stood and gave our names and sang a song. The late comer is asked if she can sing, "For The Lord" she answers.
While we think on that. The trainer turns off the lights. If you are going to be running a class where the topic is dry and boring and the class is in a room that is all ready on the warm side and the class is scheduled for immediately after the lunch hour, Don't turn off the lights! in an attempt t keep himself awake, he kept asking if there were any questions. Of course not! Half the class was face down on the desks and the other half was playing with their phones trying to look awake.
On break I learned something else. Every damn building on campus is nicer then ours. This place had fresh paint in non-institutional colors! carpet you couldn't even see the floor though, all the interior lights worked! a nice, fully stocked break room. They had three different kinds of ice cream sandwiches! My Gawd! They even have a fireplace. Our building has a giant hole in the ceiling that goes all the way through the roof. I am not feeling the love.
Last week I got word that I was going to go to a training session. First it was supposed to be Thursday, which bummed me out because I all ready was leaving early on Friday and I didn't want to lose even more time. Then I was told that Thursday was full and I would have to go Friday. I had to bum them out. So finally, Monday afternoon I go to training class.
I was warned a head of time that the class was deadly and I should bring something with me to keep me occupied. - note to self, see if that Do it Yourself Appendectomy kit is still available on Ebay…
The first question posed in class was: "What does XP stand for?", answer "It Doesn't Matter.". Lovely.
The first thing I learned in class was The early bird gets the padded chair. He who hesitates sits in a folding chair. I left early; I got a good chair. I also walked. Go me.
On my way to the other building I found a nice fenced in area that I think is supposed to be for patents/ residents/inmates to use. The sign says For resident and EMPLOYEE use. I am an employee and Dogger is an extension of me. Score. Dogger gets to run. I never would have read the sign if I had driven. I got exercise and a place to take Dogger. Healthy living finally pays off.
The second thing I learned is that they have doctored the version of XP that we are going to get so it looks and behaves exactly like Windows 95. Super. I need to go to class because why? I'm going to have to reset the damn program to make it look and behave like it is supposed to? How many of my coworkers aren't even going to notice a difference? Why have these classes if everything is going to look the same?
A late comer arrives. The trainer tells her that the rest of us all stood and gave our names and sang a song. The late comer is asked if she can sing, "For The Lord" she answers.
While we think on that. The trainer turns off the lights. If you are going to be running a class where the topic is dry and boring and the class is in a room that is all ready on the warm side and the class is scheduled for immediately after the lunch hour, Don't turn off the lights! in an attempt t keep himself awake, he kept asking if there were any questions. Of course not! Half the class was face down on the desks and the other half was playing with their phones trying to look awake.
On break I learned something else. Every damn building on campus is nicer then ours. This place had fresh paint in non-institutional colors! carpet you couldn't even see the floor though, all the interior lights worked! a nice, fully stocked break room. They had three different kinds of ice cream sandwiches! My Gawd! They even have a fireplace. Our building has a giant hole in the ceiling that goes all the way through the roof. I am not feeling the love.
Monday, May 10, 2004
Spreading it Thick
Ever since I decided that I was tired of living in a pinkish, builder beige - y bedroom and what I really wanted a lovely, pretty, not pinkish beige -y bedroom - I have been looking at colors. I finally found the right one and now it's time to start dressing the room.
Being that the bed is really the centerpiece of your bedroom I thought I should start there. I wanted a bedspread.
I went to Ebay.Com.
I am Ebay's bitch. They own me. So I went there first, kind of second, well, actually, I looked at every fabric distributed over the past three years and didn't find a single one that said I am your bedspread! take me home! I am the right color!. I must have good taste because everything I liked said Of course you like me. Look at me! I am beautiful! Look at my tight weave! look at my thread count! Look at my pattern! I am very expensive! I am prettier then you are!. I had to find things less haughty.
So I had to look somewhere else. I had to look On The Rack.
These did not speak to me, it must have been at the plastic. The bags had smothered them and they could not speak, and those that did speak, spoke in unison.
Aren't we serviceable? Aren't we what you see in every store? look at our shiny, shiny bags! You can buy matching! Don't you want matchy, matchy, matchyness?! matching drapes! matching rugs, matching towels! matching Tampax(tm) boxes, your bedspread can match your couch! that can match your dining room chairs! that can match the wall paper in your kitchen! You don't even have to think! Look! We're color coordinated! Trust Us!
Yuck.
So. On to Ebay.
I punched in Bedspread Okay. Too many. I can't think with all those bedspreads. Let's narrow that search. I like color, lets go by fabric. I like Chenille. Damn! that's still a lot of bedspreads. Okay. Lets do this by color. Maybe that will narrow it down. I picked random colors.
Red
Green
Yellow
Orange
Pink
Purple
Dear God.
I was starting to feel faint. Bedspreads, Bedspreads everywhere! How about playing with the modifiers. Ebay is all about modifiers. I tried Vintage, I tried Retro
I found Dear Gawd, and I even found something marked Ugly
I did not find my bedspread. Yet.
Sigh.
Ever since I decided that I was tired of living in a pinkish, builder beige - y bedroom and what I really wanted a lovely, pretty, not pinkish beige -y bedroom - I have been looking at colors. I finally found the right one and now it's time to start dressing the room.
Being that the bed is really the centerpiece of your bedroom I thought I should start there. I wanted a bedspread.
I went to Ebay.Com.
I am Ebay's bitch. They own me. So I went there first, kind of second, well, actually, I looked at every fabric distributed over the past three years and didn't find a single one that said I am your bedspread! take me home! I am the right color!. I must have good taste because everything I liked said Of course you like me. Look at me! I am beautiful! Look at my tight weave! look at my thread count! Look at my pattern! I am very expensive! I am prettier then you are!. I had to find things less haughty.
So I had to look somewhere else. I had to look On The Rack.
These did not speak to me, it must have been at the plastic. The bags had smothered them and they could not speak, and those that did speak, spoke in unison.
Aren't we serviceable? Aren't we what you see in every store? look at our shiny, shiny bags! You can buy matching! Don't you want matchy, matchy, matchyness?! matching drapes! matching rugs, matching towels! matching Tampax(tm) boxes, your bedspread can match your couch! that can match your dining room chairs! that can match the wall paper in your kitchen! You don't even have to think! Look! We're color coordinated! Trust Us!
Yuck.
So. On to Ebay.
I punched in Bedspread Okay. Too many. I can't think with all those bedspreads. Let's narrow that search. I like color, lets go by fabric. I like Chenille. Damn! that's still a lot of bedspreads. Okay. Lets do this by color. Maybe that will narrow it down. I picked random colors.
Red
Green
Yellow
Orange
Pink
Purple
Dear God.
I was starting to feel faint. Bedspreads, Bedspreads everywhere! How about playing with the modifiers. Ebay is all about modifiers. I tried Vintage, I tried Retro
I found Dear Gawd, and I even found something marked Ugly
I did not find my bedspread. Yet.
Sigh.
Sunday, May 9, 2004
Saturday, May 8, 2004
Friday, May 7, 2004
GGGGRRRRRAAARGH!
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Donald Rumsfeld is a liar
Never a Fairy Godmother around when you need one
It just kind of occurred to me that I'm going out of town for the weekend. I'm going to need to pack, well, before the actual packing of clothes there is going to need to be laundering of clothes. And before they can be laundered they need to be picked up which calls for a game of Hide and Seek with just about everything I own. 1, 2, 3, get off my fathers apple tree! does not work to get the little bastards to come out of hiding. They do not play fair.
I also might need to mow my yard.
...And possibly put the dishes away so I can put the new dirty dishes in the machine. Hmm. And while I'm in the kitchen I might need to tidy a bit. I hate leaving the house dirty because it's such a downer to come back too. It doesn't bother me to have it like that when I'm with it, but leaving untidy seems like taking a trip in dirty underwear.
And while I'm in the kitchen I should get the animals food packed up to go and think about which toys to bring and how many of Doggers many leashes I should bring, the short one more like a dog handle, the six foot, the adjustable? And how about the Kitty? Should I bother with his leash? Will I actually use it?
I should get the paper cut off but they never actually do it when I have asked before. Maybe If the paper guy is late again tomorrow I can catch him and ask him in person. That may or may not work. There might be more then one paper guy. The service has certainly been of two minds lately, It's here on time for a few days and then bang all of a sudden, it shows up late in the shrubbery. I hope it isn't the same guy.
See, this is where the Fairy Godmother comes in. I want to come home from work and have my bags packed, the laundry done, the house cleaned and the lawn mowed.
Not going to happen is it?
Sigh
Have a great weekend!!!!
It just kind of occurred to me that I'm going out of town for the weekend. I'm going to need to pack, well, before the actual packing of clothes there is going to need to be laundering of clothes. And before they can be laundered they need to be picked up which calls for a game of Hide and Seek with just about everything I own. 1, 2, 3, get off my fathers apple tree! does not work to get the little bastards to come out of hiding. They do not play fair.
I also might need to mow my yard.
...And possibly put the dishes away so I can put the new dirty dishes in the machine. Hmm. And while I'm in the kitchen I might need to tidy a bit. I hate leaving the house dirty because it's such a downer to come back too. It doesn't bother me to have it like that when I'm with it, but leaving untidy seems like taking a trip in dirty underwear.
And while I'm in the kitchen I should get the animals food packed up to go and think about which toys to bring and how many of Doggers many leashes I should bring, the short one more like a dog handle, the six foot, the adjustable? And how about the Kitty? Should I bother with his leash? Will I actually use it?
I should get the paper cut off but they never actually do it when I have asked before. Maybe If the paper guy is late again tomorrow I can catch him and ask him in person. That may or may not work. There might be more then one paper guy. The service has certainly been of two minds lately, It's here on time for a few days and then bang all of a sudden, it shows up late in the shrubbery. I hope it isn't the same guy.
See, this is where the Fairy Godmother comes in. I want to come home from work and have my bags packed, the laundry done, the house cleaned and the lawn mowed.
Not going to happen is it?
Sigh
Have a great weekend!!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2004
That makes it all better.... no, oddly, it doesn't
President Bush says he is sorry for the humiliation suffered by Iraqi prisoners
at the hands of U.S. troops.
Watch CNN or log on to http://CNN.com for the latest news.
If Shrub is feeling all apologetic, how about apologizing for say this stuff?
from thenation.com, The Daily Outrage.
Short takes
No Spin, V. No Spin Zone
With Nightline having read the names of our war dead and the world not coming to an end, FAUX News has decided to do it themselves, only one suspects with a "No Spin" spin. Go Here to read the whole story.
Good Girl, Good Girl Whatcha Going to Do?
I brought a different dogger to Dog School last night. This Dogger did what she was asked and then did it over and over again. This Dogger brought her "A" material. She didn't even pee on the Dog Whisperer! She heeled like a dog in an obedience text book, she sat, she stayed and she only beat on the other dog a little bit. Dogger also got to show what a big Dogger she is. Two vagrants ambled through class and sat over by one of the other buildings and watched us, well one watched, one was too busy throwing up, but... Anyway. At the end of class the guys came back and one of them wanted to see the dogs. Fine see the dogs. Now, Buh-Bye. The other dog half heartedly woofed at the guys while Dogger gave them the evil eye. One of the guys came too close and Dogger had to put him back in line. She was very calm, but she has a growl that comes from some deep doggy place inside and it is enough to set your hair on end. She is very tough. The vagrants wandered away, quickly. Good for them too, Dogger was feeling like she needed a reward for being so good in class and she saw what she wanted as her reward. She had to settle for a hotdog.
Bad Girl, Bad Girl, Whatcha gonna do?
Later I was at the library grrrrrrrrrrr and the girl standing next to me at the computers was telling her boyfriend how she was going to "Kill this white girl" at her apartments because "Bitch pushed me". It was only, she explained because her apartment manager was standing there that kept her from killing the white girl. She also exhibited a good knowledge of the law or a knowledge of Law and Order reruns and close study of Cops as she knew what she would be charged with, second degree, although from my viewing of LO and Cops it seemed pretty first degreeish with all her blustery intent, to me. She said was going to plea out to assault, if she had the chance to kill the white girl. Girlfriend didn't need to be talking trash about the white girl, Girlfriend had enough Kabuki makeup plastered on to pass for a white girl herself. I love the public library.
Bad Gig, Bad Gig
I get to spend three hours Monday afternoon learning how to run Windows NT. I all ready know Windows NT. It's mandatory.
No Spin, V. No Spin Zone
With Nightline having read the names of our war dead and the world not coming to an end, FAUX News has decided to do it themselves, only one suspects with a "No Spin" spin. Go Here to read the whole story.
Good Girl, Good Girl Whatcha Going to Do?
I brought a different dogger to Dog School last night. This Dogger did what she was asked and then did it over and over again. This Dogger brought her "A" material. She didn't even pee on the Dog Whisperer! She heeled like a dog in an obedience text book, she sat, she stayed and she only beat on the other dog a little bit. Dogger also got to show what a big Dogger she is. Two vagrants ambled through class and sat over by one of the other buildings and watched us, well one watched, one was too busy throwing up, but... Anyway. At the end of class the guys came back and one of them wanted to see the dogs. Fine see the dogs. Now, Buh-Bye. The other dog half heartedly woofed at the guys while Dogger gave them the evil eye. One of the guys came too close and Dogger had to put him back in line. She was very calm, but she has a growl that comes from some deep doggy place inside and it is enough to set your hair on end. She is very tough. The vagrants wandered away, quickly. Good for them too, Dogger was feeling like she needed a reward for being so good in class and she saw what she wanted as her reward. She had to settle for a hotdog.
Bad Girl, Bad Girl, Whatcha gonna do?
Later I was at the library grrrrrrrrrrr and the girl standing next to me at the computers was telling her boyfriend how she was going to "Kill this white girl" at her apartments because "Bitch pushed me". It was only, she explained because her apartment manager was standing there that kept her from killing the white girl. She also exhibited a good knowledge of the law or a knowledge of Law and Order reruns and close study of Cops as she knew what she would be charged with, second degree, although from my viewing of LO and Cops it seemed pretty first degreeish with all her blustery intent, to me. She said was going to plea out to assault, if she had the chance to kill the white girl. Girlfriend didn't need to be talking trash about the white girl, Girlfriend had enough Kabuki makeup plastered on to pass for a white girl herself. I love the public library.
Bad Gig, Bad Gig
I get to spend three hours Monday afternoon learning how to run Windows NT. I all ready know Windows NT. It's mandatory.
Wednesday, May 5, 2004
Dear State Employees:
Dear Suckers,
As we celebrate State Employee Recognition Week, please accept my sincere appreciation for the fine job you are doing...
As we celebrate another year of no raises, no budget and no hope, we wonder why you stupid SOBs still work here, please accept my sincere shock that you work here at all
...For the citizens of our state. All too often, the committed and dedicated service you provide, both in your community and in the workplace, seem to go unnoticed...
Until you get charged, arrested or thrown out of office.
Therefore, I want you to know that you are recognized and appreciated for the many contributions you make toward building the State that we all want and need...
Big Brother is watching you. We know you are down loading porn and shopping tax free online all day.
...You make me proud to be a public servant. ..
You make me proud I don't actual have to serve the actual public, but good for you anyway!
You serve the state well in good times and bad...
Who am I kidding! It's always Bad! Lets not focus on the sickness part, I know how sucky your insurance is! Lets talk about the Health part, go to the Employee Chiropractic Fair!...
...Always making the quality of your work a priority.
Right up there with personal phone calls, chatting online and long lunches
... You accept the many challenges we face, never losing faith in the importance of our mission. You serve the citizens with pride, and you serve them well. Thank you for your dedication and commitment to our state...
You aren't getting a raise this year either! It sucks now and it's only going to get worse! Election Year be damned! Thank you for being so lacking in ambition that you stay here year after year instead of getting a better job! Your lack of Self Confidence and low Self Esteem keeps this state running !
Best regards,
Dear Suckers,
As we celebrate State Employee Recognition Week, please accept my sincere appreciation for the fine job you are doing...
As we celebrate another year of no raises, no budget and no hope, we wonder why you stupid SOBs still work here, please accept my sincere shock that you work here at all
...For the citizens of our state. All too often, the committed and dedicated service you provide, both in your community and in the workplace, seem to go unnoticed...
Until you get charged, arrested or thrown out of office.
Therefore, I want you to know that you are recognized and appreciated for the many contributions you make toward building the State that we all want and need...
Big Brother is watching you. We know you are down loading porn and shopping tax free online all day.
...You make me proud to be a public servant. ..
You make me proud I don't actual have to serve the actual public, but good for you anyway!
You serve the state well in good times and bad...
Who am I kidding! It's always Bad! Lets not focus on the sickness part, I know how sucky your insurance is! Lets talk about the Health part, go to the Employee Chiropractic Fair!...
...Always making the quality of your work a priority.
Right up there with personal phone calls, chatting online and long lunches
... You accept the many challenges we face, never losing faith in the importance of our mission. You serve the citizens with pride, and you serve them well. Thank you for your dedication and commitment to our state...
You aren't getting a raise this year either! It sucks now and it's only going to get worse! Election Year be damned! Thank you for being so lacking in ambition that you stay here year after year instead of getting a better job! Your lack of Self Confidence and low Self Esteem keeps this state running !
Best regards,
Tuesday, May 4, 2004
Here We Go Again
I called up Dell. I had my handy dandy magic numbers and I had Dell Support. How bad could it be?
It was Bombay. To think I actually miss those snarky, unhelpful tech support assholes from days gone by. I hated them, so superior, so over qualified and so pissed I pulled them away from their Doom game. Damn.
I called up. The first time. I called early in the morning so my hold time was under an hour. Super. I got three different phone numbers from three different people and no help.
The conversations started out the same way all three of the times I got a human being on the phone.
Them - What is your customer number?
Me - I don't have a customer number. I have a service tag and an express service number.
Them - No customer number?
Me - No.
Them - Could you read me what you have?
Me - Read, Read, Read.
Them - Is this for a business?
Me - No, it's for my house.
Them - This number is a business computer number?
Me - I know. It is a home computer though.
Them - But this number corresponds to a business machine…
Me - But it's not.
Them - How May I help you
Me - I took delivery of my computer on the 21st or 22nd and now it doesn't work. I stopped working over the weekend and I want to know where I can take it to get it fixed.
Them - We don't do that. If you have a service question, you need to call service.
Me - I am calling service. (You are service! ) I called service all weekend and they were not answering.
Them - Sorry
Me - I need to know where I can take my machine to be fixed.
Them - You need to call service and have them talk you through fixing the problem.
Me - I don't know anything about computers. I don't want to mess it up more then it is now. Where can I take it to have someone else fix it? And my computer does not work. I can't go online. (ImayalsohavetheSasservirus)
Them - Unclean!!!!! I will transfer you to service.
Me - YOU ARE SERVICE!!!
Them - tech Support will help talk you through the problem, I will transfer you…
Me - I'm not with my computer. I don't want to touch my computer. It is broken and I can not fix it. It's not here anyway; it's at home.
Them - This is not a business computer?
Me - No.
Them - You need to be with the computer.
Me - Much Like you, I work during business hours. And when I get home it is no longer business hours and you won't be at work either! And the line will just ring and ring and ring like it did over the weekend! (I am not going to call into work saying my computer doesn't feel well so I won't be in!) Fix it! Fix it NOW!
Them - Have a nice day!
I called up Dell. I had my handy dandy magic numbers and I had Dell Support. How bad could it be?
It was Bombay. To think I actually miss those snarky, unhelpful tech support assholes from days gone by. I hated them, so superior, so over qualified and so pissed I pulled them away from their Doom game. Damn.
I called up. The first time. I called early in the morning so my hold time was under an hour. Super. I got three different phone numbers from three different people and no help.
The conversations started out the same way all three of the times I got a human being on the phone.
Them - What is your customer number?
Me - I don't have a customer number. I have a service tag and an express service number.
Them - No customer number?
Me - No.
Them - Could you read me what you have?
Me - Read, Read, Read.
Them - Is this for a business?
Me - No, it's for my house.
Them - This number is a business computer number?
Me - I know. It is a home computer though.
Them - But this number corresponds to a business machine…
Me - But it's not.
Them - How May I help you
Me - I took delivery of my computer on the 21st or 22nd and now it doesn't work. I stopped working over the weekend and I want to know where I can take it to get it fixed.
Them - We don't do that. If you have a service question, you need to call service.
Me - I am calling service. (You are service! ) I called service all weekend and they were not answering.
Them - Sorry
Me - I need to know where I can take my machine to be fixed.
Them - You need to call service and have them talk you through fixing the problem.
Me - I don't know anything about computers. I don't want to mess it up more then it is now. Where can I take it to have someone else fix it? And my computer does not work. I can't go online. (ImayalsohavetheSasservirus)
Them - Unclean!!!!! I will transfer you to service.
Me - YOU ARE SERVICE!!!
Them - tech Support will help talk you through the problem, I will transfer you…
Me - I'm not with my computer. I don't want to touch my computer. It is broken and I can not fix it. It's not here anyway; it's at home.
Them - This is not a business computer?
Me - No.
Them - You need to be with the computer.
Me - Much Like you, I work during business hours. And when I get home it is no longer business hours and you won't be at work either! And the line will just ring and ring and ring like it did over the weekend! (I am not going to call into work saying my computer doesn't feel well so I won't be in!) Fix it! Fix it NOW!
Them - Have a nice day!
Monday, May 3, 2004
The More You Know...
Alert RITD reader Tony sent this in,
From Philly.Com
In 1996, the companys outspoken CEO, David D. Smith, was arrested by Baltimore undercover officers and charged with a misdemeanor sex offense involving a female prostitute.
Smith was reportedly driving a company-owned Mercedes when he was arrested in an undercover sting at a downtown corner frequented by prostitutes. A 31-year-old woman told an undercover officer that she had just seen her regular date driving in the area, according to court documents. Police followed the car onto an expressway, where they said they witnessed the woman perform oral sex while Smith drove north.
The outcome of the charges against Smith, who was 44 and married with children at the time of his arrest, was not reported. Sinclair issued a statement at the time saying the incident is unrelated to our business. We thought you should know about this. There is no journalistic value here.
Alert RITD reader Tony sent this in,
From Philly.Com
In 1996, the companys outspoken CEO, David D. Smith, was arrested by Baltimore undercover officers and charged with a misdemeanor sex offense involving a female prostitute.
Smith was reportedly driving a company-owned Mercedes when he was arrested in an undercover sting at a downtown corner frequented by prostitutes. A 31-year-old woman told an undercover officer that she had just seen her regular date driving in the area, according to court documents. Police followed the car onto an expressway, where they said they witnessed the woman perform oral sex while Smith drove north.
The outcome of the charges against Smith, who was 44 and married with children at the time of his arrest, was not reported. Sinclair issued a statement at the time saying the incident is unrelated to our business. We thought you should know about this. There is no journalistic value here.
On The Road Again. Damn It
Remember the other day when I was all happy befause I had my new computer and I didn't have to use other peoples computers or spend my free time at the public terminals at various libraries? Yeah.
Well. The computer died. I don't know if it caught that virus or it died of SNCS or whatever. I don't have a computer. I'm going to get on the phone with Dell and have them tell me where to take it to have it fixed. !@#$%^&%*()_+.
Remember the other day when I was all happy befause I had my new computer and I didn't have to use other peoples computers or spend my free time at the public terminals at various libraries? Yeah.
Well. The computer died. I don't know if it caught that virus or it died of SNCS or whatever. I don't have a computer. I'm going to get on the phone with Dell and have them tell me where to take it to have it fixed. !@#$%^&%*()_+.
Sunday, May 2, 2004
Saturday, May 1, 2004
Did you watch last night? did you look into their faces did you listen to their names? all but a handful were younger then I am. They were not all men, women have died there too. Young and Old, white, black, brown, red. All dead . 700 plus men and women, boys and girls. The administration wants to hide their sacrifice and render these dead soldiers invisable. Thank you Nightline for honoring our war dead. Go here to see their names and faces.
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